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Fuego (1969) is an Argentinean soft-core staring Isabel Sarli, who was known as the "cleanest actress in the world," due to the fact that she had a nude water scene of some kind in nearly every one of her films. She was the first person to appear nude in an Argentinean film. The former Miss Argentina 1955 met film-maker Armando Bo, and stared in 30 of his films. Upon his death, she retired from acting. Although she was good at comedy, this, like many of her films, was a naturalistic melodrama. She plays a nymphomaniac who does every man in sight, and spends the rest of her time in a lesbian relationship with her maid.

Then, she falls in love and marries, but, no matter how hard she tries, she can't remain faithful. We see her enormous breasts repeatedly, including a shower scene, screwing in the snow, swimming in a lake, and in a lesbian encounter. We also get brief looks at her bush and buns. The moralistic element was common in early soft-core films, as it helped provide redeeming social merit. Fuego was one of Sarli's films that enjoyed international distribution. The DVD is very nicely dubbed, and is a well-saturated 4/3 transfer, although full of dust, scratches and artifacts, from Something Weird Video. The film is only of interest as an example of early film nudity, and for its star. C.

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  • Isabel Sarli
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40)

    "Blood Ties"

    Blood Ties (1991 TV movie) is not at all what I was expecting from a vampire film. The first thing to know is that they no longer like being called vampires. They prefer the term Carpathian American, and live in Long Beach, California, home of the Queen Mary, the Spruce Goose, and the Long Beach Grand Prix. Two of their number moved to Texas to bring up their son more normally. Unfortunately the hunters (SCAV, or Southern Christians Against Vampires), led by uber-creepy Bo Hopkins give the parents the old wooden stake in the heart, dirt in the mouth, and burn the body treatment, but let the son escape hoping he will lead them to the main nest. Of course, he obliges, and the two groups head for the inevitable showdown.

    Harley Venton is a reporter, and a member of the board of the Carpathian clan. He is also accused by them of being an assimilationist, as he would rather use the law to stop the hunters than to attack and suck their blood. His love interest is a deputy DA, Kim Johnston Ulrich, who briefly shows her breast at the end of the film. The IMDB rating of 5.2 of 10 is a little unfair. They managed to come up with a totally new twist on the vampire theme, which I would have thought impossible, and the film had real energy. It was also symbolic of any minority's struggle against bigotry. I didn't mind watching it at all, whereas I hope I never have to sit through another normal vampire film. C.

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  • Kim Johnston (1, 2)

  • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)

    What a shock. Orange County is a teeny-bopper film made by the teeny bopper barons, MTV, and it is an intelligent film. It isn't very original, but I liked it quite a bit, although it more than fulfilled my need for Jack Black nudity. (He does pretty much the entire film in his underpants)

    • Jane Adams - no nudity, but the first one is very, very sexy. If only Jane had some meat on her bones. (1, 2)

    An additional review of  Nora, the James Joyce pic, as reviewed by Mick Locke, a guy who was a few years behind me in the same high school, and later did some community theater with me. He is a scholarly fellow, and has traveled around the world without any money, including to some pretty scary places, so he certainly brings a perspective that most of us are missing. He is an admirer of Joyce, and a student of the Irish culture and their idiomatic use of the English language. He wrote such an interesting review that I almost kept my mouth shut for a change.

    • Susan Lynch (1, 2, 3)

    Mick also reviewed Life as a House.

    American Psycho 2 is a rip-off. They took some completely unrelated teen slasher script, added a few lame connections to American Psycho, changed the title, and issued it to video. It has no wit, no style, no interesting gore, no satire, no nudity, and it stars Bill Shatner. What else do you need to know? As I wrote in the review, it is approximately equal to adding a sled named Rosebud to 'Freddy Got Fingered" and changing the title to Citizen Kane 2.


    Hey, Scoop:

    Scoop- You fell for a hoax today.  That thing on presidential IQs is worse than pure partisan bullshit, it's just bullshit, period.  There is no such thing as the Lovenstein Institute.  Even if there were, it is impossible to judge IQ from political speeches, all of which are written by someone other than the person giving them.  The full details are probably on if you want to check it out further, but we debunked it ages ago.

    I'm not sure there is a difference between a hoax and partisan bullshit. I sure didn't fall for it. I knew it was false, and I assumed it was made up by guys trying to show that Republicans are dumb - my definition of "partisan bullshit". I didn't have to know that the institute didn't exist because I know the statistical probabilities. It simply wasn't believable bullshit. I linked to it because it was funny. Maybe I should have made that clearer.

    Having three guys at 174 or more was absurd.  You wouldn't get that from a list of the last 12 winners of the Nobel Prize in Physics, let alone from a list of politicians. I wonder if any politician in history ever had an IQ that high - even Thomas Jefferson. The IQ standard (Stanford-Binet) is normed at 100, with a standard deviation of 16. An IQ of 180 occurs in one person out of every 3 million. To put it another way, go to Houston and  find the smartest person in town - and that's a big city with a lot of universities and research labs -  that guy is likely to have a 180 IQ - just shy of Bill Clinton's alleged 182. Get real.

    Bill is obviously pretty smart. If you told me 150 - the 99.9th percentile, I might think the claim was reasonable. But he ain't Mozart. Similarly, Shaq is pretty big. If you tell me he weighs 400, I'd have to see if the institute really existed before deciding whether to believe the claim. Tell me he weighs 600 - I don't have to do any research to debunk it, because I can see it can't be true. Shaq's 600 pounds is the same as Clinton's 182 IQ, self-evidently false. If you want to bullshit me, you have to try with something which is still in the realm of possibility.

    A reasonable guess at George W. Bush's IQ could be inferred from his academic record. He made B's at Yale, and he obviously isn't the kind of guy who spent his nights buried in the books, so he has to have some smarts. If you give me a number between 110 and 130, I would believe it to be quite possible. The study's claim that his IQ was 91 - 28th percentile - is clearly not credible. If you think a guy whose intelligence is in the 28th percentile among the general population can go to Yale, be a non-stop party boy, and get B's, I have a bridge I'd like to sell you.

    Scoop- The Britney Spears PETA thing has already been denied by her long ago. She apparently doesn't like PETA because they criticized her for doing unnatural things on stage with a snake, not that I heard any complaints from the snake.  If you look closely at the CNN page you linked to, you'll see it's dated Dec. 12, 2001.

    Good point! I missed the date. I think we went through this before, and I forgot about it.

    Other crap:



    Here are the latest movie reviews available at

    • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
    • If there is a white asterisk, it means that I inexplicably determined there might be something of interest.
    • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Lawdog or Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or somebody else besides me)
    • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

    Graphic Response
    • Denise Richards, her robo-hooters, and the lesbian love scene that made her career...Great collages from "Wild Things". (1, 2)

    • Halle Berry, a brief nip slip, a tight shirt, and some very nice head shots from "Monster's Ball".

    Be sure to pay Graphic Response a visit at his website.

    Claire Keim Very lovely toplessness from the French actress (just ignore the red paint).

    Delphine Brodeur Black and white nudity in scenes from the French Canadian movie "Souvenirs intimes" aka "Memories Unlocked" (1999).

    Joan Collins
    (1, 2, 3)

    Topless in several scenes from "The Bitch" (1979).

    Penélope Cruz
    (1, 2)

    The scene is a little too dark and a little too orange but Cruz still looks pretty darn good nude in these scenes from "Volavérunt" (1999).s

    Vanessa Larré
    (1, 2)

    Lovely, natural breasts (they seem more rare everyday) in scenes from the French mini-series "Les Alsaciens - ou les deux Mathilde" (1996)

    Trek Related nudity

    Good news for the Marina Sirtis fans....There is a DVD of 'Paradise Lost' available on Region 2. I took a few quick captures, nothing that wasn't in the collage a few days ago, just a little bigger.

    The topless scene is short and blurry (as you can see) and very dark.

    By the way: After being raped and killed repeatedly early in her career and sensing fear for about a decade on Trek, Marina was almost 40 years old before she actually had a lead role in 'Paradise Lost'.


    • Marina Sirtis, serious pokies in 1,2 and 5. Topless in 6-11.
      (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)

    • Marina, brighter versions of the topless scene (quality does suffer after adjustment).
      (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)


    Today we take a quick look at "Bare Witness". Featuring Catalina Larranaga, Lauren Reina, and Angie Everhart. Sadly Angie shows the least.

    • Angie Everhart, topless (1, 2, 3)
    • Catalina Larranaga, topless and full frontal (1, 2, 3, 4)
    • Lauren Reina, breasts and a very slight hint of pubes while gettin' it on. (1, 2)

    Michelle Burke
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

    Michelle made her acting debut starring as Connie Conehead in the big screen adaptation of the SNL sketch "The Coneheads" (1993). Here she is dancing topless as well as showing off a nice thong view in scenes from "The Last Word" (1995).

    Ingibjörg Stefánsdóttir The Icelandic actress briefly bares her breasts in "The Viking Sagas".

    Paige Turco Surprise skin on "The Agency"! Paige almost gives up the goods during prime time televsion! A great find by Life32.

    Agnieszka Wlodarczyk In her undies and baring her breasts in scenes from the Polish movie "Sara".

    Virginia Gordon
    (1, 2, 3)

    The former Hef-person from January 1959 showing all 3 B's and tied up, Hankster style. Scenes from the 1968 movie "Hot Spur".

    Pat Reeder
    Pat's comments in yellow...

    Also from NY Post Page Six. The new James Bond movie may be renamed "Dyke Another Day"...

    HALLE Berry might be kissing more than Pierce Brosnan in the next James Bond movie. Insiders say Madonna's cameo in "Die Another Day" has her planting a smooch on Halle, who plays a Bond babe named Jinx. The gal-on-gal action would add some serious sizzle to the Lee Tamahori-helmed flick that might also feature nudity. But a rep for Madonna, who sings the theme song, says, "She hasn't seen the script yet. Nothing's been shot, I can assure you." PAGE SIX readers will recall that Madonna agreed to sing the number only if she was assured of a bit part in the movie.

    Insider Trading...It's A Good Thing - Thursday, Martha Stewart denied allegations of insider trading that caused her own company's stock to dip. Stewart sold her 3,928 shares of ImClone stock a day after the CEO learned the FDA wouldn't consider their application for a new cancer drug, and he was arrested for allegedly sharing that info with celebrity pals. Stewart said she knew nothing about it, and that her broker had a standing order to sell if the stock went below $60, which it did.

  • I can believe that: everyone who knows Martha Stewart has standing orders.

  • Just to be on the safe side, she's learning to make decorative yet functional rope ladders out of prison bed sheets.

  • Martha's Calendar for today reads, "Turn mulch, dip candles, call Johnnie Cochran."

    Britain Obviously Needs More Lawyers - In a poll of 5,000 readers by the British women's magazine Top Sante, 61 percent said flirting at work is good for their health and self-confidence. 80 percent said if a male co-worker or boss made a pass at them, they'd feel flattered and laugh it off.

  • Unless he were unattractive...Then they'd sue.

  • This explains why Benny Hill never got sued for sexual harassment.