The Dreamers (2003) - HD clips three and four

It was a film from acclaimed Italian director Bernardo Bertolucci, and it was also chosen by our voters as the best nude scene of the year. Review here. It's easy to get excited about high definition videos and captures from this film! I'll be spreading these out over several days, because the video files are large.


Here is the third clip (zipped .avi). Eva Green prepares to have sex with the American kid. The capture below comes from this clip.


In the second clip, Eva and the boys examine the bloody result of her ceremonial cherry-popping. The caps below come from this clip.


Deadly Weapons (1974) - clips three and four

Here's another classic, although for different reasons. In this case, the movie is so bad that it should be sold in cheese shops instead of video outlets, but it does feature the unique talents of one "Chesty" Morgan, she of the 72 inch natural gazongas. Her chest isn't that sexy, but it certainly is a curiosity item. Once again, this will be spread out over several days. Here are the next two installments. (3, 4) (Large zipped .wmv files this time.)


Game 6 (2005)

I actually wanted to watch this one, but I didn't have time. It was written by Don DeLillo, who is generally acclaimed by the literati to be one of the two greatest American writers who are both living and active (the other would be Philip Roth). This N.Y. Times article on the best books written since 1980 features no less than three of DeLillo's novels in the Top 25. (Roth kicked his ass, placing six on the list!) I'm sort of ashamed to say that I've never read one word Don has written, at least not that I can recall, but, well, I was a literature major as an undergrad, and I'm still sorta interested - it's just that I have a life. Sort of.  Anyway, this is his first screenplay. Quite a late bloomer, that lad, since he was 69 years old when he decided to try out this new-fangled screenwriting thing. DeLillo's name generated some interest, and I'm usually drawn to Michael Keaton's projects because he's always interesting, even when he's in total crap.

Unfortunately, I could only watch enough to get Bebe Neuwirth's butt, and move on. The whole thing did look kind of brainy and quirky, but I just didn't have time. Ol' Lilith is pretty sexy in her own way, and she used to be a dancer, so she has some great legs, but she is 47 years old, and - well - you know - butts seem to look a lot better on younger women. No offense, Bebe, you look great for 47, but you are 47.


* Here is the film clip (zipped .wmv)
* And the collages are below:



Date Movie (2006)

Date Movie is to date movies as Scary Movie is to scary movies.

Well, that was the theory.

Scary Movie may not have been a truly great genre spoof like Airplane or Police Squad or Blazing Saddles, but it seems like a Marx Brothers classic compared to this thing. Ouch! The screenwriters got very confused. They seemed to think that making a reference to another movie, in and of itself, was tantamount to wit.

What a disaster! I couldn't even watch it. I'd watch two minutes, then fast forward, watch another minute, etc. I was embarrassed for everyone involved, especially for the great Fred Willard, who sucked just as bad as everyone else. Worse, in fact.

  • The British Reviewers assigned an average of 0.7 stars out of 4, with five of the six reviewers scoring it lower than one out of four. (Three of them scored it one out of five, and the other two gave it a flat-out zero.)
  • Metacritic says the average critical score was 11/100
  • Rotten Tomatoes reports that it received only 8% positive notices.
  • It is rated 2.7 at IMDb (bottom 100 of all time).
  • The Guardian summed it up perfectly: "This is a deeply rubbish film starring Alyson 'American Pie' Hannigan which attempts to mimic a whole bunch of successful romantic comedies ranging from My Big Fat Greek Wedding to Bridget Jones's Diary, the satirical variant in each case being simply to remove the comedy."

Anyway, Sophie Monk looked pretty good, but the only nudity is cheapo teaser stuff.





Other Crap:

The trailer from Coastlines
  • "Coastlines" is the upcoming release from director, Victor Nuņez ("Ruby in Paradise," "Ulee's Gold"). Sonny Mann, (Timothy Olyphant) an ex-con returning home from prison, creates a new dynamic for both friends and enemies with his arrival. The local power broker, Fred Vance (William Forsythe), wants Sonny back into his shady world. Sonny only wants money due, as his long suppressed desire for Ann (Sarah Wynter), now married to his best friend and local sheriff Dave Lockhart (Josh Brolin), puts at risk life's delicate balance of family and community. Passion and revenge threaten to overtake all as Sonny's anger careens dangerously out of control, leading to an explosive confrontation, and finally to a surprising resolution.

Stephen Colbert alert: Bear enters home, attacks woman

WTF? Judge Rules: Man Is Too Short for Prison

  • "A judge said a 5-foot-1 man convicted of sexually assaulting a child was too small to survive in prison, and gave him 10 years of probation instead."

Another reason to control your cravings: "The burglars smashed a window early Wednesday at a convenience store and fled with the lottery tickets and some Little Debbie Coffee Cakes. Officer James Johnson followed a trail of discarded wrappers to a nearby apartment building, where he arrested the trio."

Man allegedly robs a bank, then reads a magazine in the bank's lobby

  • He didn't have much time to read. The bank is next to the police station.
  • By the way, he had no weapon, so I'm not clear why the bank gave him any money to begin with.

Romania ceremoniously returns Dracula's Castle to its owner

  • The ceremony, I take it, will be held at night

Vampire To Protest White Castle's Garlic Sandwich

  • Oh, sure. I believe this. No chance it could be a White Castle publicity stunt.

Liberace and Art Carney - together at last Absolutely surreal!

Jared Leto "I'm gay as a goose"

  • Shouldn't Leto technically be "gay as a gander"? (Well, unless he's a cross-dressing lesbian, which is always a possibility.)

Britney Spears ~ The Official Site - has some of Britney's poetry. Good stuff, and I love the illustrations.

How Pat Robertson Leg Pressed 2,000 Pounds. Turns out Pat is a piker. His trainer/doctor can leg-press 2700 pounds.

Planning an auto trip? Find out how much your gas will cost.

  • It would have cost me $551 to drive round-trip to Billings, Montana, so I changed my holiday weekend plans. I decided to sleep in and maybe watch some Stooges. I don't know anybody in Billings anyway.

Kate Moss goes nuts on the paparazzi

From our department of "You don't know Shat" ... William Shatner on The $20,000 Pyramid

" ... 17-year marriage to an heiress was nullified when the wife discovered her husband was a woman"

  • Whoa! And I thought Katie Holmes was slow.

"Now that he's lost his radio job, David Lee Roth is seeking gainful employment in another capacity -- as lead singer of Van Halen. Again."

A genital reminder: "Talk about a strict violation of the penal code."

German hotelier's rates based on a sliding scale - literally - the more you weigh, the more you pay

Totally bizarre, but cool ... Pipe dream

"A sex theme park designed to enhance its visitors' lovemaking skills will open in the heart of London within months"



Movie Reviews:

Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe). White asterisk: expanded format. Blue asterisk: not mine. No asterisk: it probably sucks.


Side Effects (2005)

Side Effects is an Independent film made on a shoestring budget that attempts to make a documentary about the ethics of drug marketing but couch it within a romantic comedy. First time director Kathleen Slattery-Moschkau certainly knows her subject, as she worked for ten years as a pharmaceutical company rep. The theory is that these reps provide a service akin to political lobbyists but for doctors, educating them on the use of medications. The truth of the matter is that they actually have no scientific or medical background, and are there to do one thing only. They must get doctors to prescribe more and more of their products. Doctor prescription info is available to the drug companies for every territory, and drug reps are evaluated and compensated based on sales figures in their territory. To achieve these ends, they memorize sales pitches furnished them by the company, and offer no end of gifts and favors, including food, dinners, free samples, and branded gifts to doctors and staff.

Katherine Heigl was a good choice for the lead in this film. She is recruited out of college with her political science degree by a drug company recruiter based on her looks and personality. In fact, these drug reps all look like Ken and Barbie, and all drive new cars. I see them in all the good spots in front of the medical clinic I use. The reason for the new cars is that they are company furnished.

In this film, Katherine is not doing real well, then several things happen. She meets a guy who is quitting the industry because he finds it corrupt, and has saved enough money to stop working and build his own home. They have a developing relationship, and knowing him gives her the courage to leave what she has come to regard as a morally questionable job. However, financial concerns won't let her just quit immediately, so she decides to leave in 180 days. She also decides to start telling doctors the truth. As an example, here is one scene, more or less.

Why is your product better that the competition?

It isn't.

Is it cheaper?

No, it is actually a lot more expensive.

Side effects?

Your patients won't shit for a week.

Then why should I prescribe yours?

Because you have the honest truth about it, as opposed to a lot of hype that may or not be true about the other products.

She suddenly becomes the top rep in the company, starts reaping huge financial benefits, and is fast-tracked to management. This, of course, gives her conflicting emotions. Things get even more interesting when she is made privy to information showing that the new drug awaiting approval may be killing people, and the company is covering it up.

The film has very important content, but, at least to me, it was not very effectively delivered. The director makes a valid point that a lot more people will watch a romantic comedy than a documentary, but the formula romantic comedy aspect was not enough to carry the film, and the real message needed much more impact. I would expect that as more people see the DVD and weigh in, female scores will generally be higher than male ones, as the director included a lot of girl moments, and the apparent plot of the story is the choice between career and relationship. Heigl was a rather likeable main character, so I didn't mind spending time with her, and I am also critical of the pharmaceutical industry for price gouging, unethical advertising, and taking all the good parking places at my local medical clinic. The short documentary included on the DVD claims that there is one drug rep for every 4 doctors in the US. Companies claim that this doesn't add to the cost of drugs. They also claim that their media advertising doesn't affect cost. The DVD includes two commentaries, one related to the film-making process, and the other focusing on the pharmaceutical industry. There is also an excerpt from a documentary, and a making-of featurette. One of the interesting facts brought out in the documentary was that deaths caused by use of a drug are often not made public because they are protected trade secrets. Before I started writing this review, I was going to say that the film failed to make its points effectively, and give it a low mark, but I have to say the DVD package does, in fact, deliver the message. So, the romantic comedy gets a very low C- as a by-the-numbers romantic comedy with a charismatic female lead. The documentary aspect of the film gets a D+, as the message was somewhat subdued. The entire package rates a C, and is well worth the watch.


Katherine Heigl shows her left breast from the side twice, once in good light, and the other standing on the leach lines of the director's septic tank in the dark.


Birthright (1951)

Birthright is a sex education film produced by Columbia University and the State of Georgia, and is a warning about syphilis. The subject matter includes not only the subject of syphilis, which was specifically proscribed by the Hays Code, but also adultery, breast exposure, and actual film of a breach childbirth (added after production). This clearly could never have gotten a Hays Code certificate, and later played the drive-in circuit as an exploitation film. It is a wonder to me that it ever got made at all in 1951, especially in the south.

Boyce Brown and Marjory Morris are living with her parents and collaborating on a chicken farm They have one daughter. Starting the chicken ranch has not been without some difficulty, and Grandma and Grandpa are rather crotchety. One night after a fight, Brown heads into town to have a few beers at the local cafe. He is in no shape to drive home, and the waitress takes him to her place to sober up. Nature takes its course.

Then two things happen, Morris announces that she is pregnant again, and the waitress, Paula Haygood, discovers that her husband's parting gift to her was syphilis. As she didn't really know Brown, she couldn't warn him. Fortunately, the town started a health screening for communicable diseases, and that process revealed that Brown was infected. What follows is their worry as to whether or not mother is infected, and/or baby is OK.

This film was part of a Something Weird Video sex-ed film release, which includes intermission promos for sex education booklets, and another film called The Wrong Rut, which started as a film about the tragedy of unwanted pregnancy out of wedlock, but in a very un-Hays like move, gave the film a happy ending. Sean Penn's father, Leo Penn, played the cad who knocked the innocent girl up, and Ida Lupino stepped in as director to complete the film when Elmer Cliften (Assassin of Youth) became ill. This was her first directing effort. The original release was called Not Wanted. It was later spiced up with color film of a cesarean childbirth to play the drive-in exploitation circuit in the early 60's. These films always had outlandish claims as to what they showed, but would be followed by a "square reel," often of a Doris Wishman nudist film, to give the people their share of tits and keep them from tearing the theater apart. For additional profit, they sold $1.00 sex education booklets at intermission.

I routinely buy everything Something Weird Video releases, but didn't have high hopes for this one. I ended up watching both films start to finish, as well as many of the special features. It is a real time capsule, but won't interest many. I feel they did a very good job with this DVD, but it is not for everyone. We will call the genre 60s exploitation, and make this a C-.

Paula Haywood shows a breast in the sex scene.








Today as the old Time Machine heads home for the holiday weekend, we stop off in 1986 for "9 1/2 Weeks." When this came out there was much talk about how extreme it was. Looks kind of tame now. But Kim Basinger certainly looked hot with her teases of tit and those sexy legs.





Victoria Principal's one and only movie nude scene in The Naked Ape.

Cristina Marsillach in Every Time We Say Goodbye.

In case you have wondered, here's what Jeanne Tripplehorn looks like today, in Big Love



Pat's comments in yellow...

Researchers at the Institute for Regenerative Medicine at Wake Forest Baptist Medical Center report that they have successfully grown rabbit penises in the lab.  It's a first step to growing replacement human organs for injured and disfigured men.  They said the rabbit organs worked "like a charm," and transplant recipients were able to get female rabbits pregnant.

*  And you thought a rabbit's FOOT was a lucky charm.

Tuesday in Boston, John Gomes was on trial for murder and apparently got angry with the judge's rulings, so he started strangling his lawyer in court.  Several police officers had to run over and help.

*  They always wanted to help strangle a defense lawyer.

Madonna has a response to church leaders upset by her new concert tour, in which she's lowered on stage while hanging Christ-like from a huge, mirrored cross as images of African poverty appear on video screens.  She says Jesus would be okay with it.  Madonna told the New York Daily News, "I don't think Jesus would be mad at me and the message I'm trying to send...Jesus taught that we should love thy neighbor."

*  And Madonna has loved thousands of 'em!

*  She's sure Jesus would love her concert, if He could get tickets.