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Tuna
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"Shade"
Shade (2003) is a crime comedy/drama set in the legal and illegal poker games in LA, and is about the world of professional card players, most especially the ones less than honest. It was written and directed by a card "mechanic" and close up slight of had artist. The original plan was to make this on the cheap, but the script attracted some money, and they ended up making a proper film. The story is essentially The Color of Money, but poker rather than pool. Sylvester Stallone does a decent job in the Paul Newman role, and Stewart Townsend plays the Tom Cruise part. Thandie Newton and Melanie Griffith are love interest and fellow scam artists.
I don't want to revel any of the plot, except to say that it is all double crosses. The twists and turns were pretty engaging, and the performances were very strong, but the thing that made this special was that the actors did their own slight of hand. Their education included hanging around the magic castle, and they control the deck very convincingly.
Erika Nann Baranco shows her breasts during a cat fight set up as a distraction to cheat a casino at blackjack (based on a real scam). J. Katherine Novy, a friend of the director, shows breasts and buns as a pole dancer. IMDb readers have this at 6.7 of 10. It played a few festivals, and had a very limited (one weekend) release, and is now available on DVD. If you enjoy scam films, poker films, or slight of hand, you will enjoy this one, but you have to pay close attention to follow the plot. This is a solid C.
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Erika Nann
(1,
2,
3,
4,
5,
6,
7,
8,
9,
10,
11,
12,
13)
J Katherine Novy
(1,
2,
3,
4,
5,
6,
7,
8,
9,
10)
"Vampire Vixens from Venus"
Vampire Vixens from Venus (1995) is a pretty cool title. Unfortunately, that is the only thing this titty flick has going for it. The Vampire Vixens, who look just like Michelle Bauer, J. J. North, Theresa Lynn and Leslie Glass, seduce Earth men and then drain all of their bodily fluids while they are sexually excited to manufacturer drugs. Bauer works alone, the other three work together. A British detective is supposed to provide a Inspector Clouseau type of comic relief. He is busy investigating the theft of 10 gallons of lavender paint, and the dead drained bodies.
All four women give brief looks at their breasts. They are by far the most skilled performers in this mess. In the fight scenes, the punches don't even come close to connecting, and the reactions are all way too late. The person playing the inspector, Leon Head, had no comedy timing at all, either with line delivery or physical humor. The camera work is awful, set design sucks, and the story isn't, even for one brief moment, interesting.
IMDb readers have this at 2.9 of 10. That includes 4 10s and 9 1s. This should be a 1, pure and simple. This is the easiest F I have ever awarded.
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JJ North
(1,
2,
3,
4)
Leslie Glass
(1,
2,
3,
4,
5,
6,
7,
8,
9)
Michelle Bauer
(1,
2,
3,
4,
5,
6,
7)
Theresa Lynn
(1,
2,
3,
4)
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Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)
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Club Dread (2003)
I was a little bit disappointed by the
Club Dread DVD.
It isn't a very good movie. Couldn't decide
whether to be a comedy or a slasher film. But it isn't a totally bad
movie. It offers some guilty pleasures, and I kinda hoped there
would be some behind-the-scenes featurettes or some deleted footage,
or outtakes. It would be fun to see how they co-ordinated Jordan
Ladd with the gymnast body double. It would be fun to hear how they
created the pseudo-Buffett songs.
There is nothing like that.
The extra features consist of (1) Two versions of
the film, differing only in the aspect ratio. One is a pan 'n scan
full screen version, the other is the usual widescreen anamorphic.
(2) Two commentary tracks by the various members of Broken Lizard.
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Jordan Ladd (1,
2,
3)
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Elena Lyons (1,
2)
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Tanja Reichert (1,
2)
UPDATES:
- Charlie's French Cinema Nudity site is updated
OTHER CRAP:
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The banned album covers index
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It's OK to fire missiles at wheelchair-bound terrorists
(The Onion)
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The real Britt Ekland joins her movie alter ego Charlize Theron on
the red carpet at Cannes.
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Judge Socks Streisand With $177,000 Legal Bill
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Actress Helen Hunt has given birth to a daughter in Beverly Hills
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Life of "Pink Panther" star Peter Sellers gets Cannes homage.
Rumor is that Geoffrey Rush is uncanny in this film, and is a
certain Oscar nominee.
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Olsen twin gets rear-ended.
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Jessica Simpson will play Daisy Duke in The Dukes of Hazzard movie
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Hitler makes history at auction
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Moore film is a favorite to win the Palme d'Or. Palme
d'Or is French for "hairy palms"
- Funny stuff.
Monty Python's Eric Idle sings "Fuck You Very Much, the FCC".
Eric is now the obscene Tom Lehrer (this really sounds like it
could be a Lehrer song, except to break the ice at NAUGHTY
parties), and the old geezer still has more edge than any young
comic I can name, possibly excepting Trey Parker. (Trey should
hire Idle and do a new South Park movie with him)
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Nepalese Sherpa climbs Everest in eight hours. The
first successful climber, Sir Edmund Hillary, took seven weeks to
make the same journey, but today's climbers are using ropes and
ladders left by previous expeditions. Plus these Sherpas are just
plain good.
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Where do nude rollercoaster buffs put their ticket stubs?
Includes a picture with some nekkid rollercoaster chicks!
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Neighbors sick of seeing Bruce Willis naked. I can
relate. I felt the same way after watching Color of Night.
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Mistress Condi - she-panther of the military police
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Kucinich defies expectations: "Ohio Representative and
Democratic presidential candidate Dennis Kucinich took 16 percent
of the presidential vote in Tuesday night's Oregon Democratic
primary, surpassing even the expectations of many of his
supporters" Kucinich now has 27 delegates lined up for the
convention!
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Martha Stewart stock jumps on report of charges against government
official: "Shares in Martha Stewart Living Omnimedia
Inc. jumped 15 percent Friday afternoon after a report that a
government witness against the domestic entrepreneur in her
obstruction of justice trial would be charged with perjury.
Several sources said the official was a current or former member
of the U.S. Secret Service."
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The face of video pirates - little old ladies with rosaries.
Gangs of little old ladies steal "The Passsion of the Christ".
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Angelina Jolie dating ... Oliver Stone?
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A "behind the scenes" clip from Into the Blue - new action
thriller with Paul Walker and Jessica Alba
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Scandalous blog linked to the office of Ohio Sen Mike DeWine
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The historical relationship between Sex and Wartime Propaganda
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Are youy related to Jesus? According to this, His
direct descendants include John Kerry, George Bush, and Dirty
Harry.
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'Shrek 2' Set to Reach Record Number of Theaters. It
will debut on 4163 screens, easily the highest ever.
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How bad a Bad Ass are you?
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Mark Prior: Three hitless innings in rehab start
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Three million dollars for a 1913 nickel.
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Happy Birthday, Mr T
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Al Qaeda Training Video
- URL says it all:
PretentiousBastard.com
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New pics from The Stepford Wives
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JoBlo does Cannes - Part 9
- This week's movies:
Stateside - 14% positive reviews
- This week's movies:
Shrek 2 - 89% positive reviews
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The Daily Show - This Week in God!
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Here's a five minute musical medley from De-Lovely, the Cole
Porter biopic Not bad. It ends with quite a nice
instrumental arrangement of Begin the Beguine.
- URL says it all:
RandomTits.Com
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The Calgary Flames claim that they have the sexiest fan base.
Who's to argue?
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A second featurette about I, Robot
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The treiler for a long-awaited anime sequel - Ghost in the Shell
2: Innocence.
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The trailer for House of Flying Daggers - a martial arts romance
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The trailer for Ju-On: The Grudge, a Japanese horror
movie.
Other Crap
archives. May also include newer material than the ones above,
since it's sorta in real time.
Click
here
to submit a URL for Other Crap
MOVIE REVIEWS:
Here
are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.
- The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the
review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
- If there is a white asterisk, it means that
there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined
there might be something else of interest.
- A blue asterisk indicates the review is written
by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
- If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too
ashamed to admit it.
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Shiloh
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Words from Scoop.
.avi's from Shiloh.
.wmv files made by Scoop from Shiloh's .avi's.
Various
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Saffron Burrows in Tempted (.wmv, .avi). Nobody
seems to know whether this is a body double. It does seem to be her,
based on the body and movement, but I have not seen the movie yet.
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Maryam d'Abo in Xtro (.wmv, .avi)
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The L-Word's Mia Kirshner a few years ago, in Atom
Egoyan's atmospheric, mysterious, nearly-forgotten masterpiece,
Exotica.. (.wmv, .avi)
Perhaps these tips will help if you have trouble
with the codecs for these movies:
Shiloh says:
FYI when I hypercam vids to make the file size smaller I use
DivX MPEG-4 Fast-Motion for the video compressor, then I use
virtualdub to compress the audio. The properties for the
vids says the video codec: DivX Decoder Filter & audio
codec: Morgan Stream Switcher which I'm not familiar with.
When I compress the audio with virtualdub I use MPEG
Layer-3. A friend of mine told me about compressing the
audio about (6) mos. ago. Like I said previously, only been
capping for a year & a half & I'm no expert. Hopefully this
info will help members with the proper codecs for my vids.
When I cap big brother's I use hypercam mostly & sdp &
asfrecorder if the set up allows me. I stopped using
camtasia cause the file sizes were always too big, could
never figure out the process, over my head lol, plus it cost
too much to buy in my opinion.
A reader says:
You mentioned that some users were
having trouble with the videos on your site. There is a tool
designed to determine what codec is needed for a video.
http://www.headbands.com/gspot/ Hope this is useful to you
or your users.
Scoop says:
I made the .wmv versions of each video. The codecs for these: Windows Video V8, Windows Audio 9.
The upside of these is that you know the codecs, and they'll play in
the Windows Media Player. The downside is that they are slightly
larger, and slightly lower quality.
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Brainscan
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'Caps and comments by Brainscan:
Andrew Blake directs the kind of movies that are
shelved in that back room of your local video store
unless it's Blockbuster in which case it isn't shelved
at all. But he doesn't seem to like filming people
doing the nasty. So he hires the latest exuberantly
built Penthouse Pet and has her pose in ways that
brought her to Penthouse in the first place.
Production values are always good and the photography
is often beautiful.
Aria Giovanni, Pet for Sept 2000, has starred in
several of these. I asked The Gimp if he would cap
one but he declined. Something about liking some porn
in his porn. Phillistine.
So I capped it. And found it was a twofer. Two Pets
fer the price of one. In addition to Aria, an active
U. K. model named Kelle Marie Farmer, or just Kelle
Marie, appears in this fine film. She was Pet o' the
month for May 2001.
Since there is no plot at all, just four or five
vignettes with gals posing, doing some light
lesbotronics and some even lighter BD work, I'll not
bother to describe a thing. Did grab a whole mess of
frames of Aria and stuck the best of them together
into 23 collages.
The first 14 are tame, in that they show only Aria's
upper body... but what a fine upper body it is.
- Aria Giovanni
(1,
2,
3,
4,
5,
6,
7,
8,
9,
10,
11,
12,
13,
14)
The last nine up the naughty quotient significantly.
Lots of bum, lots and lots of bush, and in links 3 and 4 especially, the very definition of gynocam.
Kelle Marie plays around with Aria a lot (first two
collages) and does some solo posing of her own (last
two). She is a long, skinny blonde with no visible
means of inhibition.
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Variety
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Daryl Hannah |
The paparazzi's flashes make her black dress see-thru, revealing both nipples. Thanks to Squiddy.
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Bobby Jo Moore |
Topless in scenes from and episode of the made for Showtime series "The Chris Isaak Show".
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Loretta Persichetti
(1,
2)
Paola Senatore
(1,
2,
3,
4,
5,
6)
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Marvin 'caps of both ladies going full frontal in scenes from the Italian movie "Il Ginecologo della mutua" aka "Ladies' Doctor" (1977).
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Isild Le Besco
(1,
2,
3,
4,
5,
6,
7)
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Señor Skin 'caps of the young actress going topless in scenes from the French movie "Le Coût de la vie" aka "The Cost of Living" (2003).
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Pat Reeder www.comedy-wire.com
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Pat's comments in yellow...
"THE ENGLISH PATIENT" WAS AN UGLY, GAY NAZI
The Gay Part I Guessed - Newly-released World War II British intelligence
files reveal that the real-life Count Laszlo Almasy, the handsome, dashing hero
of the movie "The English Patient," was actually "very ugly and shabbily
dressed, with a fat and pendulous nose, drooping shoulders and a nervous tic." In
addition, he was an incompetent, bumbling Nazi spy. He was also gay.
He was Hollywood's very first "Extreme Makeover."
I said the same thing to my wife, but she dragged me to the movie anyway.
So if you snored through "The English Patient," just be glad it wasn't a
documentary.
ANTONIO AND JUSTIN CRY AND HOLD HANDS
Yech! - Antonio Banderas told Britain's Sun tabloid that at the Cannes
premiere of "Shrek 2," he and Jusin Timberlake held hands and cried. He said during
the romantic ending, when his character of Puss-In-Boots says, "I want to
cry," he and Justin were so moved, they started crying. So "we held hands for
awhile," comforting each other. He said Justin's girlfriend Cameron Diaz "was
just looking at us, thinking, 'What are they doing?'"
Later, they had a threesome...
No, she was thinking that they made a prettier couple than she and Justin.
No wonder he was chosen to play "PUSS" In Boots.
ICE-T TEACHING HASSELHOFF TO RAP
He Raps In Slow Motion - Rapper/actor Ice-T is taking on his biggest
challenge yet: turning "Baywatch" star David Hasselhoff into a rapper. The two are
neighbors who've become friends, and Ice-T says he's teaching him to rap and
producing a rap album with him. He told The Sun, "The man is a legend, we are
going to show a whole new side of him. He's gonna come out as Hassle the Hoff.
The Hoff will surprise people with his rap skills and humor."
Or at least his humor: you'll die laughing.
It will be acclaimed the greatest rap album ever...by Germans.
Get the feeling Ice-T is only doing this so he can get introduced to all
those "Baywatch" babes?
BEST MOVIE DEATHS OF ALL TIME
Death Becomes Her - Total Film magazine polled readers to list the best movie
deaths of all time. Finalists included the Wicked Witch melting in "The
Wizard of Oz" (#13) and Bambi's mother being shot (#6). The top five, in reverse
order: Bonnie & Clyde, Alan Rickman falling off a building in "Die Hard," King
Kong falling off the Empire State Building, Slim Pickens riding an A-bomb in
"Dr. Strangelove," and at #1, Janet Leigh's shower murder in "Psycho." The
editor said the music and editing rather than gore made it #1, and knowing the
blood was Bosco and the sounds were a knife stabbing a casaba melon doesn't
make it less disturbing.
In fact, maybe a little more...Because now, I'm thinking of a psycho
killing, and I'm hungry.
Pouring chocolate syrup down a drain? Talk about disturbing!
Nobody wanted to think about Janet Leigh's melons being stabbed.
I say the best movie death is in "Jersey Girl," when J-Lo dies just 10
minutes into the movie.
DATING SHOW HAS TRANNY TWIST
The Girl With Something Extra - On "There's Something About Miriam," a new
British reality/dating/ practical joke show, six bachelors will vie for a hot
girl, not knowing she's really a pre-operative transsexual. They'll compete to
impress her at physical challenges. The winner gets about $18,000 (US) and a
week on a luxury yacht with "the J-Lo lookalike who's got it all."
And then some!
She's not impressed: she could beat any of them at the physical challenge.
It will air in America under the title, "Queer Guy For The Straight Guy."
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