Hollow Man 2 (2006)

Critics sometimes say that that an actor "phoned in" his performance. Almost invariably,  they are writing figuratively, possibly excepting references to John Forsythe on Charlie's Angels. In this film, however, Christian Slater really could have phoned it in from his living room. Since he is playing an invisible man who stays invisible, his presence was not required except for a couple of brief flashbacks and a brief finale.

It seems that the government has a secret plan to develop invisible assassins. Christian Slater was one of the candidates, but something went horribly wrong in the experiment and he became not only permanently invisible, but stark raving mad as well. Well, actually, he may have been nuts to begin with, since he was picked for the program because his list of war crimes made him expendable. I mean, who would care if a war criminal died as a scientific guinea pig? In fact, one must concede that the government program was actually a complete success. The pentagon met its goal of creating a perfect assassin. On the other hand, he might have been more useful if he had been assassinating terrorists and spies, or at least Broadway actors, instead of wiping out scientists and philosophers and day-care workers and the entire buffet line at Sbarros. But, jeez, no scientific program is ever perfect immediately. Remember how many rockets misfired or blew up in the early days of the space program? Like all those rockets in the Atlantic, the dead pizza customers just have to be viewed as a necessary part of the ironing-out process.

The essence of the film is that Hollow Guy needs to find a scientist who can create more top-secret sera for him. In addition to his invisibility drug, he needs a "buffer" drug because without it he experiences extreme tissue and organ degeneration - which is to say he rots. He finally determines that the only scientist who can help him is an incredibly hot babe, so he hunts her down. Meanwhile, the army has to keep everybody else in the world from figuring out what's going on. The Seattle police get caught in the top secret maneuvering because Seattle citizens keep dying and various colonels and generals keep taking over the cases without explaining why. The denouement of the film comes when the hunky young male cop and the incredibly hot scientist go on the lam, running from ... well, from everyone, more or less. Hollow Guy is trying to find them so he can get the serum and then kill them. The Army is trying to find them so they can kill them and prevent the serum from being made. They are even being pursued by some bill collectors, and one of Hollow Guy's fellow graduates of Invisible Assassin Academy, who is rotting faster than a bruised banana.

The film is completely routine, rounds up the usual suspects, and really makes no use at all of an interesting premise (invisibility) until the last five minutes of the film when two invisible dudes fight it out in the rain. That actually was a pretty cool scene, but before that the special effects consisted of a bunch of actors throwing themselves around a room, pretending to interact with an invisible guy. Nothing about the film is original, but it is assembled in a workmanlike fashion with good photography, respectably good acting, a reasonably effective musical score, a good 2.35:1 DVD transfer, and three "making of" featurettes. It is a competent DVD of a competent movie.




One of Terri Anne Welyki's breasts falls out in a general melee caused by El Hombre Hollow at a party.

Zara Taylor is topless in a completely gratuitous scene in which two unnecessary characters are filming a home porn tape in the house next door to a main character. (Hollow Guy hides out there to spy on his prey.)

I never heard of Zara before this week, and she has now made the Fun House two consecutive days with some pretty good nudity in two different movies. We say her yesterday in Cigarette Burns (see Vejiita's section).





Other Crap:

The gray-haired guy wins American Idol

Photo Album: USS Oriskany (retired aircraft carrier) sunk to become an artificial reef.

  • Oriskany was scuttled in 210 feet of water in the Gulf of Mexico on 17 May

National Review's top 50 conservative rock songs of all time

Dreaming about the possibilities for Internet2

Weekly World News discovers "Death's Actual Door"


Real Man of Genius: the Pro Wrestling Wardrobe Guy

The six words that provide your absolute assurance of quality: Written and directed by Ben Affleck

Jesse MacBeth's blog (Satire from Iowahawk) In case you missed the whole Jesse MacBeth thing, Here is a summary of the controversy.

Per Pat Robertson's website, Robertson can leg-press 2000 pounds, thanks to an age-defying protein shake that Robertson personally developed.

Re: Pat Robertson's one-ton leg lifts: "I know, I was thinking, 'Big surprise, Pat Robertson is a lying sack of shit.' Researching the story for myself, I found this image. Maybe he's not lying?"

Checks, Balances & an FBI Raid on Congress

  • Get this - since the FBI is technically part of the executive branch, Congressmen claim that the system of "checks and balances" places them completely above the law, as long as they hide the evidence of their crimes in the Capitol!

Deadspin - Roger Clemens update

What do you get when you cross Billy Joel and Christie Brinkley? Penelope Cruz.

Bruce Willis attacked by a rogue wave

Finally! A porn movie where the Maytag guy just repairs the Maytag and leaves.

  • This comes as manna from heaven for those of us who have always wanted to enjoy the dialogue, acting and plotting of porn movies without all that pesky sex!

Elizabeth Hurley shows off her Cannes

William Shatner sells Commodore - "the wonder computer of the 1980s"

Jeb Bush said he has discussed the NFL commissioner's job

Letterman: "Top Ten Signs There's Trouble in the Clinton Marriage"

Get Michael Rapaport on the phone. Got another role for him. Couple (one-half of which apparently has a small penis) busted after returning to the same adult store they previously shoplifted at.

  • (And they still had the stolen property in their car.)

Cannes sex films question role of porn

  • "Directors at the Cannes film festival this year say they are using radical images of sex to challenge mainstream pornography and its widespread availability on the Internet."
  • "There are kids who have seen pornography from a very early age, before they are ever gonna have sex," said Larry Clark
  • Ironically, much of the porn which the kids have seen on the internet consists of scenes from Larry Clark's movies! It's Larry's attempt at vertical integration: provide the material to the kids, then criticize society for letting them watch it! But it gets better - his movies are essentially about underage kids having sex, so when kids see them on the internet, they copy what they see, and give Larry material for future movies!

Cannes update: French audiences "boo" Sofia Coppola's "Antoinette"

Dean Martin and Jimmy Stewart make the mistake of using two adjoining payphones

Dean Martin and Orson Welles: Radio Sound Effects

Letterman Flips Off a Viewer

A killer reel of 1970s toy commercials

Baltimore police update

  • Baltimore must be the only American city where firing all the police would actually make the crime rate decrease.
  • When you think about it, Baltimore's police procedures make sense as a form of vertical integration. Why wait for the criminals to create crimes for you to solve? Why not be proactive? Just have the police commit the crimes, skip the middle man, and pass the savings on to us. The police get to benefit two ways (1) by deliberately not solving the crimes, they get to keep the loot (2) they get a bigger budget to combat the crime wave. It's genius!

Studio banks on Da Vinci prequel

  • They greenlighted a script for Dan Brown's other Robert Langdon book, Angels and Demons, creating another financial windfall for Dan, and thus encouraging other nutburgers to sue him, claiming they thought of the same bad ideas first.

British Headline of the Day: Great tits challenge evolutionary theory

  • Don't get your hopes up. This is from the home page of Oxford University

"Want to shoot a water balloon 140 MPH over 500ft? Then "The Douchenator" launcher is for you!"

  • I think this must have been invented by a guy I knew in college with the same name.

KFC flags fly at half-mast: Boo Boo the Chicken Dies!

  • And she was delicious!
  • "The exotic chicken that was saved from drowning by mouth-to-beak resuscitation more than three months ago has died"
  • We never forget where we were when we heard about the death of the greats ... Boo Boo, FDR, JFK, Jim Varney.
  • The story does have a heart-warming conclusion: The chicken lived to lay three eggs before dying. "We incubated one of her eggs, and it hatched," Calhoun said. "The chick has black and white markings like Boo Boo's."
  • The End ?????

A featurette and the trailer from The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift

"Geri Halliwell has named her baby daughter Bluebell Madonna."

  • "what really clinched it for me was my mother telling me that the bluebell is increasingly rare"
  • I'm gonna take a wild guess here and say Geri's mom has never been to Texas.

This week's movies (3600 screens): X-Men: The Last Stand - 63% positive reviews.

  • This is the only significant new release for the week. The movie must be pretty good, because everyone was prepared to pan it because of the director change.

This weekend's box office analysis from The Weekend Warrior

  • He thinks that the X-Men will come close to $100 million on the summer's long kick-off weekend, and that the total for the four days will be about $212 million for the top 12. That would be about 5% below last year.

Bai Ling's nipple falls out for 55th consecutive public appearance, nears DiMaggio's record.

Rebecca Romijn Likes her Sex Kinky and Public

  • If it's so fuckin' public, why haven't we actually seen any record of it?

Despite mixed reviews, one scene in X-Men 3 is receiving unqualified praise. Patrick Stewart and Ian McKellen are shown as young men with the help of remarkable CGI effects.

"Katie's very unhappy and beginning to realize she may have made a major mistake being with Tom."

  • Took her a while, eh? One thinks she may not be the sharpest tool in the shed.

"got a chance to see X-Men: The Last Stand on Tuesday evening and we can confirm that there is an extra clip after the ending credits. While the clip is fairly short, it is quite significant in what it reveals. So, do remember to stay in your seat until you've seen everything!"

Since the movie opens Friday: The Top 25 X-Men of all time

No whar but Texas ... A North Texas bridesmaid was struck by a stray bullet while preparing for the bouquet toss at her best friend's wedding reception.

No doubt there are cultural differences from nation to nation. One thing though, will never change...the fat kid always gets picked on! (video)

Sole Collector: for guys who REALLY take their athletic shoes seriously

From Cheerleader Guy: "The only thing better than cheerleaders is cheerleaders in bikinis. Click the video to see the Redskins Cheerleaders making their swimsuit calendar."

Voyager II detects solar system's edge

Throwing his full support behind the recent initiative to make English the official language of the United States, President Bush has stated through an interpreter that he is prepared to learn the language himself.

Superman's new power is FABULOUS!

"Late Teamster leader Jimmy Hoffa appeared in a new video broadcast worldwide today in which he taunted the Federal Bureau of Investigation for failing to find him in their recent search for his remains."

Pujols goes yard again. 23 HR, 57 RBI




Movie Reviews:

Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe). White asterisk: expanded format. Blue asterisk: not mine. No asterisk: it probably sucks.


Emotional Girl (1993)

"Na ge shao nu bu duo qing zhi tuo de yi huo" is a Hong Kong Category Three romantic comedy about a May-December romance. Jean (Ching Ching Yiu) returns from college, and is out celebrating in a disco with her cousin, when she runs into her old school friend Ivy (Jacqueline Ng), who was kicked out of school for trying to seduce a teacher. Jean invites her home for a visit. Meanwhile, her father and his girlfriend Judy (Julie Lee) are not getting along well. She seduces him, but it requires a monumental effort, and was not very satisfying. When daddy sees Ivy, sparks fly between them. Girlfriend Judy leaves in a huff, and daddy and Ivy become an item. Eventually, adult responsibilities keep him from playing with her constantly, and Ivy leaves. She ends up drunk at the home of a club DJ, but they only have a platonic relationship.

There is a small subplot where the DJ has a roommate who is dating an exchange student from Singapore, Pui Hui. The roommate is too timid to try anything, but the DJ isn't.

There is good news on the flubtitle front.


She really was a dumb-belt, and "blowing off the candles" is what women over 40 often do.

Frankly, this is a lackluster effort. The characters are likable, and the fact that the daughter approves of her father's relationship with her schoolmate is somewhat unique, but the sex is not especially exciting, and the music, mostly jazz sax, is just plain annoying. This film is neither especially good nor especially bad, and except for the translation errors, has little of the offbeat energy I enjoy in Category Three films. This is a C-.

IMDb has no ratings and there are no reviews linked.


Pui Hui shows breasts and buns.

Jacqueline Ng shows breasts and buns.

Julie Lee does full frontal and rear.









Today marks somewhat of an anniversary for me. One year ago today I retired from my long-time job and returned to "Uncle Scoopy's" forum after an absence. Today marks one full year without missing a day here.

Scoop's note: Congratulations, Hank, and many thanks for your unique perspective. Geez, those years do fly by!


The current Time Machine tour continues with a visit to 1971 and a look-see at "A Clockwork Orange".

Here's a classic scene with Adrienne Corri as a "Damsel in Distress," including full frontal nudity from the lovely and gagged Adrienne.

Some tittie from Carol Drinkwater.

Cheryl Grunwald with breasts in another "Damsel in Distress" scene.





Elizabeth Hurley shows the cans at Cannes.

Five short clips of Kelly McGillis in Grand Isle (not DVD quality - it's one zip file with all five .avis inside)


Pat's comments in yellow...

Ryan Seacrest had a bandaged hand last night because earlier in the day, he sat on a glass coffee table during a meeting and it shattered.  Seacrest said the table had a metal frame so he thought it would support him.  But he heard a loud pop and ended up sitting a pile of broken glass, feeling "like the biggest idiot."  He said when firefighters arrived, "I'm in full hair, full makeup, a suit, and blood all over my hand, my feet up in the air and glass in my ass."

*  Oh, like a fireman has never seen him in that position before! 

Monday, the Public Commission on the Oregon Legislature voted to recommend that Oregon legislators and staff members not be drunk while performing their duties.  But a commission member said they left it to House and Senate leaders to write rules and penalties regarding intoxication while legislating because "we were uncomfortable acting as a nanny."

*  Of course, there's nothing to stop them from writing the new rules and penalties while intoxicated.

*  Ted Kennedy called it a blatant violation of basic human rights.

The New Jersey Assembly voted 75-0 Monday to name an official state dirt.  Downer soil is a mixture of grayish brown and sandy dirt that absorbs water well, and the sponsors of the bill say it will help promote Garden State agriculture by making people talk about the farm dirt in a state that's mostly thought of as urban.  But critics called it "borderline ludicrous" and asked if the Assembly didn't have more pressing issues to address than naming a state dirt.

*  They're politicians: they shouldn't be honoring dirt, they should be slinging mud.

*  It's the perfect New Jersey dirt because it's great for farming, construction or burying dead squealers.

Tuesday, Congressional leaders of both parties complained to President Bush about the FBI searching Rep. William Jefferson's office, saying it's an improper infringement on their power

* Their power to hide bribe money in their office freezers

* If the FBI is allowed to search their offices, next thing you know, they'll start expecting Congressmen to obey laws!

In a radio poll, half of Namibians said they think the day Angelina Jolie gives birth to Brad Pitt's baby in Namibia should be declared a national holiday, like the birth of a king or queen

* The baby will be named The Lion King, and a baboon will hold it up high for all the massed tabloid reporters to worship.