"Boxing Helena"

Boxing Helena (1993) is about a talented surgeon, product of a promiscuous mother, who has an obsession for Helena (Sherilyn Fenn), an egotistical, self-serving woman who had sex with him once. The surgeon, played by Julian Sands, can't let go, even with the help of a colleague/psychologist played by Art Garfunkel. He sends her flowers and invites her to a party at his house. She shows up, makes a spectacle of herself, then obviously leaves with someone else. She makes one small mistake -- she leaves her purse. Sands lures her back to his house to get the purse. She runs, and is hit by a car. Cut to a scene of her in bed in his house with both legs amputated. She maintains her aloofness, and her control over him, despite her condition. In a further effort to control her, Sands takes both her arms as well.

Eventually, she decides that loving him is the best thing for her, and then Sands wakes up in the waiting room of the hospital where she was actually taken after the accident. This contrived ending irritated nearly everyone who reviewed the film, and I am no exception. Even if you give the film the benefit of the doubt and call it a dark comedy (I think the few laughs were unintentional), the ending is a total copout. I can't help but wonder if the twist ending wasn't caused by test audiences.

It has clear breasts and buns from Sherilyn Fenn and Nicolette Scorsese, and one breast each from Betsy Clark and Meg Register. The transfer is excellent, the art direction makes every single frame a work of art, the photography and lighting couldn't be better, and there was not a flat performance in the entire film. The only negative is the plot.

IMDB readers have it in the dung range at 3.8/10, with a sizeable number of precincts reporting. Berardinelli is a little more generous at 2 stars, saying that it will probably attain instant cult status. US gross was a mere $1.796m. The film won a Razzie for worst director. This is a low C-.

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  • Betsy Clark
  • Meg Register (1, 2, 3, 4)
  • Nicolette Scorsese (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
  • Sherilyn Fenn (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14)

    "Lucía, Lucía"

    Lucía, Lucía (2003) is a Mexican buddy movie.crime thriller starring Cecelia Roth. As the film opens, she is waiting for her husband to get out of the restroom so they can board their flight to Brazil. He never shows. She meets an elderly neighbor named Felix (Carlos Alvarez-Novoa) and a handsome kid named Adrian (Kuno Becker). The three of them try to solve the disappearance. She receives a ransom demand, and discovers that her husband has millions of pesos Stashed in a safety deposit box. Her husband, who worked for the national treasury, tells her it was part of an inheritance, but she soon finds out differently. Before the mystery is completely unraveled, it will reach high into government, and she will bed Adrian.

    Both Adrian, half her age, and Felix, an old revolutionary who fought against Franco, are in love with her, and she realizes that she is sick of her husband. However, the three are having the most exciting time of their lives trying to solve the mystery. IMDb readers have this at 6.6 of 10. Ebert awarded a luke warm 2 1/2 stars, but mentioned that the director, Antonio Serrano, has taken a rightful place among the new wave of Mexican directors. The film was a little uneven, and sometimes downright silly, but I enjoyed it very much overall. Roth shows breasts in two sex scenes. This is a C.

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  • Ceccelia Roth (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19)

  • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)

    Hot off the press celeb news!

    From the National Enquirer

    Nicole Kidman's shocking new movie "Birth" features bizarre scenes of her bathing nude while getting romantic with an underage boy (Cameron Bright)---Horrified executives are ready to pull the plug the plug on the $50 million production after viewing the near-final cut. The ultra-weird flick stars Nicole as a young widow who becomes convinced that a 10-year-old boy is the reincarnation of her dead husband, and in 2 scenes that have New Line Cinema honchos sweating bullets, she and the kid get naked in a bathtub and even kiss passionately!

    Insiders say the film's been plagued by constant creative battles and rewrites - and now angry execs are fuming to producers that the bath and kissing scenes are borderline disgusting to watch.


    • Charlie's French Cinema Nudity site is updated!

      Be sure to check out his excellent 'caps of Emmanuelle Béart looking gorgeous in "Histoire de Marie et Julien" (2003)




    Other Crap archives. May also include newer material than the ones above, since it's sorta in real time.

    Click here to submit a URL for Other Crap





    Here are the latest movie reviews available at

    • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
    • If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
    • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
    • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.


    Words from Scoop.

    .avi's from Shiloh.

    .wmv files made by Scoop from Shiloh's .avi's.



    • Talk about rare. Despite having run this site for nearly a decade, I've never seen this scene in motion before. Candice Bergen in "The End of the World on Our Usual Bed on a Night Full of Rain" (Kind of a typically long, typically arty  Lina Wertmueller title). Bergen was 32 when she made this film.(.avi) (.wmv)

    • I had not previously seen any clips of Patsy Kensit and Mimi Langeland in Shelter Island either, and now I wish I could have kept it that way. Wow, this sucks, but at least it is lesbotronic. Patsy's nudity is done by the body double. Patsy looks great for a woman who's been in movies for thirty years, but apparently not good enough for this kind of activity. Patsy now has been in ELEVEN movie rated below five at IMDb. That's pretty impressive because even Jurgen Prochnow, the man whose picture is to DVD boxes as a cow skull is to waterholes, has only been in 18 films rated below five. I'm not sure who holds this record, but John Carradine has been in 33, including sixteen rated below four!. (.avi) (.wmv)

    • A topless Catherine Oxenberg workin' the pole in Time Served. (.avi) (.wmv)


    Perhaps these tips will help if you have trouble with the codecs for these movies:

    Shiloh says:

    FYI when I hypercam vids to make the file size smaller I use DivX MPEG-4 Fast-Motion for the video compressor, then I use virtualdub to compress the audio. The properties for the vids says the video codec:  DivX Decoder Filter & audio codec:  Morgan Stream Switcher which I'm not familiar with. When I compress the audio with virtualdub I use MPEG Layer-3.  A friend of mine told me about compressing the audio about (6) mos. ago. Like I said previously, only been capping for a year & a half & I'm no expert. Hopefully this info will help members with the proper codecs for my vids.
    When I cap big brother's I use hypercam mostly & sdp & asfrecorder if the set up allows me. I stopped using camtasia cause the file sizes were always too big, could never figure out the process, over my head lol, plus it cost too much to buy in my opinion.

    A reader says:

    You mentioned that some users were having trouble with the videos on your site. There is a tool designed to determine what codec is needed for a video. Hope this is useful to you or your users.

    Scoop says:

    I made the .wmv versions of each video. The codecs for these: Windows Video V8, Windows Audio 9. The upside of these is that you know the codecs, and they'll play in the Windows Media Player. The downside is that they are slightly larger, and slightly lower quality.

    'Caps and comments by Brainscan:

    First up, a couple of items from yesterday's Funhouse.

    Tuna's caps of All for Lust include an artificially inflated babe named Julien Jackson. As you most likely know by now that actress is more commonly named Ava Lake or Mia Zottoli or just plain Mia. And next week she'll call herself Barbara Bush.

    The Ghost's caps from Best Sex Ever include a woman he identifies as Isabella Camille. Nope. It's another cross-over pornabie named Catrina James. Only reason I know is I capped Catrina in Sex Court: The Movie and Isabella in some other titty flick.

    Now on to the theme for the day.....nipslippage.

    • Bai Ling arrives, shows and reacts.

    • Katie Holmes gets close in one outfit, closer in a second outfit and finally gives us a peek. If'n she wants to keep dressing like this I have noooo problem at all with her staying clothed on-screen.

    • Jodie Marsh, dressing as though she wants to make Pam Anderson look like the model of restraint and decorum. Gal has a lot of class. most of it third. (1, 2)

    • On the extreme opposite end of the class spectrum is Mandy Moore. Not a slip, but one fine looking individual in a dress worthy of her. (1, 2)

    • Even more covered up is Eva Amurri, but she is Susan Sarandon's daughter with her mom's great big...eyes.

    'Caps and comments by PAL:


    Here are a few scenes I haven't seen 'capped before.

    Crimson Ghost
    Today from the clips of Skinemax babe Lisa Boyle baring all in several sex scenes from 1995's "I Like to Play Games".

    Nicole Kidman
    (1, 2, 3, 4)

    Not yet on DVD (due to be released on July 20). Here is Kidman topless in scenes from "The Human Stain".

    Emilia Fox
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

    The UK actress topless and full frontal in scenes from "Prendimi l'anima" aka "The Soul Keeper" (2003).

    Keira Knightley
    (1, 2, 3)

    Excellent production stills of the "Pirates of the Caribbean" star in scenes from her upcoming movie "King Arthur". Look for it on the big screen July 7th.

    Tara Carroll
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)

    Elizabeth Mcdonald
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

    Señor Skin takes a look at the sequel that really makes you think...really makes you think why did they make yet another sequel! Both ladies go topless in scenes from direct-to-video flick, "Cruel Intentions 3" (2004).