Tuna, our main contributor and the most energetic video capper ever known to man (as all of you well know) is currently indisposed. He is in intensive care in a hospital in the San Francisco Bay area. It doesn't make sense to send him any well-wishes at this point, since he is not checking his e-mail, and it would not make sense to call him, since ICU is not the place to do that.

I talked to him yesterday, and he said he'd be back on the job by the middle of next week! (Because the 70-75,000 collages he has already made just aren't enough!) We have no way to know if that is optimism or realism, but he sounded chipper.

I think I'll let him tell you about his experiences when he's back to e-mail. In the meantime, we'll keep you posted on when and how to contact him, as soon as that becomes appropriate.

Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)


  • Charlie's French Cinema Nudity Site is updated


Alice in Wonderland (1976):

If you've never seen the famous X-rated musical version of Alice in Wonderland, here's a good introduction - Kristine DeBell's  famous blowjob scene. This was DeBell's first screen credit, but she went on to a career in non-porn films, usually as one of the babes in late 70s and early 80s youthploitation films. I suppose her substantial screen time in Meatballs was her career non-fellatio highlight.

  • Kristine DeBell (zipped .wmv - 140 seconds - about 10 meg)


Lifeguard (1976):

You see the title, you read the premise, and you think, "I get it - it's a 90 minute episode of Baywatch with Sam Elliott playing the part of David Hasselhoff."

There is some truth to that because Sam, like Hasselhoff's familiar character, is too old to be a lifeguard, so he faces the fact that the younger guys swim faster, and the more important fact that the younger guys will soon finish their degrees and give up lifeguarding for adult life, but ol' Sam's about to go to his 15th high school reunion and tell people he's "only a lifeguard." One of his high school chums offers to get him a job selling Porsches, so Sam must choose whether to leave the beach. That is the film's entire dramatic conflict, there is no humor to speak of, and the action in the film mostly consists of isolated, picaresque adventures that the lifeguards have in the course of duty, ranging from macho men who don't want to be rescued from drowning, to young lifeguard groupies, to perverts exposing themselves on the beach. All that is left is characterization and musical "life on the beach at sunset" montages.

The character study is reasonably interesting in that the main character's life is developed in great depth, and he ultimately has to choose whether to pursue the money he could make in mainstream society, or to stick with something he really loves with poetic intensity and which gives him a constant sense of accomplishment and worth. In other words, he has to choose between what he wants to do and what others want him to do. Ultimately, he finds a woman who encourages him to be himself, and he decides to be a lifeguard "as long as I can." While he never makes a decision about planning for his future, he does come to the conclusion that not making a decision is an OK decision in itself. Unfortunately, without the good natured self-deprecating humor of Hasselhoff, this film comes off as oh-too-serious and philosophical for the subject matter. It's Baywatch all right, as directed by Louis Malle.

Where the film generates some interest, at least for me, is as a time capsule of the attitudes of the 70s. For example, although it is a PG movie (the PG-13 rating would not be created until 1984), it is rife with nudity, and the lifeguard is carrying on simultaneous affairs with a divorcee and a seventeen year old girl! When the lifeguards see some 12 year old boys removing women's bathing suits, they simply focus their binoculars a bit better and have a good laugh. Our moral guardians were a bit more lax in those days, as was the MPAA itself. Bizarrely enough, that same 1970s MPAA would slap an R-rating on Woody Allen's masterpiece Manhattan although that film centered around an older man sleeping with a seventeen year old without the nudity. I guess if the ol' Woodman would have shown us some flesh, they would have let him skate home with a PG.

Whatever weaknesses Lifeguard may have had did not prevent Sam Elliott from delivering a cool, unpretentiously sensitive, handsome, bronzed and muscular performance that, while it never made him an A-list star, did establish him as a guy with a very special screen presence, and allowed him to establish a long career as the tough, laconic, no-bullshit sidekick in war films and Westerns.


  • Sharon Weber (zipped .wmv, 59 seconds, about 4 meg, pretty fun scene)



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  • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
  • If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
  • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
  • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

'Caps and comments by Hankster:

Today is day two of our "Babes in Bondage" coverage of "Night of the Sorcerers".

Loli Tovar is today's victim. We see her strung up in her cute mini skirt and white blouse as it is literally whipped from her body. This movie is a really hard to find flick in it's uncensored form. Director and writer Amando De Ossorio seemed to love getting his women naked and whipped. The "Blind Dead" series being among his other efforts.

This movie is probably not most folks' cup of tea, but for fans of the genre, it's a must have.

Ophélie Winter
(1, 2)

The gorgeous French singer/actress in very unusual breast exposure scene from 2003's "Mauvais esprit".

Judith Godrèche
(1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

Another French actress going topless. Here she is in several scenes from "Paris s'éveille" (1991). American audiences probably won't remeber her since the movie kinda stunk, but she did co-star in the 1998 film "The Man in the Iron Mask", starring Leonardo DiCaprio and Jeremy Irons, John Malkovich, Gérard Depardieu and Gabriel Byrne as the Musketeers

Valérie Steffen
(1, 2, 3)

Our third and final topless French babe. Here she is scenes from "Try This One for Size" (1989).

Jenny McCarthy DeadLamb 'caps of McCarthy briefly showing off abs and undies on her UPN show "The Bad Girl's Guide". Hard to believe it's been 11 years since she was Heffer o' the Year. I think she may even be hotter now!

Taylor Cole Here is the Texas Native looking great in a bikini in scenes from the WB series "Summerland". Thanks again to DeadLamb

Sue Bowser
(1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

Roberta Leighton
(1, 2, 3)

P.J. Soles
(1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)

The Skin-man does his part to support the troops by taking a look at the recently released Extended Cut of the 1981 Bill Murray classic, "Stripes". All 3 ladies look great topless, and P.J. Soles gets nekkid in a scene that was not shown in any prior versions of the film.

Pat Reeder
Pat's comments in yellow...

Give Back My Boy Porn! - Thursday, the judge in Michael Jackson's trial announced that he would unseal all the evidence from the trial, except for things that protect jurors' identities.

  • So we'll just have to identify them from all their TV talk show appearances.
  • We'll finally get to see all the evidence the jurors would've seen, if they'd looked at evidence.

    Start Slow: First, Try Being A Human - The judge also returned Jackson's passport, which might come in handy because his brother Jermaine says Michael may move to Europe. He said Michael just wants "to rest and get his mind back and focus on being a person."

  • Yeah, it's time to try something completely different.
  • Even people in Amsterdam are going, "Whoa, this guy's too out there for us!"

    And Who's Really Her Father? - Princess Martha Louise of Norway admitted this week that her baby daughter, Princess Leah, was actually named after Princess Leia from "Star Wars." In an interview with Aftenposten, the royal mom said she's always been a big "Star Wars" fan and thought Princess Leia was the most beautiful one in it.

  • She also figured that if her daughter ever had a bad hair day, nobody would think it was unusual.
  • It could be worse: ask her fat brother, Prince Jabba.
  • The ONE woman who's a "Star Wars" nut, and she's already taken! Sorry, geeks!

    No Class - Three Chicago men are suing Hooters Air, claiming that when they were students at Southern Illinois University in 1997, as a class project, they developed a business plan for a Hooters airline with Hooters Girls for stewardesses. A Hooters spokesman dismissed the claim as a publicity stunt.

  • They just want people to believe they're the first men ever to fantasize about replacing flight attendants with Hooters Girls.
  • They may lose the lawsuit, but Donald Trump wants to hire them.
  • This is just one of those cases of "great minds thinking alike."

    Getting Better Than What, "Glitter?" - In an AP-AOL poll, 73 percent of Americans said they'd rather stay home to watch movies while only 22 percent prefer going to a movie theater. 47 percent said movies are getting worse, while only a third think they're getting better. And in light of all the legal scrapes involving Russell Crowe, Winona Ryder and others, a majority said they think movie stars are poor role models. One Ventura, California, man said, "They just don't have the morals. They marry and divorce, sleep around a lot."

  • So do other people, but at least they have the decency to keep it out of the tabloids.
  • So he'd rather just stay home and watch soap operas.
  • On the other hand, we wouldn't know baseball season has arrived until bouncers at Yankee Stadium threw out the first drunken Tara Reid.
  • But people do look to Winona Ryder as a role model: instead of going to theaters, she shoplifts DVDs.
  • People are so disgusted with immoral movie stars, they just stay home and listen to their old Michael Jackson albums.

    Give Him The Boot - The FemaleFirst website reports that Britney Spears was embarrassed at the 50th anniversary celebration for Disneyland when she invited top Disney executives up to her hotel suite. They walked in on her husband, Kevin Federline, watching porn. Worse, he left the tape running as they all stood around, not knowing which way to look. Britney finally broke the tension, saying, "Boys will be boys!...Honey, why didn't you tell me you'd brought along 'Sleeping Booty'?"

  • He likes big asses...Obviously, so does Britney.
  • He then pitched the Disney executives on a porn remake of "Snow White" with him as the eighth dwarf, Horny.
  • The Disney people didn't know they'd be interrupting Mr. Toad's Wild Ride.
  • Britney's used to it: this happens EVERY time someone walks in on Kevin Federline.

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