Tuna, our main contributor and the most energetic video capper ever known to man (as all of you well know) is currently indisposed. He is in intensive care in a hospital in the San Francisco Bay area. It doesn't make sense to send him any well-wishes at this point, since he is not checking his e-mail, and it would not make sense to call him, since ICU is not the place to do that.
I talked to him yesterday, and he said he'd be back on the job by the middle of next week! (Because the 70-75,000 collages he has already made just aren't enough!) We have no way to know if that is optimism or realism, but he sounded chipper.
I think I'll let him tell you about his experiences when he's back to e-mail. In the meantime, we'll keep you posted on when and how to contact him, as soon as that becomes appropriate.
|Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)
- Charlie's French Cinema Nudity Site is updated
Alice in Wonderland (1976):
If you've never seen the famous X-rated musical version of Alice
in Wonderland, here's a good introduction - Kristine DeBell's
famous blowjob scene. This was DeBell's first screen credit, but she
went on to a career in non-porn films, usually as one of the babes
in late 70s and early 80s youthploitation films. I suppose her
substantial screen time in Meatballs was her career non-fellatio
- Kristine DeBell (zipped .wmv - 140 seconds - about 10 meg)
You see the title, you read the premise, and you
think, "I get it - it's a 90 minute episode of Baywatch with Sam
Elliott playing the part of David Hasselhoff."
There is some truth to that because Sam, like Hasselhoff's familiar
character, is too old to be a lifeguard, so he faces the fact that
the younger guys swim faster, and the more important fact that the
younger guys will soon finish their degrees and give up lifeguarding
for adult life, but ol' Sam's about to go to his 15th high school
reunion and tell people he's "only a lifeguard." One of his high
school chums offers to get him a job selling Porsches, so Sam must
choose whether to leave the beach. That is the film's entire
dramatic conflict, there is no humor to speak of, and the action in
the film mostly consists of isolated, picaresque adventures that the
lifeguards have in the course of duty, ranging from macho men who
don't want to be rescued from drowning, to young lifeguard groupies,
to perverts exposing themselves on the beach. All that is left is
characterization and musical "life on the beach at sunset" montages.
The character study is reasonably interesting in that
the main character's life is developed in great depth, and he ultimately
has to choose whether to pursue the money he could make in mainstream society,
or to stick with something he really loves with poetic intensity and which gives
him a constant sense of accomplishment and worth. In other words, he
has to choose between what he wants to do and what others want him
to do. Ultimately, he finds a woman who encourages him to be
himself, and he decides to be a lifeguard "as long as I can."
While he never makes a decision about planning for his future, he
does come to the conclusion that not making a decision is an OK
decision in itself. Unfortunately, without the good natured self-deprecating humor of
Hasselhoff, this film comes off as oh-too-serious and philosophical
for the subject matter. It's Baywatch all right, as directed by
Where the film generates some interest, at least for
me, is as a time capsule of the attitudes of the 70s. For example,
although it is a PG movie (the
PG-13 rating would not be created until 1984), it is rife with
nudity, and the lifeguard is carrying on simultaneous affairs with a
divorcee and a seventeen year old girl! When the lifeguards see some
12 year old boys removing women's bathing suits, they simply focus
their binoculars a bit better and have a good laugh. Our moral
guardians were a bit more lax in those days, as was the MPAA itself.
Bizarrely enough, that same 1970s MPAA would slap an R-rating on
Woody Allen's masterpiece Manhattan although that film centered
around an older man sleeping with a seventeen year old without
the nudity. I guess if the ol' Woodman would have shown us some
flesh, they would have let him skate home with a PG.
Whatever weaknesses Lifeguard may have had did not
prevent Sam Elliott from delivering a cool, unpretentiously
sensitive, handsome, bronzed and muscular performance that, while it
never made him an A-list star, did establish him as a guy with a
very special screen presence, and allowed him to establish a long
career as the tough, laconic, no-bullshit sidekick in war films and
- Sharon Weber (zipped .wmv, 59 seconds, about 4 meg, pretty fun
Urban Legend: Dell is selling computers with keyboard loggers
installed at the behest of the Department of Homeland Security.
Why is it called "the missionary position"?
Why did the expensive, well-reviewed 'Cinderella Man' bomb? Bad
The first look at Peter Jackson's King Kong
"Two-faced kitten shocks owner, veterinarian"
Weekly World News: "HOW TO ESCAPE AN AWFUL DATE." How
desperate would one have to be in order to take dating advice from
Weekly World News?
Circus Museum - poster art from European circuses.
Photo gallery: Goodyear Blimp crashes in Coral Springs, Florida
More breaking news from Conan's late night copter cam
Conan and Larry King look far far into the future - all the way to
the Year 2000.
Tom-Yum-Goong Movie - Two Teaser-Trailers (One of those
Thai fighting films with Tony Jaa.)
The international trailer for The Skeleton Key
- "From the writer of 'The Ring' (Ehren Kruger) and the
director of 'K-PAX' (Iain Softley) comes Universal Pictures'
contemporary supernatural thriller, 'The Skeleton Key'. Set
largely in the dark atmospheric backwoods just outside of New
Orleans, 'The Skeleton Key' stars Kate Hudson as Caroline, a
live-in nurse hired to care for an elderly woman's (Gena
Rowlands) ailing husband (John Hurt) in their home...a
foreboding and decrepit mansion in the Louisiana delta.
Intrigued by the enigmatic couple, their mysterious and
secretive ways and their rambling house, Caroline beings to
explore the old mansion. Armed with a skeleton key that unlocks
every door, she discovers a hidden attic room that holds a
deadly and terrifying secret. Peter Sarsgaard portrays Luke, the
local attorney working on the couple's estate, and Joy Bryant
plays Jill, Caroline's best friend."
The Batmeister pulls in $24 million before the weekend.
- Today's Tom Sneddon Award for conspicuously wasting the
taxpayer's money goes to
Florida Gov. Jeb Bush, who asked a state prosecutor on Friday to
investigate how long it took Terri Schiavo's husband to call for
help after she collapsed 15 years ago.
"Does viewing files on the Internet constitute possession?"
Tricky legal question. Any picture you see on your web browser is
actually being viewed from your own hard drive. You don't know
precisely where it is without making an effort, but it's there
somewhere. So, technically, if a child porn image appears on your
screen from an accidental surf to an unknown URL, that picture is
sitting on your own hard drive. Is that possession? The courts
have not decided.
- Rumplestiltskin department:
Yarn shop: knitting yarn and custom spinning from dog hair.
Or as Rumplestiltskin said when the princess correctly guessed his
name - "I meant my FIRST name, bitch." His full name: Ted
- URL says it all:
How to Survive Being Eaten by a Whale
Chicken clothing has gone patriotic. No USA colors yet,
but well-dressed Japanese and Austrian chickens can now proudly
head to the front of their pecking orders.
- Compare your political opponents to Hitler?
You need to meet the absolute master of the overblown comparison,
Senator Dick Durbin.
Die is Cast - the Gallery of Casino Carpeting
Mariah Carey claims she has slept with fewer than five men in her
Hundreds of little-known uses for well-known products
SADDAM REQUESTS JACKSON'S JURY, Asks Accuser's Mom to Testify
Jon Stewart looks at Godwin's law in debate. ...
"Someone disagrees with you? Compare 'em to a Nazi. Works like a
charm. A Hitler charm."
Jon Stewart interviews author Kenneth Timmerman "Iran
is out to get us."
- Daily Show:
President Bush attempts to defend the Patriot Act without
employing a patronizing tone.
A preview of Comedy Central's new show "The Colbert Report"
Suicide By Super Glue
Remote controlled FLYING speed boats (keep watching)
- This link is a re-run, but now's the time:
The Complete History of the Batmobile since 1941
BeautifulPeople.Net - internet dating service for beautiful people
Battlestar Galactica's Tricia Helfer removes her clothing.
Colorado Rockies draft 11th grader by mistake.
Update of the Star Wars TV plans
- Headline of the day:
"Cats use fax as toilet, spark house fire"
Rednecks try to snatch a tarpon away from a mako shark.
Fourth quake shakes California. God said to be
restructuring the California jury pool.
"Actor Tom Cruise said he and girlfriend Katie Holmes are engaged,
after he popped the question early Friday morning atop the Eiffel
Tower." The press is already calling them TomKat.
Two PETA Employees Arrested on Animal Cruelty Charges
Billy Bob Thornton says sex with Angelina Jolie is overrated.
(Middle of page.) He's a classy guy.
Otter's Plushie Forest. Otter is one strange dude.
The Parade of Unfortunate Star Wars Costumes
Silly spoof of the Paris Hilton burger ad
Other Crap archives. May also include newer material than the
since it's sorta in real time.
to submit a URL for Other Crap
are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.
- The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the
review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
- If there is a white asterisk, it means that
there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined
there might be something else of interest.
- A blue asterisk indicates the review is written
by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
- If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too
ashamed to admit it.
'Caps and comments by Hankster:
Today is day two of our "Babes in Bondage" coverage of "Night of the Sorcerers".
Loli Tovar is today's victim. We see her strung up in her cute mini skirt and white blouse as it is literally whipped from her body. This movie is a really hard to find flick in it's uncensored form. Director and writer Amando De Ossorio seemed to love getting his women naked and whipped. The "Blind Dead" series being among his other efforts.
This movie is probably not most folks' cup of tea, but for fans of the genre, it's a must have.
- Loli Tovar
|The gorgeous French singer/actress in very unusual breast exposure scene from 2003's "Mauvais esprit".
|Another French actress going topless. Here she is in several scenes from "Paris s'éveille" (1991). American audiences probably won't remeber her since the movie kinda stunk, but she did co-star in the 1998 film "The Man in the Iron Mask", starring Leonardo DiCaprio and Jeremy Irons, John Malkovich, Gérard Depardieu and Gabriel Byrne as the Musketeers|
|Our third and final topless French babe. Here she is scenes from "Try This One for Size" (1989).
||DeadLamb 'caps of McCarthy briefly showing off abs and undies on her UPN show "The Bad Girl's Guide". Hard to believe it's been 11 years since she was Heffer o' the Year. I think she may even be hotter now!
||Here is the Texas Native looking great in a bikini in scenes from the WB series "Summerland". Thanks again to DeadLamb
|The Skin-man does his part to support the troops by taking a look at the recently released Extended Cut of the 1981 Bill Murray classic, "Stripes". All 3 ladies look great topless, and P.J. Soles gets nekkid in a scene that was not shown in any prior versions of the film.
|Pat Reeder www.comedy-wire.com
Pat's comments in yellow...
MICHAEL JACKSON AFTERMATH UPDATE
Give Back My Boy Porn! - Thursday, the judge in Michael Jackson's trial
announced that he would unseal all the evidence from the trial, except for
things that protect jurors' identities.
So we'll just have to identify them from all their TV talk show
We'll finally get to see all the evidence the jurors would've seen, if
they'd looked at evidence.
Start Slow: First, Try Being A Human - The judge also returned Jackson's
passport, which might come in handy because his brother Jermaine says
Michael may move to Europe. He said Michael just wants "to rest and get
his mind back and focus on being a person."
Yeah, it's time to try something completely different.
Even people in Amsterdam are going, "Whoa, this guy's too out there for
NORWAY'S PRINCESS NAMED AFTER "STAR WARS"
And Who's Really Her Father? - Princess Martha Louise of Norway admitted
this week that her baby daughter, Princess Leah, was actually named after
Princess Leia from "Star Wars." In an interview with Aftenposten, the
royal mom said she's always been a big "Star Wars" fan and thought Princess
Leia was the most beautiful one in it.
She also figured that if her daughter ever had a bad hair day, nobody
would think it was unusual.
It could be worse: ask her fat brother, Prince Jabba.
The ONE woman who's a "Star Wars" nut, and she's already taken! Sorry,
MEN CLAIM HOOTERS AIRLINE WAS THEIR IDEA
No Class - Three Chicago men are suing Hooters Air, claiming that when they
were students at Southern Illinois University in 1997, as a class project,
they developed a business plan for a Hooters airline with Hooters Girls for
stewardesses. A Hooters spokesman dismissed the claim as a publicity
They just want people to believe they're the first men ever to fantasize
about replacing flight attendants with Hooters Girls.
They may lose the lawsuit, but Donald Trump wants to hire them.
This is just one of those cases of "great minds thinking alike."
AMERICANS SOURING ON HOLLYWOOD
Getting Better Than What, "Glitter?" - In an AP-AOL poll, 73 percent of
Americans said they'd rather stay home to watch movies while only 22
percent prefer going to a movie theater. 47 percent said movies are
getting worse, while only a third think they're getting better. And in
light of all the legal scrapes involving Russell Crowe, Winona Ryder and
others, a majority said they think movie stars are poor role models. One
Ventura, California, man said, "They just don't have the morals. They
marry and divorce, sleep around a lot."
So do other people, but at least they have the decency to keep it out of
So he'd rather just stay home and watch soap operas.
On the other hand, we wouldn't know baseball season has arrived until
bouncers at Yankee Stadium threw out the first drunken Tara Reid.
But people do look to Winona Ryder as a role model: instead of going to
theaters, she shoplifts DVDs.
People are so disgusted with immoral movie stars, they just stay home
and listen to their old Michael Jackson albums.
BRITNEY EMBARRASSED BY HER PIG HUSBAND
Give Him The Boot - The FemaleFirst website reports that Britney Spears was
embarrassed at the 50th anniversary celebration for Disneyland when she
invited top Disney executives up to her hotel suite. They walked in on her
husband, Kevin Federline, watching porn. Worse, he left the tape running
as they all stood around, not knowing which way to look. Britney finally
broke the tension, saying, "Boys will be boys!...Honey, why didn't you tell
me you'd brought along 'Sleeping Booty'?"
He likes big asses...Obviously, so does Britney.
He then pitched the Disney executives on a porn remake of "Snow White"
with him as the eighth dwarf, Horny.
The Disney people didn't know they'd be interrupting Mr. Toad's Wild
Britney's used to it: this happens EVERY time someone walks in on Kevin
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