Club Dread (2004) is supposedly a comedy send-up in the 70s style of slasher films by the comedy troop Broken Lizard. It takes place on a tropical island in Costa Rica (actually shot in Mexico) at a young swingers resort run by a Jimmy Buffet character, called Coconut Pete, and played by Bill Paxton. Somebody starts slashing the staff with a machete, even before the credits. So, everyone has to figure out whodunnit, stay alive, and hide the problems from the guests.
I watched the entire film without so much as a chuckle, and there wasn't a single startle moment in the entire film. While I was working on the captures, I listened to one of the commentaries, and even after the director pointed out the funny parts, I still found nothing to laugh at. Three identifiable women show breasts, two of them before the opening credits. They are Elena Lyons, Jordan Ladd and Tanya Reichart. Two other women show breasts in a long dark shot by the pool at night. IMDb readers have it at 5.4 of 10. It did not do at all well at the box office. Ebert awarded 2 1/2 stars. My guess is that he is a Jimmy Buffett fan, as Paxton and the Buffett parody was the most entertaining aspect. This is a C-. It is technically competent but lacks both sufficient humor and fright to work as ether a comedy of a slasher.
Cruel Game (2001) probably considers itself an erotic thriller. The acting and the score are consistent with that genre, as is the editing. What it really is, however, is a 70 minute romantic soap followed by a 19 minute thriller that really needed to be a complete surprise to be at all effective, Unfortunately, they changed the title from She Said I Love You to Cruel Game, so we knew all along that something untoward was actually going on.
Brad (Adam Baratta) has big money from an inheritance, and runs a successful company producing commercials. He has commitment issues after his mother did something nasty to his father, which is never really explained. He is wildly successful with women, but refuses to get close, that is, until Yuki (Jennifer Tung). Yuki shares an apartment with Carrie Stevens, who wore a staple in her navel in June, 1997. Brad is doing Stevens on a regular basis, but has started dating Yuki, and is falling for her.
Any more plot would spoil what surprise there is left in this film. Although there are sex scenes with both Tung and Stevens, the only exposure is brief breasts and partial buns from Stevens. IMDb readers have this at 3.5 of 10, with only 13 votes in the three years since release. As near as I can tell, this never had a theatrical release of any kind. Some of the supporting cast did a good job, and I have a nagging feeling that, in the hands of a better writer, this could have been watchable. As it is, it is a colossal waste of time. D.
|Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)
A "best of" The Daily Show - Ah-nuld wins the California recall.
Gwyneth Paltrow to Play Marlene Dietrich . If true,
Gwyneth had the shortest retirement in history. (About two weeks
ago, she was going to stop acting until her babies are grown.)
- Interesting GALLUP poll:
Which Branch of the Armed Forces Is Most Important? For
the first time since the late 40s, people are not voting
overwhelmingly for the Air Force. It is now a virtual three-way
tie between the Army, Marines, and Air Force.
Halle Berry says "Give me a baby and I'm yours". I
don't think there will be any shortage of applicants for that
Crime laboratory evidence shows the woman who accused Kobe Bryant
of rape had consensual sex with another man hours after the Kobe
incident, MSNBC reported on Wednesday. Most important,
this seems to be DNA evidence from the prosecution's own
Zogby poll: if election were held today, Kerry would win by 102
Llap-Goch -the Secret Welsh ART of SELF DEFENCE that requires NO
INTELLIGENCE, STRENGTH or PHYSICAL courage.
The poster for Open Water, this year's big buzz at Sundance
The Stepford Wives Photo Flipbook - 21 New Pics
Outline of President's Army War College Speech explaining plan to
grant Iraq the freedom to enjoy puppet government and decades-long
foreign military control.
Playmate Gallery: Stacy Sanches, Playmate of the Year, 1996 -
Courtesy of PlayboyPlus.com!
Four free short films from Playboy Big Breast Babes!
Gary Condit makes an uncredited appearance in the 1988 cult
classic 'Return of the Killer Tomatoes.'
Fantasia Barrino Voted 'American Idol'
Poll Shows 100% of Voters Prefer Bush at Barbecue. 50%
would like to BBQ with him, and the other 50% would just like to
KERRY UNDECIDED ON RUNNING MATE, WHAT TO HAVE FOR LUNCH
. Don't rush me, presumptive nominee tells Applebee's
Geophysicist speculates that all dinosaurs died within hours of
one another. It must have been from grief. Just like
those old married couples - when one dies, the other can longer
bear to live.
Upset husband hangs himself with wife's sari. Because
love means never having to save her sari.
- Darwin Award Department:
Man dies from bites from poisonous snakes he ordered online.
I assume that several postal inspectors are also dead. Seriously,
something is fishy about this story. The man is from Scotland,
ordered the snakes from a dealer in Florida, and picked them up in
an Arkansas airport. Even assuming there is some logic behind
that, how was he planning to get those non-indigenous live
reptiles back to Scotland? Most countries are a little touchy
about that kind of thing.
Harvard's controversial "H Bomb Magazine" is out and there is a
web preview (with naked stuff). H Bomb is a discussion
of sex and sexuality at Harvard, and it is just sufficiently
posturing, sesquipedalian, and pseudo-artistic to allow you the
psychological comfort of viewing naked college chicks without the
guilt which might be associated with porn.
OSCAR-winner Mira Sorvino, 36, is engaged to actor Chris Backus,
22, and the two plan to wed in Southern California this summer.
'Spanky' the Clown Arrested on pornography charges,
along with his pet, Spanky the Monkey.
The big headline in Norway today: man uses own passport.
This face recognition software might still need some work.
The three celebrities that look like me are: Michael Jordan, Eddie
Murphy, and Sean Connery. Yeah, I'm often mistaken for those guys,
US court blocks Ashcroft on assisted suicide
Kissinger tape: Nixon too drunk to speak with British PM about
world crisis.. And then when he got REALLY bombed, he
thought it would be a real hoot to name Gerald Ford as
vice-president. He was going to name "Donald Duck" at first, but
he thought Ford would be even a sillier choice.
Jacko accuser seeks damages - not against Jacko, but against the
County of Los Angeles
Great headline in the LA Times.
Troy's Top 10 Celebrity Nip-Slips
Abba To Zappa - pop music quiz
- URL says it all:
Is the Harry Potter kid too old for the part. Well, I
have to admit it's a little clumsy to see him levitating with a
How much did Bogart get for making "Maltese Falcon" and
"Casablanca"? Bogie was under an annual contract to
Warner Brothers. In 1942, he was paid $114,000 to make Casablanca
and three other pictures.
Journalists far more liberal than the general public..
Pretty interesting report. The gap is especially evident on social
issues, where journalists are FAR more liberal about atheism and
homosexuality, for example, than the general public. National
journalists are, in turn, far more liberal than local journalists.
Also: "There is a manifest and widening gulf between journalists
and the people they work for."
Firm action against a key figure in the Abu Ghraib scandal.
Of course, they aren't punishing the people who committed the
crimes. They're punishing the guy who ratted them out! .
Deservedly deleted scenes. One of my favorite DVD
commentaries is Weird Al on the UHF deleted scenes, in which he
says stuff like "there's a pretty good reason why we deleted this
scene - it SUCKS!"
Cyber church re-tooled. They removed lots of visitor
freedom and added more smiting. That really is getting a lot like
Strip clubs oppose Bush, favor Wax.
The University of Colorado has decided to reinstate suspended
football coach Gary Barnett. However, he's now going to
coach the women's teams.
MTV ready to launch first gay network (not including
Bravo, that is)
Brilliant robber holds up a bank, then asks them to call him a
Billy Bob says losing Angie was the stupidest thing he's ever
done. Oh, I don't know. That would be true for most
men, but Billy Bob has a long lifetime of stupid things, and I'm
sure he can find worse if he searches his memory. Being afraid of
old furniture comes to mind. As for Jolie, it's obvious from her
current lover than Billy Bob was just too young for her.
Royal Marine tells doc - cut off my leg so I can get back to work.
He was the model for the Black Knight in "Holy Grail".
I'm shocked. SHOCKED! to discove that Courtney Love does drugs.:
"Rock star Courtney Love pleaded guilty Tuesday to a misdemeanor
count of being under the influence of a controlled substance "
Ain't It Cool News reviews Day After Tomorrow - "a proud piece of
liberal science fiction"
Several behind-the-scenes pictures from Blowup
Way cool Flash animation game featuring GWB killing terrorists!
Britain's worst pick-up lines.
CBS again tops in the "sweeps"
JoBlo does Cannes. Part 14
View a new clip from The Stepford Wives
Here is the first trailer for Oliver Stone's ALEXANDER
Mozilla 1.8 Alpha 1 is now available.
archives. May also include newer material than the ones above,
since it's sorta in real time.
to submit a URL for Other Crap
are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.
- The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the
review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
- If there is a white asterisk, it means that
there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined
there might be something else of interest.
- A blue asterisk indicates the review is written
by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
- If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too
ashamed to admit it.
Words from Scoop.
.avi's from Shiloh.
.wmv files made by Scoop from Shiloh's .avi's.
The Chamomile Lawn
Unless you're from the UK or a big film buff, you
probably don't know who the hell Jennifer Ehle is. And that is
really a shame. She is one of those women whose lack of
international superstardom is a mystery to me. She is a beautiful
woman, photogenic, and a competent actress. She has a very animated
face, and the camera loves her in every way - picking up
radiance as well as outer beauty. And, most important of all, she
does nudity and looks great with her clothes off.
Natalie Wood's look-alike daughter, Natasha Gregson
Wagner, showing off all the goodies in Quiet Days in Hollywood (.wmv, .avi)
Perhaps these tips will help if you have trouble
with the codecs for these movies:
FYI when I hypercam vids to make the file size smaller I use
DivX MPEG-4 Fast-Motion for the video compressor, then I use
virtualdub to compress the audio. The properties for the
vids says the video codec: DivX Decoder Filter & audio
codec: Morgan Stream Switcher which I'm not familiar with.
When I compress the audio with virtualdub I use MPEG
Layer-3. A friend of mine told me about compressing the
audio about (6) mos. ago. Like I said previously, only been
capping for a year & a half & I'm no expert. Hopefully this
info will help members with the proper codecs for my vids.
When I cap big brother's I use hypercam mostly & sdp &
asfrecorder if the set up allows me. I stopped using
camtasia cause the file sizes were always too big, could
never figure out the process, over my head lol, plus it cost
too much to buy in my opinion.
A reader says:
You mentioned that some users were
having trouble with the videos on your site. There is a tool
designed to determine what codec is needed for a video.
http://www.headbands.com/gspot/ Hope this is useful to you
or your users.
I made the .wmv versions of each video. The codecs for these: Windows Video V8, Windows Audio 9.
The upside of these is that you know the codecs, and they'll play in
the Windows Media Player. The downside is that they are slightly
larger, and slightly lower quality.
'Caps and comments by Brainscan:
Andy Sidaris has a cult following. Guess I'm part of
it. I've seen all of his movies, including The Racing
Scene and Stacey, so when I rented the DVD of Hard
Ticket to Hawaii I wasn't expecting any surprises.
But I ran into a couple.
First off, Hard Ticket is the iconic Sidaris movie.
Malibu Express has more nudity and way more cornball
humor than the typical Sidaris film, so it's out of
the running. Stacey started the trend of using
Heffers as stars and eye-candy but it and Seven gave
us only one to ogle. From Hard Ticket onward to
Return to Savage Beach we have the following elements:
1) Hawaii; 2) Dona Speir as a tough agent for some
secret gov't agency (a similar agent had been played
by Sybil Danning in Seven and would be played by Julie
Strain in the last few movies); 3) hot-tubs with naked
babes; 4) Heffers playing characters with the same
first names as the acrresses; 5) toplessness that was
gratuitous in scenes that were not.
In the context of the last element it is fair to say
that the iconic Sidaris scene is found early in Hard
Ticket. Like John Wayne on horseback as the sun sets
over the Painted Desert in a John Ford movie. Or a
malevolent force at work in American surburbia in a
Speilberg movie. Icons, all.
In The Scene, the exuberantly built Ms. Speir and
uber-cutie, Hope Marie Carlton stand topless in a
hot-tub, cut open a found package and discover
diamonds. The scene is essential to the progress of
the plot, whereas the toplessness is as gratuitous as
it is welcome.
The Scene has been capped by some of the best artists
in the business, as have the other topless events in
Hard Ticket by Dona, Hope Marie and two other Heffers
(Cynthia Brimhall (yummy) and Patty Duffek). So I
wasn't gonna do nuthin' with it until I got to the
credits and found a series of three-second clips of
alternate camera angles for The Scene and for all the
other nekkid Heffer scenes. Them I capped and I added
a collage of Hope Marie from The Scene because it is
The Scene. Oh yeah, and there were production stills
of the babes but only the ones with Patty Duffek were
So I'm thinking that if the Honorable Mr. Sidaris had
these clips and these stills hanging about the house,
perhaps he has others. And perhaps he could make a
disk with his outtakes and sell them. Perhaps all he
needs is a little encouragement.
And while I was capping Heffers...as out of character
as that is for lil' ol' me... I thought I'd look at
What's Up Tiger Lily? Credits at the end of the movie
have former Heffer China Lee stripping down to her
undies while Woody Allen watches her. Maybe that was
the start of a certain preoccupation with young Asian
women. Who knows? Then there is a single frame of an
animated Woody with his hands over the breasts of a
young Asian woman. Hmmm. He looks embarrassed.
Tiger Lily was the first of Mr. Allen's productions,
although it involved nothing more than dubbing new
dialogue over a Japanese James Bond movie. Very
uneven, funny only in Mel Brooksian, grab you by the
throat and scream at you to laugh sort of way. Worth
a look only for historical reasons.
'Caps and comments by The Ghost:
Today we feature Aussie actress and former "Baywatch" babe Simmone Jade MacKinnon starring in a quartet of Oversize Critter Movies....
"The Lost World" (1999)
Simmone Jade MacKinnon guests stars on the syndicated series as the queen of a hive of extremely large bees. There were two versions of her rising from a pool of honey filmed. In the first she is topless, but her hair covers her breasts. In the second version of the scene her hair is pulled back revealing her breasts.
- Simmone Jade MacKinnon (links #7 and #8 feature the toplessness)
- Simmone Jade MacKinnon .wmvs (Link #2 is the nekkid version).
"Python 2" (2002)
Simmone Jade MacKinnon stars along side Dana Ashbrook (Twin Peaks) in a film about a reasonably smart, supersized snake wreaking havoc in and around a secret Russian military base.
- Simmone Jade MacKinnon (no nudity)
"Deep Shock" (2003)
Simmone Jade MacKinnon stars along side David Keith (Officer And A Gentleman, Daredevil) in a film about very smart, reasonably oversized electric eels that threaten submarines in the arctic.
- Simmone Jade MacKinnon (face only)
"Dark Waters" (2004)
Simmone Jade MacKinnon stars along side Lorenzo Lamas (Snake Eater, The Renegade, The Immortal) in a film about supersized, super smart sharks menacing submarines and surface ships in the Gulf of Mexico.
- Simmone Jade MacKinnon, exellent cleavage, bikini and wet t-shirt views.
- Simmone Jade MacKinnon, bikini scene .wmvs
And a couple of non-critter movie bonus images from the Attila the Hun biography.
- Simmone Jade MacKinnon
||Katie's fantastic (and sadly her only) toplessness in scenes from "The Gift" (2000). Look for Katie on the big screen next summer in the new Batman movie. 'Caps by Twitchy.
||Ricci topless in scenes from "Prozac Nation".
|The former Heffer O' the Year (1970) and 70's Drive-In babe going topless and full frontal (link #7) in scenes from "The Great Texas Dynamite Chase" (1976).
|Señor Skin 'caps of the Polish actress baring all in scenes from 1992's "Husbands and Lovers".
|Pat Reeder www.comedy-wire.com
Pat's comments in yellow...
MADONNA TOUR OFF TO ROCKY START
Bad Material, Girl - Tuesday in Los Angeles, Madonna canceled the second date
of her first tour in three years due to stomach flu, but she issued a
statement saying she would be "back at 100 percent" by today. The BBC reports that
some fans were upset that the show is short on old hits and long on spiritual
and anti-war statements. One griped, "Nobody cares about her political
views...I mean, come on, dude, get out there, start dancing! She didn't even sing
'Like A Virgin' or anything! Come on!"
Fans wanted "Like A Virgin," and what they got was like a lecture.
At this late date, she can't even remember what it feels like to be LIKE a
It was especially annoying when she blamed her stomach flu on George W.
BIRD POOPS IN SINGER'S MOUTH
Everyone's A Critic - Saturday in Mansfield, Massachusetts, Cyndi Lauper was
reaching for a high note during the opening number of an outdoor concert when
a passing sparrow dropped a load of bird poop right into her open mouth. She
just wiped her tongue on her sleeve and kept singing. But backstage
afterward, she griped that another bird once plopped on her head onstage, and her
grandmother told her it was good luck, "but I think it's disgusting."
Hey, birds just wanna have fun.
That's when she first got the idea to have multi-colored hair.
Wouldn't it be great if an American eagle did this to Madonna while she
was spouting off about politics?
REALITY SHOW FOR BIG LOSERS
Tune In And Watch Them Not Eat! - NBC will air a new eight-episode reality
series in which plus-size contestants compete against each other to see who can
lose the most weight without any surgery or liposuction. It will be called
"The Biggest Loser."
That could be the name of ANY reality show.
But the important thing to remember is that, in this show, they're really
Make them spend eight weeks on "Fear Factor"...That'll kill their
TABLES TURNED ON MICHAEL MOORE
Moore Is Less - "Fahrenheit 9/11" will have competition this summer: young
filmmaker Michael Wilson is releasing a documentary in the same style called
"Michael Moore Hates America." Wilson says it's not a hatchet job; he just
humorously points out how Moore twists the truth to make political points and
visits with average people who disagree with Moore and love America. But after
months of filming, Wilson has yet to get an interview with Moore. He said the
situation has reversed, and Moore is now the rich celebrity trying to dodge a
young filmmaker who wants to ask uncomfortable questions.
Michael Moore is now the fat cat...The really, really fat cat.
Has he tried offering him a box of Krispy Kremes?
He even bought a special wide-angle lens for the interview.
This film will get a standing ovation at Cannes, from Frenchmen walking
WEB LINK: www.michaelmoorehatesamerica.com
MAN DIVORCES WIFE OVER SECRET EXTREME MAKEOVER
Birth Of The Blues - The Heilongjiang Morning Post of China reports that Jian
Feng was horrified when his wife gave birth to an ugly baby daughter. He
suspected her of cheating until she confessed that before their whirlwind romance
and marriage, she'd had $127,000 (US) worth of plastic surgery in South
Korea. She showed him a picture of how she used to look. He divorced her and
successfully sued her for $99,000 for deceit.
That's how much he'll have to spend on his daughter's plastic surgery.
He WILL miss her breasts, though...
She gave birth to an 8-pound, 2-ounce nose with a baby attached.
His wife was a Swan, but their kid looked more like an ostrich.
Remember when the two subjects on "Extreme Makeover" got married? Their
kids are gonna look like orangutans.