to: Scoop

re: Jennifer Love Hewitt

In light of recent news, I would like to urge everyone to boycott "The Ghost Whisperer." In addition, skip her new movie "Garfield: A Tale of Two Kitties" (note: that is "Kitties" with a K, not a T). Granted, the movie will suck harder than the first one (and that one sucked pretty hard). Also, don't buy any magazine with her picture in it unless she is bearing mega-cleavage.

We need to remind her that her entire volume of work has been sub-par at best ("Party of 5" being the lone stand out). Until she bares her top, we will give her the worst punishment for a celebrity: ignore her! My advice for JLH, she needs to find a movie like "Stealing Beauty". Just bare them in a decent film with an independent/foreign director she likes, with great lighting and a long, clear view. Tell us, "Here they are boys! Take a good look at them. Buy the DVD and make vidcaps of them. I promise I won't sue because the DVD sales will help so-and-so to make more movies."

Personally, I think she is afraid of the "Teri Hatcher effect": after Teri's appearance on "Seinfeld" and becoming a regular on "Lois & Clark" made her a household name, she finally bared her chest in "Heaven's Prisoners". The view left audiences with a collective "they are real, but they are definitely NOT spectacular." After that, Teri was a nobody until "Desperate Housewives" (a gap of 8 years). I can't decide if it was a boob job or just a push-up bra that has helped her, recently.



Other Crap:

Mickelson pulls a Norman
  • I shut off the TV because Lefty had it won. He's the only leader left on the course. A par on 18 wins it outright. Even a bogey puts him in a playoff. He puts up a double bogey. (And had to sink an eight-footer to do that!) Monty had also double-bogeyed 18 earlier, allowing Geoff Ogilvy to enter the roster of U.S. Open winners - through the back door.

The official website for Shyamalan's Lady in the Water

retroCRUSH: Pop Culture Pirates

We know they hate Danish cartoons, so what kind do they like? ... The political cartoons from al-Jazeera

  • The bad news: less humor than Kant's Critique of Pure Reason.
  • The good news: funnier than Doonesbury.

Roger Ebert shares some interesting thoughts about The Shining

Seth MacFarlane on Jimmy Kimmel

Larry and Steve - a film by Seth Macfarlane. (Same voices as Family Guy)

Weekend Box Office Results for June 16-18, 2006

  • I didn't see any great surprises in the results. As of Friday, it appeared that Cars would dip to third, but the full weekend's results showed a different picture. Cars and three of the four new releases performed on target. The only disappointment was Garfield, which opened in sixth place with $7 milion, about half of the expectation. The "kiddie" field was a bit overcrowded, as Garfield had to scratch and claw against Cars, PG-rated Nacho Libre, and Over the Hedge, so they all suffered a bit from that congestion. Garfield took the biggest hit as the worst film of the four.
  • Tokyo Drift probably benefited a bit from the opposite situation in the action film category, where it was the only choice among films released in the past three weeks.
  • The Top 12 were 7% above last year, and that result was entirely consistent with the results from the previous three weeks.

Comic Book DB - The Comic Book Database

This week in Unnecessary Censorship: June 16th


Movie Reviews:

Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe). White asterisk: expanded format. Blue asterisk: not mine. No asterisk: it probably sucks.


Monk Tang Cho: Virgin Power (2002)

This is an obscure direct-to-video historical costumer in the Hong Kong Category III line-up. It is notable for a very strange story full of plot holes, and an ending sequence that is someone's theory of Chinese sexual positions.

Monk Tang Cho is a Zen master of the Virgin Power sexual technique. As the film opens, he meets Samantha Chu and Ka Yu Chow. After he has sex with both of them, the two women get into a discussion about the experience, and Ka Yu Chow expresses regret that she didn't get to have sex with him. Wha ... ? The scenes that show her with him must have been simply mis-edited. They appear to be from a scene later in the movie, which Samantha Chu foretells.

Cut to three years in the future. Monk Tang Cho comes to town. Ka Yu Chow is servant to a female sex guru who follows an inferior discipline. They meet at a hotel, where the hotel owner and his wife have sexual difficulties. They have adopted Samantha Chu (who, for some reason, is now mute), but the wife resents her. The husband tries to enlist the aide of the two sex experts to liven up his relationship with his wife. Meanwhile, the wife has hired two criminals to rape the step-daughter for three days and in so doing, kill her.

Our good monk rescues the daughter, and then has a contest with the other sex expert to see who can cure her of her resulting hang-ups. He wins, the father discovers that he loves the step-daughter, not the wife. The plot summary from the keeper case will give you some idea what I am up against when researching these films:

There was a special monk - "Tang Cho", he was well known by his sex kung fu "Virgin Power", one day he pass by a small town and met "Choi Yee". both of them are expert in sex, in order to resume the motel owner's power, they are having a contest in sex. While Tang and Choi keep helping the owner, his wife is Paying "Five Monsters" to rape their adopted daughter "Fong" because of jealousy, But lucky "Fong" was saved by "Tang". However, the owner found out the one who he loves the most was "Fong". At this time, Choi and Tang was having a sex competition in order to prove that who is the number one sex expert?

This film is atrocious in all respects, except the marginally relevant ending. We finish with the monk demonstrating nine Chinese sexual positions using Samantha Chu. The names are all colorful, and he goes into great detail about the advantage of each. The first, for example, is Somersaulting Dragons. Sounds exotic, but we know it as missionary position. The sex position demonstration, I suppose, is the Hong King equivalent of redeeming social merit. In fact, were that last ten minutes or so released by itself, I would give it a C in the same genre as early sex ed films.

I suppose the correct score for the film is C, maybe, but with a warning that you will want to skip directly to the final chapter.

IMDb has yet to discover this one, and there is nothing approaching an on-line review anywhere.

Ka Yu Chow, whom we saw in Electrical Girl, shows breasts.
Samantha Chu (Sexy Photo Album) shows breasts and buns.







Jacqueline Bisset in "The First Time"


Video Clips (zipped .wmvs) (1, 2)

Pamela Hensley in There Was a Crooked Man

And bonus pics of Pamela Hensley from the TV series "Buck Rogers in the 25th Century





"Whirlygirl" stars the ultra cute Monet Mazur, who offers a flash of tit here and there.  A little more nudity would have been nice, but she still scorches the screen.





Dann reports on The Sisters:

Perhaps a writer writing a screenplay based on a play that he himself had written, which was itself based on "The Three Sisters" by Anton Chekov, might unconsciously write a movie that was too much like a play. It seems like that is what happened with this 2005 drama.

This very talky story focuses on three sisters and their husbands and boyfriends. They are a family of scholars, and most of the story takes place in the faculty lounge of the college where they teach. The sisters are constantly fighting and putting one another down, and family secrets come out as things progress.

It's not as totally boring as you might think, but you are always aware you are watching a play made into a movie, and although the cast is made up of well-known actors, several are miscast. The result of all this is a fairly average movie that you probably won't hate, but almost certainly won't love.

Maria Bello Elizabeth Banks






Hank has some competition in the Babes in Bondage field. Magicman has an entire site dedicated to the topic. Here are two samples: Kirsten Dunst in Spiderman II ...
and Jodie Foster in The Accused

Here is a zipped .avi of Janine Turner's all-too-brief nudity in Monkey Shines
Here is a zipped .avi of some nice nudity in Huff, s2e9. The women are Nichole Robinson and Laura Bottrell.
Below is Toni Braxton falling out of her top yet again.
Jessica Biel demonstrates the cosmetic value of physical fitness (Vidcaps from Stealth.)