Stripteaser (1995) is another Roger Corman New Concord strip-sploitation film. Based on the first two, I see a trend. Here are the probable rules for the genre so far.

1) There must be strippers
2) There must be a killer
3) There are few locations and few extras
4) The must be a high body count
5) You must have Maria Ford and Nikki Fritz topless
6) There should be another naked person, in this case newcomer Ann-Marie Holman, who does full frontal.

This is a much easier film to watch than Strip to Kill. The entire film takes place in Zippers Clown Palace strip club, where guess which three naked women work. A man pretending to be blind arrives after last call, and takes over the place at gunpoint, then terrorizes everyone there, including making a timid stuttering customer fuck Maria Ford, and getting a bottomless strip from Holman, who is girlfriend to a very butch Nikki Fritz. Seems this guy has been stalking Ford. Meanwhile, two rather seedy cops are making their way slowly but surely to the Clown Palace, and you know things will get bloody.

IMDB readers have this at 3.5 of 10, but Joe Bob thinks much more highly of it, and does a hilarious comparison between it at Striptease. Rick Dean as the mental case was very convincingly evil. Unfortunately, the transfer was very grainy and had lots of motion blur, indicating that it was not shot with a fast enough camera and film. This one is worth a look, if stripper's in peril stories appeal to you.

The best job ever:

Yesterday, I read Pat Reeder's comments about the Charlie's Angels director getting naked with all the angels. Pat suggested that McG must have the best job ever.

Maybe so, but I'd like to nominate Jorge Sanz, assuming he's heterosexual. In the movie I reviewed yesterday, Belle Epoque, he had sex scenes with Ariadna Gil, Penelope Cruz, Maribel Verdu, and a fourth babe-a-licious woman all in the same film. Now that's tough duty.

Upcoming nudity:

Reports from Tribeca and Cannes

• The Brown Bunny - Vincent Gallo's reportedly awful film features Chloe Sevigny smoking the sausage on camera, so it can't be ALL bad.
• Young Adam - Obi Wan whips out his light saber, as usual, joined in a saucy sex scene by Emily Mortimer. Literally saucy. He smears her with sauce and custard.
• Dogville - Nicole Kidman is raped repeatedly, but observers report that there is no nudity
• Levelland - Marie Brown is seen nekkid underwater.
• Love Object - Melissa Sagemiller brings out one breast in a bondage scene.
• Speaking of Sex - Melora Walters and Lara Flynn Boyle do topless scenes.

Other crap:

• You have to love those Aussies. Cairns mayor says - what the hell, take your tops off, ladies, it's good for tourism
• Here's your theme vacation. Go to Australia. Check out the topless women, then rent a helicopter and shoot some goats
• forget DiMaggio's hitting streak. These guys made an effort to break a truly important record - the Guinness World Record for Most People in One Place at One Time Wearing Groucho Marx Disguises
• the hell with honoring sports achievement in those Hall of Fames. Lets honor what's really great about sports - the hall of fame for great whiners
• Whitney Houston, we have a problem
• Rolling Stone article about life as a short, chubby guy who looks like Milton the Mumbly Guy in Office Space - except with a 14 inch dick
• Microsoft Chief Executive Officer Steve Ballmer has issued a statement saying he is selling "some Microsoft stock to diversify his financial investments". This week he dumped a billion dollars worth. Of course, he still has another ten billion worth sitting around at home, under the mattress.
• outrageous director Vincent Gallo is at it again with his candid, unvarnished comments - how did he know his film really sucked? When he was booed at Cannes? No, when the French liked it! "It is almost like salt in the wound," he said
• what else can you say after Dirty Sanchez the Movie?
• Joe Bob's webchicks
• Russian faux-lesbian teenage singer update, part I. Controversial pop duo and Russia's Eurovision hopefuls tATu were booed at dress rehearsals on Friday
• Russian faux-lesbian teenage singer update, part II. Turkey wins. Tatu finishes third
• Think Americans aren't really celebrity crazy? Think again. You'd think Oklahoma would be a sensible down-to-earth place, but according to statistics provided by the state's Health Department, there were 74 children born in Oklahoma in 2002 who were named Kobe. On the other hand, there were none named Shaq or Shaquille

Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.

• The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
• If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
• A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Lawdog or Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or Mick Locke, or somebody else besides me)
• If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

The movie: "Babe Watch: Forbidden Parody" aka "Bikini Academy" (1996)

The bottom line: the movie really, really blew. Both the cinematography and the transfer to DVD reached new lows. Probably the first time I've looked at a movie with a half-dozen nekkid babes, with enough material to make 20 collages and absolutely loathed the cinematic effort from top to bottom.

This movie wouldn't be worth watching if Pammy and Traci and all the Baywatch babes had gotten all nekkid and done one another.

• Ashlie Rhey, topless. (1, 2, 3, 4)

• Julie Reay, in a bikini.

• Kelly Hoffman, revealing her robo-boobs all but #5...that one has the thong views. (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

• Patcharee Clark, another bikini with a thong view.

• Raelynn Saalman, toplessness. (1, 2, 3, 4)

• Shannon Hall, thong.

• Tane McClure, a thong in #3, robo-boobs in the rest. (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

"Dangerous Prey" (1995)

An earlier Simandl direct-to-video with Shannon Whirry in a very hot love scene near the beginning but it's downhill from there. DVD only available from Hong Kong and it's not a good transfer.

• Shannon Whirry: full frontal love scene, all three Bs in shower.
• Kiara Hunter: buns and robo-hooters.
• Carol Cartier: nipple flash getting raped.
• Daniela Krhut: boobs and butt in shower.
• Vera Brabcova: sexy fencer gets down to skivvies.
• Unknowns: various nudity.

BONUS Nudity:

Simandl babe Klara Hlousek in yet another lesbian threesome in "Lethal Target".

• Klara Hlousek