More Salma Hayek...


Other Crap:

Since Cindy Margolis has recently agreed to pose for Playboy at 40, here she is at half that age!

"According to the Wall Street Journal, Google will release a Web-based spreadsheet application Tuesday."

PCWorld.com - The 100 Best Tech Products of the Past Year

The trailer from The Night Listener

  • Many people have compared this story to the JT Leroy hoax
  • "'The Night Listener' tackles the narrative of Armistead Maupin's most haunting page-turner, in which popular public radio storyteller Gabriel Noone (Robin Williams) develops an intense phone relationship with a young listener named Pete (Rory Culkin) and the social worker who rescued him from a life of abuse (Toni Collette). But Gabriel soon comes to the startling realization that it is quite possible that neither the boy nor his painful account of his childhood really exist."

The trailers from the remake of All The King's Men, starring Jude Law, Kate Winslet, Spicoli and Dr. Lecter.

Ten short clips and a six minute clip from The Omen

The trailer from Accepted

  • This is a "slobs vs snobs" comedy with a funny premise. High school slacker (Justin Long) is rejected by every college, so he forms his own university with the aid of a subversive uncle (Lewis Black).

The Media: "There is ALWAYS a 'recent surge in violence.' in Iraq"

  • True enough. Violent surges are to Iraq as drunk driving is to the Kennedy family

Colbert's complete Commencement Address at Knox College

  • Reports say that it was well-received by both graduates.

The commencement speech from the graduation ceremony of the University of Phoienix online

It was all so simple ... Donuts prevent and cure cancer

DC Comics Unveils New "Retarded" Superhero

This week's movies (700 screens): A Prairie Home Companion - 81% positive reviews. The latest offering for the NPR crowd was directed by octogenarian Robert Altman.

This week's movies (one gazillion screens): Cars - 82% positive reviews. (Even the two critics who didn't like it heaped praise on various elements of the film.)

This week's movies (2600 theaters): The Omen - 47% positive reviews.

  • This one is using a gimmicky Tuesday opening because the date is 06-06-06, which if memory serves, is the mark of the zorro. The word "zorro," of course, is Spanish for "porn moustache"

Lady McCartney's lawyers offer bullshit denial

  • The lawyers said the photos, which appeared in the Sun, and which showed Lady McCartney in various poses with an unidentified male model, were taken for a "lover's guide to caring relationships and instructive sex in the same way as are many other books on the market."
  • The Sun Responded
    1. "The Sun was only able to publish a few images of the 172 printed in 'Die Freuden der Liebe' due to the obscene and pornographic nature of the photographs."
    2. "Far from being an instruction manual, the book contains not a word of text."

2006 MTV Movie Awards Mega Pictures Post

The Old Negro Space Program ... the shocking but false saga of America's blackstronauts

The second rule of Fight Club: forget that first rule and chat about it all you like. You may even want to call Morley Safer and tell him about it.

Cameron Diaz, Kate Winslet, Jack Black, and Jude Law in the trailer for 'The Holiday.'", a rom-com with a Christmas theme.

  • Jack Black?

Watch Scarlett Johansson and Wolverine in the trailer for Woody Allen's 'Scoop.'

  • The film also features Al Swearingen and the Woodman himself, but ol' Al is disappointingly tame in the trailer and doesn't call anybody a cunt or a cocksucker.

It seems that rumors of Patrick McDermott's death have been greatly exaggerated.

  • McDermott, the significant other of Olivia Newton-John, was thought to have fallen overboard on a fishing trip approximately one year ago. He seems to have washed up in Mexico's Baja Peninsula.
  • There have always been rumors that he faked his death to avoid a mountain of debts and some criminal charges involving unpaid child support.

"Deadwood" Gets New Life

  • The series will not have a fourth season, but will wrap up with two two-hour movies.
  • The budget for the series is about $5 million per episode, so those two extra movies will not be cheap.

Britney Spears has signed preliminary divorce papers, according to British reports.

Hugh Jackman and Halle Barry go on British TV to promote ... Halle's breasts

Playboy picks The 25 Sexiest Novels Ever Written

The conceptual design work for X-Men 3

Remember the ABA: Uniform and Warmup Galleries

MovieJuice! reviews X-Men: The Last Stand - Hail and Halle


  • Let me say in their defense that their daughter is named "Mattea"

Did anyone in the Americas make a record of the supernova of 1006?

Colorado Rockies to draft Desperate Housewife?

"CHERTOFF CUTS ANTI-TERROR FUNDING; ASKS OSAMA TO CUT TERROR FUNDING" ... Homeland Security Boss Makes Pitch to Budget-Conscious Bin Laden"

"PENTAGON CALLS "OPERATION INSTANT EXONERATION" A SUCCESS ... Military Probe of Iraqi Raid Sets New World Speed Record

  • "We have worked hard to make our military probes faster, lighter, and more cursory than ever before."

The Break-up, as reviewed by the Chosen One, aka The Filthy Critic

  • "It's the kind of toilet paper that Hollywood specializes in; shitty but disposable, dissolving in the sewers of our minds and then forgotten before heading back to the shit-processing plant of Hollywood where it will be retrieved and recycled into more toilet paper."

Prepare to waste a good portion of your day: Criticker - a personal film review engine.

  • You score some key films, and it gives you a list of critics with similar tastes. If you register, it also allows you to see users with similar tastes.
  • In theory, this should give you a good idea of whether you will like films which you have not seen




Movie Reviews:

Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe). White asterisk: expanded format. Blue asterisk: not mine. No asterisk: it probably sucks.


Lurking in Suburbia (2006)

Trasgredire (2000) is a Tinto Brass excuse to show close-ups of women's bare asses, and other body parts as well. The Italian title is actually a dual one. Look at any of the images below, and you will see that it is both Trasgredire, which means transgress, and Tradire, which means to betray. They have translated this to Cheeky! for English audiences, as nothing in English would be suitable to convey the double meaning. They have released two versions, "unrated English version" and "unrated uncensored Italian version." I didn't watch the English one frame by frame, but I checked several spots for vaginal penetration and erect penises, and I think the two versions have identical contents. The running times are identical. I could find only two differences. In the English version, the spoken language is 100% English. In the Italian version, the spoken language is mostly Italian, but since the film takes place in England, there is substantial English as well. The other difference is not within the film but on the keeper case cover. On the Italian version the Italian name of the film is misspelled!

Yuliya Mayarchuk plays a Venetian living in London. She needs a bigger flat because her boyfriend is coming from Venice for an extended visit. At any rate, Yuliya runs into lesbian rental agent Francesca Nunzi, who is impressed enough to give her a flat on the Themes rent-free. She also gives her more than a little attention. The boyfriend is not very happy about the news that Yuliya is the object of lust for a lesbian, but when he goes to her house to pick up a couple of items and finds old love letters and a naked photo of her, he becomes insanely jealous. Fortunately, he comes to his senses, but not before Yuliya has several more experiences.

Here is an important travel tip from Tinto: according to him, the women of Venice are the biggest cheaters in the world. Unfortunately, you have to see their asses to determine whether they are cheating. You see, Tinto believes that the modern woman is sexually free, and that women are expert at lying with their faces, but that their asses always tell the truth. Based on the above, I guess we could say that he created this butt-fest in pursuit of the truth.

Guess how he cast his lead actress, Yuliya Mayarchuk.

She was working in a pizza parlor. He liked her ass and she got the part.

Are you surprised?

As it turns out, his ass theory was valid. Yuliya turned out to be a solid actress/comedienne who has gone on to steady work on TV and the big screen since this appearance.

If you like sex farces, give this one a try. This was made long after the heyday of this genre, but that's a plus because the production values here are far superior to what one sees in the vintage sex farces, especially the Italian ones. There is copious female nudity, including gynocam shots, and there are moments of solid humor sprinkled throughout the film. Co-star Francesca Nunzi is especially hilarious in her single-minded horniness.  By our yardstick, this is a solid C, a good genre flick.

IMDb readers say 5.2.


The film is nearly constant graphic nudity from Yuliya Mayarchuk.

We also have full frontal and rear from Francesca Nunzi

... and several unidentified actresses.








Here's what I think is one of the all time great nude scenes.

Sherilyn Fenn in "Two Moon Junction."

Sherilyn leaves nothing to the imagination in the scene where she drops her dress.

(Scoop's note: I agree with Hank. The movie is nothing special, a Zalman King film that somehow rose above the Skinemax level and got a theatrical run, only to get savaged by the critics! Fenn's disrobing, on the other hand, is one of the Top 25 nude scenes of all time, maybe even better than that. My review here. )





Frances Raines ... remember her from Breeders? She's the niece of Claude Raines, he who was shocked, shocked to find gambling going on in Rick's place. This is another of her imperishable cinema classics, Bad Girls' Dormitory. I like the idea of putting all the bad girls in the same dorm. It really makes them easier to find, and it keeps us guys from wasting any time in the good girls' dorm.

Jessica Alba in Paranoid, a film made before she was a household name.


Pat's comments in yellow...

According to an annual test by GMAC Insurance, Rhode Island has the stupidest drivers for the second year in a row, while Oregon has the smartest. The test found that one in 11 licensed drivers would fail a driver's test if they had to take it now. The Northeast had the worst-informed drivers, with Washington, DC, New York, New Jersey and Massachusetts all at the bottom.  One in three drivers said they usually don't stop for pedestrians in crosswalks, and one out of five didn't even know pedestrians have the right of way. 

*  Well, everywhere except New York...

*  In New Jersey, pedestrians are known as "people who are lookin' to get whacked." 

*  Five out of five Americans think a yellow traffic light means "Floor it!!" 

*  In fairness, the average driving test score for Washington, DC, was brought way down by Patrick and Ted Kennedy.

Paris Hilton announced that she's decided never to get plastic surgery.  She said she once wanted a boob job, but her dad told her it would cheapen her image.  So she's now decided not to get any plastic surgery because "I don't need it" and "it's gross" and she doesn't want to be accused of looking fake. 

*  Being fake is fine, but looking fake is gross.

*  And that's why Paris Hilton would never do anything to cheapen her

There's a new twist to the divorce of Sir Paul and Lady Heather McCartney:  London's Sun tabloid claims that in her modeling days, she posed for a book of porn shots in Germany.  The paper ran some of the less graphic photos, but they said the book shows her nude, semi-nude and in bondage gear with whips, handcuffs and edible panties.  She is shown performing a sex act on a nude male porn star who then uses a sex toy on her; and smearing herself and the man with whipped cream and baby oil. Paul had previously defended Heather, claiming that rumors of her "colorful past" were all slurs by jealous fans and mean paparazzi.

*  And oily German porn stars...

*  The divorce may be rough, but at least the honeymoon must've been interesting.

*  This certainly puts a new spin on the song, "My Love Does It Good."

Archaeologists say that a crude drawing of a face discovered on a cave
wall in western France is the oldest known portrait of a human

* Unless you count Joan Rivers' baby photos.


Jennifer Aniston finally has some good news: despite lousy reviews, her
movie "The Break-Up" was #1 over the weekend with $38 million, ending a
string of flops that threatened to kill her movie career

* The bad news: now, more real-life couples will be making movies together, and that road leads back to "Gigli."