"Venus Rising"

Venus Rising (1995) has Audie England topless in a pair of panties, is well photographed, and has a cast that includes Jessica Alba, Joel Gray, Morgan Fairchild and Costas Mandylor. Unfortunately, if they ever had a script, the clearly lost it long before the start of principle photography. It is a future society, we learn from text based exposition, and, after a prison riot, "the company" sealed off the prison to isolate it. Now there are second generation prisoners, and they are nearly out of food. Everyone is starving. A shipwreck victim washes up on the island with his lunch box. These starving people, who are in top physical condition, kill him, then fight with each other, then three of them escape to "Pacifica" on the man's lifeboat. Of course, one of them has a house arrest implant that will kill him if he stays off the prison island, or tampers with the implant. When he tries to molest England, she tampers with the device. And now they are two.

Except, she is separated from her "sort of" boyfriend. She has sex for money with a tourist on the beach, and then kills him expertly when he wants a little more. Meanwhile, the head of police in Pacifica was warned of the escape, and blackmails Mandylor into finding and killing the escapees. England makes friends with a lesbian, who has a nifty pyramid than manufactures pharmaceuticals to put her in any mood she wants, but is clinically and suicidally depressed. Shortly after England moves in, she jumps off a cliff on an idle whim, so England assumes her identity.

When England sleeps, she dreams about the death of her mother and father, and other niceties of her youth on the prison island. She gets a job cocktailing, and learns to use the virtual reality machine for a little cybersex with, you guessed it, Mandylor. She ends up getting together with Mandylor in real life, and then her boyfriend shows up to make trouble. All of this nonsense is great storytelling in comparison to the ending.

IMDb readers say 2,4, but with 71.7% of the votes being a one, the lowest possible score. All of the comments call it the worst film ever made. To be fair, one sex scene is decent, and the gin mill set where England cocktails is fairly well done. Certainly not enough positive to give this more than a D-.

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  • Audie England (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17)

  • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)


    This matter is kind of out of my field of expertise, but maybe some of you can help. If you have any leads on the following, write me and I'll pass them on.


    Maybe you can help me with this.  Here recently I started researching actresses who've done mainstream and hardcore work, and I remembered Holly Sampson (Emanuelle 2000) had done some work. 
    So I started looking (again, this will be important as I'll explain later) and came up with quite a few things however when I researched this a few years ago (with the help of the search engine on the back issues page of the fun house, which started me off originally 2 years ago with very good results btw) I swore I found she did some other work as well, she either was wearing a brunette / black wig / or dyed/natural hair and was doing gonzo / anal on camera. 
    But as I said I cannot find out what movies those were or what alias she performed under.  I located quite a few things with her alias Nicolette Foster (including the fact that she did some more bondage / fetish videos for FM Productions as late as Aug. / Oct. 2004, but otherwise has fallen off the face of the earth as far as I can tell)  She also starred in the fetish video that Sarah Kozar (of Joe Millionaire fame) was in, called Pantyhose Pairs.
    I'm wanting to think she started off in hardcore stuff, then went and did some softcore films, which eventually led to the Emanuelle gig, then around 2001 she got her new factory installed chest put in, and did some more work with ALSScan, and one more Emanuelle movie in 2003, then disappeared, doing mainly fetish stuff until last year (as I pointed out above) I'm not overly interested in the fetish stuff as I've found more than I ever wanted to at the link below.
    Anyway what I need help with is trying to locate the names of what films were done under another name possibly or (if at all possible) trying to locate a total filmography on what she has performed in.  The only reason I ask is there are no good internet based searches that are comprehensive as well as correct.  IMDB, CNDB, IAFD, and various porn retailers all either were not complete in their listing or mixed her up with other actresses.
    Going with the names she has appeared on film as Nicolette Foster, Nicolette (this causes problems as I'll explain) and possibly Zoe (I know her ALSScan stuff she uses this name, but I think that's how I stumbled on the gonzo stuff, I think, to begin with was looking this up, since it's been over 2 years and a HD crash later which had all that info on it) I cannot be to sure anymore. Plus the only gal named Zoe is not her so she might have used Zoe "something".  The Nicolette confusion comes from the fact that she has used the name, as well as a gal from Budapest (who is a short haired blonde with a penchant for anal / DP, and a black actress who does similar work as well.
    Here's the list I've managed to compile so far
    1998 A Slave to Fashion (V) (As Nicolette)
    1998 Touch (As Nicolette)
    1998 Infinite Bliss (As Nicollete)
    Foot Sex Spectacular! (link below)

    Unconfirmed (but not what I was looking for, just not sure if she was in any of these)
    2001 Triple X Files 3 (V)
    Wit Maverick's TRYST OF FATE (Dunno if it's her)
    WICKED DEEDS ??? (not sure)
    Naked Truth, The (Ultimate)
    Here's a link to her stuff she's been doing at FM Productions
    Anyway, I know that's a lot to look into, but if you can't do it, or can't find anything in the Funhouse Archives that expand upon what I'm looking for I would appreciate it if you could pass this along to Brainscan and The Gimp and hopefully they might have better luck than me locating the movies that I can't find a trace about anymore. (If they even existed at all)
    I'll leave it up to you how you want to deal with this, you can email me direct (as well as the other two gentlemen, if they find / have information) or you can post this in the funhouse as well if you want / need to.  I'll leave that up to your discretion, getting the information is the important thing to me in the end.



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    • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
    • If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
    • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
    • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

    Jr's Polls are the results of our recent "Most Overrated Movie" poll

    .Email Scoopy Jr. if suggestions for future polls.

    Here are the results of our previous polls:
    The Top 20 Nude Scenes of 2004
    The Best Nude Film Debuts of the 80s
    The Best Nude Film Debuts of the 90s
    Which actress has been the most convincing playing a stripper.
    Who has the best bum in Hollywood?
    Best All Time Television Comedy
    Best Nudity in an Oscar-winning performance
    The Top 20 Best Straight Sex Scenes
    Best Lesbian Love Scenes

    'Caps and comments by Hankster:

    Today we take a trip back in the old "Time Machine" and land in 1984 for a look at "Biohazard", one of Fred Olen Ray's earlier films.

    Now this is a really bad movie, but it's so bad you just wind up laughing at it. The best part is actually the bloopers that run with the screen credits at the end.

    It does however give 2 reasons for sticking with it.

    First we have Angelique Pettyjohn showing off her massive hooters as she has them kissed and fondled. This lady had a rather strange history she was at one time featured in the old TV series "Get Smart" in a recurring role, moved on to B-Movies and later did some porn flicks. Sadly she passed away at an early age from cancer.

    We also have very nice toplessness from Loren Crabtree in a bathtub scene. This is her only credited role according to IMDB

    'Caps and comments by Spaz:

    "Showgirls" (1995)
    Funhouse classic with all around nudity by Liz although it appears in some scenes she has the genitalia of a Barbie Doll.

    "Porky's" (1982)
    This movie is still an embarrassment to the Canadian film industry because it's still the Canada's most commercially successful movie. Kim Cattrall really hated doing this movie because while she had a no-topless clause in her contract she forgot to get a no-bottomless clause.

    "A Certain Sacrifice" (1978)
    Grade-Z arthouse film starring an unknown 20 year-old Madonna Louise Ciccone. Released in 1985 after she became famous. This movie was shot about the same time she was posing nude for photograhs which would show up many years later in both hefmag and guccimag.

    • Madonna: topless getting gangbanged.

    "Cafe Society" (1995)
    Something you don't see in many Hollywood movies, an A-list actress spitting out sperm after giving a blow job.

    "A Knight's Tale" (2001)
    Medieval movie set to rock music.

    "Sweet Angel Mine' (1995)
    Last movie for Margaret Langrick from My American Cousin. She was seen a year later with the film's director Curtis Radclyffe with a baby in tow.

    Moccasin Flats II: episode In the Mix
    Episode I kept on missing until this week.

    Show Me Yours II: episode Pandora's Box
    Just about everyone had sex in this week's episode.

    Kari Wuhrer
    (1, 2, 3, 4)

    The long time Fun House favorite and B-movie queen showing off her bum and former robo-boobs while gettin' it on with a lesser Baldwin in scenes from "Spider's Web" (2001).

    Jennifer Jason Leigh
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)

    Señor Skin 'caps of the "Fast Times at Ridgemont High" star still looking great topless 20+ years later in scenes from the indie film "The Machinist" (2004).

    Pat Reeder
    Pat's comments in yellow...

    So Carrie Did It With Paula? - Wednesday night, Carrie Underwood was named the latest "American Idol" over rocker Bo Bice, but the reaction was not universally positive. Fox's website was flooded with angry posts from Bo fans, swearing never to watch again and accusing the show of being rigged. Some items that aroused their suspicions: Simon Cowell had called Carrie the winner from day one and seldom criticized even her most off-key performances...Some polls showed the public preferred Bo by up to 2-to-1...And the UK's Independent newspaper site posted an article about "AI" creator Simon Fuller on Tuesday that referred to Carrie as this year's winner, then quickly yanked it with no explanation.

  • What can they say? They're psychic!
  • There's a simple explanation: It wasn't supposed to run until Thursday.
  • That's okay, Bo already achieved his greatest ambition: he met Lynyrd Skynryd.
  • Bo's fans said he'll be another Clay Aiken...So Bo killed himself.
  • Even non-fans had to admit Carrie looked sharp...Sounded sharp, too.

    "Surprise?" - In a surprise move, Michael Jackson's defense rested without ever calling him to testify. Jackson's attorney had told the jury that Michael would tell them his side, but legal analysts think he decided Jackson is a loose cannon and it would be dangerous to let him talk. They hope they have tarnished the accusers and prosecution witnesses enough to create reasonable doubt that he molests boys and to promote the idea that he's just a harmless, eccentric man-child who likes to sleep with boys.

  • More than anything on Earth...
  • Other than that, he's a responsible caregiver who generously provides other people's children with free wine and porn.
  • In summation: "My client is not a perv, he's a retard!"
  • Is there such a thing as a "reasonable" doubt that Michael Jackson is a pedophile?
  • Besides, if they put him on the stand, he'd start sweating and his face would fall off.

    Assault And Batteries - Stuff magazine reports on the silly and demeaning things music stars have servants for. Mariah Carey employs a "petite Colombian woman" just to keep her long skirts from touching the floor and to carry a backpack full of bottled water. Rapper N.O.R.E. has a flunky who stands onstage and swings a towel to hype up the crowd. Nelly has a "personal jewelry jockey" to tote his bling. And Ludacris has a toadie whose only job is to make sure his Gameboy always has fresh batteries.

  • Now, THAT'S Ludacris!
  • Their financial advisor: M.C. Hammer.
  • These aren't easy jobs: Nelly's bling weighs 300 pounds.
  • But they're not extravagant: none of these people make over $200,000 a year.

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