"The Pleasures of a Woman"

The Pleasures of a Woman (2002) is a Surrender Cinema remake of the original Nick Phillips film, and packaged on the same DVD. It features Julian Wells as the aunt, Darian Caine as the niece, and SynDeVil as a random third woman. The film starts in a cemetery, but that is where the similarity to the original ends. In this version, Darian is the sexual aggressor, the drug use is underplayed to the point that I would not have known what the pills were had I not seen the original, there was no heterosexual scene, and the third woman comes over which turns into a threesome.

We see Caine's bush, but the other two women show only breasts and buns. The sound track sounds like a canned rhythm preset from a $50.00 Casio keyboard. There was no effort to dress the set, and the lighting was a single white light with sunlight for fill lighting. It is, however, in focus and properly exposed. This minimal technical competence is the only thing that keeps this from being an F. The proper score is D-.

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  • Darian Caine (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
  • Group (1, 2, 3, 4)
  • Julian Wells (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
  • Syn DeVil (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)


    Besieged (1998) is a collaboration between Bernardo Bertolucci and his wife, Clare Peploe. It is essentially a love story. Thandie Newton is seen in Africa, riding a bicycle. A teacher is arrested before her eyes, and, as the solders haul him away, she pees in fear. She then awakes screaming in Italy, where she has moved, and is studying medicine. She lives in a Villa owed by a reclusive piano virtuoso, and cleans in exchange for some or all of her rent.

    The pianist, using a dumb waiter that connects their sections of the house, starts giving her gifts. When he gives her an expensive ring, she goes upstairs to return it, and he professes his love. He offers to marry her, and says he will do anything for her. She answers, "Get my husband out of prison." This sets the real story in motion, and is the first time we know who the teacher in the opening scene was.

    Thandie shows breasts near the end of the film. IMDb readers have this at 6.5 of 10. Ebert savaged it and awarded 1 star. Berardinelli was more favorable with 2 1/2 stars. The critics were split about 50/50. Put me on the plus side, for several reasons. There is some exploration of cultural differences, which has always interested me. Music is used very effectively, both classical and African. The cinematography is wonderful. Thandie gave her usual great performance, and David Thewlis as the pianist developed the character well. This is a C. Some, like me, really enjoy it, others are not drawn in to the story. Officially, it is chick flick territory, granny variety.

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  • Thandie Newton (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13)

  • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)

    National Lampoon's Dorm Daze (2003)

    Language changes over time. One hundred years ago, the sentence "I am anxious" pretty much always meant "I am filled with anxiety". In common modern usage, it can still mean that, but people use it most often to mean "I am eager". For those of you not versed in Ye Olde Englifh, the term "National Lampoon's" used to mean "satirical and edgy" back around Shakespeare's time, but over the years the meaning has changed to "sucky".

    It's hard to believe that the epithet once used to describe Animal House and Vacation now precedes terms like "dorm daze".

    This is basically an old-fashioned 90 minute sitcom, very similar to an old episode of I Love Lucy, except with a more modern sensibility about sex and nudity. If your idea of great entertainment is Three's Company, this film is perfect for you.

    • Two women named Monique are coming to the dorm. One is a hooker, one is a French exchange student. Needless to say, various people in the dorms hear about their arrivals, and get them confused. As an example of the brilliant wit, one of the students buys a large French sausage for the exchange student. He asks the wrong Monique if she would like to eat his sausage, and she's more than willing to oblige. She does want to get paid, of course, and the guy is flabbergasted, since he didn't realize that it is customary to pay French people to eat.

    • There are two identical purses. One belongs to some evildoer and is filled with illegal money. One belongs to a freshman. I guess I don't need to explain how this one works out.

    • Two students are in a play. They rehearse in a room together. Some other students overhear from the other side of the door, and think it is real. (I think Lucy must have done this one.)

    • Several students can't tell someone else how they feel. They all decide to write love notes. The notes all get swapped around. The wrong people read them, and think the wrong people wrote them. People assume straight people are gay, and vice-versa.

    • People come in and out of dorm room doors constantly, just missing people they are looking for, or people that are looking for them.

    It's basically plays out like a French or English mistaken identity farce from the 17th or early 18th century, relocated to a college dorm at Christmas break 2003. It's a low budget production, and there is basically one set - a corridor and the rooms off that corridor. Sometimes the action moves up or down a floor, but it still looks like the same basic set. In addition to being so contrived and so low in production values, it's cheesy, it's totally predictable, and the jokes are weak. The failure of the humor is not offset by sympathetic characters or situations. The characters are not very interesting, the actors do not bring them to life, and their predicaments are not involving.

    I usually get a kick out of this kind of sophomoric student-oriented film, so I had some tolerance for its flaws, but even I was only hanging in there because I was hoping it would get better, and it never did. Despite my enjoyment of the genre, I was wishing I hadn't wasted my time on it. I think most of you would find it just about unwatchable.

    • Katie Lohmann. Without her, the film was virtually nudity-free. It needed spicing up, so Katie's ex-bunnymate breasts, were cobbled into a completely irrelevant dream sequence.

    • Boti Bliss. That is really Boti in the see-through bra, but she did not provide the bare breast close-up. Another website reported that she had a strict anti-nudity clause in her contract, so the faceless bare breasts must belong to someone else.

    • Some body double chick.


    In America (2003)



    Hey, Scoopy.

    Do you know why Audie England stopped acting, or what she is doing now?

    Not exactly. I once heard that she wants to be a cinematographer.  There are not a lot of women in that job. In fact, I can't name a single one! That must make it hard for her to break in, I guess. She has been working as a professional still photographer, and www.AEFoto.com is her website.
    You can probably ask her about her photography yourself, if you care to. Her contacts are -  audie@aefoto.com   (323) 851-6488. Make sure you are really interested in photographic services, because that is the contact info for her photography studio.
    I have read that she's back working as an actress again. She was persuaded to return for the sequel to Free Enterprise, the amusing Star Trek Geek movie she made a few years back, but I don't know whether she will act any more after that. I think the film is called something like: "Free Enterprise 2: My Big Fat Geek Wedding". Funny title!




    Other Crap archives. May also include newer material than the ones above, since it's sorta in real time.

    Click here to submit a URL for Other Crap





    Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.

    • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
    • If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
    • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
    • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.


    Words from Scoop.

    .avi's from Shiloh.

    .wmv files made by Scoop from Shiloh's .avi's.


    Le Secret

    Excellent nudity from Anne Coesens in this French film which co-stars The Candyman!



    • Kathleen Turner in what seems to be her forgotten movie, A Breed Apart (.avi) (.wmv)

    • Hunter Tylo in The Initiation (.avi) (.wmv)

    • Cec Verrell in Runaway  (.avi) (.wmv)


    Perhaps these tips will help if you have trouble with the codecs for these movies:

    Shiloh says:

    FYI when I hypercam vids to make the file size smaller I use DivX MPEG-4 Fast-Motion for the video compressor, then I use virtualdub to compress the audio. The properties for the vids says the video codec:  DivX Decoder Filter & audio codec:  Morgan Stream Switcher which I'm not familiar with. When I compress the audio with virtualdub I use MPEG Layer-3.  A friend of mine told me about compressing the audio about (6) mos. ago. Like I said previously, only been capping for a year & a half & I'm no expert. Hopefully this info will help members with the proper codecs for my vids.
    When I cap big brother's I use hypercam mostly & sdp & asfrecorder if the set up allows me. I stopped using camtasia cause the file sizes were always too big, could never figure out the process, over my head lol, plus it cost too much to buy in my opinion.

    A reader says:

    You mentioned that some users were having trouble with the videos on your site. There is a tool designed to determine what codec is needed for a video. http://www.headbands.com/gspot/ Hope this is useful to you or your users.

    Scoop says:

    I made the .wmv versions of each video. The codecs for these: Windows Video V8, Windows Audio 9. The upside of these is that you know the codecs, and they'll play in the Windows Media Player. The downside is that they are slightly larger, and slightly lower quality.

    Graphic Response
    • Charlize Theron, topless in scenes from her Oscar winning performance in "Monster"

    Be sure to pay Graphic Response a visit at his website. www.graphic-barry.com.

    Even more .avis of the super-gorgeous Amber Smith! (divx clips)

    Here's the breakdown:

    Link 1...See thru rear view as Amber changes bikini bottoms
    Link 2...topless as she changes bikini tops
    Links 3 and 4...Amber doing a photo shoot. Plenty of partial great breast views plus the occasional nip slip as she adjusts her self for the next pose.
    Link 5...From later in the same photo shoot. Partial rear views this time around.
    Links 6-10...Behind the scenes footage with Amber in a very see-thru thingie. In #9 she has a little fun while flashing for us and playing with her nipples.

    A few odds n' ends.

    Crimson Ghost
    Today we have part two of the Ghost's look at the Skinemax flick "Desire and Deception" (2001).

    • Kelli McCarty, the former Miss USA (1991) shows all 3 B's in a couple of pseudo sex scenes, as well as a flying solo scene.
      (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13)

    • Kelli McCarty .wmvs. Links 5-7 are clips of the solo scene. (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)

    • Kelli McCarty and Holly Sampson bare all while sharing some dude, as well as each other in a 3-way scene.
      (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

    • Kelli McCarty and Holly Sampson .wmvs (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

    Kari Wuhrer The B-movie favorite shows off her no-longer implanted chest in scenes from "King of the Ants". Due out on DVD June 29th!

    Marisa Miller
    (1, 2, 3, 4)

    Cleavage, bikinis, see-thrus and even a genuine nipple sighting in 'caps form the "Sports Illustrated Swimsuit 2004" DVD.

    Kelly Lynch
    (1, 2, 3, 4)

    Señor Skin 'caps of Lynch showing brief breast and bum views in scenes from "Cold Around the Heart" (1998).

    Pat Reeder www.comedy-wire.com
    Pat's comments in yellow...

    The News Is In Summer Reruns - Us Weekly reports that Jennifer Lopez married Latin pop singer Marc Anthony in a hush-hush ceremony Friday in Los Angeles. Guests were told it was just a party, but it turned out to be a surprise wedding to thwart the tabloids. It's J-Lo's third marriage, coming just five months after she and Ben Affleck broke their engagement. It also came just five days after Anthony got a quickie divorce from his wife.

  • See! They have so much in common!
  • When J-Lo is single, you have to move fast to marry her because she might not be available again for weeks.
  • She just wanted to wear her wedding gown before it went out of style.
  • EVERY time J-Lo throws a party, it's a wedding.
  • They wrote their own vows because they couldn't swear to "forsake all others, till death do us part" without laughing.
  • Here's a link to a funny commentary on the latest J-Lo wedding.

    D'oh-eth! -In a poll sponsored by Disney On Ice, Marge and Homer Simpson were named the Greatest Fictional Couple of All Time. At #2 were Romeo & Juliet, who've lasted 409 years, through 30 movies and TV shows and endless stage productions, but couldn't beat Homer and Marge. At #3 were Mickey and Minnie Mouse, followed by Heathcliff and Cathy from "Wuthering Heights," Monica and Chandler of "Friends," Danny and Sandy from "Grease," Rhett and Scarlett from "Gone With The Wind," and at #8, Mr. and Mrs. Potato Head.

  • Sounds like a lot of potato heads took part in this poll.
  • Disney couldn't decide whether to do "The Simpsons On Ice" or "Romeo And Juliet On Ice," and now they know.
  • To Marge, her marriage to Homer only FEELS like it's lasted 409 years.

    A Singer Who Wants To Be A Comedian - R&B singer Eric Benet, who is being divorced by Halle Berry because she says he's a sex addict who cheated with countless women, asked a judge to throw out their prenuptial agreement and award him alimony payments.

  • He's got a LOT of mistresses to support.
  • It's medically necessary: without money, he can't get a lot of women to sleep with him.
  • The judge promised to rule on it by September, when he'll have stopped laughing.

    You Know, He's Better Off - A British tabloid claims Cameron Diaz has broken up with Justin Timberlake. She reportedly felt he didn't appreciate how important her career is to her and that she wasn't taken seriously in Hollywood because she was dating a pop star.

  • And NOT because she made "Charlie's Angels 2: Full Throttle."
  • Justin needs someone who can make a commitment...Luckily, J-Lo should be available within a few months.