"Huntress Spirit of the Night"

Huntress Spirit of the Night (1992) is drive in fare, so lets look to the expert, Joe Bobb, who says, four stars, check it out. IMDb readers say 2.7 of 10. Jenna Bodnar returns to her ancestral estate after the death of her father, and everyone tries to get her to return to the states as quickly as possible. Her old girlfriend wants her to sell the estate to a dashing wealthy man. After dinner at the man's house, she returns to find a naked girl (Alina Turoiu), who zaps her with a bolt of light, giving her the spirit of a Panther. Seems the panther business is the result of a gypsy curse, and also claimed her mother.

The curse has nothing to do with why the girlfriend (Blair Valk) wants her to sell. Her basement has a secret cache of priceless expressionist paintings stolen by her grandfather and hidden there. Bodnar's love interest is a wildlife photographer who is living in a nearby cave/darkroom. Turoiu, Bodnar and Valk all show everything, and Carmen Lacatus shows breasts.

This is not really as bad as it sounds. There was some imaginative sex, the right proportion of nudity to plot, and some interesting twists and turns. All in all, a watchable B film. C-.

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  • Alina Turoiu (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
  • Blair Valk (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13)
  • Carmen Lacatus (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
  • Jenna Bodnar (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34)

    "Night Patrol"

    Night Patrol (1984) is sort of a Police Academy spin off, but not really. The story centers around the unknown comic, who is a cop by day, and stand-up comic by night. He wears a paper bag over his head because police are not allowed to moonlight, and he could lose his job. His partner, Pat Paulson, is a pussy hound. Linda Blair as the dispatcher is hot for the Unknown Comic, but he is oblivious. At the same time, someone is robbing bars with a paper bag over their head. The police chief, played by a farting Billy Barty, suspects the Unknown Comic. He wants to nail Lori Sutton.

    Sutton has a lengthy topless scene. Blair shows a breast briefly near the end of the film. Kitten Natividad, as a stoner, also shows breasts. The film is full to the brim with terrible puns, obvious jokes, and bodily function humor, and is decidedly not PC, especially in the way it makes fun of the gay community. However, it has great pace, and enough energy, that I watched it start to finish, and even had a few chuckles. C-.

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  • Kitten Natividad (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
  • Linda Blair (1, 2, 3, 4)
  • Lori Sutton (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20)

  • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)

    Samy y Yo (2002)

    How many movie titles contain three consecutive "y's"?

    Call it    "When Harry Kate met Sally Woody"

    I was really hoping there would be some nudity in this film for a couple of reasons. The obvious one, of course, is that any man in his right mind, with even the faintest traces of testosterone in his body, would want to see Angie Cepeda naked. The second reason is that I don't usually write up any films without nudity. I look at every new release every week, and I just don't have time to write about the fleshless ones unless they are cinema classics.

    This one isn't a classic, but it is a very good comedy.

    Here's the idea.

    It's a romantic comedy, but not from the Hollywood formula factory, not a story about pretty people making their inevitable march toward each other with a few detours. It comes from the quirky side of romantic comedy, the side that includes Tracey/Hepburn and Woody Allen's pairings with Diane Keaton. In fact, those two teams give the film its inspiration, but with a mix-and-match pairing. It's Woody Allen and Kate Hepburn.

    • The female star is a wisecracking know-it-all who talks fast, thinks fast, and is always in command of every situation. She's feminine, but not in a submissive way. In short, she's the perfect unmarried 1940s career woman.

    • The male star is a nebbishy Jewish writer who is currently writing gags for a cocky TV comic a lot like Jay Leno (or Sid Caesar, for that matter). The writer, of course, doesn't want to write this kind of material. He wants to be Kafka or Borges or Strindberg, or maybe Ingmar Bergman. He walks down the street muttering miserably to himself, lost in paranoia, and hypochondria. In his spare time he's trying to write angst-laden novels with passages like "He hated Buenos Aires. He hated its commerce, its bankers, its energy. He hated its restaurants and cafes ... "

    You have the picture, right? They are so much like Katharine Hepburn and Woody Allen that I'm just going to call them Kate and Woody. There are two other things I have to tell you.

    • The first has to do with appearances. The real Katharine Hepburn was an attractive enough woman, but Angie Cepeda is not just "sort of attractive". She is a friggin' TKO. She's Hepburn with Raquel Welch's face and body!

    • The second revelation is that this is a film from Argentina, and the entire film is in Spanish. (Cepeda is actually Colombian.)

    The plot:

    Kate has a stroke of entrepreneurial genius. She sees that the pairing between a self-confident Jay Leno comedian and a Woody Allen writer is a mismatch, and that the writer's lines, basically his whining about his own life, should be delivered by the writer himself, somebody who is enough of a  Sad Sack to make the whining realistic. So Kate pulls a lot of strings in the TV industry - we are led to believe she does this by using her, um, feminine charms on some rich criminals - and forces the writer to become a TV star. When I say "forces", I mean that literally. She arranges for a live show, and she just pushes Woody out into a three-walled set, with the door locked behind him, and the audience in front of him. He whines about how he doesn't want to be a TV star, and the audience thinks it is just part of the show. The more he complains, the funnier he is. In later episodes, Kate makes Woody feel even more anxious on camera by putting his classic Jewish Mother in the front row of the audience, and just lets mama do her thing. Woody's heightened anxiety produces heightened hilarity, and soon mama is as big a star as Woody himself.

    The fly in this perfect ointment is happiness.

    Kate and Woody fall in love. Woody becomes Argentina's #1 pop culture icon. He becomes happy.

    When he finds happiness, the magic is gone from his show.

    If you are with me so far, you can probably deduce that the film is stuck at this point. Where do you take it from there? Do the lovers say "fuck it", throw out the show and just live happily ever after in their love? That's the way a formula Hollywood romcom would do it, but I ask you, is that what Kate Hepburn would do? Of course not. She would find a way to make Woody truly miserable again, so he can be successful.

    You can probably figure it out from there.

    It's a terrific idea. I liked the movie a lot. I laughed out loud a few times. 

    My only hesitation in recommending it is that the film just drifts aimlessly for the last ten minutes, or maybe nine of the ten, until it sort of muddles through a happy ending. That temporary anomie didn't really spoil the film for me, however, so if it is your kind of film, "enjoy"!



    Bad Santa (2003)

    I reviewed it back when it was in theaters. Review.

    There was no nudity in the theatrical release, but the unrated DVD, now called Badder Santa, has two topless strippers and another woman in a mini-bikini. I was not able to identify the three actresses.

    • Strippers (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)




    .wmv clips - The Name of the Rose

    The classic scene between the young, virginal monk (Christian Slater) and the peasant girl. These three clips are all from the same scene, just split into smaller files.

    If you love good literature, this is a brilliant book, filled with erudition, crazy characters, and interesting medieval period details. One of the best books I have ever read. It's also a good mystery. Warning: sadly, it isn't a book for casual readers. It's about as hard to read as Ulysses.

    • Valentina Vargas (1, 2, 3)





    Other Crap archives. May also include newer material than the ones above, since it's sorta in real time.

    Click here to submit a URL for Other Crap





    Here are the latest movie reviews available at

    • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
    • If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
    • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
    • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.


    Words from Scoop.

    .avi's from Shiloh.

    .wmv files made by Scoop from Shiloh's .avi's.


    Body Heat

    If you are looking for movies which are both classy and sexy, here is your Gone With The Wind. Includes one of the sexiest scenes in cinema history (The wind chimes barely tinkle on a sultry Florida night when Hurt breaks down the front door to take Turner). Amusing noir dialogue, twisty plot, sassy dames, sappy mugs, great minor characters - a 1940s movie genre revived brilliantly in the 80s, with an 80s level of nudity. Not a great movie, perhaps, but one of my favorite movies nonetheless.


    Perhaps these tips will help if you have trouble with the codecs for these movies:

    Shiloh says:

    FYI when I hypercam vids to make the file size smaller I use DivX MPEG-4 Fast-Motion for the video compressor, then I use virtualdub to compress the audio. The properties for the vids says the video codec:  DivX Decoder Filter & audio codec:  Morgan Stream Switcher which I'm not familiar with. When I compress the audio with virtualdub I use MPEG Layer-3.  A friend of mine told me about compressing the audio about (6) mos. ago. Like I said previously, only been capping for a year & a half & I'm no expert. Hopefully this info will help members with the proper codecs for my vids.
    When I cap big brother's I use hypercam mostly & sdp & asfrecorder if the set up allows me. I stopped using camtasia cause the file sizes were always too big, could never figure out the process, over my head lol, plus it cost too much to buy in my opinion.

    A reader says:

    You mentioned that some users were having trouble with the videos on your site. There is a tool designed to determine what codec is needed for a video. Hope this is useful to you or your users.

    Scoop says:

    I made the .wmv versions of each video. The codecs for these: Windows Video V8, Windows Audio 9. The upside of these is that you know the codecs, and they'll play in the Windows Media Player. The downside is that they are slightly larger, and slightly lower quality.

    Boardheads, aka Beach Movie (2003)

    Hey Scoop, I picked up the Boardheads DVD for a quick watch. 


     Here's a quick summary:

    1.  Bad Hardbodies ripoff.  Three rich old uncool guys hook up with locals to meet babes.  Did I say bad "unfunny" Hardbodies ripoff?

    2.  Elephant's Graveyard for celebrities, Bronson Pinchot, Loretta Swit and Gabrielle Anwar.

    3.  Bronson Pinchot, without an accent, is totally without charm.  Beverly Hills Cop -Yes, bad Elvis/Ford Fairlane/James Bond imitation - No.

    4.  The hero, Link, has a girlfriend, who is the flattest babe in the movie.  The flattest babe in any bikini movie.  Hell, probably the flattest babe in the 5th grade.  She wears a make-shift bikini with flowers stuck on for a bra, and they cover her entire breasts.  Small flowers.

    5.  The flat girlfriend, Sunny, is Gabrielle Anwar.  I seem to remember she had breasts once.  But then, she had a career once too.

    6.  In the bikini contest Sunny wears Annette Funicello's bikini straight from Beach Blanket Bingo, complete with Granny panties.  

    7.  Others in the bikini contest wear string bikinis and have breasts.  Guess who wins?

    8.  This movie would make a great drinking game. Drain your glass everytime someone says "dude".  Drain two glasses if two people say it at the same time. Drain three glasses if someone uses "dude" with another expression, such as "surfer dude."   Drunk in 15 minutes.

    9.  Nudity report - topless unknowns, bikini tops pulled off.  One hot chick has her topless surf ride covered with a CENSORED balloon.  Shower love scene with Sunny wearing a towel in the shower (no water running either.)  Camel toe in early scene by Sunny, where balcony railing was moved to better frame her panties.

    10.  The only time "woody" will be mentioned in relation to this film, is when they load their surfboards in a wood-paneled vintage truck.

    The Copperhead Dude (takes drink)


    Other news - Did you read or hear, that several children and one adult drowned in the Fort Worth water gardens, where part of Logan's Run was filmed?   It's featured prominently in the movie, and I remember going there years ago.   They were part of a church group and ignored the NO SWIMMING signs. Apparently they were sucked under a deep pool by the suction pumps that run the waterfalls.  Here's a link.

    Comments by Brainscan about the recent nekkid poll:


    I voted for Jessica Alba, too. No shock there. And I had Nikki Cox coming in third, overall (boy was I surprised). But I did predict that JLH would be the winner, even though she is so far from attractive when you keep your eyes above her neck.

    It's all about TV.

    Each of the top vote getters has done serious time on television... that's what makes the Nikki Cox low vote very surprising, and it's what explains Scarlett Johansen's low total. It seems that we see single frame after single frame of some show whenever someone exposes the least bit of skin.


    Of course you can damn well wear out your welcome, as the Olsen twins have... big time. Yikes, they are scary.

    So I'd bet if you ran a poll of the best one-time-only nekkid performance I'd vote for Lynda Carter in Bobbi Jo, but the winners would be Reese Witherspoon or Katie Holmes or Christina Ricci. The one-eyed monster plus a little generational factor thrown in. Don't know if it's good or bad... it just is.

    Crimson Ghost
    Today, the Ghost has a few .wmvs of Ashley Laurence showing breasts and bum in a couple of love scenes from "Triplecross"...starring Michael Paré and Billy Dee Williams.

    Horror film fans may recognize her from the first 3 "Hellraiser" movies, as well as one of the lesser direct-to-vid installments "Hellraiser: Hellseeker" (2002).

    • Ashley Laurence (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

    Jennifer Love Hewitt
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

    Well the crowd has spoken, and Jen is the girl you want to see nekkid.... But since we can't deliver that just yet, how about some HDTV 'caps featuring leg and pokies from her recent Leno appearance.

    Elisha Cuthbert
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

    ...and since you loved her enough to give her the #3 spot in our poll, here's Elisha looking lovely in undies and a tank top. Fantastic 'caps by PlasMa from "Old School".

    Paris Hilton
    Nicole Ritchie

    Paris and her sidekick are back on FOX. Here are a few 'caps from the premiere of "The Simple Life 2". Paris looks great in a bikini. Nicole...well, she's the friend of the good looking one.

    Lindsay Lohan Out and about...and as usual, showing some partial breast exposure.

    Rachael Leigh Cook An excellent dowm blouse peek, plus a partial side breast view in scenes from the very off beat indie, "The Big Empty" (2003).

    Gabriella Hall The Skinemax regular going topless in scenes from "Illicit Lovers" (2000).

    Bernadette Penotti
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

    Marvin 'caps of the brunette going topless and showing pubes in scenes from "No Way Home" (1996). She's has an ineteresting filmography. Basically just a few small parts in decent movies and TV shows ("Regarding Henry", "Kiss of Death", "The Sopranos" and "Law & Order"). Then out of nowhere she also has a single credit as Bruce Willis' assistant for "Tears of the Sun".

    Jacqueline McKenzie.
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

    Topless and gettin' it on in scenes from the 1992 Aussie film about skin-heads, "Romper Stomper", starring Russell Crowe before he became a mega-star. 'Caps by Mr. Nude Celeb.

    Lara Harris
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)

    (Not to be confused with Laura Harris of "24", "Dead Like Me" and "The Faculty").

    Here is the model/actress baring her bum and going topless in Señor Skin 'caps from from the the 1996 B-movie "The Zone".

    Pat Reeder
    Pat's comments in yellow...

    The White Badge Of Courage - In an upcoming interview with "60 Minutes," Bill Clinton said he's proud that he fought his "illegitimate" impeachment, saying it was "a badge of honor. I don't see it as a stain."

  • That's his problem: he never sees stains until it's too late.
  • He's certain that future historians will steam-clean this stain from the metaphorical carpet of his legacy.

    What About All The Others? - Clinton also called his affair with Monica Lewinsky "a terrible moral error" which he did "for the worst possible reason: just because I could."

  • "Just Because I Could"...That would've made a much better title for his autobiography.
  • The best possible reasons were that she had a big butt and she brought the pizza.

    A Ho By Any Other Name... - Madonna told ABC's "20/20" that she "brought a lot of chaos to people's lives because of my selfish behavior." But since discovering Kabbalah, she says she's become a "decent human being" and taken the Hebrew name Esther to "attach myself to the energy of a different name."

  • The name "Madonna" just never inspired her to be a decent person.
  • She's also adopted a rap name: "Ester-C."
  • For her next acting role, she'll try taking the name "Meryl"... Let's see if THAT works.
  • She's so much more wise and mature since she started believing in superstitious mysticism.

    Yet They Eat Jalapenos At Every Meal - In a study sponsored by Procter & Gamble, El Paso, Texas, was named the "Sweatiest City in America." Researcher Tim Long said that with its intense heat and humidity, 94 degrees F. feels like 118 in El Paso. He calculates that El Paso residents shed more than 36 fluid ounces of sweat per hour, totaling enough sweat to fill an Olympic swimming pool in just four hours. The mayor will receive a year's supply of Old Spice "Red Zone" deodorant.

  • Which for anyone else would be a 10-year supply.
  • El Paso is Spanish for "The Perspiration."
  • In El Paso, 94 feels like 118, or 200 if you're trying to sneak across the border in a cattle car.
  • It's so hot, locals want to jump in a swimming pool...Well, not anymore...
  • Greece is also very hot and sweaty...Think about that when you see the swimming pools at the Olympics.

    "David Vardy, Male Prostitute!" - David Vardy, 19, a student at England's Bournemouth University, is raising tuition by auctioning his virginity on his website. Vardy said his interests include computers and money, and he's never had a girlfriend because he's so wrapped up in multimedia projects, but he doesn't want to sound like a geek. He says that ideally, the buyer will be a really nice, attractive woman, and the sex will be enjoyable. He says he's gotten scores of e-mails from women worldwide, including eight firm offers with a top bid of $11,168 (US).

  • Scratch that: Richard Simmons just bid $20,000.
  • The women figure, "What the hell, he could be the next Bill Gates."
  • How did he DO this?! Usually, a 19-year-old computer geek who wants to lose his virginity has to pay the woman!
  • None of them speak English, but that's okay, since he's never actually talked to a woman anyway.
  • You really can buy it all on Ebay!
  • Here's a link to his site