Screech Update

Screech - hung like a porn star

• According to the former child star, he is bigger soft than Ron Jeremy is hard!
• And he seems like a hamster compared to Belding!

From a Wisconsin newspaper, here is an actual picture of Screech and the house is to be evicted from.

Non-Screech items

"According to the 2006 edition of Forbes magazine's Celebrity 100 rankings, Tom Cruise is the most powerful celebrity"

The trailer for Time To Leave

• "A handsome, successful fashion photographer learns that he has a malignant brain tumor that will soon kill him. Hiding his diagnosis, he alienates his family and his young boyfriend, but during a short stay with his grandmother, his vulnerability is met with a big heart and sound advice. A chance encounter with a roadside cafe waitress results in an unusual bargain that provides a happy, playful dimension to the proceedings. "

ROTTEN TOMATOES: Movies Opening this Week. Latest update, percentage of positive reviews:

• Nacho Libre 45%
• Fast and Furious 3: 40%
• Lake House 31%
• Garfield 2: 17%
• Loverboy (limited release): 13%

AFI's 100 YEARS...100 CHEERS

• This is their full and official list of the 100 most inspirational movies. Surprisingly, the list excludes Blue Velvet, Jackass: the Movie, Freddy Got Fingered, Requiem for a Dream, Cannibal Ferox, and Exorcist 2: the Heretic

Stephen Colbert and author David Sirota discuss whether our government should be for sale.

Colbert Report: License Renewal

• "Just like your driver's license, the government's war license has to be renewed before it expires."

Colbert profiles Georgia's 8th District

Jumbo-headed Tim Russert talks to Jon Stewart about his new book 'The Wisdom of Our Fathers.'

According to the Daily Show: "'An Inconvenient Truth' plays on moviegoers' love of reality and inconvenience."

The Daily Show's Jason Jones profiles an Ohio candidate who would like to promote drunk driving on the weekends.

"President George W. Bush received a $10,000 sniper's rifle, six jars of fertilizer, 11 antique handguns, ten pounds of dates, and a DVD of 'Singin' in the Rain' from various foreign leaders"

Toga Part at Niedermeyer's restaurant!

"Ben Affleck as Magnum P.I?"

Google has a pretty cool "Explore Shakespeare" site

Exidor has died.

Animated GIFS - Scraped from a picture feed. It's the old-school internet revisited.

Watch Will Ferrell in a new trailer for 'Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby.'

A clip from Waist Deep

• In the urban action thriller "Waist Deep," director Vondie Curtis Hall ("Redemption") takes audiences on a ride through contemporary Los Angeles - where a sexy 21st-century Bonnie and Clyde hit the streets.

My favorite e-mail of the day comes from CNN. "Osama Bin Ladin was found hanged by two CNN journalists ..."

• Yeah, that could be from CNN. I'm sure they often misspell "bin Laden."
• About as often as they submit stuff to "Other Crap" before it hits the airwaves!
• And of course, CNN would never proofread. Whoever wrote this headline has a misplaced modifier that makes it sound as if the reporters might have hanged bin Laden! Finally, reporters do something valuable! (You can fix the sentence by shifting it to active voice. "Two CNN journalists found ... ")
• For the record, it is a trick to distribute a trojan. It was thought to have disappeared two years ago, but it seems to be back...
• Info here

This week's movies (about 3000 screens): Garfield's A Tale of Two Kitties - 8% positive reviews.

"I was listening to the radio here in Portland and Jack Black was being interviewed and said that he's still actually up for Green Lantern."

• I can see why. He's got it all. The sculpted abs. The tall, commanding presence. The square jaw and high cheekbones. The athletic grace. The powerlessness against the color yellow.
• All kidding aside, Jack Black could be Kyle Rayner, the freelance artist and slacker who became the latest Green Lantern. It would depend on the script, but the storyline is reasonably appropriate. Remember that Green Lantern is not the name of a person, but rather a job description. The Lantern is whichever guy (on whichever planet) currently possesses the ring sent from the Guardians of the Universe, or some shit like that. Earth has had several Green Lanterns, as have other planets. After a long internecine power struggle, the last Guardian sent the last ring to Earth. It is the most powerful weapon in the universe, and it fell into the hands of an ordinary guy. Black could do that. But the premise is VERY similar to The Mask with Jim Carrey.
• Obviously, the Blackster could not play classic-age GL, when the Lantern for Earth was Hal Jordan, the test pilot without fear.

Celebrity Sports Fan Rankings

• I wanna know which team Bill Shatner roots for. Probably some communist-inspired CFL schlubs.

Man, soccer cards are WAY better than baseball cards!

Superman in 30 seconds, re-enacted by Bunnies

 

• This raises an important question or two.
• Is Otis a sidekick, a henchman, or a minion? In my mind, he is too close to the day-to-day life of his leader to be a mere minion, but not threatening enough to be a henchman. Normally only good guys have sidekicks, but I don't see that rule as hard and fast. I vote sidekick.
• The dictionary definition of a henchman is "A mercenary adherent; a venal follower; one who holds himself at the bidding of another." By this definition, Otis is a henchman, but I argue that puny comic relief characters cannot be henchman, and must be sidekicks, to be played by a completely different kind of actor. Don Knotts could play a sidekick, not a henchman. Michael Madsen can be a henchman, but not a sidekick.
• Can lowly minions be promoted from the masses to full-fledged henchmen through the consistent and sustained promulgation of their master's evil bidding, or is a minion always a mere minion?
• Note: the new definition of minion - "an anonymous and servile dependant" - is very different from the definition used in earlier centuries - "one especially favored or beloved."
• Do sidekicks have to be loveable and comical? Roy Rogers had Pat Brady. Wild Bill had Jingles. Cisco had Pancho. Are there only comical sidekicks? Is Robin Batman's sidekick, for example? The OED defines a sidekick as "a subordinate member of a pair," which would certainly make Robin a sidekick, but he isn't comical at all. He's obviously not a full partner, so he seems to be the rare "serious sidekick."

The Men of the Square Table create the Man Laws. Pretty funny stuff.

" ... lists of trailers to play in front of SUPERMAN RETURNS here in a couple weeks. On that list is SPIDER-MAN 3 ..."

cityrag: Shocking celebrity plastic surgery!

• "Carnie Wilson told him that after her gastric bypass surgery and weight loss, she had a 'vagina lift' and it moved her pussy 6 inches up her body! He also noted that she said 'couldn't find her asshole' the first time she went to the bathroom."

Police raid doubles Pirate Bay's popularity

Pictures of North Korea

The trailer for The War Tapes

• "Straight from the front lines in Iraq, THE WAR TAPES is the first war movie filmed by soldiers themselves. This is Operation Iraqi Freedom as filmed by Sergeant Steve Pink, Sergeant Zack Bazzi and Specialist Mike Moriarty. Steve is a wisecracking carpenter who aspires to be a writer. Zack is a Lebanese-American university student who loves to travel."

The trailer for Outside Sales

• Paul Wells is not happy and he is not a good salesman. He used to be. He used to be great. Before his "tough times" Paul was a closer. But it all changed when he came home early to find his wife in bed with his co-worker. Paul hasn't been the same since. His sales dropped, he began sweating at inpportune times and couldn't close a deal to save his life. Now, Dagny Green, a beautiful hot-shot sales rep, has been brought in to replace him. Paul has to outsell Dagny in order to keep his job, regain his self-respect and pull his life back together... If he doesn't fall in love with her first.

The trailer for One Last Dance

• The first three words of the trailer? ... "In a world ..."
• An assassin is hired to kill the men responsible for kidnapping an important man's son and with every death, the killer gets closer to the last kidnapper's name... his own.

The trailer for Lies and Alibis

• A man who runs an alibi service for adulterous husbands gets into a jam with a new client. In trying to remedy the situation, he must rely on an alluring woman who gets his heart racing.