Crimetime (1996) is supposedly a thriller made in the UK. In the not too distant future, crime reenactment is the biggest thing on TV. Stephan Baldwin is hired to play the killer in a brutal murder, and his girlfriend Sadie Frost is the perennial victim on the show. Not only does he do a good job, but her gets lucky when the killer strikes again and again. The killer starts phoning him with tips, and the two develop a symbiotic relationship.

This is just as bad as it sounds. The killer, played by Pete Postlewaite, is not developed enough to see why he does it, and Baldwin is not convincing as the spiring method actor. Frost is ok, but the only high point of the film comes in the opening scene, when Maryanne Faithfull sings a torch song in a club. Karen Black was terribly miscast as a British TV producer. Frost shows breasts twice.

IMDb readers have this at 3.1 of 10, and men were far more generous than women, voting 3.2 as opposed to women at 1.2. This really is that bad. The chief problems are the story, the performances, the editing and the direction. Oh, and it is not at all thrilling. D-.

  • Thumbnails

  • Sadie Frost (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

    "Cold Feet"

    Cold Feet (1989) stars Bill Pulman as a horse rancher In Colorado, who, with his wife (Kathleen York) is deeply in debt. His wayward brother (Keith Carradine) phones to say he is coming home, and bringing a prize stallion with him. This could be the answer to Pulman's problems, but he is suspicious, and for good reason. His brother is not only smuggling emeralds from Mexico inside the horse, but he double crosses his girlfriend (Sally Kirkland) and their hired gunman (Tom Waits). Naturally, Waits and Kirkland try to find him and the horse.

    This was supposed to be a comedy, but failed to deliver. They resorted to voice over several times from Pulman's character, which is a sign of sloppy writing and direction, and the story is way too predictable. The film is technically acceptable. Kirkland shows a breast late in the film. IMDb readers have this at 4.3. It isn't that it is that bad, it just isn't good. Waits is way over the top, Kirkland's character does nothing but irritate, and Pulman and York are just too damned nice to be believable. This is a D+.

  • Thumbnails

  • Sally Kirkland (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)

  • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)

    The Professionals (1965)

    If you look at the chart below, which shows the top 37 responses for a search of the Western genre at IMDb, you'll see one of the most significant shifts in the history of the movie industry.

    Rank Title Rating
    1 The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly (1966) 8.7
    2 Once Upon a Time in the West(1968) 8.6
    3 High Noon (1952) 8.3
    4 Ox-Bow Incident, The (1943) 8.2
    4 Red River (1948) 8.2
    4 Man Who Shot Liberty Valance, The (1962) 8.2
    4 Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid (1969) 8.2
    4 Searchers, The (1956) 8.2
    9 Unforgiven (1992) 8.1
    9 Wild Bunch, The (1969) 8.1
    9 My Darling Clementine (1946) 8.1
    9 Stagecoach (1939) 8.1
    13 Rio Bravo (1959) 8.0
    14 For a Few Dollars More (1965) 7.9
    14 Hud (1963) 7.9
    14 Magnificent Seven, The (1960) 7.8
    14 Winchester '73 (1950) 7.8
    14 Shane (1953) 7.8
    19 Little Big Man (1970) 7.7
    19 She Wore a Yellow Ribbon (1949) 7.7
    19 A Fistful of Dollars (1964) 7.7
    19 Mark of Zorro, The (1940) 7.7
    19 Dances with Wolves (1990) 7.7
    24 Big Country, The (1958) 7.6
    24 Outlaw Josey Wales, The (1976) 7.6
    24 Ride the High Country (1962) 7.6
    24 Fort Apache (1948) 7.6
    24 Gunfighter, The (1950) 7.6
    24 Destry Rides Again (1939) 7.6
    30 McCabe & Mrs. Miller (1971) 7.5
    30 El Dorado (1966) 7.5
    30 Johnny Guitar (1954) 7.5
    30 Shootist, The (1976) 7.5
    30 Rio Grande (1950) 7.5
    30 Open Range (2003) 7.5
    36 Tombstone (1993) 7.4
    36 Professionals, The (1966) 7.4
    • In the 33 years from 1939 to 1971, there were 31 top-rated Westerns.
    • In the next 33 years, from 1972-2004, there have been only six. And three of those are on the very bottom of the list. Since 1980, there has been exactly one true classic added to the genre, Clint Eastwood's Unforgiven.

    One of the most fascinating aspects of the demise of the movie Western was the speed at which it happened. The genre was still going very strong in the sixties, which produced four of the top eight films on the list, including the top two. Then, with the same speed as the cultural revolution which happened at the same time, the genre was all but dead. Between 1972 and 1989, there were no Westerns from the all-time top 20 (although, to be fair, The Outlaw Josey Wales should be in the top 20, but is not). There was a brief Western recidivism in 1990-1993, with three top films, and then another decade of drought until last year's Open Range, which barely cracked the list.

    The Professionals comes from the last great era of Westerns, and it is quite a good one. It stars the laconic, rugged Lee Marvin and the chatty and charming Burt Lancaster, who play off each other well.  The action is solid.

    The plot is also pretty damned good. Marvin and his crew get hired by a rich man to rescue his bride from Mexican revolutionaries who have kidnapped her for ransom. For the first half of the film, that rescue seems to be the real plot, but that turns out to be merely the set-up. It turns out that the Mexican Revolutionary, the wife, the rich man, the rich man's top aide, and a friendly native in Mexico are not what they appear to be, and several surprises ensue.

    The film does suffer from some languid pacing in the first half, and a running time of 117 minutes that seems longer, but the IMDb score pretty much speaks for itself. If you enjoy classic Hollywood Westerns from the pre-realism period, this is one of the best the genre has to offer. I don't think you'll find any shocking originality or great surprises, but it gets the job done with a good narrative and well-defined characters.

    • Marie Gomez (1, 2, 3)




    • Charlie's French Cinema Nudity site is updated.



    some .wmv's of the "Abi Titmuss sex tape"

    • Ms Titmuss (1, 2, 3)




    Other Crap archives. May also include newer material than the ones above, since it's sorta in real time.

    Click here to submit a URL for Other Crap





    Here are the latest movie reviews available at

    • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
    • If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
    • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
    • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.


    Words from Scoop.

    .avi's from Shiloh.

    .wmv files made by Scoop from Shiloh's .avi's.


    Kathy Shower, Part 1

    Shiloh's tribute to the career of the buxom babe

    • The Further Adventures of Tennessee Buck. (.avi) (.wmv)

    • The Further Adventures of Tennessee Buck. (.avi) (.wmv)

    • Love Letters (.avi) (.wmv)

    • Love Letters (.avi) (.wmv)

    • Irresistible Impulse (.avi) (.wmv)


    Perhaps these tips will help if you have trouble with the codecs for these movies:

    Shiloh says:

    FYI when I hypercam vids to make the file size smaller I use DivX MPEG-4 Fast-Motion for the video compressor, then I use virtualdub to compress the audio. The properties for the vids says the video codec:  DivX Decoder Filter & audio codec:  Morgan Stream Switcher which I'm not familiar with. When I compress the audio with virtualdub I use MPEG Layer-3.  A friend of mine told me about compressing the audio about (6) mos. ago. Like I said previously, only been capping for a year & a half & I'm no expert. Hopefully this info will help members with the proper codecs for my vids.
    When I cap big brother's I use hypercam mostly & sdp & asfrecorder if the set up allows me. I stopped using camtasia cause the file sizes were always too big, could never figure out the process, over my head lol, plus it cost too much to buy in my opinion.

    A reader says:

    You mentioned that some users were having trouble with the videos on your site. There is a tool designed to determine what codec is needed for a video. Hope this is useful to you or your users.

    Scoop says:

    I made the .wmv versions of each video. The codecs for these: Windows Video V8, Windows Audio 9. The upside of these is that you know the codecs, and they'll play in the Windows Media Player. The downside is that they are slightly larger, and slightly lower quality.

    'Caps and comments by Dann:

    The most memorable part of this 1979 comedy probably isn't the movie. Most people remember 10 as introducing Bo Derek (a lot of her) to the world.

    Although the movie has lots of funny parts, it's fairly long and boring at times, so you may find yourself fast-forwarding to the good stuff (naked Bo).

    Maybe you'll relate to the story of a very successful 42-year-old music composer who is jealous of his neighbor's many conquests, and then spots a beautiful young woman on the way to her wedding, and becomes obsessed with her. The movie's about a 6, but definitely, in this one at least, Bo is a 10.

    Don Juan
    Eva Habermann
    (1, 2, 3, 4)

    Toplessness and some rear views in scenes from the sci-fi series "Lexx".

    Yvette Mimieux Topless and getting groped in scenes from 1976's "Jackson County Jail".

    Jennifer Aniston
    (1, 2, 3)

    The paparazzi catch the "Friends" star in a bikni.

    Jessica Simpson Everyone's favortie dumb blonde pop star showing some cleavage and a bit of an upskirt view!

    Mariah Carey ...and while were in the music category, here's Mariah showing a whole bunch of cleavage.

    Cameron Diaz
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)

    Excellent 'caps of Diaz showing some see-thru nipple views, pokies and down-shirt cleavage in scenes from "Head Above Water" (1996). Personally, I think Diaz looked a whole lot better back when she still had a little meat on her bones (like in this movie and of course, in "The Mask").

    Kelly Carlson
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)

    Señor Skin 'caps of the "Nip/Tuck" co-star topless in scenes from the direct to video sequel "Starship Troopers 2: Hero of the Federation".

    Mail Bag

    Just wondering if you had any pics of Kelly Reilly? I think she had a nude scene in the UK movie "The Safe House"/


    Jr's reply.
    The only 'caps we have of her are these 'caps by Oz from the UK movie "Last Orders". No nudity, but she she does tease with some partial downblouse views.

    • Kelly Reilly (1, 2)

    Pat Reeder
    Pat's comments in yellow...

    His Career Is Back From The Dead - Thanks to "Passion of the Christ," Forbes magazine ranked Mel Gibson #1 on their annual list of the 100 most powerful celebrities.

  • That's right: Mel Gibson is bigger than Jesus!
  • He's not that powerful, but he has very powerful friends.

    Power Failure - Even more interesting was who didn't make the list. Jennifer Aniston slipped from #1 last year to #17. Eminem and Dr. Dre (tied for #2 last year) and the Osbournes (#12) dropped off completely. And Jennifer Lopez (#5 last year) and Ben Affleck (#7 in 2003) both failed to make this year's top 100.

  • Maybe if they got back together and made a movie...
  • This time next year, they'll all be living in a house together on the WB Network.

    Invulnerability Is Not One Of Its Super Powers - The Sun reports that municipal employee Simon Nimmo of Egham, England, managed to achieve his lifelong dream by buying a $320,000 Ferrari 575 F1 "super car." Four minutes after he left the dealership, he hit a giant pothole that he couldn't see from the low-slung car. One of the $3500 wheels shattered and the entire front suspension cracked. The car was totaled. Nimmo rode home in a tow truck, with owning a Ferrari having cost him $80,000 per minute.

  • And that was just for the gas.
  • Ironically, he's in charge of the city department that fills potholes.
  • If a municipal employee can afford a $320,000 Ferrari, he must be more crooked than his car's front suspension.

    Flower Power - Authorities in the Guizhou province of China shut down 215 restaurants because they were mixing drug-producing poppies into their food. An official said the practice could cause addiction to the food, and eventually lead to drug abuse.

  • And you thought McDonald's French fries were habit-forming!
  • This is why, an hour later, you're hungry for more.
  • No wonder their all-you-can-eat buffets keep going bankrupt.
  • The slogan for their egg rolls: "Betcha Can't Eat Just One!"

    We're Stunned - ABC's latest "Bachelor," New York Giants quarterback Jesse Palmer, and his ideal woman, Jessica Bowlin, have already split up. Palmer told the TV show "Extra," "Jessica and I shared an incredible romantic journey on the show that began with a friendship that remains strong today. We simply realized that, individually, our next steps take us in different directions."

  • As far away from each other as possible.
  • His steps lead to an infomercial, while her's lead to a Playboy shoot.
  • Or at least, that's what their agents say.
  • Sure, he talks real purty, but I'm beginning to suspect this might not be the best way to pick a lifelong partner.