"Phantom Love"

Phantom Love (2001) is a soft core romance novel Michelle Flotow is a romance author. When she delivers her latest damsel in distress pirate story, her publisher tells her that she has to come up with something new, and suggests she travel to Florence, the land of romance, for inspiration. She ends up at a B&B, and is given the diary of the countess who converted the old castle into a B&B. As she reads the diary, we see it acted out, with Flotow in the part of the countess.

The countess returns from America where she was educated upon the death of her father, to claim her inheritance. The castle is still inhabited by her aunt and two cousins. The aunt, it seems, wants to marry her off to a count, as they are broke. She falls in love with the grounds keeper. We see her in a girl/girl with a maid (Sandy Wasko) that she played with growing up, the count, and the grounds keeper. We also see each of her cousins, Leslie Taylor and Shannon Malone, in sex scenes with their boyfriends. Griffen Drew plays the part of the mystery novel heroine.

Wasko shows breasts and buns, as does Drew. The other three give three B performances. IMDb readers have this at 2.3, with very few votes. It is not the worst soft core i have seen, despite the fact that they misspelled the leads name in the opening credits. The sex scenes are not especially hot, but they do not drag to the point of boredom, and it does have some semblance of a plot. I tis well photographed, and the sets are good. All in all, this is a C effort, as a soft core.

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  • Griffin Drew (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)
  • Leslie Taylor (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
  • Michelle Flotow (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31)
  • Sandy Wasko (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
  • Shannon Malone (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)

  • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)

    9 Songs (1980):

    9 Songs represents Michael Winterbottom's effort to make a daring, avant-garde film. It is a short (70 minutes) and shocking combination of only two elements, hardcore sex scenes and rock concerts. It is more or less a two-character drama, although I'm not sure if drama is the right word, since the non-musical portion of the film only lasts about forty minutes, those minutes are sex scenes, and there is very little dialogue, so I'm not sure how dramatic it is.

    Matt, the male character is a geologist working in Antarctica. Since he has nothing to do with his spare time, he spends his waking moments in a melancholy remembrance of his recent past, reviewing a relationship that did not turn out as he hoped. As we see it through him, that romance seems to consist of nine concerts, each followed by sex. The cycle of the relationship is reflected in the progression of the sex acts. The sex is realistic, which is to say drawn out and static most of the time, but if you are curious the film does eventually present all the basic sex acts in graphic close-up, including a "money shot." In other words, it is like finding an open window and actually watching other people have sex without them knowing about it.

    That's just about all there is to it.

    Part of the sensational appeal comes from the fact that the actor and actress are not porn stars, but mainstream performers. Margo Stilley is a newcomer, but Kieran O'Brien is a familiar face in the UK, with two dozen IMDb credits over a movie and TV career which has spanned nearly two decades.

    Maybe that will turn you on if your recognize them. I might get a tingle if it was Katie Holmes and Ryan Phillippe, or somebody like that, but I don't know either one of these people, so it was no different from watching anonymous porn actors, and I was bored stiff. Wait a minute, drop the "stiff" part. The sex scenes are more clinical than erotic and I was never aroused by them.

    To be honest, I only found one element interesting in the film, and that was a very minor thing that the director may or may not have been intending. The sex scenes are punctuated with different music throughout the film, and it is interesting to note how deeply the background music affects ones mood while watching the mechanics, as if to demonstrate that the actual sex acts are inconsequential to our reactions, and that the director can produce any response he chooses simply by selecting the correct music. Demonstrating that point is certainly not why the director made the film, but the title of the film leads me to believe that the director was interested in the impact of music on our response, if only as a sub-text.

    The reviews of the film could not have been much worse. BBC gave it the lowest possible rating, and huffed with classic British aplomb that the film was a "stultifying, self-conscious, and flesh-creepingly repulsive lot of codswallop." I'm not sure what codswallop is, or whether we have it in Texas, but I'm pretty sure that ain't no compliment. The Independent took the time to write a very good article, but summarized by calling it "empty-headed" and giving it their own basement score. Within the population of reviewers, those two were not especially harsh. For example, Goatdog wrote a lengthy and contemptuous piece, scored it 0/5, and refused to list Michael Winterbottom as a writer. ("That's not writing. It's just typing.")

    I have amassed a bunch of clips from usenet, since there are sex scenes for about half of the film's running time. More later. Here are three for now - 13 minutes worth to keep you busy for a while. These are very long clips and are large in size, as detailed below.

    Margo Stilley:


    Things Behind the Sun (1980):

    We have already covered this. The only reason I am addressing the movie again is that Tuna did it last week and he seems to have a different DVD, one with the more explicit moments censored. I got my copy from Blockbuster a long time ago, so I went back to get it again, and capped the lower body nudity that was absent in Tuna's version. It's fairly explicit, considering that Kim is a recognizable name and that the project originated on Showtime

    • Kim Dickens (1, 2, 3)


    Other Crap:

    Other Crap archives. May also include newer material than the links above, since it's sorta in real time.

    Click here to submit a URL for Other Crap




    Here are the latest movie reviews available at


    • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
    • If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
    • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
    • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

    Jr's Polls are the results of our recent "Most Overrated Movie" poll

    .Email Scoopy Jr. if suggestions for future polls.

    Here are the results of our previous polls:
    The Top 20 Nude Scenes of 2004
    The Best Nude Film Debuts of the 80s
    The Best Nude Film Debuts of the 90s
    Which actress has been the most convincing playing a stripper.
    Who has the best bum in Hollywood?
    Best All Time Television Comedy
    Best Nudity in an Oscar-winning performance
    The Top 20 Best Straight Sex Scenes
    Best Lesbian Love Scenes

    'Caps and comments by Hankster:

    It's another all "Hankster Light day". Featuring 2 hotties from "Curse of the Komodo".

    First up Glori-Anne Gilbert in all her glory as she shows off her mega hooters while taking a swim.

    Then we have one of my favorites sexy Melissa Brasselle, now Melissa turns up in many B-movies which feature nudity, but some how she just never reveals the goodies.Bit nonetheless her she is with some nice cleavage and the pokies.

    • Melissa Brasselle (1, 2, 3, 4)

    'Caps and comments by Dann:

    "Lost Reality 2: More of the Worst"
    Figure it this way: if garbage sells, then more garbage will sell more, right? That's the philosophy behind Lost Reality 2: More of the Worst.

    As with the original, this is a compilation of really bad, totally outrageous, mostly nasty, ideas for reality shows that didn't catch on with the networks (or anyone else).

    Besides new episodes of Amazing Racist and Money, which had episodes in the first volume, they've added such winners as Swing House, Foreign Family Affair, Midget Wars, Project Redlight, and others.

    I think reality shows are total trash anyway; the few minutes of them that I've seen wouldn't hold the attention of a 3 year-old (which, I guess, is why they didn't hold my interest). The episodes in this collection are notably better, so if I were CBS, I'd replace Survivor with Project Redlight, while Swing House would be a great replacement for Big Brother, and I'm sure some cable channel would find Dumpster Dinner to be a great replacement for a cooking show.

    Phoebe Cates
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

    A great rare find! No nudity, but here she is in lingerie and posing for "Holding Your Own Boobs" magazine in scenes from the 1984, made for TV movie, "Lace".

    Julia Nickson-Soul
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

    The exotic beauty goes topless in a love scene from the 1996, direct-to-vid movie, "White Tiger".

    Anna Falchi
    (1, 2, 3)

    The star of Italian cinema showing some cleavage and briefly going topless in scenes from "L'Affaire" (1994).

    Katharina Thalbach
    Anne Bennent

    Both ladies are topless and showing a bit of pubes in scenes from the 1982 German movie "Domino".

    Christine Schorn Topless in a scene from "Eine Sonderbare Liebe" aka "A Strange Love" (1984).

    Claudia Wenzel One of the rarest sighting in cinema nudity, lower frontal nudity only. Here is Wenzel keeping her shirt on, but not her pants in scenes from the German movie "Der Strass" (1991).

    Katja Weitzenböck Nice toplessness in a scene from an episode of the German series "Stockinger".

    Julia Richter Topless in a scene from another German TV series, "Die Kommissarin".

    Petra Kleinert The busty blonde going topless in "Doppelter Einsatz - Blackout".

    Mina Tander Showing off her amazing big'uns in a great full frontal scene from "Brombeerchen" aka "Blackberry" (2002).

    Barbara Hershey
    (1, 2, 3, 4)

    Mr. Nude Celeb 'caps of Hershey topless and showing a bit of bum in scenes from one of Martin Scorsese's earliest films, "Boxcar Bertha" (1972).

    Julie Delpy
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12)

    Finn 'caps of the French actress going topless and full frontal in scenes from one her early films, "La Passion Béatrice" (1987).

    Katherine Heigl
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
    Alex Breckenridge

    DeadLamb collages featuring both ladies showing assorted cleavage in scenes from "Romy and Michele: In the Beginning" (2005), the lame, made for TV/cable prequel to the far superior "Romy and Michele's High School Reunion" (1997), starring Mira Sorvino and Lisa Kudrow.

    Maïwenn Le Besco
    (1, 2)

    First up, the she is briefly topless in a shower scene ('caps by the Skin-Man). Second...who is she? She's A French actress and mother of one of Luc Besson's kids. If you cover her in Smurfy-blue paint, you'd probably recognize her as the Diva Plavalanguna from "The Fifth Element". might be saying "Hey Jr., isn't this the movie being advertised on TV as coming soon?". Yes, however, this movie has already been playing around Europe in one form or another (including DVD) since 2003. By the way, so far it seems that fans and critics alike are calling this one of the best slasher/body count/gore pics made in a very long time.

    Mail Box
    Subject: Courteney Cox

    Hey Scoop,
    Just a quick question. I have not had a chance to go see the updated version of "The Longest Yard", but after viewing countless clips and commercials, one question is nagging me. Did Courtney Cox get a breast enlargement? Not that there is anything wrong with that, but she appears to have gotten super sized. The dress she is wearing in the movie would not allow a wonder bra to be really looks like some plastic surgery has gone on here. I was just wondering if there were any caps out there to compare a before and after?


    Jr's guess...When they were filming, I think Courtney was about 6 or 7 months pregnant, so her extra boobiosity may just be motherhood related.

    Pat Reeder
    Pat's comments in yellow...

    There's Poverty Around The World?! - Today, "Live Aid" founder Sir Bob Geldolf will announce simultaneous concerts in London, Philadelphia and other cities on July 2. They'll be called "Live 8," to coincide with a G8 summit, and instead of raising money, they'll try to raise awareness of poverty around the world. The acts will include the biggest pop stars from the '60s to today, including the Rolling Stones, U2, Sting, Coldplay and Mariah Carey, and the Spice Girls will reunite for it.

  • They will raise awareness of the poverty of good taste in music today.
  • Can't we make donations to avert this disaster by paying them not to?
  • You can send money if you want to, but the Spice Girls will spend it all on shoes.

    Don't Count On A Miracle - Fans of "Joan of Arcadia" are flooding CBS with petitions to stop its cancellation, saying it was a rare show with a deep spiritual message. A CBS spokesman said that everyone there loved the show's high quality, but its audience had dropped to 8 million people this year, lower than the already-axed "Father of the Pride," "Dr. Vegas" and "Hawaii."

  • All of which also had a deep, spiritual message, especially "Dr. Vegas."
  • They should be grateful CBS didn't burn Joan at the stake.
  • They plan to replace it with "CSI: Arcadia."

    Standout Performers - "Desperate Housewives" star Teri Hatcher is a bit too perky. She admitted that her preference for sheer bras causes problems when she has to film outside in the cold because, "Things arise." She switched to thicker T-shirts and used skiers' heating pads and thought that solved the problem. But she later discovered the producers were having to spend thousands of dollars per episode to digitally erase her prominent nipples. She added that Nicolette Sheridan has the same issue.

  • But for her character, it works.
  • This is another problem on that show that Botox would fix.
  • The producers don't realize, the computer geeks would gladly do this job for free.
  • Do they seriously think anyone who watches that show would complain?

  • A quick site note
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