Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)
Junior is on holiday, so I am your acting compere for a couple of
9 Songs (1980)
At last, the end of this thing. This one is a long clip and not
really worth it, in my opinion, but for you completists here is the
original .avi and my .wmv conversion ...
Ruby Cairo is an international thriller shot on location in
Athens, Cairo, Veracruz, and Berlin. Laszlo Kovacs (Ghostbusters,
New York New York) did the cinematography. The stars are Viggo Mortensen, and Liam Neeson.
Sounds pretty darned good, doesn't it?
It isn't. In fact, it's hard to imagine how it could be any
worse, given all those attractive elements listed above.
Bessie Faro (Andie MacDowell) learned that her reckless but handsome
devil-may-care husband (Viggo) had died in a fiery crash. She was
dismayed to find out that she was not only a widow, but a poor
widow, with a stack of bills to pay. She thought that her husband
had some money, but didn't know where it could be stashed. She flew
to Veracruz, where she found a tiny package of baseball cards hidden
in her husband's ramshackle workshop. By piecing together some
cryptic notations on the cards, she was able to determine which
banks held her husband's secret stash, as well as the account
numbers, and the false names associated with each account.
She then proceeded tediously from bank to bank to bank, getting
big stacks of money from each one until she reached Berlin, where
she found that someone had withdrawn the money just before she
arrived. Given the fact that nobody else had access to the baseball
cards, she knew that the person withdrawing the money must have been
her not-quite-dead husband.
Although her peregrinations from bank to bank were tedious, the
plot was sort of interesting up until that point. From then on,
however, the flimsy house of cards quickly tumbled. Bessie had
$840,000 already collected, and would never have to worry about
money again, but she just had to meet her husband face-to-face one
more time so that she could ask the time-honored noir question, "whyja
do it, Johnny?" She really said those words. Unfortunately,
MacDowell's genteel Southern drawl took some of the edge out of that
question, which should be asked by a sharpie with a New York accent.
So she kept following the trail, putting herself in great
physical peril for no reason just so she could see him face-to-face.
As soon as she met him, however, she ran out and told him they were
through. If she never wanted to see him again, she could simply have
gone home after visiting the last bank. Meanwhile, although the
husband had gone to great pains to get away from her, he wouldn't
let her go after seeing her. Hell, if he wanted to have her around,
he could have done so at any time, but he never let on that he
If the character's motivations don't make sense, neither do some
of the plot details. In fact, when I went back to watch some scenes
again, I could clarify nothing. To the contrary, I found more
problems because when I watched the movie the first time, I figured
that certain enigmatic details would be explained when the secrets
were all revealed. When I watched it again, knowing all the secrets,
there were some things that just didn't make sense and other things
which should have been explained or expanded, but were not. To
choose one outstanding example, I thought that Viggo was leaving the
baseball cards behind specifically so that his wife could find the
money and avoid the poorhouse. That seemed logical because only she
could have deciphered the sequential logic of the cryptology. When
it turned out that Viggo did not intend for her to empty those bank
accounts, the great unexplained mystery became "just why did he
leave those baseball cards there, and whom did he leave them for?" I
still don't know the answer to that question, and I could cite
another half dozen similar problems.
What about ol' Schindler? I don't have any idea why Liam Neeson
was in the film. He was a professor who was feeding the poor in the
third world, and Bessie ran into him more than once as followed the
money and her husband. Bessie and the professor had a brief and
sweet encounter which promised to turn into a romance, but didn't.
There is one thing which may amuse you if you are a baseball fan.
The Viggo Mortensen character is allegedly the kid who caught Bill
Mazeroski's famous homer in the 1960 World Series. Of course, Viggo
is too young to have been that kid. He had not yet reached his
second birthday on that historic day (Oct 13, 1960). We should just
ignore that pernickety point, however, and exult in the fact that
Viggo lives in the Middle East under a pseudonym - Mr. Bill
At one time, there was actually one good non-Mazeroski reason to watch this
film. Beautiful Andie MacDowell did a nude scene, the only such
exposure of her entire career. Well, guess what? The nude scene has
disappeared from the version of the film seen on the DVD. The
deletion of that scene would be reason enough to avoid this DVD, but
the disc is disappointing in all other respects as well. It contains
a 4:3 pan-n-scan transfer with the sides of heads cut out of scenes,
and contains exactly no features of any kind. In fact, even the name
of the film has been changed from Ruby Cairo to Deception for no
special reason except possibly deception itself.
Oh, well. Here are some MacDowell collages and film clips of VHS quality.
- The Sun reports:
The face of JESUS has appeared in an ultrasound scan of a baby in
Q102 - "Bam Margera's ex-girlfriend Jen calls into our show to
dish on his relationship with Jessica Simpson"
Oprah Winfrey picks Faulkner for summer book club.
- Within 24 hours of being picked as the summer reading pick
for Oprah's Book Club, a boxed set of the three novels "As I Lay
Dying," "The Sound and the Fury" and "Light in August" was the
number two seller on Amazon.com, second only to the next Harry
Potter book, which doesn't even exist yet. That shows you how
much power Oprah has - who would have dreamed it was possible to
elevate to best seller status three brilliant, obscure,
complicated Faulkner novels largely forgotten by everyone but
the literati. Not that it is a bad thing. Unlike many of the
literary pretenders of the past century, Faulkner was a
legitimately great writer, and I'm glad to see him get revived.
But ... wow! Just wow!
"Great moments in hook-up history" - the Penis in the
- OK, you didn't win the Irish Sweepstakes, but you still have a
chance to win
The "Poop on Ryan Seacrest's Star" Contest!!!
"Welcome to SENSELESS ACTS OF BEAUTY the FREE 'good graffiti'
- Forgotten car classics:
The 1955-56 Dodge La Femme. Who says cars are a guy
thing? This one was engineered "by appointment to her majesty, the
Some stills from the London set of V for Vendetta. The
film stars Natalie Portman and Agent Smith, with a screenplay by
the Wachowski Brothers (Matrix). It is based on a
book graphic novel set in an alternate reality in which
Germany won the second World War and Britain has become a Nazi
Daily Box Office - Friday, June 3, 2005. Interesting
weekend, with three powerhouse carry-overs competing against a new
Russell Crowe movie and a well reviewed chick-flick, plus a dark
horse contender in The Lords of Dogtown.
- The three carry-overs held on to the top three spots (with
The Longest Yard a surprise in first place - it had been in
third place on the two previous days).
- In terms of "revenues per screen" it was just about a
four-way tie between the Big Three and Cinderella Man.
- A creationist looks at dinosaurs.
"dinosaurs, enraged by fallen angels, attacked Noah's Ark as the
flood began in a no-holds battle to the finish."
General Burkhalter dead at 97.
The Cincinnati Subway System. Great curiosity item, and
classic use of the internet - one guy following up on his own
curiosity and sharing his findings with the world.
Laughter Can Help People Lose Weight. So laugh your ass
off. And your gut as well.
- Us Weekly says:
Kelly Osbourne in Drug Rehab
A look at Gretchen Mol as The NOTORIOUS BETTIE PAGE.
Sigh! Face only, although Mol's face is to die for. The article
says it will open March 10, 2006. Rumor has it that there is
substantial nudity and kinkiness, as would be expected, given the
Here's the trailer for Supercross
- This motorcycle saga revolves around two brothers making
their way into the world of competitive motorcycle racing. Daryl
Hannah plays their mother.
- It's hard to believe this is getting theatrical
distribution, but it is supposed to "open August 10th"
The 2005 WORLD WIDE UGLY COUCH CONTEST
BBC NEWS - Message Board Argument Ends In Murder (It's
yet another spoofed BBC article)
Gunfire exchanged over stolen Harry Potter book.
Because some things are just worth dyin' for! I didn't read the
article, but I assume it was some sensible people trying to shoot
A new Yahoo-exclusive clip from Batman Begins
Outtakes from Dave Chappelle's show - "if Bush and Ashcroft were
Other Crap archives. May also include newer material than the
since it's sorta in real time.
to submit a URL for Other Crap
are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.
- The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the
review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
- If there is a white asterisk, it means that
there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined
there might be something else of interest.
- A blue asterisk indicates the review is written
by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
- If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too
ashamed to admit it.
Submission (1969) is a grindhouse film from the East Coast. There is not a lot
of dialogue to help in understanding the plot, and some of the naked women don't
seem to play a part in the plot anyway, but here is my best attempt:
Jennifer Wells is dominated by her boyfriend using such diabolical tools as
candy bars and hot candle wax. Her gig seems to be having the two of them go to
work for a rich lesbian as household staff, and then doing something dastardly,
but we never quite see what. They join the staff of June Adams, but Jennifer
ends up liking her, which doesn't bode well for her boyfriend.
Adams and Wells show breasts. Two unknowns give a three B performance, having
random sex with the boyfriend for reasons that did not seem plot related. The
sex scenes are largely filmed with facial closeups, making it a very soft core
This is a D-.
- Thumbnails (1,
- Jennifer Wells
- June Adams
All clips and comments by the Ghost
Non nude but pretty...and jiggly...Ann Margret in "The Train Robbers." (Also
featuring John Wayne and my favorite movie cowboy, Ben Johnson.)
- Collages (1,
- Videos (zipped .wmvs) (1,
Videos from the movie "The Stuntman.(zipped .wmvs)
- Barbara Hershey (1,
- Unknowns (1,
'Caps and comments by Hankster:
Today is going to be an all "Hankster Light" day.
In fact it's a single actress day from 1995's "Lovers Leap", we have Carrie
Wescott showing off her whole body in scene after scene. Boobs, butt and bush,
she just let it all hang out. (
This was a tough one for me to do, only had it on VHS, so transferred it to
DVD. Don't think they came out too bad.
Tomorrow we will be back with Sara Suzanne Brown from the same movie. She had
some really hot scenes.
| Val Kline
Kline and Thomasina
Kitt 5000 caps from 1982's
The Beach Girls (typical mindless 80's fun - rated
3.9 at IMDb by people who love movie quality way too much)
"School is out, and three girls head to the beach for
vacation. Two of the girls are world-wise party-goers who attempt to loosen up
their naive, virginal friend, whose uncle has allowed the girls to stay at his
beach house. When the near-sighted, drug smuggling Captain Bly dumps his cargo
of marijuana, the bales wash up on shore. The two party girls, Ginger and Ducky,
quickly stuff the dope into giant bags and spirit it back to the beach house,
where it fuels a party with assorted misfits, delivery persons, and passersby."
|Non-nude but hot promo stills from the upcoming "trained
assassins are married, hired to kill one another" movie,
Mr and Mrs Smith.
You've probably seen photos of her famous topless outdoor fashion show
appearance, but you probably haven't seen them in this quality.
The queen bee of Dynasty is seen here offering just a hint of nudity in the
MST3000 favorite, Mitchell, starring our main man, the immortal Joe Don Baker.
|Mary Louise Weller
You remember her. She was Mandy Pepperidge, the babe Belushi spied on in Animal
House. Here she appears in Forced Vengeance.
|A quick site note
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