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* Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe).
* White asterisk:
expanded format.
*
Blue asterisk: not mine.
No asterisk: it probably
sucks.
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OTHER CRAP:
Catch the deluxe
version of Other Crap in real time, with all the bells and whistles,
here.
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Honey Baby
Honey Baby (2003) is an unusual love story, a retelling of the Greek myth of Orpheus
and Eurydice, made in Finland in English.
Henry Thomas (ET) plays a former singing
star now struggling to make a living in Germany. His agent offers him a
tour of Russia. He at first declines, but when his girlfriend kicks him out,
and his partner sells their bar at a loss, he ends up accepting. To add
insult to injury, he must drive his own car. On the road, he runs into Finnish superstar Irina
Bjorklund, who is playing a mystery woman who has escaped from her wedding - a wedding that Henry
was to have performed for. She steals his car, so he hitches to his
first gig, and when he arrives, his guitar is there, his car is parked outside,
and she has introduced herself as his road manager. When he finishes, he
discovers that she also collected the fee. He finds her in a club, but he is
soon
drugged, and wakes up in her apartment. They eventually agree to travel together, but Henry
doesn't yet know that her jilted would-be husband is a European mob boss, and is
after her. When his sleazy manager cancels his contract and fills his remaining
gigs with an impersonator, Henry decides
that traveling with Irina is as good an occupation as any.
As they fall in love he nicknames her "Honey Baby" because she was raised on
an apiary. They lose the car
and guitar when the bad guys close in, but hop a train, and end up joining a
small circus, where she becomes the snake dancer. After the circus, things go
downhill for a while but, unlike Orpheus and Eurydice, they manage a happy ending.
The similarities to the Greek myth are obvious. Our hero plays a Gibson
electric acoustic, not a lyre, she loses her snake dancing job because she
kissed the snake, making the circus owner's wife jealous rather than being
bitten to death by snakes, and the mob boss (Helmut Berger) doubles for Hades
and Persephone.
This is a good film in English with known performers, and a decent plot - the
best film version I have seen of the myth of Orpheus and Eurydice. It is essentially
a road movie with a classical theme and likable characters, and it stays fresh
and unpredictable from start to finish. Both leads become sympathetic
characters, although they take some time to get there, and the plot kept me
guessing - a good thing in my opinion. The icing on the cake is the travelogue
aspect of the film, which offers a look at Halle/Leipzig, Riga, Kaliningrad, Murmask, St. Petersburg and
Karelia, and presents those locations in a far more intimate way than in most movies.
This is a C, at least.
IMDb readers say 6.0
It is available from RLDVDs.com in a region 2 PAL, Click on the image for
info.
If you are looking for a region-free DVD player, here is RLDVD's deal, and
all the info you need from clicking on this image...
Because I have several more of Irina's films on
deck, and she might not yet be a household name outside of Finland, here's a bit
of background:
She studied
at The Theatre Academy of Finland from 1993 to 1996, and appeared in her first
film in 1996. She studied ballet at an early age, but joint problems forced her
career change. She speaks fluent French, English, Swedish and Finnish. Also
speaks some Russian and Spanish. She also sings and plays the saw. She has won a
Best Actress Jussi (Finish Oscar), and was nominated for another.
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Notes and collages
No Sex Please, We're British
Margaret Nolan, as promised ...
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Manuale de Amore 2
Español
Sinopsis: en esta película se nos presenta
cuatro nuevos episodios: "Eros" tiene como protagonista un joven
parapléjico enamorado locamente de su fisioterapeuta (Monica Bellucci);
"La maternidad" es la odisea tragicómica de Franco y Manuela, una joven
pareja que está obligada a acudir a la reproducción asistida para tener un
hijo; "El matrimonio" trata de Fosco y Filippo, una pareja gay que decide
ir a España para casarse; en "Amor extremo" el cincuentón Ernesto, cansado
de la rutina del matrimonio, sufre un arrebato de pasión por una mujer
mucho más joven que él, Cecilia (Elsa Pataky). El hilo conductor de estos
cuatro "capítulos" es un programa radiofónico conducido por el disc jockey
Fulvio, centrado en el tema del amor.
English
This film presents four new episodes.
- Eros is about a young paraplegic who falls madly in love with his
physical therapist (Monica Bellucci).
- Maternity is the tragicomic odyssey of a young couple who must go
to great lengths to have a son.
- Matrimony is about a gay couple who travel to Spain to marry.
- Extreme Love is about a fiftyish man who tires of the
routine of marriage and undertakes an affair with a much younger woman
(Elsa Pataky).
The framing device for the four chapters is a DJ broadcast centered on
the theme of love.
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Dance Macabre
The movie is about a Russian dancer who gets involved with an
American, played by Robert "Freddy Kruger" Englund, and they have a
mysterious accident where
"she" ends up in a wheelchair. Years later she has an academy run by Englund's character, where a spoiled rich girl (Michelle Zeitlin) is sent to learn some discipline. Soon after, people start to die and the secret behind the accident comes out in the end.
The spoiled rich girl in this movie is played by Michelle Zeitlin,
who is actually not an actress. She works as a choreographer, but she
got the part (I guess) because her character does some Flashdance-style dancing.
That was good for us, because the part came with a couple of great nude scenes, and she has a nice body.
Even now,
18 years after the movie, she still looks good.
(Look at her pics in the IMDb.)
Scoop's note: The film is rated 1.6 at
IMDb, and Michelle never acted again, so she may have the all-time
lowest average score per film! She's the Bizarro version of Johnny
Cazale. (The lowest-rated movie he was ever in - The Conversation- is
rated #161 of all time at IMDb! Every film he was ever in was nominated
for Best Picture! He's the guy who played Fredo in The Godfather.)
Actually, though, I think the "lowest average" crown probably goes to someone in the
immortal cinema classic
The Tony Blair Witch Project, which is rated a near-perfect 1.1 at
IMDb. "Told in Documentary form, the film depicts a group of five
British film critics and politicians who venture off into the West
Virginian wilderness in search of the Tony Blair Witch, which may or may
not be related to British Prime Minister Tony Blair."
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Layover
The bad news is this 2001 thriller stars David Hasselhoff, and the
first half is as trashy as you would expect from DH. The good news is that
Yvonne Scio is smokin' hot, and the story grows a brain about halfway
through and becomes a very decent thriller with a nice twisty ending.
A businessman who has marital problems and is always on the road has a
quickie with a beautiful young woman during a layover, and right in the
baggage claim area, no less. Only after does he discover she is the wife
of a jewelry dealer who he met on the incoming flight, and who has some
extremely dangerous tendencies. Suddenly, as night turns into day, he
finds himself a suspect in the guy's murder.
The first half is watchable only because of the nude scene by red-hot
Yvonne, but be patient, because the second half makes it a worthwhile if
not great thriller.
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Yvonne Scio |
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The Comedy Wire
Comments in yellow...
Britney Spears' lawyers sent a letter to Clear Channel Communications,
threatening to sue over a billboard for Florida radio station WFLZ. It promotes
their wacky morning team by showing host MJ Kelli beside the famous snarling
paparazzi photo of an enraged, bald-headed Spears, with the captions, "Shock
Therapy," "Certifiable," and "Total Nut Jobs." Her lawyer calls this
"outrageous in the extreme," and says Britney's "likeness has a
multi-million-dollar value for authorized commercial exploitations" and, as a
result, she is entitled to "very substantial damages."
* It's also a bad ad because next to Britney, their
wacky, nutty morning guy looks perfectly normal.
The Corvallis, Oregon, Gazette-Times reports that a family installed a video
camera in their barn after someone assaulted their horse. They were shocked in
February when they caught a teenager on video, having sex with their horse.
Police said the teen seemed very practiced, unhurried but not wasting any time,
and he seemed to be
following a "very concise, deliberate, well-thought-out plan." The family
installed a silent alarm, and when he returned last week at 2 a.m., police came
and caught him in the act.
* He claimed he was just looking for a little roll in the
hay.
* It made him feel like a real stud.
* Asked if she had consented, the horse replied, "Neigh! Neigh!"
The New York Times reports that there is rising skepticism that celebrity
rehab clinics actually help clients kick their habits. Some charge $50,000 a
month and offer gourmet food, massage therapy, yoga, spiritual classes and ocean
views, but little proof that they work. Some 12-step programs have less than a
10 percent success rate, and experts particularly question luxury centers that
let stars come and go at will. But the director of one defended that policy,
saying, "If you spend your whole time at a treatment center, when you leave
you're not prepared for the stresses and anxieties on the outside." Another
said, "They're trying new approaches. You can't tell Lindsay Lohan she can never
have a beer again or she's failed. She will fail."
* Thanks to their new approach, Lindsay has learned how
to deal with stresses and anxieties: she drinks.
* So they've done what the public schools have done: redefine "failure."
On this day in 1847, the first recorded baseball game was played in Hoboken,
New Jersey. New York won 23 to 1, but their pitcher was fined six cents for
swearing at the umpire.
* That doesn't sound like much, but in 1847, six cents
bought a lot of steroids.
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