Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)

Coyote Ugly:

A quick note: almost all of the Piper Perabo sex scene in Coyote Ugly: Extended Cut was done by a body double named Laura Grady. The breasts are Grady for sure. I checked Mr. Skin's site, and he offered contradictory information. In one place he  said, "The flawless rackage is the work of a double, but the thong-clad can is allllll Piper." On the other hand, he has the thong collages labeled as "Piper Perabo body double," so I don't know the straight skinny on the fanny. We do know that the breasts are NOT Perabo.

Knots (2004):

A thumb WAY up for this hard hitting-biography of the small but impressively hung actor who managed to use intimidating violence and his powerful sexual allure to overcome a squeaky voice and a bug-eyed stare in becoming one of the few character actors who could open a picture (as Mr. Limpet, Mr. Chicken, and The Shakiest Gun in the West), and finally in establishing himself permanently in America's collective consciousness as the lovable deputy Barney Fife.

Oh, wait. I'm thinking of Knotts!


Today's movie is Knots, with one t,  and while is isn't as good as the "two t" version, it does have the significant advantage of not being a figment of my imagination.

Knots is yet another "talking about relationships" comedy. Six contemporary urban thirty-somethings get involved in various sexual combinations with one another and the occasional outsider. The familiar characters are all there: the couple with a solid but boring marriage, the sexually predatory bisexual female, the sleazy and sexually predatory male, the nice guy, the nice girl.

The plot, if indeed there is one, involves two parallel questions: (1) what will happen to the married couple after they both cheat separately with the bisexual woman? (2) will the nice girl figure out that she belongs with the nice guy before she ends up married to the sleazy guy?

Knots is pretty much like all of the other films where the characters get together in same-sex pairs to discuss their relationships with the opposite sex. The one thing that really redeems the film, or at least lifts it above the rest of the similar films to hit the streets in the past ten years, is a hilarious performance by (of all people) John Stamos, in a well written role as the poster-boy handsome slimeball who will tell women anything they want to hear in order to get laid, often going to outlandish lengths to create his pick-up scenarios. (To get the idea, think of the crazy stories Matt Dillon made up when he was trying to pick up Cameron Diaz in There's Something About Mary.) Thanks to Stamos, and Paulina Porizkova as his female equivalent, the film stays light and moves along briskly. The sentimentality is offset by humor and the characters are credible and likeable - even Stamos and Porizkova as the horny "villains" seem decent enough underneath their sexual obsessions.

A bit of nudity provided a plus for the film's entertainment value. Paulina Porizkova showed her ex-supermodel figure in some hot girl-on-girl action, and even Annabeth Gish flashed the top of her bum in that scene. Tone Christensen appeared topless in a minor role as one of the many women Stamos was entertaining. Stamos himself flashed the ol' bum in a deleted scene.

Although Knots had no theatrical release, it's not bad at all if this kind of movie appeals to you.


Video clips:

Note: .vob files will be played properly by a software DVD player like PowerDVD or WinDVD. If you have one of those, the quality is as good as a commercial DVD. If not, you probably don't even want to bother.


Other Crap:

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Here are the latest movie reviews available at


  • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
  • If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
  • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
  • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

'Caps and comments by Brainscan:

Two of the dozen non-Heffer, non-Pet gals who got all nekkid and stuff in the Mystique Lingerie disk are Amy Miller and Charissa Thompson, two blondes with hooters of the robo variety. In fact, reader be warned: if you are the least bit allergic to silicone, looking at these images and watching this disk will send you straight into anaphylaxis. Have the Epi-pen handy.

About the exposure: Amy Miller does the full frontal tango whereas Charissa shows off only what her surgeon gave her.

'Caps and comments by Hankster:

Today for our "Hankster Light" section, we feature the delicious Elizabeth Hurley showing pokies, cleavage and also her very lovely breasts in scenes from "The Weight of Water". This woman is so sensual she just blows my mind.

  • Elizabeth Hurley (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)

Next up we have our "Damsel in Distress". For this one we took the old Time Machine all the way back to 1968 for a peek at Vincene Wallace in a black and white flick "A Sweet Sickness". Our pretty victim is hand gagged and chloroformed by the bad guy. During the process she exposes a boob.

  • Vincene Wallace (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

Carla Gugino
Jaime King

LC takes a look at the Robert Rodriguez movie "Sin City". Both ladies look great topless, and Gugino also adds a bit of rear nudity. Look for it on DVD August 16th.

Arly Jover Here is the Spanish born dancer-turned-actress in her undies and briefly topless in a shower scene from the French movie "L'Empire des loups" (currently in some Euro-theaters). Fans of the "Blade" movies may recognize her from the first film.

Gabriela Phillips
Lindsey Veenendaal

Two first timers get topless in a couple of scenes from the 2005, direct-to-vid flick movie "Snapped". Co-written by and starring Michael Bien. Not to be confused with "Terminator" star Michael Biehn.

Glori-Anne Gilbert Glori-Anne showing off her robo-big'uns and a thong view in scenes from "Sea Ghost" (2004), directed by Fun House hero, Jim Wynorski.

Malin Akerman The Swedish born babe that many of you will remember as the topless beauty from "Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle". Here she is showing some serious pokies on the new HBO series "The Comeback".

Mr. Nude Celeb
Holly Hunter
(1, 2)

Hunter still looking great au naturale at age 45! Here she is topless, showing a bit of pubes and getting an Oscar nomination for her role in "Thirteen" (2003).

Kate Winslet
(1, 2)
Kirsten Dunst
(1, 2)

A few sexy scenes from one of the best movies of 2004, "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind". Winslet shows off her striped undies in #1 and gets wonderfully groped in #2. Dunst dances around in a tank top and undies in #1 and shows off almost a full breast in a side/rear view in #2.

Nicole Kidman
(1, 2)

A brief bit of breast exposure during a love scene from the semi-controversial film "Birth". For those who have already forgot about this one (and that's most of us), this was was the one with Nicole 'nude' in a bath tub scene with a 10 year old boy. Here are the reviews by Scoop and Tuna.

Kate Rodger
(1, 2, 3)
Rena Riffel
(1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

Both ladies look great topless and showing off a bit o' bum in scenes from 1998's "Dark Confessions", directed by Czechsploitation filmmaker, Lloyd A. Simandl.

Chloë Sevigny
(1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)

The Skin-man serves up a few 'caps of Chloë topless and giving a real BJ on screen in a scene from the much talked about Vincent Gallo movie "The Brown Bunny" (2003). Here's Scoop's full coverage.

Pat Reeder
Pat's comments in yellow...

But His Shower Is Still Open For Business! - Following Michael Jackson's acquittal, his attorney Thomas Mesereau said that Jackson will no longer let boys sleep in his bedroom "because it makes him vulnerable to false charges."

  • And real ones, which are even more expensive to get out of.
  • From this point on, HE sleeps in THEIR bedrooms!
  • He would've quit in 1993, but he likes paying hush money because he's just so darn charitable.
  • To ease the withdrawal pains, he's wearing something like a nicotine patch, only it's a Boy Scout patch.

    They Framed Michael! - Jackson's camp demanded that D.A. Tom Sneddon return police photos of Michael's penis, accusing him of wanting to leak them to the press. Sneddon dismissed it as nonsense, saying those are sheriff's photos, only three people have access to them, and he's not one of them.

  • There's the sheriff, the photographer, and the people at eBay.
  • Trust me, nobody wants Michael's penis to leak.
  • They don't want Michael's penis put under the microscope where everyone can see it.

    Last Resort - Las Vegas tycoon Jack Wishna is reportedly offering Jackson an $80 million deal to play for a year at a new resort and casino he's building on the Strip. He said, "America loves a comeback story, and what better platform to showcase such a comeback than a new show in a new resort?"

  • Well, there's Branson, but Michael can forget about that.
  • Michael would fit in better at Circus Circus.
  • Best of all, what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas!
  • $80 million? He'd blow that in one day at the Vegas Toys R Us!

    The "D" Is For "Dance!" - The New York Post reports that ABC's "Dancing With The Stars," in which D-list celebrities take lessons and then compete in a ballroom dancing contest, is such a surprise hit, it's already being ripped off. Fox TV announced a new series called "Skating with Celebrities." A spokesman said, "If it's interesting to see celebrities ballroom dancing, it's going to be incredibly interesting to see if they can master a double axel and a spin." He said they expect "a lot of falls."

  • And during sweeps week, plenty of broken legs.
  • D-list celebrities on skates? At last, a job for Tonya Harding!
  • They're on thin ice just CALLING some of those people "celebrities."
  • I think I'll wait for the WB to do "Skydiving With Ben Affleck."