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"Swamp Thing"

Swamp Thing (1982) - When this film was released on DVD, we were all thrilled to discover that, not only was it a beautiful restoration job, but it was the uncut version with the lovely extended topless bathing scene of Adrienne Barbeau. It was so nice to see MGM do this one right, as this Wes Craven film is a comic book film classic, and the tasteful topless scene is gorgeous. Unfortunately, if you don't already own this DVD, it looks like you will never have a chance. Seems one Mary Dorflinger of Dallas, Texas was looking for an electronic baby sitter for her 9 year old boys, and rented Swamp Thing at Blockbuster. I don't know which part of Parental Guidance she didn't understand, but she sat the kids in front of the boob tube, and started the DVD. Next thing she knew, the nine year olds,who up to that point had been prevented from even knowing that breasts exist, were staring at Barbeau's nearly perfect ones, and were impressed. The virgin Mary Dorfinger declared Jihad, and attacked both Blockbuster and MGM, and as a result of this one woman's complaint, the DVD has been recalled, and has disappeared from every source I checked. The last of these $16.95 DVDs to sell at eBay went for over $36.00.

Mary, if you are reading, listen carefully. PG means you should screen the film, and then decide whether or not your boys should see it. If the human body is so evil in your estimation, complain to the manufacturer next Sunday morning in church. Actually, Mary Dorfinger, Blockbuster and MGM, BLOW ME!!!.

I looked at my first effort capping this film, and saw lots of room for improvement, so here are the morally abhorrent images of Barbeau.

  • Thumbnails
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  • Adrienne Barbeau (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19)

    "Traces of Red"

    Traces of Red (1992) is an thriller that lost me in the first 30 seconds. The entire film is narrated as a flashback by a corpse. I mean, really. At least you could have made it the corpse's ghost, or guardian angel or something, but having a still with a hole in his chest talk for 90 minutes is seriously bent. Other than that, how was the play. Mrs. Lincoln? Sopranos Dr. Amalfi, Lorraine Bracco, earned a Razzie nomination in the female lead, and she was robbed. Not only that, but her supposed nudity is a body double. The key to watching this is to not believe anything you see.

    We do have breasts exposure from Michelle Joyner, Katheryn Culliver Pierce, other than that, we were manipulated by the writers into one false lead after another. I can't think of a single good thing about this film. D.

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  • Lorraine Bracco (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
  • Michelle Joiner (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
  • Katheryn Culliver Pierce

  • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)


    Monster's Ball is the film which won Halle her Oscar. Billy Bob Thornton plays the racist prison warden who falls in love with the widow of a man he executed. A black woman. Halle Berry, to be specific.

    • Halle Berry (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)


    Manina, la fille sans voile was the first screen nudity for Brigitte Bardot, coming a full three years before Female and the Flesh, and five years before she became famous in And God Created Woman


    Love is my Profession is a 1958 Bardot film, with beautiful footage of her world-class bum (first two) and a tantalizing look at her breasts under a gauzy top (last two). This film has obviously been mastered to DVD beautifully. For a forty year old B&W movie, the quality is spectacular.

    • La Bardot (1, 2, 3, 4)


    Gitano is the movie with the awesome Laetitia Casta nude scene. One of our nephews made a movie clip that is in DVD quality and size. In fact, it seem to me that the colors are actually a bit better than on the DVD! Beautiful quality. Because of the mammoth size, he split it into three parts. Here is Part 1. .avi in Divx format


    Traces of Red is a "b" thriller from the early 90's.



    Other crap:


    Hey, Scoop:

    Hey Uncle. This is referring to oldest "breasts" on film. Billie Gibson played the old hag in the bath, in "The Shining" I was not able to get
    her date of birth, but with your resources and expertise you might know of some way to get it.

    I have been a fan of your site, daily since 1995, and you still amaze me with the humor and trivia facts you provide. I'll be renewing my membership again in July. I don't see much else on the Internet, that thrills me as much as THE FUNHOUSE, no other site is as much FUN. Thank you for all your hard work. Some day I want to be able contribute some thing to you. Thanks again.

    After all that praise, I am embarrassed to admit that I don't know jack-shit about Billie Gibson.




    Here are the latest movie reviews available at

    • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
    • If there is a white asterisk, it means that I inexplicably determined there might be something of interest.
    • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Lawdog or Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or somebody else besides me)
    • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

    A while back I sent in some images of Penny Baker from Men's Club. Here are three other babes from the same flic today.

    Ann Deusenberry in a couple of collages. The first is from a scene that has been capped before, a post-coital moment with Roy Scheider. The second I haven't seen before and shows a nip-slip of sorts from Ann.

    • Ann Deusenberry (1, 2)

    Marilyn Jones is a very pretty but scrawny blonde. The term "cupcakes" is an exaggeration when applied to her.

    Helen Shaver is uncredited as Scheider's wife. Roy crawls on top of her while she is sleeping in the nude and she gets all indignant with his behavior. Explain that one to me. I figure she should get pissed if she's nekkid and he ignores her. Anywho, you get to see Miss Helen's upper goodies from afar.

    • Helen Shaver (1, 2)

    Next we have your good news and your better news. Good news is VHS caps of Hefmate of 2001, Brande Roderick, in a sport-humpin delight of a movie, Inside Club Wild Side. Everyone does everyone else in this movie. Brande does three guys (one guy three times) and a gal. Five collages this time from the first such scene. And the better news? Just ordered the DVD of this puppy. Spent enough time on these caps that I figured it was worth letting everyone see them, but I'll wait for the DVD and do the other fifteen or so scenes when it gets here. Can't wait.

    • Brande Roderick (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

    PETScan also has something to offer today. These are Pets who spent at least a little time on the silver screen.

    • Christine Davray was a 70's Pet who made a half-dozen or so Euro movies.
    • Jenna Persaud was the April '87 Pet and star of a single movie, entitled The Other Woman. (1, 2, 3)
    • And last moviestarpet of the day is B-movie queen Monique Gabrielle.

    A follow-up
    These caps appeared in my last contribution as an unidentified stripper. They have been correctly labelled and thank you to those who identified them.
    • Kiersten Warren (1, 2)

    "Saturday Night Live"
    We recently had a Saturday Night Live collection of ladies who have appeared on the show. You saw a close up of Dolly Parton's bumpers, Heather Graham being groped, and Cameron Diaz dressed up like a "ho". Pamela Anderson takes her clothes off (does she do anything else?) but, despite the pixelation, you can see she was wearing something brief.

    "3 Strikes"
    Another identified actress in 3 Strikes. Her hot pants were so tight she walked awkwardly. There is the briefest of nipple sighting in the second collage. N'Bushe Wright also takes her clothes off but nothing is visible.

    "Wild On"
    Wild On went to Hedonism III in Jamaica with hefmates Flower Edwardsand Crystal Knight. They went swimming naked with Crystal described her hooters as $5000 of buoyancy. However, the camera spent most of the time with Flower and there is not much we didn't see of her.

    A blast from the past, we have Louisa Moritz in Cuba. Louisa plays a burlesque dancer but there is no nudity - darn pasties.

    • Louisa Moritz (1, 2)

    There is topless nudity in Firepower by an unknown bed-warmer. However, Sophia Loren provides us a nice display with some see-through views and pokies.

    "Dallas Doll"
    Dallas Doll is an Australian movie starring Sandra Bernhard. Following a mix up, she ends up staying with an Australian family. To keep herself occupied, she beds the father, the son and, to show she doesn't play favourites, the mother (Victoria Longley) as well. She missed out on the daughter. Plenty of topless nudity all round.

    • Sandra Bernhard (1, 2, 3)
    • Victoria Longley (1, 2, 3)

    Finishing up with some scans (all non-nude except for Jaquetta Wheeler).

    Pat Reeder
    Pat's comments in yellow...

    >From IMDB News. First up, Gwyneth is dating an Osmond, and he refuses to make the sign of the double-backed Shakespeare with her due to the fact it would mean eternity in Hell, and never mind that it might be worth it...

    Paltrow's New Love Bans Her From Sex
    Gwyneth Paltrow's new boyfriend Aaron Eckhart is refusing to sleep with the sexy star. The Hollywood babe, who met Aaron on the set of the upcoming movie Possession, recently confessed she has difficulty keeping lovers because she wears them out in the bedroom. But she appears to have finally met her match in 34-year-old Eckhart--the hunk is very religious and doesn't believe in sex before marriage. A friend of Eckhart says, "Aaron has very strong convictions and doesn't give them up for anyone...He accepts the church's ruling that forbids pre-marital sex." But friends of Oscar-winner Gwyneth say the actress is so besotted with the Mormon actor, she's agreed to go without sex--and is even considering marrying him. Paltrow's pal says, "She's lost her heart to Aaron. We hear big things are planned for late this summer. People thought it was a joke when started dating, but now see the relationship is for real."

    Next, Anna Nicole is looking for a sperm donor since her hubby couldn't cut the mustard. Perhaps she should try a man who's young enough that his semen doesn't come out in powdered form...

    Anna Nicole On The Hunt For A Daddy
    Anna Nicole Smith's forthcoming reality TV show will offer viewers the chance to choose the father of her second child. Cameras have already started following the plus-size model in preparation for The Anna Nicole Smith Show on E! network. And she insists the show will feature her hunt for a sperm donor/boyfriend. She says, "I want to have a child so bad. No fathers, it's just going to be one-night stands." And shockingly, in the show, Anna Nicole, who already has a teenage son, admits she and her late 90-something husband J. Howard Marshall did try for a child.

    Other News
    From Spaz:

    So much for made-in-Canada nudity. The highly rated cable series "Paradise Falls" on Showcase, which gave us Cherilee Taylor skinny dipping in the Muskoka waters, didn't get the public funding it needed for a second season.

    The DVD Swamp Thing Thing with an extended nude scene of Adrienne Barbeau has been pulled from all retilers because a kid went blind after seeing Adrienne's boobies. Click here for the full story