"Liane, Jungle Goddess"

Liane, Jungle Goddess (1956) is a West German white princess found in jungle story. Of course she got there after a shipwreck, of course she is heir to a shipping fortune, and of course she falls in love with the scientist who finds her. What makes this one somewhat unique, is that in addition to the native breasts on display, Marion Michael as the White Princess shows breasts through most of the first half of the film. We also have the typical National Geographic Wildlife scenes.

IMDb readers have this at 5.6 of 10. Everything about it is very much as expected of the genre, making it a C.

  • Thumbnails
  • Thumbnails

  • Marion Michael (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
  • Unknowns (1, 2, 3, 4)

  • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)

    Be Cool (2004):

    From my mailbox:

    "Dude, take another look at Be Cool. When Uma is getting up while sunbathing, take another look between her legs. She's covering her left boob with her hand but you get a fair shot at her right boob danglin' down as she gets up. Only about 4 frames but it's there. "




    Coyote Ugly (2000):

    There is good news and bad news about the new "unrated extended cut" of Coyote Ugly.

    • The good news: there is a nude love scene.
    • The bad news: in order to see that scene, you will have to watch Coyote Ugly.

    I'm not sure if this is the single stupidest script ever written. It is probably not as downright dumb as The Skulls, for example, but it's a contender. Amazingly, it survived scathing reviews to become a mini-hit with a domestic gross of $60 million. It's a chick-flick for young teens and tweeners, and it managed to find its target audience.

    It's a film with an easily identifiable Robbins Recipe. If you're a movie buff, you know what I mean. The Tim Robbins character in The Player was a studio exec with the knack to describe any movie pitch in a pithy reference to previous movies. A hopeful scriptwriter would pitch him an idea and he'd say something like, "So, it's kind of a Saving Private Ryan meets Manos, the Hands of Fate?" The Robbins Recipe for Coyote Ugly is "Cocktail meets Flashdance, with just a dash of Little Voice."

    I got too complex with that Robbins Recipe. James Berardinelli wrote more succinctly, "It's Showgirls without the nudity."

    ... and the depth!

    A sweet little Middle-America tootsie with a perpetually bewildered expression goes to New York City to become a famous songwriter in the general style of Carole King. She has no agent, no contacts, and no idea how one becomes a songwriter. She finds out that the only hope for her is to sing her own songs at open mike nights, but she can't do that because she has a bad case of stage fright. She is desperate, doesn't know where to turn, is living without hope or income in a seedy cold water flat. She takes a job at one of those show bars where the bottle-spinning bartenders also dance on the tables. Her conservative father walks into the bar, sees her wearing a t-shirt while horny drunks pour water over her.

    Here's your quiz. How does it end?

    One of the following:

    • She uses her meager bartender earnings to buy dope. Her dad commits suicide when he leaves the bar. When she hears about her father, she O.D's, and the police find her in the gutter in the rain, her hands clutching the only demo tape of her songs. The police don't know who she is, and her toe tag reads, "Jane Doe". The camera pulls back to show the squalor of lower Manhattan. The credits roll.
    • She is forced to return to Upper Lower Amboy, New Jersey, where she works as a waitress, gets married, has a couple kids, takes a few junior college classes, sews her own clothes, and is really popular on Karaoke night in the local bowling alley lounge. Sometimes she writes and sings songs at the local elementary school on Earth Day, and she sings at all her family weddings
    • She becomes a popular bartender, overcomes her stage fright by singing along with the juke box in the show bar, gets a new hairstyle and wardrobe, cleans up as a flat-out fox, gets some gigs, finds the perfect hunky boyfriend, wins her dad's forgiveness, and is a massive hit in her stage debut (after her loved ones show her all their love during her shaky start).

    Gee, which do you think it was?

    Miscellaneous points: 

    • Do you like the song "I Will Survive"? Here's your movie.
    • How good are the songs that the star sings and writes? Imagine Debby Boone singing "You Light Up My Life." Then subtract all of Debby's get-down soul, world-weary blues, and hard-drivin' funk
    • The shallow, insubstantial bartenders make fun of the shallow, insubstantial nature of Playmates. They have a game where they try to guess the Playmate's favorite movies. ("Saving Private Ryan" is a winner.) We all know that bar-dancing bartenders are so much deeper than Playmates. Here's a tip to the screenwriter. All of those Playmates are brainier, deeper, and more sincere than your characters.
    • The bar packs in people tighter than sardines, and they occasionally pour booze on the bar and set it on fire to accentuate their dance routines. Luckily, the fire marshal is around, and imposes a stern glance and a $250 fine for their hijinks!
    • The tough-talkin' but soft-hearted owner of the bar has long since forgotten what it was like when she was growing up in Piedmont, North Dakota. In fact, she's forgotten that Piedmont is in South Dakota.
    • The final line in the film is , "what do you do when you realize all you dreams have come true?"
    • The little tootsie's best friend in Jersey looks just like Monica Lewinsky, and the actress' real name is "Lynskey" - hmmmm .....
    • The title, if you don't know, comes from the tendency of coyotes to chew off their legs in order to free themselves from a trap. If a man wakes up with a "coyote ugly" woman sleeping on his arm, he will chew it off rather than wake her up.
    • I thought Dish Dogs would win the Year 2000 award for best fat guy cheesecake, with Brian Dennehy in a skin-tight wet suit, but that was easily eclipsed by John Goodman dancing on a bar and dropping his pants.
    • Here's another example of the lack of reality in today's cinema. John Goodman was hit by a car. He was hurt, and the car was OK.


    • Piper Perabo collages (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
    • Piper's full love scene in a zipped .wmv. (There may be body doubling here. It does look like the same breasts from Lost and Delirious, but the camera cuts to a close up every time Piper's breasts are about to appear in a frame with her face.)



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    • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
    • If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
    • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
    • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

    'Caps and comments by Brainscan:

    Here are a few more Heffers in our Day Two round up of babes from the DVD "Mystique Lingerie: The Secret of Seduction".

    As I mentioned yesterday, he format of the DVD is to take each woman and show her off in a bunch of photos and then in a 4-5 minute-long live-action clip. Light on the action, heavy on the posing invitingly.

    • Jessica Lee...the Heffer for August '96 posing topless. (We also get so see some thong views in #9). A few years ago Lee did a little "acting" on the late night cable series "Thrills" as well as on "The Man Show". (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13)

    • Kalin Olson, (August '97) also posing topless and showing a bit of bum (#1 and #8) (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)

    • October '98 Heffer Laura Cover shows the most in today's batch. We have toplessness everywhere, plus bum (links 1,7,11 and 13) and even some frontal views (links 3 and 9). (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18)

    'Caps and comments by Hankster:

    Today we have both a "Babes in Bondage" and a "Hankster Light" day.

    First up we have the Original Buffy, Kristy Swanson in scenes from the straight-to-vid thriller "Bound by Lies". Kristy is tied up with her arms overhead in a consensual scene, sadly she is not naked. The last cap is without the ropes with decent cleavage.

    • Kristy Swanson (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

    The "Hankster Light" portion of the show today features a stark naked Glori-Anne Gilbert in love making scenes from the recent release, "Lust Connection". This one is directed by Jim Wynorski, so you just know it will have gobs of nudity.

    • Glori-Anne Gilbert (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

    'Caps and comments by Dann:

    "Stripes" (Extended Edition)
    Outstanding, classic 1981 comedy is back in a new extended edition, with 15 minutes of material added (some of which includes nudity).

    Bill Murray plays a loser cab driver who talks his best friend into enlisting with him in the Army. By the end of the movie, the Army is much the worse for wear, since the pair almost succeed in starting World War 3. Hey forget the plot, it's just damned funny, and deserves to be called a classic.

    To be honest, except for P. J. Sole's nudity, which was great, I'm not sure the added material benefited the movie, because it tended to make things a little draggy. Even worse, the picture quality, especially in some of the added scenes, was really bad, surprisingly bad. The masters must be in tough shape.

    Even with all that, this is a top-notch comedy that rates a second look, even if you saw the original.

    Kate Winslet
    (1, 2)

    Excellent 'caps by Mr. Nude Celeb of Kate topless in that sinking boat movie.

    Kari Wuhrer
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)

    Señor Skin 'caps of the B-movie Queen topless (with her restored-to-factory specs chest) while being stabbed in scenes from the most recent in the Hellraiser series "Hellraiser: Deader" (2005).

    Pat Reeder
    Pat's comments in yellow...

    Proof Beyond Doubt That They're Idiots - Monday, Michael Jackson's jury found him not guilty on all ten counts of child molestation, conspiracy and giving alcohol to minors. Some jurors later said they believed he had molested children, but they hadn't been convinced beyond a reasonable doubt that he molested this one. One juror said she didn't like the way the accuser's mother snapped her fingers at them, while another said she didn't like the way the mother stared at them.

  • But the way Michael Jackson molested children didn't strike them as all that offensive.
  • And if the accuser's mom is a twit, you must acquit!
  • Michael will celebrate by throwing a jamboree...A Cub Scout jamboree.
  • It just shows that you can get away with anything in California if you're rich, famous and white.

    The Reporters Don't Know Where To Go Next - TV reporters turned the brief reading of the verdict into an endless drama, using helicopters to show Jackson's motorcade of black SUVs driving all the way to the court, and all the way home again after it was over, just to see where he'd go next.

  • My guess is, his bedroom.
  • He jetted off to Florida, where O.J. Simpson is going to help him find the REAL molester.
  • Like all victorious celebrities, he's goin' to Disney World!... Except he's the only star who hangs around the Tea Cup ride with a fistful of Snickers bars.
  • For the first time in months, Michael got a good night's rest, snuggled between his Blanket and Pillow, or whatever he nicknamed the two boys he slept with.

    Lady Madonna - Madonna admitted to Ladies Home Journal that she may have misled her young fans by pushing her explicit sexual image too far. She said, "One minute I was saying believe in yourself," and don't judge yourself by how sexy you look, "and the next minute I was saying just be sexually provocative for the sake of being sexually provocative. I was letting it pump up my ego, thinking, 'Aren't I great, they're writing about me, my picture's on the cover of every magazine, I'm so fabulous.'" She said she now realizes she hurt herself by "being overtly sexual for the sake of showing off, when I didn't need to be."

  • She could've gotten ahead by relying on her acting talent.
  • And few people have showed off more than Madonna did.
  • This all dawned on her the day her own daughter walked in dressed like Britney Spears.
  • That was just how she got press then...The way this is how she gets press now.
  • And now, it's hard to be taken seriously at the PTA meetings.

    A Public Announcement Of Her Plans To Go Private - Paris Hilton told Newsweek that in two years, she plans to be a wife and mother and give up public life. She said, "I don't enjoy going out anymore. It's such a pain. It's everyone saying, `Let's do a deal! Can I have a picture?' I'm just, like, `These people are such losers. I can't believe I used to love doing this.'"

  • In four years, she'll be saying the same thing about motherhood.
  • So why doesn't she go ahead and give up public life RIGHT NOW? Pleeeeeease?!!
  • She'll give up public life as soon as she sells the DVD rights to the video of her wedding night, honeymoon and birth of her first kid.

    Summer Rerun Season - Demi Moore plans to pose naked on the cover of Vanity Fair again at age 42, fifteen years after she appeared on it naked and very pregnant. This time, she will pose with Ashton Kutcher, although it wasn't clear if he'll also be naked.

  • Only if he's pregnant.
  • Wouldn't he have to get parental permission first?