Scarecrow Gone Wild (2004) is a low budget direct to vid teen horror film, and the third one in the Scarecrow series. Both who commented at IMDb say it is the best of the three. While it betrays its minuscule budget, it looks pretty good, has an actual story, some surprises, decent acting, and two women who show breasts. A college baseball team is hazing new members over spring break, and incur the wrath of the scarecrow, who mind melds with one of the kids, then starts killing the entire gang. There are three locations, the beach, some building that is supposed to be a trauma center, and a school.

Lisa Robert plays the woman who shows her breasts, in what may have been a sub-plot that was dropped. She is the new wife of a doctor, and step mother to one of the lead women. Her exposure is completely gratuitous. Tara Platt, who seems to have a real career going, with a lead in a film currently in post production, goes topless at the beach, in a lengthy and well lit scene.

IMDb readers, all 6 of them, have this at 6.7. There are no reviews listed. This is a reasonable entry in the teen slasher genre, and fans won't mind the time they spent watching it. C.

Poll results - whose goodies do you most want to see?

We still love Love.

"Of the women who have not done a filmed nude scene of any significance, whose first nude scene are you most eager to see?"

The winner of this poll, by a landslide, was Jennifer Love Hewitt, who out-polled the next two women added together! I guessed she'd be in the top ten, but I figured it would be low in the top ten. I never dreamed she'd be #1, and the landslide flabbergasts me. Obviously, Uncle Hef should be seeking her out for a celebrity spread, because she's still the girl of our dreams.

My girl, Jessica Alba, finished a very convincing second, easily beating the third place winner, Elisha Cuthbert. I did vote for Alba myself, but I didn't expect her to make the top ten, given that the list included bigger names and/or women with hotter current projects.

Here are my other surprises:

1. I didn't think that Alison Hannigan would finish in the top 10, although I do think she is sexy in an friendly, off-beat way. I was surprised to see her beat Natalie Portman, The Olsens, Winona Ryder, and Jennifer Aniston.
2. The Olsens had virtually no support.
3. I thought Scarlett Johansson would finish in the top ten, possibly in the top three, but she had remarkably little support with only 29 votes out of more than 1200 cast.
4. Support was remarkably light for Nikki Cox and Jeri Ryan

One thing that didn't surprise me:

• Not one damned person really wants to see Natasha Lyonne naked. (Although we all would look, of course, if she strolled in the room)

Here's a comparison of (approximately) how I thought the Top 10 would go, versus how it actually went. I wasn't even close. Six of my picks, including my number one, missed the list completely.

For the complete results go here.

OTHER CRAP:

• Competitive eating is more popular than the NHL. Of course, Charles Manson, shit-stained underwear, and the Cocoa Puffs Bird are more popular than the NHL.
• Ah-nuld in "80 Days" - as The Perminator
• More crack naked celebrity reportage from the paper of record, the Sun. The British are so wise. When is USA Today going to add bare supermodel breasts?
• Pope John Paul asks forgiveness for the Spanish Inquisition. Nobody expects forgiveness for the Spanish Inquisition. Lack of forgiveness is our main weapon. Well, lack of forgiveness and lack of surprise are our two main weapons. Oh, and lack of pretty red uniforms - THREE main weapons. Start again. "Amongst our weaponry .... "
• Move over Tiger: N. Korea's Kim shoots a 34 for 18 holes in his 1st time out. And he would have done even better if those little windmills hadn't kept fucking him up.
• Clinton tells '60 Minutes' about his infidelities. In 60 minutes they were only able to cover his life up to age 14. The rest of the interview will be included in the deleted scenes of the 30-disk DVD issue of the interview.
• Mrs. Betty Bowers: Spiritual Advisor to the First Family
• Oh-oh. The first look at The Thing in The Fantastic Four is not good news.
• FINDING NEVERLAND - TRAILER AND MOVIE CLIPS A family-friendly biopic about J.M. Barrie, the author of Peter Pan. The tremendous cast includes Johnny Depp, Dustin Hoffman, Kate Winslet, Julie Christie, and Radha Mitchell.
• Andy Dick pleads "not guilty" to misdemeanor pot charge. I'd love to hear his defense. He was caught smoking a joint, was carrying a bag of pot, and has a record of misdemeanor marijuana possession. The funniest part of the charge was that the police "removed his VIP wristband and kicked him off the grounds" of a music festival. How do you know your music festival is a complete loser? When your idea of a VIP is Andy Dick.
• This week's openings, arty division: Facing Windows - 33% good reviews. James Berardinelli pointed out: "Probably best skipped -- unless you have a penchant for shallow, 'comfortable' foreign films that offer obvious messages and never attempt to challenge the viewer."
• This week's openings: I'll Sleep When I'm Dead: 36% positive reviews. Some people called this Brit-Crook flick a complete snooze-fest, while others hailed it as a classic. James Berardinelli's ambivalence reflects the polarization of this film's reviews: "This is a movie that will put ADD sufferers to sleep, while simultaneously rewarding those who have the patience to see it through."
• This week's openings: Around the World in 80 Days: 31% positive reviews. Typical review: "A two-hour version of the Jules Verne story that is only intermittently fun, despite lavish expenditures on CGI and stunt work."
• This week's openings: The Terminal - 68% positive reviews. Typical review: "Steven Spielberg and Tom Hanks serve up a heaping helping of Capra-corn...and in their hands it's a reasonably palatable, though hardly gourmet, dish."
• This week's upcoming movies: Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story - 67% positive reviews so far. Typical review: "For viewers who just want to laugh for 90 minutes without having to think too much, the no-holds-barred Dodgeball will happily do the trick."
• HIGH COURT BLOCKS BID TO REMOVE GOD FROM GODDAMN IT!
• The Daily Show looks at live ex-Presidents
• Proctor and Gamble tests a product that increases sexual desire and satisfaction in women. Geez, do you think they might sell a few of those?
• Stagworld! The manly barbershop magazines of the 50s and 60s
• Natalie Portman - queen of paranoia. Portman's mom has become a local legend, reporting everyone near their house as a stalker. The latest - a French exchange student who couldn't identify exactly who Portman was! Note that this article gives the identity of the tiny community where Portman lives - for the benefit of your REAL stalkers! Its area is only one square mile, so if you appear anywhere in town, expect Portman's mom to call the police.
• Matt Starr: the Steve Bartman of 2004.
• Scientists invent a serum which turns promiscuous males to monogamy. Well, at least it works on rodents. Insert Colin Farrell joke here.
• German dogs get their own lederhosen.
• What to drink when you're chasing beaver.
• A second trailer from Shyamalan's new movie The Village
• Happy Bloomsday.
• Rocky Balboa Carries Olympic Torch in L.A.. "I just hope I can live up to what this flame represents, which is honor, dignity, a never-say-die spirit, and a public relations boost to my sagging career."
• Why are there so many more lesbians now than in 1950? Because Midol makes you gay.
• After hours with Bert and Ernie.
• A B movie plot? Truck crashes in Montana. Its cargo: nine million bees.
• Looking for a unique career? Join the high-paying, fast-paced world of Panda Pornography.
• The Polyphonic Spree - The Quest For The Rest. This is a joint introduction of a CD and an interactive adventure. Not my kind of stuff, but maybe interesting to some of you.
• Yukon Men Convinced They Saw Sasquatch. Sasquatch is yet another thing more popular than the NHL.
• How much ink is inside a Sharpie?
• More topless and mostly blond soccer chicks from Northern Europe. (I think Denmark this time)
• Amazin' Beer Chiller...
• More about Extreme Dodgeball, which is yet another thing more popular than the NHL.
• University of Colorado's president defends the word "cunt" because it once was a 'Term Of Endearment'. True enough, and also true that the word is probably used in Ireland and the UK to describe men more often than women. Of course, those points are irrelevant to the case at hand, in which is was obviously neither endearing nor masculine.
• "Hey,Scoop: while the Pistons were up by 513 points in the fourth quarter, I decided to channel surf a bit. I came across Joe Shmoe 2 on Spike TV and was amazed by the body of Jana Speaker (she plays the blonde bitch role on the show). Are there any vidcaps from this? She was breathtaking in her bikini!" Here is a picture of Jana Speaker at the "Master and Commander" premiere.
• Lucas says Episode III trailer will be out in November
• Some pretty cool free fonts
• 16 percent of American men shave around their privates, while the others will not shave except in the presence of officers, or at least an NCO. Which reminds me of my favorite porno title, "Shaving Ryan's Privates".
• Do the Lakers piss your dad off? Then I have the Father's Day gift for you.
• The first virus to spread from one cell phone to another.
• The Chronicles of Riddick: Dark Fury: "The Chronicles of Riddick: Dark Fury is the latest trend in Hollywood to arise, thanks to The Matrix sequel franchise explosion. Enter the Matrix, and The Animatrix served to flesh out the universe outside of the trilogy. True to form, The Chronicles of Riddick is looking to repeat that success with its own game title (Escape from Butcher Bay) and an animated sequel -- or prequel, depending how you look at it -- that bridges the gap between the events Pitch Black and The Chronicles of Riddick. "
• Norway's crime rate plummets, as their only criminal is currently vacationing in Sweden.
• "GOP refusing to allow testimony on Halliburton spending". I'm sure there are plenty of legitimate abuses to be found in any such operation, but this article is a classic example of the density of some of our legislators as well as our some journalists. They are actually condemning Halliburton for doing some things that are excellent business! Check this out: "Halliburton lodged 100 workers at a five-star hotel in Kuwait for a total of $10,000 a day while the Pentagon wanted them to stay in tents, like soldiers, at $139 a night."
  • Wasteful and lavish? Apparently neither Congressman Waxman nor the journalist had to take any math courses in school. Damn that tricky process known as division! It seems to me that $100.00 per day to stay in a Kempinski hotel is a lot better than I do when I travel.
  • Did you ever hear anything sillier than the tent argument? I'm sure Halliburton would be happy to lodge their workers in those tents, provided that their business employees have access to the computers, internet, faxes, and phones in order to do their jobs. Will the military provide all of those things in those tents, complete with the temperature control to keep them fully operational in the desert 24/7? In addition, these are undoubtedly a lot of sedentary, out-of-shape people in their fifties and sixties (like Waxman himself), not trained professional soldiers. You think they'll be productive for 90 days of tent duty in the desert? You think they'd even agree to do the job in the first place? Call me crazy, but I'm betting that the hotel-to-tent comparison isn't quite apples-to-apples, and I'm also betting that if the army did meet the specs and provide everything necessary for the Halliburton people to do their jobs productively, that the cost would actually be MORE than at the five star hotel.
  • I suggest that Congressman Waxman and the journalist who wrote this story should spend the next ninety days in the desert living in one of the army's tents while trying to do their own jobs, and then see if they still want the execs to move to tents. Personally, I will choose to stay in the hotel with the Republicans and the Halliburton execs.
• The official commission can find "no credible evidence" of Iraqi links to al-Qaeda or 9-11. The administration's response, "who made himself God and said the links had to be credible? Credibility is for pussies." The spokesman assured the press that there were plenty of "faith-based links".
• Fucking villagers vote against Fucking name change, because they like Fucking, darn it.
• Press scramble starts for first peek at Clinton Memoirs. Rumor has it that it's the first Presidential memoir with a foreward by Larry Flynt. Although I'm not sure if Nixon's posthumous memoir, with a forward by his friend Lucifer, Prince of Darkness, was more impressive. Nixon says the worst thing about Hell is trying to play three-handed Presidental Bridge with LBJ and Warren Harding, waiting patiently for Clinton to die.
• New clips and video interviews for Spider-Man 2
• A second trailer for Alien Vs. Predator Very intense stuff. Don't know if the film is good, but my hat is off to the guy who edited the trailer.
• The Roman Catholic Diocese of Tucson is making plans to file for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection
• Kerry was a right-winger at Yale.
• Catching the Green Fairy - so what is the big deal about absinthe, anyway?
• Thallia demonstrates the proper use of baby oil.
• Sorority Girls From Hell
• The Xylophone which plays "You are a fuckin' cunt"
• Universal Pictures is in talks with Lasse Hallstrom to direct Tom Hanks and Julianne Moore in Boone's Lick, an adaptation of Larry McMurtry's novel
• Start at the beginning with the early episodes of Republican Survivor, then move to the current one.

Other Crap archives. May also include newer material than the ones above, since it's sorta in real time.

Click here to submit a URL for Other Crap

From The Sleuth

Dear Scoop:

Hope you're doing well and prospering.

I have actually added a NEW VALUE to scoopy.net...namely replacing ESPN! Being too busy to watch the NBA finals live, I put my time to better use by catching up on your wonderful "Other Crap" archives and, then, around midnight, would click onto the latest entry...to find out the Lakers-Pistons score!! Then I could watch it on tape if it sounded worthwhile...

Bet I'm the only one who uses Scoopy.net for THAT!!!

We're off to London and Wimbledon next week...I've got a "Sports Figures" issue coming up, and it makes perfect sense to me that I should "research" babes like Dementieva and Sharapova in PERSON to see if they're "Sleuthworthy." Doesn't that sound reasonable?

While I'm away, perhaps you and the Fun Housers could keep an eye for and cap two films on the horizon:

1) "PULSE", which streets 7/27 and promises: "A teenage Mischa Barton in wet, transparent clothes and participating in near-orgiastic and vampiric sex."   (my annual "TeleVisions" issue is next up)   The distributor is First Look.

2) "3-WAY", which stars my birthdate mate Gina Gershon and Ali Larter (and ugh! Dwight "Dirt Sandwich" Yoakam) and includes beautiful young blacktress Joy Bryant "in a Skinemax-worthy shower scene." It's a Columbia TriStar release.

Also, I was able to see 5-6 vidcaps of the Gena Lee Nolin sex tape...but nothing else (either images or the video itself). Do you know of any links to obtain either?

And lastly, I followed your Severina Vuckovich link (talk about your "15 minutes"...), and downloaded the video...but it would only play as a still image...I could hear her orgiastic moans but the image didn't change for the full 11 minutes. Having never seen a Croatian EuroVision songstress in a home sex video, I was wondering if you could perhaps send a working link (or the video itself) to me if you get a chance.

Thanks very much...your site remains the Nijinsky of the 'Net.

Best,
Sleuth

Scoop's note: do any of you guys have more on that Gena Lee thing?

MOVIE REVIEWS:

Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.

• The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
• If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
• A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
• If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

Words from Scoop.

.avi's from Shiloh.

.wmv files made by Scoop from Shiloh's .avi's.

Some classics

Typically first-class production from HBO, both in the filming and in the DVD mastering. When it comes to doin' everything right, HBO is da man. When it comes to production quality, they are the Disney of cable networks. Including spectacularly beautiful nudity! I liked the movie, and Tuna loved it. We both would have enjoyed it if it were twice as long, me because I thought it was too shallow on some important elements of her life, Tuna because he just couldn't get enough of it.

• Laure Marsac in Interview With a Vampire. This scene was supposed to be scary, or stylish, or creepy, or something, but is actually laugh-out-loud silly. Laure Marsac, however, looked great naked. (.avi) (.wmv)

• Leslie Horan in Widow's Kiss. I don't know a friggin' thing about this movie except that Bev D'Angelo did a nude scene at about age 40, but Leslie (of General Hospital fame) is hot. (.avi) (.wmv)

• Priscilla Barnes in The Crossing Guard. Sean Penn shows some talent as a director, but the lad is no writer, and he also wrote this. (.avi) (.wmv) (review)

Perhaps these tips will help if you have trouble with the codecs for these movies:

Shiloh says:

FYI when I hypercam vids to make the file size smaller I use DivX MPEG-4 Fast-Motion for the video compressor, then I use virtualdub to compress the audio. The properties for the vids says the video codec:  DivX Decoder Filter & audio codec:  Morgan Stream Switcher which I'm not familiar with. When I compress the audio with virtualdub I use MPEG Layer-3.  A friend of mine told me about compressing the audio about (6) mos. ago. Like I said previously, only been capping for a year & a half & I'm no expert. Hopefully this info will help members with the proper codecs for my vids.

 

When I cap big brother's I use hypercam mostly & sdp & asfrecorder if the set up allows me. I stopped using camtasia cause the file sizes were always too big, could never figure out the process, over my head lol, plus it cost too much to buy in my opinion.

A reader says:

You mentioned that some users were having trouble with the videos on your site. There is a tool designed to determine what codec is needed for a video. http://www.headbands.com/gspot/ Hope this is useful to you or your users.

Scoop says:

I made the .wmv versions of each video. The codecs for these: Windows Video V8, Windows Audio 9. The upside of these is that you know the codecs, and they'll play in the Windows Media Player. The downside is that they are slightly larger, and slightly lower quality.

• Joan Severance topless and gettin' it on in scenes from the C. Thomas Howell direct-to-video movie "Payback" (1995). Unfortunately, this is not available on DVD.

Be sure to pay Graphic Response a visit at his website. www.graphic-barry.com.

Went to the zoo a while back. Visited the hippo exhibit. One of those giant beasts was wading around in his pool when he let loose with the kind of defecatory event possible only when a half-ton animal eats fifty pounds of hay and vegetables every day of its life. A brown jet expanding in clear blue water. Ugliest damn thing I ever saw.

Until I watched Anthony's Desire (1993).

One guy, by the name of Tom Boka, wrote, directed, produced, acted in, catered, gaffed and best-boyed this movie. A labor of love it was. And it was meant to be arty, with a story of loneliness and conflict and brooding flavored with arty prose and fine music. The major task of brooding fell on the shoulders of one Doug Demarco, who played the role of Anthony. And brood he did. Intensely, obsessively, with all the range of A to B in his performance. One of three movies ol' Dougie was in during his long Hollywood career. Ah, the virtue of raw talent.

So Tom and Doug made a real mess of this movie, dragged it down to the fetid hippo pool of movie history. Fully half the movie involves long, lingering shots of Doug's brooding face or monologues meant to be so terribly serious they sink with the kind of gravity never seen outside of collapsed stars. Why then a generous 2.8 from the folks at IMDB?

In a word, babes. In two, nekkid babes. In four, lots of nekkid babes. Lots equals eight. There is a ninth but I wearied of the task because the transfer of this fine opus from videotape to DVD is so inept, I presume it was done by Tom Boka, himself. So let's settle on eight and call it a draw.

Six of the eight get nekkid as part of a dance troupe that entertains at a seaside hotel/nightclub where Anthony washes up. I think. I mean I think he washed up there although that is never made plain. And the gals don't really dance, even though they are credited as dancers. They just more or less lie around in a heap on stage while four or five people at tables watch them. I can imagine being part of that heap would be a righteous good time, but watching The Heap? Not much fun at all.

The six in question are

• Anastassis Alexander in hard-body, full-frontal glory. (1, 2, 3)

• Ashlie Rhey showing robo-hooters only.

• Debra Beatty showing off one of the best natural chests in film history. (1, 2)

• Jeanine Roberts, who ain't too shabby, herself.

• Former Raider cheerleader, turned adult film star Kelly Jaye, who reveals the worst boob job ever done by a blind man.

• Stephanie Sumers, aka Stephanie Champlin, lying on top of Ashlie's siliconized wonders and showing off her own.

• Here's a nekkid group hug

Two other women also get and stayed nekkid for very long periods of time. They are the objects of Anthony's desire and the source of his brooding.

One is played by Gwen Somers. Gwen is a most unlikely figure in B movies. She gave up major goodies in a dozen erotic thrillers, but she is neither drop-dead gorgeous nor particularly well-endowed. And she can sing pretty darn well. So, anyway Gwen is in a sport-humping scene that was just too hard to cap and she is in a second scene where she lies about, upside down, completely unclothed and talks of things mysterious and philosophical... for 3 1/2 minutes. The scene blows by any objective criterion, but in the annals of cinerma nakedness it is topped in length only by Fionnula Flanagan's performance in James Joyce's Women. Something to be proud of, I'm sure.

• Gwen Somers (1, 2)

Second object d'affection is Mihaella Stoicov, who is otherwise credited as Michaela Stoicov. But what's in a name? Mihaella is a raven-haired, slim beauty who lies around completely naked (collages 1-4) and manages to give us a look at her holiest of holies whilst climbing out of bed (collage 5). A bravura performance.

• Mihaella Stoicov (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

Let's ask the crucial question: what would it take to get me to watch Anthony and his interminable brooding again. Well, you could make it a snuff film and blow away Anthony and the guy who played him (Doug, remember?). Maybe then this pain in my head would go away. Or you could turn Gwen around, have her move a bit and shut her up for the 3 1/2 minutes she's naked. Or both? But I'm afraid that is not enough. Seems the only way to make this one worthy of a return visit would be cast Nikki Cox, Heather Graham, Eva Green and Ludivine Sagnier as the naked dancers and then put me in the middle of the group grope. All four of them. Three and the deal is off.

They've aired a lot of old movies on TV recently...

Getting started with the oldest, there is Jane Fonda in the French movie "Les Felins" (1963). Perhaps that's her first topless scene.

• Jane Fonda

Going on with Judy Brown in "Slaughter's Big Rip-Off" (1973), a great full frontal.

• Judy Brown

Finally, from the newest of these old movies...here are Lola Falana and Jeannie Bell in "The Klansman" (1974), both going topless.

• Lola Falana
• Jeannie Bell

• Samantha Janus shows off some pokies and a jello-y bum (1, 2, 3)
• Samantha Janus .wmvs (1, 2, 3, 4)

Next up, some bonus .wmvs of a very nekkid Bo Derek in scenes from 1981's "Tarzan, the Ape Man".

Here's the breakdown:
Link #1...Swimming nekkid.
Link #2...Running on the beach nekkid and more swimming.
Link #3...Getting groped by Tarzan.
Link #4...Tied dowm and being bathed by natives.
Link #5...Tied down and being covered in white stuff by natives.
Link #6...Topless and still covered in white stuff.
Link #7...Topless and getting the white stuffed washed off by Tarzan and a chimp.
Links 8 and 9...More assorted toplessness.

• Bo Derek .wmvs (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)

Amiee Cox
(1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)

TEENAGERS CAN'T REASON
Or In Many Cases, 31 - Here's a news flash: teenagers can't fully reason. According to a study by the National Institutes of Health and UCLA, the last areas of the brain to mature are those responsible for reasoning, problem-solving, decision-making and other higher rational functions. This doesn't happen until sometime between ages 18 and 21. The author said that until now, no one had proven that complex thinking must wait until simple brain areas mature, so teenagers just can't think rationally.

While the Pistons were up by 513 points in the fourth quarter, I decided to channel surf a bit. I came across "Joe Shmoe 2" on Spike TV and was amazed by the body of Jana Speaker (she plays the blonde bitch roll on the show). Does anyone have any 'caps from this? She was breath taking in her bikini!