Thursday

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To see and use all the Funhouse features, you need Netscape 6.+ or MSIE 5.+.

• Netscape 6.2.2 is available free for download or on CD.
• MSIE 6.0 is available free.

Vampirella (1996 video) Is a comic book film that shows the origins of vampires. Seems the entire earth cult was started by a renegade prison and his gang from Vampiros. They were deviants, who bit people and sucked their blood, whereas normal residents of the planet drank the blood that flowed in natural rivers there. They killed the leader when they escaped, and his daughter, Ella, followed, but crashed on Mars, where she was stuck for centuries. A space shuttle mission rescued her, and brought her to Earth. Meanwhile, Vlad and his gang had suffered mutation on their voyage, and became allergic to light, wooden stakes, and religious relics and icons, and their bite no longer killed people, it turned them into vampires.

Meanwhile. there is a group of mercenaries who are battling the international vampire brotherhood, led by Richard Joseph Paul. Ella, played by Talisa Soto, is dubbed Vampirella, and teams with Paul to fight Vlad (Roger Daltrey) and his group, who are planning global domination. Soto wears a red vinyl superhero suite that only covers the essentials. Two female vampires show breasts, HEFer of the Month August 1991 Corinna Harney and Peggy Trentini. IMDB readers have this at 3.8 of 10. Most of the MDB comments are hyper-critical, and I have to face the fact that I am no judge of comic book bad movies. As you recall, I was the only living human who was entertained by Supergirl, and I was also entertained by this one. Sure, it was low budget. Sure, it was over the top. Of course the film was full of holes. That is part of the fun of a true B movie. C.

Three important movies today, but not a lot of nudity.

1. A Beautiful Mind is the best picture winner. The other two are good if you like certain types of films.
2. Shipping News will please you if you like films like Hotel New Hampshire, The Cider House Rules, and Garp.
3. The Majestic is your type of movie if you like Mr Smith Goes to Washington and It's a Wonderful Life.

Do you recognize this plot:

Gilligan gets hit in the head with a cocoanut. After Gilligan loses his memory, he falls asleep on a raft which the professor is working on, and is carried away by the tides. Gilligan's raft comes ashore on another island where the natives have a graven image of their Great One, as foretold in the ancient prophecies. The image looks exactly like - Gilligan. The simple islanders make Gilligan their king

If you saw that episode (I don't know if there actually was such an episode, but there should be), you can skip The Majestic

The Shipping News is another big, sweeping, sentimental film. Like the John Irving novels made into films (Garp, Cider House), it is not filled with human beings, but with colorful literary characters experiencing improbably frequent tragedies.

• Cate Blanchett's buns (1, 2)

A Beautiful Mind won the two most important Oscars, so there you have it.

• Jennifer Connelly

Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.

• The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
• If there is a white asterisk, it means that I inexplicably determined there might be something of interest.
• A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Lawdog or Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or somebody else besides me)
• If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

Berenger did his usual fine job walking through his role as a washed up, semi-drunk cop. In fact all of the acting is fine, the script however, well that's another story. It basics are not bad, and it had some promise, but there were just too many clichés and red herrings for my taste. But if there's nothing else on, it's a decent crime drama with a little mystery, a little sex, and a few twists and turns.

The nudity:
Not enough.

There of course are the usual unknown strippers and girlfriends of convicts that are required by law when making a cop flick.

The "star" Lori Heuring (of "The In Crowd") teases, but never gives up the goods. She has a nice, thin body, that she shows off in undies and bikinis.

Then there is the scene that Hankster fans will love. The majority of the nudity comes in the form of a seriously freaky fetish show. Fair warning, there is a little more than harmless movie bondage here as Fetish Babe #1 has her nipples tortured.

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• Lori Heuring (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
• Fetish Babe #1 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
• Fetish Babe #2
• Unknowns (1, 2)

>From IMDB News. Julia obviously knows where her true talent lies...

Julia Says No To 'Goth' Hair Request
Julia Roberts will do many things for the sake of her acting career - but she refuses to mess with her hair. The Oscar-winning Erin Brockovich actress was reportedly asked by director Steven Soderbergh to "go goth" and shave all her hair off, then dye what was left jet black for her role in the forthcoming Full Frontal. But Julia refused - screeching "No, I won't. I'll wear a wig - but no more," according to Britain's Daily Mirror newspaper.