Thursday

Correction:

D'oh!

Yesterday's collage labeled "Maria Bello" in The Sisters actually seems to be Elizabeth Banks. I didn't catch it when I looked at the pictures. In fact, I never questioned the ID

 for a second, because it really does look like Maria on her back in that bed, but reliable sources say that it is Banks.

 

Other Crap:

Which Simpsons character is like your school?
  • Notre Dame = Mr Burns
  • Arkansas = Groundskeeper Willie
  • Tennessee = Sideshow Bob
  • Boise State = Inanimate Carbon Rod

Interesting idea: "the Nike + iPod Sport Kit"

A new baseball strategy from a fan.

  • The fan's strategy is actually illegal because of rule 3.05a. If you do not bat around in the first, then the guy listed as your starter must actually face one batter to completion.
  • But one could easily make a legal version of the strategy. Announce a middle reliever as the starting pitcher in every road game. If the 9th spot in the line-up makes it to bat in the top of the first, pinch hit for him and start the real starter in the bottom of the first. If not, let the middle reliever face the other team's lead-off guy, then pull him and bring in the real starter. That is completely legal.
  • Baseball is a very tradition-bound game and many strategies are avoided simply because they are not traditional. The entire concept of a starting pitcher could probably be redefined. A team could legally use all of its pitchers every day, with each guy facing an average of three batters. If one guy is tired or doesn't have his stuff, the manager can skip him or pull him after a few pitches. Would that work? I don't know, but I know it's legal, so somebody with nothing to lose (like the Royals) should try that and some other "outside the box" thinking. If Bill Veeck could come back to life and own the Royals today, his mind would be spinning with crazy ideas - offbeat strategies, promotions, fan involvement ... Today's baseball really needs that kind of mind.

'Idol' runner-up McPhee inks record deal

April Scott will replace Jessica Simpson in Dukes of Hazzard 2

  • It sounds pretty good. "The Sheriff finally tosses the Dukes in the slammer, where they are repeatedly sodomized by large, disease-ridden men. Hilarity ensues."

Jessica Alba Kicks Ass - Now in Video

  • Lots of material related to the MTV movie awards. Some good laughs in there!

D-backs pitcher admitted illicit juicing, and seem to have ratted out plenty of others.

Acer releases a notebook computer with a 20 inch screen

Google Talk is up and ready for testing. This looks pretty cool, but I haven't tried it out yet.

'Omen' Opens to Tuesday Record. Total ticket sales dollars end in 666!

  • "Twentieth Century Fox's marketing ploy to release The Omen on Tuesday - the superstitiously-significant '6-6-06' date - paid off. The horror picture, a remake of the 1976 thriller about a child who's the Antichrist, raked in $12,633,666 at 2,660 theaters. The Omen edged out Meet the Fockers to claim the highest Tuesday gross ever"

Step down, Aretha. Soul has a new queen. Paris Hilton's video for "Stars Are Blind"

  • What a voice! It's the second coming of Minnie Riperton!

More of Heather McCartney's so-called "porn pics."

  • Unless there are some other pictures which are much more explicit, I have to think that The Sun and I have quite different definitions of "porn." A couple of them have "censored" blocks which imply naughtier action, but the placement of those blocks almost seems like they were done by Jimmy Kimmel's writers.

Movie trivia. If you're a regular reader, you know the top star as ranked by the average quality of his movies. (John Cazale, by a wide margin!) Here's another bit of trivia to astound at happy hour. Who is the top box office star by the average gross of his/her movies.

  • You can get this if you think about it, but you have to think outside the box. It's not Tom Hanks or even Daniel "Harry Potter" Radcliffe. Think about someone who has ONLY been in mega-blockbusters. The average gross of his films is over $300 million.

Movie trivia: Who is Asia's top box office draw?

Letterman's "Top Ten Signs It May Be The Apocalypse"

Lewis Black: Black on Broadway - in its entirety

The Albino Code Movie

A clip from Nacho Libre!

An Alaskan Volcano Erupts, is first spied from space.

 

 

Movie Reviews:

Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe). White asterisk: expanded format. Blue asterisk: not mine. No asterisk: it probably sucks.

 

nos amours (1983)

This French drama introduced Sandrine Bonnaire to the world of film. As the film opens, she is a pubescent girl attending summer camp with a boyfriend whose sexual overtures she is resisting.  She does have sex with someone else one night, and discovers that sex is the only thing in her life that has ever made her happy. She loses the boyfriend, but that presents no problem since, as cute as she is, she has no difficulty finding other people to have sex with.

Her home life is another story altogether. Her father is a furrier, and the only family member she likes. Her mother is a shrew, and her older brother is dominating. When daddy gets sick of the zoo at home and leaves, she is abused by both mother and brother.

According to Bonnaire in an included interview, the film is about how she is looking for a man with the qualities of her father. I would have called it a discussion as to why life is shit. Whether in film dialogue or over wine and cigarettes, exhausting this topic seems to be one of the most popular French pastimes. The basic presumption that life is shit is never questioned, perhaps because it is simply self-evident when discussing life in France. Or perhaps not. We outsiders are not privileged to know for sure.

The film has met with some acclaim. Bonnaire won a Cesar for "most promising actress," and the film won the "best film" Cesar as well. IMDb readers score it a very solid 7.5. One of the comments at IMDb points out that if you understand the French mindset, you will enjoy the film, but if you don't, it will be a tough watch. Put me in the group of people who don't understand the French mindset.

This is a C, a solid favorite with genre fans.

Sandrine Bonnaire shows breasts and buns in more than one scene, although the film is anything but a nudity fest.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Brainscan's comments for the day actually represent some e-mail dialogue between us as well as his reflections on the material he presented. You can certainly feel free to add to the discussion if you care to.

Brainscan:  The last of the clips and caps from Electric Blue: Sex Model File #2.  The babes o' the day are Debbie Jay, Emma Nixon, Kathryn Shannon (who is billed as Cathy Shannon) and Minnie Champ.  These gals were active earlier in the history of British nekkidness than the two previously offered; and Electric Blue was caught up in being artsy-fartsy, so there's a lot of smoke and diffusion and camera movement, which all boils down to fewer images worth playing with.  Kathryn, Emma and Minnie were very active at one time.  Minnie would go on to be a Penthouse Pet and would do the usual 6 months of porn work that seems to be required of all such women.  Not too surprising, then, that her little segment of this disk includes a stint with our friend, the gynocam.  And that, gentlemen, is all I know about any of 'em. 

On an unrelated note, you and I have talked about the charge one gets in finding a scene previously hidden of a gal known to one and all.  One of the reasons I still look at old videotapes is the hope that somehow an A-list babe did a couple of 5-minute scenes starkers, well-lighted and crystal clear.  The equivalent would be finding Killing Me Softly after it had been sitting there unknown to anyone but lil Miss Heather and Obi Wan.  But, I ask myself, who would it be in the best of all possible worlds?  So, Scoop, if you had the choice of an A-list beauty in a previously undiscovered Killing Me Softly kind of role, who would you choose?  Just curious. 

Scoop: I suppose Annette Funicello would be #1. It seems to me that Annette Funicello in a forgotten Radley Metzger film would be the Holy Grail of celebrity nudity, certainly #1 among baby boomers. My own #2 choice is more personal than universal: Ingrid Bergman. #3 was never an A-lister, per se, but I think most guys my age would love to see such a film starring Diana Rigg. The old dreams die hard.

Other A-listers:

  • Raquel Welch, of course

  • Ann-Margret, of course

  • Liz Taylor (pre-Snickers, circa A Place in the Sun)

  • Rita Hayworth

  • Jackie Bisset

  • Winona Ryder

  • Sandra Bullock (A totally uncut xxx-rated version of A Fire on the Amazon? That's hot!)

  • Farrah Fawcett

  • Michelle Pfeiffer

Lesser stars:

  • Kathryn Harrold

  • Kelly LeBrock

  • Heather Thomas

  • Rene Russo (maybe)

I suppose I am forgetting several.

Your choices?

Brainscan:  Michelle Pfeiffer is near the top of the list.  A camera that followed her around in that Jeff Goldblum movie and caught every square inch of the gal.  Nirvana.  But I like your call with Diana Rigg.  I have seen The Avengers and can appreciate why guys born in the 50's absolutely love her.  The top?  Well, I am thinking TV or movies of the 60's and early 70's when women did not get nekkid all that often.  Victoria Principal in someting other than Naked Ape, for example.  Jill St. John would be nice.  Linda Evans in moving pictures to complement what the Bunnymag gave us.  Racquel is a no-brainer ... but try this one on for size ... Barbara Eden.  Ah, Jeanie ... what a terrific body.  How I wish there was a Dark Brothers feature with her in it, laying about forgotten on some video store shelf.  And Dawn Wells.

Again, unrelated in the extreme, having to do with capping:  1) you did a kick-ass job of comparing Jim Wynorski and Fred Olin Ray a week or so ago.  You know Wynorski pisses me off because he gets worse, not better, with time.  Of the more than 100 movies those two have made, more than half can be found in the Funhouse archives.  The amount of attention paid to their combined work by you and Tuna and some of us lesser lights far outstrips the effort spent in all of academia on Hitchcock or Eisenstein; 2) Jennifer Rubin is the kiss of death when it comes to movie quality but there is something about her and the DP's of her films because that gal's roles have been capped almost 100 times.  The movies may stink and they may be seen by only 15 people, but all of them will cap her nude scenes.  Which brings me to The Gimp's latest news ... 23,000 performances in the database.  Times capped per performance averages (median) 3, for a total ouput of something close to 70,000 separate capping events.  Imagine the time and loving effort that has gone into it all. 

Scoop: Barbara Eden is a good call.

The fact that Wynorski has gotten worse doesn't surprise me. You have pointed out before that Jesus Franco also seemed to get worse and worse. I don't think this phenomenon is restricted to bad directors. Great filmmaking is something generally done by fairly young men for young audiences. Most great directors make their signature films while in their 30s, and it is rare for a director to bloom in his 50s.

  • Ingmar Bergman's top eight films were all made before he was 55, and he hasn't added one to the top group in the past 34 years. His signature film, the Seventh Seal, was made when he was in his 30s.

  • Tarkovsky was dead before he reached 55, but his last two films were his worst.  His masterpiece, Andrei Rublev, was made when he was in his 30s.

  • Kurosawa's first masterwork, Roshomon, was made when he was in his 30s. His other most memorable film, The Seven Samurai, was made when the master was about 43.

  • Kubrick made his top five films while aged 29-52. His masterwork, Dr Strangelove, was made when he was in his 30s.

  • Coppola directed the two Godfather films and Apocalypse Now when he was in his 30s.

  • Peter Jackson started the Lord of the Rings movies when he was in his 30s, but the project went on so long that the last one was released when Jackson was 42.

  • George Lucas did Star Wars when he was in his 30s.

  • Orson Welles did Citizen Kane when he was 26. We tend to think that he made Touch of Evil late in his life, but this is not so. It only seems to be true because Welles started so young and had already been around so long. Touch of Evil was made when Welles was only 42 or 43!

I can name only one filmmaker who suddenly blossomed into a full-fledged certified genius when he was in his fifties, and that would be Sergio Leone, who directed Once Upon a Time in America after a decade of total indolence. But the judgment of history does not agree with me on this point. IMDb rates his two great Spaghetti Westerns higher - and those were made ... sho' nuff ... when he was in his thirties.

You mentioned Hitchcock earlier. He was the exception. He was the one guy who just seemed to get better and better as he aged. He made Psycho when he was 61 and The Birds when he was 64, and he actually made his very best movies (North by Northwest, Vertigo, Rear Window, and others) when he was in his fifties. But he was certainly no late bloomer. He made great movies throughout his life.

Brainscan: You know, I think it is getting close to seven years since I sent in my first offering ... at least I think it was the fall of '99.  And if I recall all this correctly, Tuna, Oz and I all came on board within a few months of one another.  Tempus fucking fugit!
 


Back to Brainscan's contributions:

Debbie Jay - two ,avis zipped together.
Debbie Jay captures:

Emma Nixon - two ,avis zipped together.
Emma Nixon captures:

Kathryn Shannon - two ,avis zipped together.
Kathryn Shannon captures:

Minnie Champ  - four ,avis zipped together. 
Minnie Champ captures:

 

 

 

 

 

 


The "Hankster" leaves movie reviews to Tuna & Scoop, but let me tell you that "Date Movie" is just an absolutely horrible flick as it tries to be a rip-off of "Meet the Fockers." Nothing can save it, not even this "Babes in Bondage" spoof scene of Carmen Electra as a "King Kong Damsel in Distress." Carmen doesn't even lose her bra.

(Scoop's note: You'll get no argument from me, Hank. I couldn't even watch that mofo all the way through, and I love genre spoofs. It is just about completely unfunny. The writers seemed to think that mentioning or referencing another movie was tantamount to satirizing it.)

"Trespassers" on the other hand while not a great movie at least gives us a lovely topless Joleigh Fioreavanti.

 

 

 

 

Kyra Sedgwick in Cavedweller. Talk about late bloomers. She made it until about age 40 without doing any nudity, and now she gets naked in every film, following the Laura Linney career plan.

Claudette Colbert in 1932. One of the first major stars to do some nudity in a talkie - and one of the last until the mid sixties. The film is The Sign of the Cross.

The movie is Hard Pill. Haven't seen it.

"A despondent gay man throws his life and relationships into turmoil when he volunteers for a controversial pharmaceutical study for a drug designed to make gay men straight."

The first actress is Maura Dominguez
 

Also from Hard Pill: Jennifer Elise Cox

 

Pat's comments in yellow...



According to a new book called "The Human Voice," women's voices are getting deeper.  A study of women in Australia found that between 1945 and 1993, the average pitch of their voices dropped 23 hertz.  Some studies claim it's possible to make all sorts of conclusions about people based on their voices.  Since high-pitched voices are considered socially-inferior in the West, women may be purposely or subconsciously lowering their voices to be taken more seriously.


*  During the 1970s, the average male voice pitch went up 63 hertz, but that
was mostly due to the Bee Gees.



A woman was arrested in Oklahoma City after police spotted her two children left alone in a club's parking lot.  They told the cops their parents were inside the bar.  Police say they found the kids' mom dancing naked on a table.  They arrested her and released the kids to the custody of their father on the scene.

*  Their father must be really responsible, if he was right there on the
scene.