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"La ardilla roja"

La ardilla roja (1993), or The Red Squirrel, is a rather strange but engrossing drama. Jota (Nancho Novo), despondent over his girlfriend leaving, is trying to gain the courage to jump off a bridge. While he is arguing with himself, a girl on a motorcycle (Emma Suárez) crashes through the rail and falls to the beach below. He rushes to help her, and finds that she has lost her memory. He then tells the ambulance drivers, and later, the hospital, that she is his girlfriend. When a hospital shrink who is fascinated by amnesia starts getting nosey, and the hospital staff starts pushing him for her medical card, he takes her out of the hospital, and the two head off camping on her motorcycle -- a trip he says they had been planning -- and end up at the Red Squirrel campgrounds next to a lake.

They are soon befriended by neighboring campers, and get to know each other, eventually becoming intimate. We learn slowly that not everything is as it seems, and that they both have ghosts they are escaping from. Some of the film takes place in dream sequences, which hint at the ending. Emma Suárez shows her breasts jumping out of the water while swimming nude, and we get two different decapitated buns views, one in a shower, and one in a sex scene.

IMDB readers have this at 7.5 of 10. The film won 5 international festival awards. It is available in a sub-titled VHS NTSC version in the US. Emma Suárez at age 37 has 43 credits at IMDB, and is still working regularly, making her an important Spanish actress. She is very easy on the eyes, and has a lot of screen presence. The film is long on "off-beat energy," but is entertaining. High C-.

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  • Emma Suarez (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

    "Candy Stripe Nurses"

    Candy Stripe Nurses (1974) is the 5th and last in the Roger Corman nurses series. He switched the formula from four girls to three, and much of this film takes place outside the hospital. The best way to explain the plot is probably to talk about the three women.

    Candice Rialson is rather lose and free. At the start of the film, we see her in a linen closet with a doctor. Later, she is in a bath scene at home, obviously her mother's pride and joy. She also has sex with a patient, and nearly acts as sex surrogate to a rock star she had a crush on.

    Robin Mattson is a serious student who plans on being a doctor, and volunteers as a candy striper to gain experience in a hospital. She ends up involved with a college basketball jock who is being fed uppers by his team doctor to enhance his on-court performance. She is best known for her work on soaps, such as General Hospital, All My Children, and The Guiding Light.

    María Rojo plays a Chicana with a chip on her shoulder, feeling that she has no chance, because the system keeps her down. After a fight with a teacher, the principal punishes her bay making her volunteer at the hospital. She meets a young man shot during a gas station holdup, who is falsely accused of being one of the robbers, and has the same defeatist attitudes she has. She decides to find a missing witness to keep him out of jail. With 65 credits, including El Callejón de los milagros, De noche vienes, Esmeralda and Crónica de un desayuno, she has had a huge career, but most of it outside the United States.

    The plot is barely passable, and the point of this film is to get lovely young women out of their clothes, so here is the nudity breakdown.

    Robin Mattson shows breasts and buns in several extended scenes, with one nearly gynecological shot from the rear.

    Candice Rialson shows breasts in good light in three different scenes.

    Maria Rojo shows breasts in two scenes, first, in a fantasy lovemaking session, and then during a rape attempt while she is trying to hunt down the witness.

    Two other women as groupies of the rock star show breasts and buns:

    Kimbery Hyde, whose credits include Foxy Brown and The last picture Show played one of the women, and the other was played by Elana Casey, who has a short exploitation career.

    The current IMDB score of 3.6 out of 10 probably explains why Corman decided the nurse theme was played out. While this is not much of a film, it is technically adequate, and has great exposure from some famous, and some not so famous young actresses. Clearly a genre effort, this is a C.

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  • Candice Rialson (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13)
  • Elana Casey (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
  • Kimberly Hyde (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
  • Maria Roja (1, 2, 3, 4)
  • Robin Mattson (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24)

  • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)


    Crazy Mama is a kitschfest produced by Roger Corman about a three generation bank robbing family. This time, they bucked the formula and located the film in the 1950's instead of the 30's. The whole plot didn't really make sense in the 1950's - the story was obviously meant to take place in the Depression- but that temporal dislocation was actually a positive, because it gave the film its best material - a great score of bebop rock hits, and a parade of 50's nostalgia - cars, signs, commercials, TV shows, etc. It's basically a violent sitcom, featuring such sitcom staples as Ralph Malph, Phyllis, and Mr Howell. It's actually a lot of fun if you don't take it seriously. Jonathan Demme directed!

    • Linda Purl. yes, this is the same Linda Purl who starred in as the justice's wife on First Monday, the Supreme Court series with Joe Mategna. (1, 2)
    • Cloris Leachman, best known as Mary's pretentious next door neighbor (1, 2)
    • stripper

    Lantana is reviewed below - kind of the Aussie "Magnolia'


    Other crap:

    1. Strange stuff: the Taliban online. This is not a joke.
    2. Monica Bellucci's new movie deemed disgusting by Cannes audience. The film begins with Monica being brutally raped for ten full minutes.


    Here are the latest movie reviews available at

    • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
    • If there is a white asterisk, it means that I inexplicably determined there might be something of interest.
    • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Lawdog or Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or somebody else besides me)
    • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

    Helena Bonham Carter
    (1, 2)

    Topless while getting it on in "Novocaine"

    Penélope Cruz
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

    Lovely breast exposure from "Vanilla Sky".

    Béatrice Dalle Great breast and frontal views of the French actress in scenes from "À la folie" (1994).

    Bojana Golenac Topless, and a very brief view from the gyno-cam in "Unter die Haut".

    Greta Scacchi
    (1, 2, 3)

    Looking fantastic in "The Coca-Cola Kid" (1985), topless and rear nudity.

    Julie Graham Breast exposure in a love scene from the UK movie, "The Near Room" (1996).

    Kate Beckinsale The beautiful Brit (and co-star of "Pearl Harbor") only wearing undies in this scene from "Uncovered" (1994).

    Monique Parent Excellent topless and thong 'caps from the Skinemax flick, "Club Wild Side" (1998).

    Myriem Roussel Topless in the French film "Bleu comme l'enfer" (1986).

    Sheila Nicholls A fan running completely nude and doing cartwheels during a Cricket match.


    Today it's busty legend Uschi Digard in a fun 70's movie "Superchick", great boobs and for me the best part is she winds up fully nude in bondage and getting whipped. Really a feeble scene though as it's actually a scene of pornmakers making a movie and she just walks out of her bondage.

    Here are my latest scans, all from Arena Mag, Uk Edition, Aug 2001

    POP QUIZ Is it Tiffani Thiessen at Cannes? Or a young Tammy Faye Baker? I think the Hamburglar has less black aroung his eyes, and he wears a mask!

    Sorcha Brooks
    Julie-Ann Gillitt
    Clark Hayes
    Alison Egan

    The ladies and nudity of "The Big Swap" (1998). Breasts and bush expsosure from everyone except Clark Hayes (topless only).

    The Funnies by Number 6
    Actually, I think theses are from Mrs. Number 6...

    Bumper Stickers for Ladies

  • So many men, so few who can afford me.
  • God made us sisters, prozac made us friends.
  • Coffee, Chocolate, Men...... some things are just better rich.
  • Don't treat me any differently than you would the Queen.
  • I'm out of Estrogen and I have a gun.
  • Warning: I have an attitude and I know how to use it.
  • Of course I don't look busy.... I did it right the first time.
  • Do not start with me. You will not win.
  • All stressed out and no one to choke.
  • I can be one of those bad things that happens to bad people.
  • How can I miss you if you won't go away?
  • Don't upset me! I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.
  • If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen.
  • I still miss my Ex, but my aim is improving.
  • If men are from Mars, why don't they go home?

  • Pat Reeder
    Pat's comments in yellow...

    Scoop, A bumper crop of items from IMDB News, all of them relating to the various bumpers and bumping activities of celebs. This batch includes a breaking new dispatch from Jennifer Love Hewitt's breasts, so stop the presses. She certainly sounds like your kinda gal...

    Love Hewitt Speaks Out For The Scantily Clad
    Jennifer Love Hewitt thinks more sexy stars should strip down on screen - because it makes movies more interesting. The tempting Hollywood beauty, who shot to fame in the teen horror flick I Know What You Did Last Summer, admits she jumps at every chance to squeeze her curvaceous physique into skimpy outfits, because she's confident her audience will enjoy it. She says, "It comes with the territory. Who wants to go to a movie and see a girl running around in sweats three sizes too big? Nobody. I get it. I put on small tops everyday knowing that as I'm crawling around with the camera down my chest, it was all in good fun. It's eye candy."

    Britney And Buffy To Battle It Out?
    Britney Spears is rerportedly set to spook fellow blonde babe Sarah Michelle Gellar in hit TV show Buffy The Vampire Slayer. The singer is reported to be appearing in six episodes of the teen series' next season as a nightmarish demon pitted against Gellar's do-gooding, undead- battling Buffy. An insider is quoted in British newspaper the Daily Star as saying, "This will be an amazing sight. Britney and Sarah Michelle Gellar are two of the world's most gorgeous girls. Millions will tune in to see the two of them fighting in their trademark figure- hugging outfits." Britney is hoping to consolidate her acting career following her debut feature Crossroads earlier this year.

    Mick And Sophie Bid To Gag 'Limo Sex' Book
    Former lovers Mick Jagger and Sophie Dahl are back together - to ban a book that says they had raucous sex in the back of a limo. Baby You Can Drive My Car, written by Mick's former chauffeur Keith Badgery, is at the center of a storm of legal action after the Rolling Stone and his model ex-girlfriend tried to get the section detailing their auto romp removed. Sophie and Mick have separately hired lawyers to argue the case. Jagger, who is often in gossip columns, rarely sues newspapers and publishers, but insisted on seeing a copy of the book after details of its contents were leaked. But a source close to the author insists, "There is something fishy going on here. Keith is adamant about what he saw. The publishers insist Mick's lawyers read a transcript and made a number of deletions - but not that bit. Sophie's lawyers have been inundating the publishing firm with letters and faxes to try to stop it being published."

    Christina Ricci's Size Issues
    Actress Christina Ricci is certain she's recovered from her eating disorder - yet she's still obsessed with her weight. Ricci appears in the June issue of Vogue magazine, and boasts that she now wears "size 0" clothes. Ricci, 22, insists that her battle with anorexia is behind her, saying, "Once you're in it, you're so involved in whatever the mindshift is that you can't see clearly. The second a therapist finally explained to me what I was doing, I was just like, 'Oh, this is ridiculous!'" But despite no longer suffering from the disorder, Ricci told Vogue that she has special ways of making sure she stays slim. Ricci says she dons only "a sports bra on top" and ankle-length stretch pants for workouts, explaining, "You know why I don't wear anything else? Because I might want to quit after half an hour. So I look in the mirror, and because I can see my stomach, I'm like, 'Got to keep going.'"

    >From Fox News' Bill McCuddy. Something for you to look forward to on the DVD...

    If you think the love scenes in Unfaithful are hot, you should see what was left on the cutting room floor. Diane Lane says you're only seeing the "tame version" of the love scenes between her and Olivier Martinez. Director Adrian Lyne asked Lane and Martinez to go "well beyond their comfort level" in filming the scenes. Lane says she trusted Lyne not to show more than he had to.

    Bonus Celeb
    Pat's comments in yellow...

    Wonder if they took the vote back when they thought those topless photos were of her. If so, I wonder if the title now gets passed to the first runner-up... Kournikova voted world's sexiest woman

    LONDON: Anna Kournikova, the Russian tennis player as renowned for her glamorous image as her ground strokes, has finally won a title -- the sexiest woman in the world.

    Despite having never won a singles title the Russian, who in 2000 earned an estimated 20,000 pounds ($29,080) a day, came out on top of British men's magazine FHM 100 Sexiest Women in the World 2002 poll published on Friday.

    Kournikova, who is no longer in the top 50 of the tennis rankings, beat off competition from British group S Club 7 member Rachel Stevens, American pop star Britney Spears and two-time winner of the poll, actress and singer Jennifer Lopez.

    "Anna has always been a hot contender for the top and her off-court activities have boosted her popularity," said FHM editor David Davies in a statement.

    Of the Russian's 7.5 million pound earnings in 2000, 6.55 million pounds came from sponsorships and endorsements, which helps to explain why Kournikova -- who was 34th in the 2001 contest -- polled most of the five million votes cast around the world.

    Pop stars figured prominently in the poll, with six out of ten women singers in the top 10, while the FHM top 100 also featured a record number of pregnant women, with British topless model Jordan ranked highest at 16.