Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)
I'm your host for today. Junior has the night off, and will
return tomorrow. Got a great day today.
- 20 new Encyclopedia volumes.
- Tuna has the first DVD caps of Valentino
- I managed to find a Region 2 DVD of the rarely-seen
Female Perversions, and these are (as far as I know) the first DVD
caps from that movie as well.
- And as a bonus, Almodovar's new film is now on Region 1 DVD
Talk to Her (2002):
I don't have anything to add to
review of Almodóvar's Talk to Her, except these thoughts:
1. Almodóvar is a refreshingly warm blast of compassion in a cold
and jaded world. While many filmmakers try to find the ugliest side
of people and events which seem beautiful on the surface, Almodóvar
does the opposite. He tries to find the beauty in the ugliest deeds
and the worth of society's lowest rejects, thereby revealing the
essential commonality of human behavior across castes and classes,
among life's winners and losers. Even if he were not so good at so
many other things, we should treasure the great Spanish director
possessing such a generous heart in an often miserly world.
2. Although Almodóvar won two Oscars for this film, the film won
only one minor Goya (the composer won for best musical score), and
the director did not win any for himself. He did not get the Goya
for best screenplay, best director, best picture or best
- Elena Anaya (
- Leonor Watling (
Female Perversions (1996):
This is one fucked-up, pretentious movie, one of those washed-out
digital video things filled with symbolism, dream sequences, people
wearing masks, and other arty bullshit. There are visible boom mikes
in at least two scenes. Elya walked by while I was watching it, saw
two women falling ever downward into the depths of a crucifix-shaped
swimming pool, and said "let me guess. A women directed it."
Interesting question - what is the best movie ever directed by a
I also had to take off points because it did not have any evil
dwarfs - not even in the dream sequences - a clear violation of the
Code of Pretentious Movie Conduct.
Having said that, I should add that it is in the major leagues of
female celebrity nudity, and it features some fairly well-known
actresses who have not gotten as naked elsewhere. Although women
created the film, Zalman King produced it, so you know it will be
filled with cheesy eroticism. On the other hand, Tilda Swinton is
not my concept of a hot babe. With her giant extruded ears, angular
face, and lifeless hair, she always reminds me of that kid who
played Alfalfa on The Little Rascals. But I've found that there is a
woman for every taste, so if you want to see Alfalfa nekkid and
transexual, here's your big chance. To be serious for a second, she
is a good enough actress that she managed to be quite sexy in a lot
Well ...sorta sexy.
- Tilda Swinton (
- Amy Madigan (
- Marcia Cross (
- Karen Sillas (
- New volumes (20): Frances Raines, Rie Rasmussen, Sheeri Rappaport,
Andrea Rau, Natacha Regnier, Tara Reid, Denise Richards, Katja
Riemann, Julia Roberts, Amy Rochelle, Sacha Rochelle, Kate Rodger,
Katherine Ross, Charlotte Ross, Isabella Rossellini, Jennifer Rubin,
Keri Russell, Betsy Russell, Regina Russell, Rene Russo
- Updated volumes (1): Isabelle Adjani
Charlie's Angels stars Drew Barrymore, Cameron Diaz and Lucy Liu
are so comfortable with the director of their hit movie, they
once stripped off with him - in the back of a van.
Mariah Carey says Eminem is a girly man
talk with Jim Carrey
The quality of films at this year’s Cannes Film Festival has
been so poor that the first deal by a Hollywood studio has been
made only three days before the end. That Vincent Gallo
blowjob film has become the worst-rated film ever in the Cannes
competition, according to Screen International’s panel of
critics. One reviewer suggested that the film was a wind-up at
the expense of the Cannes selectors, just so they could put a
“high-profile, prickly American maverick in competition” to
annoy US visitors.
85,000 pages of Bob Hope jokes are filed electonically at the
Library of Congress. And also two Pauly Shore jokes.
You say you didn't like the Matrix sequel?
Laurence Fishburne flips you the bird and says, "fuck you,
douchebag" - on live TV
The first annual
New York Burlesque Festival celebrates exotic dancers -
well, at least those who perform in smoke-free venues.
Elle's "body casting" draws quite a crowd to department store
the case of Queensland, Australia and the topless backpackers
Mirror Mirror on the wall, who's the evilest man of all?
Cleveland Cavs win the LeBron lottery
Sorenstam shoots a 71. She's in 73rd place. Top 70 plus ties
make the cut, so it's iffy. She hit the ball great - played tee
to green in regulation 34, and essentially hit every green (she
never missed by more than three feet), but she had 37 putts. I
have to think that was nerves. A so-so 32 putt round gives her a
66 - and that ain't bad for anybody from the back tees. As it
is, she finished only one stroke behind her critic, defending
champion Nick Price.
From next October you can study for a Master’s degree in
PlayStation at Sheffield Hallam University. Whatever the
hell that is. Here's their home
are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.
- The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the
review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
- If there is a white asterisk, it means that
there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined
there might be something else of interest.
- A blue asterisk indicates the review is written
by Tuna (or Lawdog or Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or Mick
Locke, or somebody else besides me)
- If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too
ashamed to admit it.
Valentino (1977) is a Ken Russell biopic about the last decade of Rudolph
Valentino's life, which encompasses his entire film career. Valentino is unique
in that he had a very short career, died young, and, as a silent film star, none
of us have heard him speak. Thus we know Valentino the silent legend, but not
the man. Rudolph Nureyev was a perfect casting choice for the title role, as he
looked somewhat like Valentino, was a dancer (Valentino started as a dancer),
and wanted to get into acting. He was not always at ease delivering lines, but
then, Valentino never delivered any lines to a camera, so that worked anyway.
Where Nureyev shown was on the dance floor, and this film had enough songs and
dance numbers to be termed a musical. The film is freely adapted from
Valentino, an Intimate Exposé of the Sheik by Robert Chartoff.
Russell did not have a lot of material to work with here, so he did what Ken
Russell frequently does, that is, fill the screen with over the top characters,
and a regular barrage of color. Oh, and did I mention nudity? We have full
frontal from two famous women, both in well lit and lengthy scenes. The first is
Michelle Phillips of Mamas and Papas fame, who plays his second wife. While I
never met her, her father was my watch partner in the merchant marines, and I
have fond memories of sitting with him in Cantina Metropole in Panama and
drinking 10 cent glasses of Balboa Cervesa. The part of a leading lady that
Valentino has sex with over the lunch break in his bungalow to squelch rumors
that he was gay is played by Penelope Milford, who is probably best remembered
as the hippy teacher in the cult teen angst classic, Heathers. A host of other
women I enjoy also appeared in the film, but stayed dressed, such as Leslie
Caron and Carol Kane.
I was lucky enough to find this DVD at my favorite on-line seller in Northern
Ireland in an All_Region PAL, which IMDB has not heard about as yet. In
searching the Fun House archives, it looks like someone capped the VHS version
several years ago, but these are, to the best of my knowledge, the first DVD
caps anywhere. IMDB readers have this at 5.8 of 10, with only 82 voting. The
film is a great introduction to Valentino, and a very colorful portrayal of
Hollywood in the 20's, but is rather uneven and a little long at 128 minutes.
The nudity and sex was strong enough to earn an 18+ in the UK. Even though this
is a 4/3 transfer, the color saturation, and general condition of the film is
outstanding. Based on plot alone, this is probably a C-, but with the nudity and
production values, it is a C+.
'Caps and comments by Hank:
Well after almost a week of computer problems we are finally back. A
short trip today back to 1998 and Carmen Electra in "The Chosen One: Legend of
the Raven". First off we find Carmen in the first 3 caps as a "Babe in
Bondage", then some cleavage and some shots of milk being poured over breasts
( probably a body double). In the next to last cap somebody help me out , is
that what I think it is in her hand ? The last cap is just a little leg in a
- Caps. These numbers correspond to the file numbers on the thumbnail
|Pat Reeder www.comedy-wire.com
Pat's comments in yellow...
Germany's H&M fashion chain advertised swimwear by putting up 750 ad posters
of Heidi Klum in a bikini. They were stunned when within hours, all of them
were either stolen by horny fans or vandalized by feminists. Some culprits
smashed plastic or glass cases to get to them, doing thousands of dollars worth
of damage. The store is now giving away the posters in an effort to stop their
advertising from being stolen.
* Won't work: people will steal them so they can have
* Hey, most of those feminists WERE horny fans!
* The fashion advertising department never anticipated this... They're all gay.
The Terra Noticias Populares newspaper reports that a woman in Lapao,
Brazil, was so upset when her husband told her he wanted a divorce, she slipped
sedatives into his fruit juice and cut off his penis while he was unconscious.
He woke up, realized he was injured, and got to a hospital to have sewn back
on. However, he told police he didn't want to press charges because "she was
really stressed out." He said, "I understand her and will not put her through
* So for God's sake, don't anyone tell her about his
* I can see why she'd be upset at losing this guy...Most men wouldn't be half
* If she's under stress, she might lose her job at Benihana.
* He still loves her because she keeps him in stitches.
A blind man who has a seeing-eye miniature horse named Cuddles was flying
from Boston to Chicago to do the Oprah Winfrey
show when Cuddles had a bowel movement in the first class cabin. The crew had
to do extensive cleaning and air out the plane after it landed.
* It was so bad, some of the passengers were willing to
open the windowsat 50,000 feet.
* This usually only happens with Jerry Springer's guests.
* This hasn't happened in first class since the last time Courtney Love flew.
* Why would someone have a seeing-eye horse? Were they out of seeing-eye
The Parents Television Council released its annual "State of the Industry"
report Tuesday, which shows there has been a nine percent drop in sexual content
on TV, particularly in the first two prime time hours. "Sexual content" is
defined as nudity, innuendo, suggestive comments or jokes and references to
specific sexual acts. PTC president L. Brent Bozell said, "For years,
conventional wisdom in Hollywood had it that 'sex sells,' and therefore, the
more of it, the better. But ratings data and survey results prove that's not
* In a related story, network TV viewership is at an
* Once the characters on "Friends" got married and had a baby, half the sex on
prime time stopped.
* This report was compiled by people who do nothing but watch TV, looking for
* The producers of "Extreme Makeover" want to know if it's okay to show body
parts as long as they're really ugly?
Michael Jackson made a surprise visit to his congressman's office in Solvang,
California, by bursting in wearing a Spiderman mask and asking an aide, "How
come Solvang doesn't have any fast food restaurants?" When told that Solvang is
a quaint village modeled after Denmark, but there was a Subway, the disappointed
Jackson said he loved Taco Bell, then took off his mask and apologized for the
disturbance. He signed autographs and sped off in a Bentley to a Taco Bell in
the next town.
* Poor Michael is one taco short of a combo plate.
* I thought he preferred McDonald's: they have kiddie playgrounds.
* The aide didn't recognize him until he took off the Spiderman mask and
revealed the regular mask he always wears.
* Nothing congressmen love more than weirdoes in masks suddenly bursting into
their offices during a High terrorism alert.