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Tuna
"The New York Ripper"

The New York Ripper, originally Lo Squartatore di New York (1982), is a Lucio Fulchi giallo, with an abnormal amount of nudity from him, and some truly chilling gore. Pretty girls in the Big Apple are being slashed, literally torn from twat to tit, and the investigating detective keeps getting calls from the killer, who quacks like a duck. His boss, played by Fulchi himself in a cameo, tells him not to be to hasty about saying there is a serial killer lose, and not to alert the press. He seeks the help of a Psychology professor in solving the case.

We have all three Bs from Alexandra Delli Colli, Daniella Doria and Zora Kerova, and breasts after being murdered from Cinzia de Ponti. The ending isn't especially satisfying, and the red herrings along the way weren't convincing, but the gore was effective. I am pretty much immune to this sort of thing, especially after the large number of splatter films I have seen, but watching the killer slicing a woman's bare chest with a razor blade, including cutting the nipple in half, had me squirming in my seat. The DVD transfer is excellent, especially for the age of the film. It is saturated, mostly noise free, and an anamorphic Widescreen transfer. This version has third rate dubbing, but the story came across, so that is the important thing, I guess. The score reminded me of The Good, the Bad and the Ugly meets I love Lucy (but without the conga drums). If you are looking for gore and nudity, and only want to see one giallo, this is a very good choice. C+.

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  • Alexandra Delli Colli (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15)
  • Cinzia De Ponti
  • Daniela Doria (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17)
  • Zora Kerova (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)

    "Footsteps"

    Footsteps (1998) formerly known as Exposé, is a totally inept suspense thriller. A newsie, Damian Chapa, is given a tip on the murder of a judge before it happens, which puts him at odds with DA Tom Schanley. Also, his ex wife (Maria Conchita Alonzo) and daughter are repeatedly threatened. He finds a new girlfriend, Karina Lombard, but thinks she may be the guilty person. He is sure it is either her or the district attorney.

    The theme of the film goes something like this. Courts take abused children away from the abusive parents, and put them in foster homes. The abusive parents are given counseling, then the courts put the children back in the home, often with disastrous results. That ends up being at the root of the crimes in this film. Lombard shows decapitated breasts and the top of her buns in a sex scene, and then breasts and buns swimming at the beach in a totally transparent white gown. IMDB readers say 3.7 of 10, and Apollo has it at 16. The DVD is 4/3, and an under-saturated and noisy transfer that also lacks contrast. Take away the theme, which is important, and there is nothing else here. D-.

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  • Karina Lombard (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)

    • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)
    Magazines:

    I ended up postponing the results of the poll, because the new Celebrity Sleuth came out today, and it kept me plenty busy, as usual. Sleuth picked his 25 sexiest women of 2002, and all of these babes made the list. (He picked Giselle as #1.)

    • Chiara Mastroainni, daughter of Marcello and Catherine Deneuve.
    • Kiera Chaplin, granddaughter of Robert Downey Jr - wait, that's not right, is it? Well, it's some little tramp or another. Her goal is to be as trampy as grandpa. Actually, she's trying to be a pop singer. (1, 2)

    • Catherine Millet is kind of the latest version of Emmanuelle. She is the editor of a famous French art magazine and a respected art critic who penned a little tell-all. And this is not your basic Hollywood tell-all story of a serial monogamist. This is a woman who enjoyed describing real or imagined gang-bangs. Her book, The Sex Life of Catherine M, is currently being evaluated as a movie property. Agents are suggesting Deneuve, Geena Davis, Sarandon, and Juliette Binoche. Hey, I don't want to see any of them naked. How about Katie Holmes? Seriously, it would probably be a pretty good property for Jennifer Connelly, but Binoche seems ideal for the role.

    • Lady Victoria Hervey is somewhere in line for the British throne, and People's choice as "#1 partyholic on the planet". She'd liven up Buckingham Palace a bit. It would be the first time the queen has said. "Oh, we ARE amused, dammit. Now, party on, dudes!". Also, I believe that no English queen has ever said "Let's get ready to limbo, Jimbo" except Good Queen Brandi in Shakespeare's long-lost "Henry IX", and that had something to do with Shakespeare's need to end scenes with a "cute little rhyme", as he himself put it with characteristic eloquence. Unfortunately, Lady Hervey is pretty far own the list of succession. I think the way it works is if the world's population is destroyed except for Victoria, Kevin Costner, and Keanu Reeves, she gets the English throne because the other two can't do the accent.

    • Norwegian-born Lillian Mueller was Playboy Playmate of the Year in 1976, and is still going strong at 50.

    • Nina Moric is the Croatian model who became famous in that video for La Vida Loca

    • I think you all know who Asia Argento is. Her tats are getting stretched out in these pictures because she is well along in pregnancy, and just as naked as ever. (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

    • Sophie Ellis Bextor is a pop singer whose "Groovejet" was the U.K.'s top selling single in 2000. (1, 2)

    • You all know who Christina Ricci is, but you may not have seen these see-throughs from the One Night at McCool's premiere in London. (1, 2)

    • Monica Bellucci is the preternaturally beautiful star of Malena, and the controversial new Irréversible, which has caused mass walk-outs in its Cannes screenings, for its graphic depiction of an extended rape sequence, and other unsavory elements. (1, 2)

    • And then there is old "I don't want to be thin" Liv Tyler, who celebrated the end of filming in Lord of the Rings by gaining 30 pounds over and above the 129 that they forced her to maintain for the role. (Liv is 5'10", so 129 is quite thin, but 159 is substantial)
    • Josie Maran is the Guess, Extase chick, California's answer to Laetitia Casta, and sleuth's pick as the #3 babe of the year. She just began her acting career in an obscure Canadian indie called The Mallory Effect. Sleuth says the black and whites are outtakes from the Extase shoot, and have never been seen before in the States. (1, 2, 3)

    Other crap:

     

     

    Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.

    • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
    • If there is a white asterisk, it means that I inexplicably determined there might be something of interest.
    • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Lawdog or Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or somebody else besides me)
    • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

    ICMS
    Scoop,

    For your viewing pleasure, I've scanned some pictures from this month's issue of the French magazine, Photo. We have six very sexy photos of Rebecca Romijn by photographer Dominique Issermann for a La Perla lingerie campaign. (Don't worry, I omitted "uncle Jessie" Stamos) Plus there's one pic of Rose McGowan mostly nude from 1999 by David Lachapelle.

    Hankster
    Scoop,

    Today's "Babe in Bondage" is the very cute Amy Lindsay in "Forbidden Sins". In reality it is a consensual scene as he cuffs her arms overhead and fondles her.

    • Amy Lindsay, topless and panties (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)

    Blackshine
    A batch of non-nudes from the master of fashion scans.

    Variety
    Patsy Kensit
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

    		Patsy and her new (and quite lovely) breasts, by Chumba. I believe these images originally ran in the March '01 Issue of Arena. Links 1-3 show the most exposure. Followed by #4.

    Rosanna Arquette Topless in a masturbation scene from the unusual film, "Too Much Flesh" (2000).

    Sarah Michelle Gellar Serious pokies and a low cut dress from the MTV movie awards. In case you had a doubt...I think this collage proves that Jack Black rocks! Thanks to DAI.

    Kerry Armstrong Nicnac puts on the miner's hat, grabs a canary, ventures deep into the Mine Shaft of Obscurity and returns weeks later with these 'caps of brief breast and bum exposure from the 1991 movie "Hunting".

    Elsa Zylberstein
    (1, 2, 3)

    		Topless and rear nudity in scenes from the French movie "Un ange" (2001), by Mr Skin.

    Vonetta McGee
    (1, 2)

    		'Caps and comments by TallPaul:

    Detroit 9000 (aka Detroit Heat), a 1973 blaxploitation flick, ran on the Black STARZ! channel Saturday night, and is showing again Friday June 21 at 1:10 AM. The film is a better-than-average representative of its genre. It starts with a well-executed caper in which a team of armed men, totally concealed in their clothing and without uttering a single word, steal the proceeds from a fundraiser for a black candidate for the governorship of Michigan.

    The rest of the film follows Hari Rhodes and Alex Rocco as a black-white pair of detectives trying to solve the crime. The real reason to watch it, though, is Vonetta McGee, who has an excellent topless scene, with better exposure than any of her other films as far as I can tell.

    Pat Reeder www.comedy-wire.com
    Pat's comments in yellow...

    CBS PLANS "YOUNG HITLER" MINISERIES

    Everybody Loves Adolf - CBS is planning a four-hour miniseries about Hitler's youth. The producer admitted being nervous about mounting a miniseries on "one of history's most heinous characters," but in this age of terrorist megalomaniacs, he feels it's all the more relevant.

    * To appeal to the young audience, Hitler will be played by James Van der Beek...And to ensure ratings, they'll work in the entire cast of "Everybody Loves Raymond."

    * It's like "Young Indiana Jones," except kids can root for the other side.

    * Besides, there hasn't been a primetime special about a heinous megalomaniac since Barbra Streisand's comeback concert.



    A bunch of stuff from IMDB News. First up, Kournikova wins the title of sexiest woman in the U.S. edition FHM, too. Now if only she could win a tennis title...

    Kournikova Turns 21 With Sexiest Woman Title
    Tennis babe Anna Kournikova had an extra special present on her 21st birthday last Friday--she was named Sexiest Woman in the World, on both sides of the Atlantic. Just two weeks after British readers of FHM magazine named the Russian their number one girl, she has been named sexiest woman by the US edition, too. The sexy sports star wasn't even in the top 10 last year when Jennifer Lopez claimed the number one spot in the coveted annual list of pin-ups and she's thrilled with the honor. Kournikova says, "It's extremely flattering, especially because it's voted for by readers. I'm very excited about it." It was also a good poll for Britney Spears, who moved up from number three to number two on the list, and Halle Berry, who rose from seven to three. Meanwhile, Tom Cruise must have been a little upset. His ex, Nicole Kidman, shot up the Top 100 list from 61 to 28, while his current girlfriend, Spanish actress Penelope Cruz, could only manage to stumble from 70 on last year's survey to 68. The top 20 girls on the U.S. FHM list are:

    1. Anna Kournikova
    2. Britney Spears
    3. Halle Berry
    4. Alyssa Milano
    5. Jennifer Lopez
    6. Jessica Alba
    7. Jennifer Love Hewitt
    8. Angelina Jolie
    9. Sarah Michelle Gellar
    10. Carmen Electra
    11. Pamela Anderson
    12. Nikki Cox
    13. Jennifer Aniston
    14. Denise Richards
    15. Tiffani Thiessen
    16. Charlize Theron
    17. Christina Aguilera
    18. Jessica Simpson
    19. Lucy Liu
    20. Ashley Judd


    Next, is it Kirsten's ass or just an amazing computer simulation? You make the call!...

    Kirsten's Computer-Enhanced Butt
    Spider-Man star Kirsten Dunst hates the effect the superhero flick had on her looks. The actress plays female lead Mary Jane in the Sam Raimi-directed blockbuster, and as the object of the webslinger's desires, Kirsten is put through some hair-raising action scenes. And while she loved the chance for an action role, the 20-year-old concedes the safety precautions required for such scenes can often be extremely unflattering. She cringes, "They put me in this big harness. It was really unflattering to the figure." Fortunately the film's editing team did its best to restore her sexy figure. Kirsten says, "They helped me out a little bit, with the CGI. It didn't really work though. I see shots where I'm like, 'Ew, I look so awful.' And I know that it's all this padding on my butt."


    And speaking of amazing computer simulations, which of these two characters is a cartoon image created by modern technology, Scooby Doo or Pam? (Ha, trick question! The answer is "Both")...

    Pam Anderson's Scooby-Doo Cameo
    Pamela Anderson has been shocking pre-release Scooby-Doo audiences with an unbilled blink-and-you'll-miss-it cameo. The busty former Baywatch babe plays the owner of Wow-O Toys, who enlists the help of crime-fighting dog Scooby-Doo and is pals to track down a spooky ghost haunting her factory. The film also features Rowan Atkinson and Sugar Ray frontman Mark McGrath alongside stars Sarah Michelle Gellar, Freddie Prinze Jr., Matthew Lillard and Linda Cardellini.

    From the Mail Bag
    Hey Scoop,

    Remember all that talk about Jennifer Tilly's notorious nude scene in the Broadway production of "The Women" last fall? Well, the play is being aired on PBS on June 18 at 9 p.m. Eastern. Don't know if Tilly's unveiling will be included, but PBS is known for not holding back on the flesh (witness Alex Kingston in "Moll Flanders" a few years ago), and the scene is an important part of the plot.

    -3finger