Slamdance (1987) is a thriller/comedy from director Wayne Wang. It stars Tom Hulce as a cartoonist separated from his wife and young daughter. He is suddenly accused of murdering a woman he had an affair with, and more than just the police are after him. He has to figure out exactly why he is being framed for this murder, and later, a second one, while eluding the police and the "other" bad guys. The plot is a little muddled in spots, and I am not sure even now I understand the entire truth behind the murders, but not of that matters. We have Lisa Niemi (Mrs. Patrick Swayze) doing lengthy full frontal in perfect lighting. She would have been 30 when this picture was filmed, and her background as a dancer is evident in her tight body. She has also worked as a choreographer, director, and is working with her husband currently on Dirty Dancing 2. This may be the best non-sexual nudity I have seen in a film to date.
IMDB readers have this at 4.8 of 10. Ebert awards 2 stars, and complains that the plot got in the way of some fine actors. It doesn't work as a thriller, mostly as there is no build-up of tension, but has many entertaining moments, great nudity from Niemi, and Virginia Madsen and Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio looking great even with their clothes on. The cinematography is very nice, and the DVD contains both the wide screen theatrical version, and a full negative 4/3 version, which has more nudity. All in all, this is a C-.
Tar (1996) is a low budget crime drama set in Harlem. Kevin Thigpen is a street hustler, and runs into an old High School sweetheart, NiCole Presscott, who is now a cop. At the time he runs into her, it is at gunpoint, and she lets him get away, which ends up getting her kicked off of the force. She is also sick of her current husband, who specializes in sleeping and watching TV all day, so it is natural that Thigpen and Presscott get together. Meanwhile, the head of a group that kidnaps rich white business men, takes the ransom money to distribute to the poor, then tar and feathers them is trying to recruit Thigpen.
Presscott is seen three different times in underwear, and shows her left breast briefly dressing after sex. IMDB readers have this at 5.6 of 10. It may have had a brief theatrical release. IMDB says it is a German film, but all of the production companies are American. I didn't find myself reaching for the fast forward, and the camera work had a consistent, warm, gritty feel that helped. This is a C- as a low budget crime/drama.
Bad Attitude (1991) is a direct to Vid crime thriller that includes a suspended cop, drugs, crooked cops, motorcycles, Vietnamese prostitutes who are also Red Chinese trained assassins, CIA agents, and now work for a blind preacher and vigilante crime fighter, and bull dyke gang lords. The most notable thing about this masterpiece is that the director has obviously seen too many John Woo movies, as we had a gun to th4e head scene at least every 5 minutes.
The aforementioned girl of many talents, Gina Lim, shows breasts and buns in the one sex scene. The film was shot in Seattle, but really has none of the local flavor, and could have as easily been shot in any large city. IMDB readers have it at 4.6 of 10. The 4/3 transfer is abysmal, and much of the film is way too dark. This is a D.
|Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)
Half Moon Street (1986)
This is a political thriller with Michael Caine and Sigourney
Weaver. Caine plays someone named Lord Bulbeck, despite speaking
with his usual working class accent. (His idiolect is explained by
something about an adventurer father with an eyepatch, and a
childhood spent at the race track.) The "Lord" is attempting to use
his international contacts and respect to broker some kind of
Mideast peace settlement.
Sigourney Weaver plays a Harvard Ph.D. who is working in a
Middle-East think tank in London for £150 per week. She finds that
she can't make ends meet, so she does what most geniuses in her
position would do. She becomes a high priced hooker - using her real
name, and making nice-nice with the same people that she gives
lectures to during the day. Needless to say one of her clients
eventually turns out to be Lord Bulbeck himself, and ... well, a
romance is born.
Meanwhile, because she is so
upfront about what she does during her days and nights, some evil
guys figure out that she's Lord Bulbeck's mistress. Some British
security guys also figure it out, and so Sig and the Lord play out
their sex acts in front of various binoculars and surveillance
As a political thriller, this is a
very weak film, for two main reasons:
55 minutes, the audience is unaware that it is a thriller at all.
Absolutely nothing seems to point in that direction. The script does
eventually use many of the elements from this table-setting stage of
the film, but there is a lot of tedium to crunch before the film
appears to have any point.
2. When the film
ends, the audience does not know what has happened, or why. The film
ends abruptly after a violent shoot out. During the film we have
been aware that some people have been watching Sig and the Lord, and
we think it must be some evil Arab dudes who oppose a peace
settlement and the British secret service, who are simply protecting
the good Lord, but we aren't sure. In fact, the film suggests that
the real bad guys may actually be a powerful cabal called The 5000,
who run the entire world with economic power and contacts. Whoever
was trying to kill Lord Bulbeck, there is absolutely no reason
given. So we end with a shoot-out at Sig's place between some
anonymous good guys and a bad guy, and then Michael Caine shows up
and says he knew nothing about any of it.
He's in the same boat
as the rest of us.
So this will not be your cup
of tea if you're looking for a slick tale of international intrigue,
but it does have some merit as a character study. The Sigourney
Weaver character is not credible, but is interesting.
I say she isn't believable because she seems to
have watched every movie ever made and to have learned every
language ever spoken. There is a rule of compression which applies
to various learning feats. In Good Will Hunting, for example, it is
possible that a young man can immediately make an intuitive leap of
thought in a field like mathematics. It isn't likely, but it is
possible. In certain other fields, geniuses can read books and
assimilate facts faster than the rest of us. However, there is no
way that geniuses can watch movies any faster than the rest of us.
It takes us two hours to watch a two hour movie, it takes them the
same period of time.
Sigourney's character in this film seems to be
about 28 years old. She got her Ph.D. and then spent three years in
China, and that's where the film begins. I suppose a true genius
would be embarrassed to be older than 25 when collecting a Ph.D.
She'd get laughed out of the genius club. I calculate that I have
watched about 30,000 movies in my life. (That is way too many, I
know). Sigourney, however, seems to know more about movies than I
do. Let's assume she has watched 35,000 movies, at an hour and
a half each. In order to do that, she would have had to sit
passively with her eyes glued to the movie screen six hours a day,
every day, from the time she was three years old. Does that sound to
you like the type of behavior you'd expect from a person who has
learned to speak every language in the world, is really into lengthy
sex sessions, and is also an extreme fitness buff?
And if she's so smart, how does she get completely hornswaggled by
these completely transparent Arab con artists who keep giving her
free luxury apartments and lavish presents - no strings attached!
OK, it isn't a realistic character,
but let's give the script a little breathing room. Let's assume that
she isn't supposed to be a real person, but a superhero like
Spiderman, with powers beyond mortal ability. And her failure to
suspect that her expensive presents are all bugged? Well, that's a
kryptonite thing. Given that generous assumption, you may be able to
enjoy the relationship between Weaver and Caine. They are a couple
of pros who bring their unique charms to their characters. Sig is
intense, thoughtful, quick-thinking. Caine is gentle, soft-spoken,
gentlemanly. Together they managed to do the best with the weak
script they were handed, and they convinced me that they were two
people genuinely in love, not just interested in the sex, but
completely enthralled with each other's minds.
Unfortunately, the film doesn't give them nearly enough time to
engage one another meaningfully. One or the other is always missing
an appointment or petulantly refusing to answer phone calls, and
when they do get together they spend altogether too much time arguing about his
The film makes you wish you could reunite the cast
and crew back in 1986, and do it all over again with a more
thoughtful and coherent script.
likely to get any awards from feminist groups for my sensitive
understanding and treatment of women's issues, but even I found this
film to present women in an unflattering light. Every other female
character is a half-wit, and the Sigourney character - well, she was
described in the feminine viewpoint with suitable distaste by Rita
Kempley of the Washington Post.
Dr. Loren Slaughter, we are told, is a woman of
the '80s -- jogger, expert in Middle Eastern affairs, call girl.
Turn-ons: Perrier with lemon, feminism. Turn-offs: terrorism and
smoking. She's a lean, clean good-looker who moonlights for a London
escort service to supplement her meager income from a noted research
The DVD: Ya gotta love those two-sided MGM DVD's. The widescreen
theatrical version on this DVD is not a very good transfer at all,
but flip over to the other side and find the full 35mm negative
being used as the full screen version. Not only does it have a
crisper picture than the widescreen, but it has Sigourney's full
butt and her pubic hair (or something) in two scenes. Neither
exposure can be seen on the widescreen version. The pubes (or crotch
patch or whatever that dark area might be) may be seen in collage
two, right side. The full-on butt shot is in collage one.
- Sigourney Weaver (1,
Twisted Obsession (1990)
Twisted Obsession is also known as
Sueño del mono loco, "The dream of the mad monkey". The Spanish title
probably makes more sense, because if insane monkeys dream, their
dreams are probably something like this film, although probably
lighted better. It's a difficult film for
me to relate to, because my most recent monkey ancestors are at
least three generations back, and they were all perfectly sane
Well, except on my mother's side of the family.
plays a newly-divorced screenwriter who gets locked into a project by a young
wunderkind filmmaker and his seductive sister. Goldblum wants out of
the project until the sister starts providing him with some oral
just hangs around for the blowjobs for a while, but then he becomes obsessed
with the sister, and tries to figure out why she has chosen a life
as her brother's designated seductress. He never does find out. At
one point, he chases her through traffic, and almost dies in an
accident. By the time he leaves the hospital, she's gone and nobody
knows where, including her distraught brother.
for her leads him all the way to the Paris morgue. Apparently, he is
being led through that morgue in a group, on one of those "walking tours
of underground Paris", and
some of the other people on the tour are making out, or giggling at the
genitals of corpses. Apparently, the Parisians keep all the best
corpses in a giant vat of formaldehyde, from which they have to be
retrieved with fishing gaffs.
some assorted sub-plots, Goldblum's agent (Miranda Richardson) seems
to be in a wheelchair which she may not need, ala Guy Caballero on
SCTV, and Goldblum's toddler son keeps sinking deeper and deeper
into a world of silence until the ex-wife comes along to re-claim
him. Or something like that. I may have some of those details wrong,
because I kept reaching for the remote, and the blessed FF button.
Even with the worst
movies, I can generally find something I like - the cinematography,
the nudity, whatever. If the movie is bad enough, it is at least good
for some laughs. Not this one. It's confusing, excessively arty,
pointless, and morbid. Jeff Goldblum does way too much voice-over
narration, which was probably added after the fact, because the film
would be incomprehensible without it. The only home media available is
a full screen out-of-print VHS which is so artlessly cropped that the
entire movie seems like an endless series of facial close-ups. It's
just a total misfire.
The main plot is
confusing and uninvolving and probably unhealthy. Some sub-plots are
marginally relevant and others are left completely
unresolved and unexplained. If not for the presence of real actors
like Jeff Goldblum and Miranda Richardson, you would swear you are
watching an underground film made by some druggies in Washington
Square with twenty five bucks and some stolen equipment they bought
from a guy with too many body piercings who sells electronics out of
the the back of an old van.
Amazingly, this movie was written and directed by Fernando Trueba.
I don't know what he could have been thinking of with this flop,
because he is a very talented man. Do Trueba a favor and don't watch
this. He has directed two excellent Spanish language films that I
really like: The Girl
of Your Dreams and Belle
époque. See those instead.
The nudity is also disappointing. Liza Walker's breast are visible when she is a
corpse, as she floats around in a murky liquid. There is a scene which purports to show a
close-up of her shaved crotch. This may or may not be her, and
it may or may not be a prosthetic. No face is visible, and the
camera does not make a smooth pan to the crotch. It goes from
her face to Goldblum's face to the alleged crotch.
Scoop. Gentleman Jim here. Here's Cheryl Ladd and Kris
Kristofferson in a nude scene at the end of Millennium. No much, but
a lot for Cheryl Ladd.
Updated volume: Sigourney Weaver
are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.
- The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the
review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
- If there is a white asterisk, it means that
there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined
there might be something else of interest.
- A blue asterisk indicates the review is written
by Tuna (or Lawdog or Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or Mick
Locke, or somebody else besides me)
- If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too
ashamed to admit it.
'Caps and comments by Hankster:
Today we have Amber Smith in "Crime Scene" aka "Reasonable Doubt" aka "The Baptist".
Amber looks sexy showing breasts in a love scene. My favorites are the images of her with the see thru bra (links 8-10).
- Amber Smith
'Caps and comments by Brainscan:
Stuck in the hinterlands for a couple of days with nothing but my laptop and hundreds of Tuna caps. Life is sweet.
Ann Dusenberry in Basic Training. In this scene, Ann gets a Ruskie general to give up state secrets by taking off her top. How ridiculous. An American general, maybe, but everyone knows Russians are leg men.
Anne Veneziano in some movie about some guy named Patrick who lives in someplace called Ancora. But we get a full frontal from Anne and she's a looker, so I won't complain about the vague directions.
Carmen Russo, who if memory serves was once a Miss Teen Italy, full-frontal in that same movie about the Patrick fellow.
Thora's mom, Carol Connors, in two Candy movies. You look at Carol, you look at Thora and you realize these melons didn't fall far from the vine.
Catherine Fleming, fully frontal from above whilst showering in one of The Hunger episodes.
My favorites of the whole bunch-- the incredibly edible Charlotte Alexandra in Goodbye Emmanuelle. A triple B performance worthy of two Peabodys, three Oscars and a Nobel prize in medicine or physiology.
- Charlotte Alexandra
Elizabeth Peña and her cute little bod in Jacob's Ladder.
Haans Silver, by the pool and topless in Deadly Species. When I saw her name I expected to see "Brinker" and "skates" in the title, but I must have been confused.
Isabelle Fortea, showing off boobs and bum, in Marilyn Chambers' Bedtime Stories. I take these bedtime stories don't have silver skates in them, either.
Former Hefmate, Jeannie Bell in Policewomen, showing off the kind of nekkid rumpus you just don't see every day. Well, it's the kind I just don't see every day... at least, not anymore.
And then there is one of the most enigmatic figures in the nekkid celebrity world, Jenny Agutter, in a movie about horses or something.
Jenny Cox in a movie entitled, Can You Keep it Up For a Week?, subtitled, My Life With Priapus. Just another sophisticated British comedy.
Joan Severance in her glorious prime in Almost Pregnant.
Julianne Moore in End of the Affair. This woman is spectacular. Sat next to her on a plane ride from D.C. to L.A. many moons ago and fell in love. You can't tell just how intelligent some people are from movies... I mean, hell, Uma Thurman shows some real wit in Pulp Fiction, but put her on a talk show and you realize she's as dumb as a box of rocks. Julianne, by contrast, is a frigging genius with the best sense of humor on the planet. Woulda sold my mother to the gypies for her.
Kathryn Erbe and Kristina Robbins, both topless, in Dream with the Fishes, which happens I guess only when one sleeps with the fishes.
Lorraine Spaughton getting all topless and showing off a real funny face while sport humpin in Wicked Sins. Which leads to the question, what other kind of sins are there? Just like that movie entitled Forbidden Sins. Is that a redundancy or what? If they're sins, they're pretty well forbidden, yes?
Lynn Lyon, doing the topless harem girl dance routine in Loving Touch.
Marcha Grant, in a triple B reflective mood in L'Folies de Elodie.
Mia Copia is one extremely impressive fully frontal actress as an Erotic Vampire In Paris. Funny how Paris seems to bring out the lover in everyone.
Nina Hoss, who you gotta figure is Dan Blocker's daughter, is also fully frontally nekkid in Das Mädchen Rosemarie.
Patti Tippo, caught in the act with her shirt off but her pants on, in 10 to Midnight.
Long-time soft- and hard-core UK actress, Rene Bond, in Country Cuzzins... which the preferred spelling for those related persons in most parts of Ozarks.
Boobs and bum from Samara Ibañez in Deadly Species.
A topless Sondra Currie in Police Women. The name is familiar, but the face and the bod are entirely foreign to these eyes o' mine.
You get to watch a topless Stevie Cameron dress and undress in the aptly title Tropical Tease.
And then there is an oh-so-close-to-full-frontal shot from Ursula Karven in Con Express, which is probably a remake of Con Air without the stopover in the Nevada desert. Wouldn't you love to hear Ursula say, "Put the bunny back in the box."
Four Valeries: Valerie Bruni-Tedeschi in C'est la vie, Valerie Hartman in Sleepaway Camp II: Unhappy Campers, Valerie Kaprisky in Breathless and Valerie Quennessen in Summer Lovers. The last Valerie is a full-frontal thing composed to two frames.
Victoria Abril in La Colmena offers an entirely novel intrepretation of the statement, "You make me wet."
Okay, now this is the reason I did not refer to Jeannie Bell's caboose as the best of the bunch, because here is Vincenta N'Dongo, bottomless and sporting the kind of chasis that Ferrari does not make. Oh, the movie is called Los Lobos de Washington. A sequel, to cover the current years, is to be entitled Los Bozos de Washington.
Let's finish up, shall we, with two Virginia Madsen movies. She's accidentally topless in one sweet scene from Class and then she's in the shower with some long forgotten walking attitude of an actor in Creator. The latter movie, with Peter O'Toole, is the biggest waste of talent until Wild, Wild West hit the scene.
|The French adult actress showing off her amazing breasts, plus full frontal and rear views in link #3. Great 'caps by DeVo from the 1978 movie "La Maison des phantasmes" aka "Soumission".
|Kudos to Señor Skin for these 'caps of Dickens topless and gettin' it on in scenes from the new Showtime series "Out of Order".
|The "Meet the Parents" star topless in scenes from 1993's "Quick", starring Fun House favorites, Jeff Fahey and Robert Davi.