Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)
I'm your temporary host for a few days while Junior parties down in
Far From Home (1989)
A meek writer and his fourteen year old daughter (Drew Barrymore)
are heading back to L.A. from their summer camping vacation when
they get stuck without gas in East Inbred, Nevada. It looks bleak,
but they are in luck. The town, although not on the interstate, not
possessing one single drop of gasoline, and not sporting a
population over 150 people, does have a tourist trailer court and a
vacancy sign! I suppose if we can accept the presence of the
overnight accommodations, we shouldn't be surprised by the vacancy!
They probably haven't rented the trailers out since the Harding
administration, but they are eternally optimistic and have several
The city slickers find that their stay in the town turns into
Deliverance Two, with the desert playing the part of the river. In
fact, it's just their luck that the town is proud to be the smallest
town in America with its own serial killer. They even have it listed
on the welcome sign: "Welcome to East Inbred, home of the largest
grain silo in a town without grain, and home to the serial murderer
who has killed the highest percentage of his town's population.
Support our veterans." Except the "s" is crossed out of "veterans."
You'd think a dedicated serial killer would move to a bigger
population center just to increase his options. Actually, now that I
think about it, maybe the guy has been murdering for decades and
East Inbred used to be a really big city. Well, however the math
works out, the fact of the matter is that Drew and her dad are
getting a little panicky being in a small town with a known serial
killer because the killer has pretty much exhausted all his other
murderin' options. And murder isn't the half of their problems!
During Drew Barrymore's short stay in East Inbred, the traumatized
city girl faces the three worst things that can happen to a human
being: rape, murder, and a long conversation with Jennifer Tilly.
Although Drew Barrymore was only 14 at the time, this was more or
less her introduction into acting in the world of grown-up roles.
She showed off her already mammoth mammaries in a wet t-shirt,
walked around in a bikini, and flirted with creepy rapin', murderin',
inbred country boys.
... pretty much like Drew's real life at the time.
... except without the booze and pills.
The film is approximately average straight-to-vid quality. It's
completely predictable and trite, but the storyline is coherent, and
the whole project is kinda barely watchable.
One of the film's more important roles is played by one of our
old favorites, Dick Miller. This guy would have to own some kind of
record if we could figure out how to define it properly. I don't
know whether he has been in more bad movies than anyone else in
history, but he certainly was in bad movies over a longer period
than almost anyone else. In 1956 Miller appeared in Gunslinger,
rated 3.5 at IMDb. Forty five years later, he appeared in Route 666,
a film rated 4.1 at IMDb.
amazing filmography ordered by IMDb rating. You'll notice that
he has also managed to appear in some major films from time to time.
He was in The Terminator, and just missed appearing in Pulp Fiction.
The famous Tarantino film is listed on Miller's filmography, but his
appearance ended up on the cutting room floor.
To be honest, John Carradine would probably own this uncoveted
longevity record if his career were fully documented. I suppose that
Carradine was in really bad films for about sixty years, but very
few of his films from the 1930s and 1940s have an IMDb score.
- Drew Barrymore (1,
- Susan Tyrrell (1,
2), who must be
the least attractive woman to appear naked frequently
- Teri Weigel.
The bad girl rogue Playmate appeared only as a disembodied chest
in a darkened trailer.
Gary Coleman named No. 1 Child Star of all time. Hey,
c'mon. He had an advantage. The rest of them only got to play
children during their actual childhood.
The Absolute Bottom 50 Fast Food Franchises
Saturday Night Live - Celebrity Jeopardy archive
Real life version of "Radio" gets in the game. Hell, on
my high school team he would have been the starting center.
"Tom Cruise says girlfriend Katie Holmes 'digs' the Church of
Pitt and Jolie kick Friday box office ass.
- The dynamic duo pulled in $18 million on Friday.
- Shark Boy and Lava Girl made a VERY respectable showing in a
tough field, finishing fifth overall - ahead of Russell Crowe's
Cinderella Man - and actually finishing second in revenues per
- The Honeymooners limped into eighth place.
The greatest movie ever made? You never heard of it.
- Dave Barry "picked" this as the Headline of the Day:
Giant Balls of 'Snot' Explain Ocean Mystery
Conan O'Brien's "actual item" of the month
Three new clips from Batman Begins
The trailer and a clip from The Three Burials of Melquiades
- Directed by Tommy Lee Jones
- "A man is shot and quickly buried in the high desert of west
Texas. The body is found and reburied in Van Horn's town
cemetery. Pete Perkins, a local ranch foreman, kidnaps a Border
Patrolman and forces him to disinter the body. With his captive
in tow and the body tied to a mule, Pete undertakes a dangerous
and quixotic journey into Mexico."
The trailer for Pain Killer
- Ex-undercover cop turned biker Rane (John Fallon), witnesses
the brutal murder of his pregnant wife Jamie (Anna Jaeger) by
his crew who have learned about his old policemen days. Shot
through the head with a crossbow and dumped into a canal, Rane
is believed to be dead... but he miraculously survives the
ordeal. Upon his exit from the hospital, he teams up with his
old crime buddy Kersey (Deke Richards), arms himself to the
teeth, and goes on a drug fueled, psychotic rampage… all in the
name of unapologetic retribution.
Charlie Kaufman's script for "Being John Malkovich"
Letterman's Top Ten Signs You've Got A Bad Summer Job
... "Interviewer asks if you know how to dispose of a body."
Other Crap archives. May also include newer material than the
since it's sorta in real time.
to submit a URL for Other Crap
are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.
- The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the
review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
- If there is a white asterisk, it means that
there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined
there might be something else of interest.
- A blue asterisk indicates the review is written
by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
- If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too
ashamed to admit it.
"A Dirty Shame"
A Dirty Shame (2004) is the latest John Waters masterpiece. The premise is that
a town is being overrun by sexual deviants. They don't start out that way, but
when something strikes them in the head giving them a concussion, they become
perverts, each with their own unique fetish, and all under the leadership of Ray
Ray (Johnny Knoxville). Tracey Ullman is the most recent convert to deviance,
and she discovers that her daughter (Selma Blair, with enormous prosthetic
breasts) has been in the group for years. There is, of course, a moral outcry
from the moral majority portion of the citizenry, who hold rallies and call
themselves the neuters.
This is a very raunchy film, with more slang terms for sex acts than I even knew
existed. Even the trees and bushes are shaped like sex organs. Absent in this
film is the gross imagery Waters is known for, which I found a big plus. IMDb
readers say 5.9. I found myself enjoying most of this. Sure, it is silly, but is
that always bad? C.
- Susan Allenbach does a lengthy full frontal in good light. (
- Selma Blair
shows off her immense prosthetic hooters at a dance club.
The Crimson Ghost
Randi Brooks in "The Man With Two Brains."
- Collages (1,
- Film clips - zipped .wmvs (1,
Shelley Duvall in "Thieves Like Us."
Caps and comments by Hankster.
Day two of the "B-Movie Babe" marathon from "Hard Ticket to Hawaii".
Today we have a little more of the lovely Hope Marie Carlton (1
... then it's on to
Cynthia Brimhall topless taking off her dress. (1,
We cap it off with several of Patty Duffek topless with a most impressive
pair of hooters (1
|Carice VanHouten (1,
|De Passievrucht is a
highly respected Dutch movie about a man who finds out he has been sterile all
his life. His wife has been dead for nine years and is therefore unable to
reveal the real father of their 13 year old, but he has to know, so he initiates
his own investigation, much to the chagrin of his current girlfriend who would
like children, but suddenly finds herself with a sterile lover obsessed with an
unchangeable past incident.
Kari Wuhrer (1,
|The B-movie legend shows off her reduced hooters in
the immortal cinema classic Hellraiser 7: Deader.
|In a rare appearance without her elves, the
long-legged wrestling babe dances in a skimpy bikini on RAW! (Zipped .wmv)
|One of the most talked-about music videos in the
past week has been Jessica Simpson's "The Boots Are Made For Walkin'". The last
forty seconds of which (captured here) shows her washing the famous Dukemobile,
aka The General Lee, while she is wearing nothing but a skimpy pink bikini.
|This is The Star's take on the bikini and the
Jessica Simpson publicity machine.
|A brief topless flash in the
Special Edition of Boogeyman.|
|A quick site note
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