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* Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe).
* White asterisk:
expanded format.
*
Blue asterisk: not mine.
No asterisk: it probably
sucks.
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OTHER CRAP:
Catch the deluxe
version of Other Crap in real time, with all the bells and whistles,
here.
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Unholy Matrimony
Unholy Matrimony (1966) is an East Coast exploitation film from a studio that
seemingly only produced two films.
A magazine editor is beaten because he is looking into a scam involving
swingers magazines and blackmail. Rather than scaring him off, it just pisses
him off, but he has the good sense to have an employee stick his neck out, along
with the employees girlfriend. They have some Polaroids taken and start
answering adds. Their first meeting is a near disaster, when the other man tries
to force sex. Our hero takes a few days off and convinces her to continue. They
quickly discover that the couples provide all the material a blackmailer needs
in the process of meeting other couples. They finally encounter someone who is
being blackmailed, and a detective finds out where the blackmailer is delivering
the money.
If you believe early sexploitation has merit, then this one should please
you, the plot and acting are far better than the norm, it is not nearly as mean
spirited as the typical East Coast film, and there is plenty of nudity given the
year.
C.
It is available on a "double feature" DVD with yesterday's offering, My Third
Wife George, so the overall package is solid for lovers of early exploitation
fare.
The film has no credits. Thankfully, the cast includes several East Coast T&A
regulars, and I was able to identify them. We have breasts and buns from Sharon
Kent as a topless model at the photographers, and Ute Erikson, as the wife of a
rich Texan who slips our reporter acid, breasts from Monica Davis as the wife of
the would be rapist, and several unknowns, including the female lead, also show
body parts.
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Notes and collages
Helen Mirren - Day 8
Savage Messiah, Part 1
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The Kovak Box
Movie House Review
El Ekipo Ja
Español
El Ekipo Ja, un grupo de gitanos cabales capitaneados por el gitano
Juan de Dios y están en posesión, sin saberlo, de un sello sagrado capaz
de hacer que se cumplan los deseos de aquel que lo posea. Y quien desea
poseerlo por encima de todo es 'La Marquesa', una extraña millonaria que
no duda en utilizar a un astuto traficante italiano de obras de arte,
perseguido por la policía y asociado con la mafia rusa, para quitarle el
sello a Juan de Dios. Es una parodia de la famosa serie "The A-team"
pero que ni de lejos tiene la misma calidad, es una película sosa,
aburrida a pesar de que está catalogada como comedia. Antes de pensar
verla, asegurate que lo más probable es que tengas mejores cosas que
hacer los 90 minutos que dura esto a lo que llaman "película."
English
The Ekipo Ja is a band of gypsies under the leadership of their big
kahuna, Juan de Dios ("John of God"). Without being aware of it, they
are in possession of a sacred seal able to grant wishes. The antagonist
of the film is "The Marquis," a rich and mysterious stranger. The plot
involves the baddie's attempts to get the seal from Juan de Dios, and
the action involves Italian art, the police, the Russian mob, and
probably even the Oprah Book Club.
In theory, this is supposed to be an homage to and parody of the famous series "The
A-team," but in reality is not able to match its source for quality or
spirit. It is just an insipid, boring film, although for reasons unknown
it is classified as a comedy. Before deciding to see it, you should
evaluate the alternatives and realize that the most likely probability is that you
can find a more enjoyable way to spend the 90 minutes it will take you
to watch this so-called "film."
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The Comedy Wire
Comments in yellow...
Celebrity bodyguard Lee Weaver has even worked for Robert Downey Jr., but he
told Britain's News of the World that Lindsay Lohan was his most dangerous and
out-of-control client of all and he couldn't take the stress of keeping her
alive until his shift ended. He said he saw her guzzling booze and snorting
"mountains" of coke, picking up dozens of strange party girls for lesbian romps,
and cutting her wrists
with knives. Weaver says he finally quit after Lohan got into a fight with her
coke dealer in the bushes and accused him of shorting her. The dealer pulled a
gun, but she just kept yelling and punching him.
Weaver managed to punch out the dealer and drag her into the car, but she kept
screaming at him to go back. He said, "It was like Pulp Fiction."
* A much lousier version of "Pulp Fiction" - one that
would star Lindsay Lohan.
* Her mother says this just shows Lindsay is a very good shopper.
FUNNIEST LINE ON PARIS! The "What Would Tyler Durden Do" website (www.WWTDD.com)
said Paris is such a retard, she'll probably stand in front of people with
multiple sclerosis and describe her vision of a world where people have only one
sclerosis.
The Pentagon confirmed to CBS that in 1994, they requested funding to
research a "gay bomb," a chemical hormone weapon that would turn enemy
combatants into ravenous homosexuals more interested in having sex with each
other than fighting, but the idea was quickly dropped.
* They could accomplish the same thing cheaper just by
beaming in the Tony Awards by satellite.
A judge awarded child custody and spousal support to actress Anne Heche's
estranged husband, Coley Laffoon. She had claimed that Laffoon was an unfit
father because he subjected their son Homer to poker games and porn, while
Laffoon claimed she was an unfit mother because she's crazy.
* She tried calling dozens of witnesses to deny she's
crazy, but their planet was too far away to get here in time.
* She probably shouldn't have filed her legal briefs in
her own made-up language.
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