The Last House on the Left


Released to North American theaters in mid-March of 2009, The Last House on the Left is a remake of an eponymous 1972 Wes Craven horror film, which in turn was a sensationalized version of Ingmar Bergman's The Virgin Spring. Bergman's film had been based upon a Swedish folk ballad written circa 1400, which purported to explain the origin of an old church (a real church still standing today) by the story abbreviated below:

Per Tyrsson's daughters
When they came to the pastures of Vänge
They met three herdsmen
- Either you will be the wives of herdsmen
Or would you lose your young lives?
- We do not want to be the wives of herdsmen.
We would rather lose our young lives.
They cut off their heads on a log of birch.
And so three wells appeared.
The bodies were buried in the mud.
The clothes were carried to the village.
When they came to the estate of Vänge,
Lady Karin met them outdoors
-And would you buy silken robes
That nine maidens have knitted and stitched?
Untie your sacks and let me see,
Maybe I will know all three of them
Lady Karin beat herself on the chest,
She went up to Per Tyrsson
- There are three herdsmen on our courtyard,
They have slain our daughters.
Per Tyrsson grasped his sword,
He slew the two eldest ones.
The third one he let live
Until he could ask him:
- What is your father's name?
What is your mother's name?
- Our father is Per Tyrsson in Vänge;
Our mother is Lady Karin in Skränge
Per Tyrson goes to the smithy
He had iron crafted around his waist
- What shall we do for our sins?
- We shall build a church of lime and stone.
- The church will be named Kerna

In the latest interpretation of this legend, two teenage girls and their SUV are hijacked by a trio of sadistic criminals who are dragging along the sensitive son of the head baddie. The gang ends up killing one of the girls and leaving another for dead after raping her and shooting her in the back. Unfortunately for the fiends, one of the victims had earlier tricked them into heading toward her parents' summer home deep in the woods, where the parents soon size up the situation and exact all kinds of vicious revenge on their daughter's tormenters, with some assistance from the sensitive tag-along.

In a slight departure from the legend, no churches are built to commemorate the events.

Movie Juice got a few chuckles out of the film:

"Welcome to that alternative universe where cute and perky girls go to a weirdo's dumpy motel room because he says his drugs are just that good. Listen, when a motel's sign spells "HBO" phonetically, get your drugs somewhere else. Yes, that alternate universe where creepy, dangerous strangers knock on your door in the middle of the night - and you put them up in your guesthouse!

Last House on the Left is hardly for all tastes, although it pales in comparison to the sadistic indignities of the original. Still, it's uncomfortable to watch - and if I want to watch something uncomfortable I usually watch CNBC. That said, if you want to see bad guys get their comeuppance (which only happens in the movies nowadays) then look no further than the Last House on the Left."

As you can infer from reading the Movie Juice comments, this is not a bad film for those who enjoy the whole "I Spit on Your Grave" genre of sadistic, cheapjack revenge flicks. Although Last House was obviously made with a minimal budget and features no actor more recognizable than Tony Goldwyn, the film has quite a few strengths:

  • The director managed to maintain suspense throughout the film, not just occasionally, but in scene after scene.
  • The acting is solid from top to bottom.
  • The film never backed away from nasty violence nor cheated on its graphic representation on screen. It's a brutal and sadistic film, truly in the "I Spit ..." tradition. (By placing this characteristic in the "positive" list, I'm assuming you consider it an asset rather than a liability.) It includes not only lurid brutality, but explicit medical procedures as well.
  • The catharsis works. Audiences appreciated the acts of revenge by cheering loudly for the family.

On the minus side of the ledger, the film is rather slow and deliberate in all the build-up scenes, so it seems to advance slowly when there's no violence. Of course, that was part of the director's technique to heighten the dramatic tension, but the net effect is that you should probably avoid the film if you don't care for the brutality, because it will seem to you like a series of tedious interludes you don't want to see leading to some ugly episodes which you also don't want to see.

The film had some small bit of box office pizzazz. It opened with a solid $14 million weekend in 2400 theaters, and finished with $33 million. I reckon it must have made a profit because it was obviously not an expensive film to create.

Metacritic 42/100

Rotten Tomatoes 42%

Rotten Tomatoes top critics 42%

IMDb 6.9 (That's surprisingly high, but as I wrote above, it is quite effective at doing what it intends to do.)



As one of the gang members, Riki Lindhome showed her breasts in two different scenes, the latter of which is nasty.

As one of the victims, Sara Paxton is raped, but the nudity is more suggestion than reality. You will see her butt from the side, but not much more. Fair warning again: very ugly scene, almost no nudity.


  • * Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe).

  • * White asterisk: expanded format.

  • * Blue asterisk: not mine.

  • No asterisk: it probably sucks.


Catch the deluxe version of Other Crap in real time, with all the bells and whistles, here.









Unrated version. 2005. Part 1 of 2.

HD film clips of Barbara Nedeljakova and Jana Kaderabkova




Both women







Eugenie de Sade


Today we wrap up "Eugenie de Sade."

Greta Schmidt shows the full frontal as she is fondled by a naked Soledad Miranda before she and her sicko lover kill her. Caps and a clip.


Finally another unknown topless chick is fondled and killed as the opening credits roll. Caps and a clip.



TV Land

Over in TV Land it's two on a couch for breakfast as Jenna Lee and Alexis Glick have a leg duel on "Fox Business News". Caps and an HD clip.






Notes and collages

"Sex and the City"

Season 4, Kim Cattrall

Episode 2

Episode 13


Scoop's note: Spaz wrote in to remind me that yesterday's Trudie Styler film is called The Scold's "Bridle," not "Bride."







Casting Couch Cuties


This is a MacDaddy production that makes an attempt to add something resembling a plot and humor to what is otherwise a strip and wiggle production. Or, depending on the gal, it is a strip and spread extravaganza. No reason to discuss the feeble attempts at humor because they occurred only as shameless mugging by James Bartholet (Izzy Sleaze) intercut with the real reason for the disk - the nekkid women. I cut him out and left the babes. So we got nine clips, eight of them solo and one a light lesbo pairing. Seven of the women are known at one level or another, the most familiar being B-movie bims Flower Edwards and Isabella Camille. One gal was given the name Mercedes - did not recognize her from any other work, but she is such a cutie I threw in her clip just because. Bottom line here is simple - you could do worse things with your time than watch Casting Couch Cuties such as club baby seals or watch Fox News, but you wouldn't need to go far to find something a whole lot better to do.

Day 6 - Dina Marie Vannoni










Publicity stills of Amy Adams as Amelia Earhart in Night in the Museum 2.

Some outrageously tight pants in this PG film.

Keira Knightley see-through


Film Clips