The Groomsmen (2001) languished on the shelves for three years, and has finally been released on DVD under the name What Boys Want. It is a mixture of raunchy comedy and romantic comedy, and both aspects worked well for me.Christopher Wiehl comes home with anniversary presents for his girlfriend (they have been living together for three years), only to find her in the shower with their female letter carrier and a strap-on dildoe. Next comes the news that one of his longtime friends, a confirmed bachelor, is getting married the following weekend. Three of them travel to Santa Barbara from San Francisco for the Wedding, as they will be groomsmen. The film is mostly about these three.
Wiehl is a serial monogamist. His friend Alex Nesic is a cocksman. He owns Wilt Chamberlain's old car, and is out to break his sex record. Duane Martin is Mr. uncool, who can always manage to say and do the wrong thing. Nesic needles Wiehl about his girlfriend, and about his need to commit. The argument ends up in a bet. If Wiehl can't nail a horny bridesmaid for a one night stand, Nesic gets to nail his virgin sister. If Nesic can't go all three days there without getting laid, Wiehl gets his car. Things get more interesting when Wiehl discovers that the bride to be is the old girlfriend that he has been secretly pining for since High School. Seems she still feels the same way about him. Her fiancee, it turns out, is more interested in her rich father's money than in her.
So, will Wiel get laid, will Nesic keep it in his pants despite lots of opportunity, will Martin finally get it together, and who will end up married to whom?
Marilyn Sue Perry, as the Sapphic letter carrier, shows breasts. Jennifer Gareis (The Young and the Restless) shows breasts, and partial buns in a bathing suit. Gabriella Harding, as the stripper for the bachelor party, shows breasts and buns. IMDb readers have this at 5/6 of 10. The only on-line review didn't seem to like the raunchyness of the film, but most of the comments at IMDb are very positive. The film had great pace, snappy dialogue, lots of sight gags, some physical humor, decent acting, great camera work, and was over way before I was ready to stop watching it. One of the IMDb comments suggests that if you like American Pie/Road Trip raunchy comedies, or Pretty Woman romantic comedies, you should give this one a chance. That is not a bad definition of a date movie. I found myself laughing out loud more than once, and the only thing that was predictable about the plot was the ending, and they even managed some surprises there. This belongs on the list of essentially straight-to-vids that don't suck.This is a solid C.
Marilyn Sue Perry
"Quackser Fortune Has a Cousin in the Bronx"
Quackser Fortune Has a Cousin in the Bronx (1970) is one of those quirky UK comedies that I am so partial to, this time set in Dublin. Quackser (he made noises like a duck as a baby, and he isn't partial to his given name) is not well educated (they kicked him out of school because he was getting too big) is now 30 and still living at home. His father wants him to work in the local foundry, like most of the men in his area, but Quackser would rather work his own job, which is following horse-drawn deliver wagons collecting the dung, then selling it door to door as fertilizer.
He is nearly run over one day, and nearly ruins his cart, when a sports car narrowly misses him. The next day, he meets the girl who was in the car, played by Margot Kidder. She is an American, attending Trinity College, and is fascinated by Quackser. Quackser's mother has tried to tell him that Dublin is replacing all of the horses with motorcars, but Quakser is in denial. His adventures with Kidder, and the way he copes with the end of the horse draw carts is far more entertaining that it probably sounds.
Kidder shows breasts and buns in a sex scene. IMDb readers have this at 6.1 of 10. You have to love the 70s, when even PG films like this one had clear nudity from known stars. Your enjoyment of the film hinges on how you relate to the main characters. I find it delightful. The proper score is C+, as a UK comedy full of quirky characters. Gene Wilder was wonderful in the role of Quackser. What he lacked in education, he more than made up for in heart.
|Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)
Twentynine Palms (2003)
Twentynine Palms is an arty,
experimental kind of film from Bruno Dumont.
The New York Times wrote:
The filmmaker has described ''Twentynine Palms'' as a horror
movie, and its final fit of retributive fury recalls ''Psycho.''
But Mr. Dumont is not a brilliant sleight-of-hand entertainer
like Alfred Hitchcock. A former philosophy professor, he is a
serious and apparently humorless Hobbesian aesthete who uses
film as a pulpit to drive home his messages about the human
capacity for violence and cruelty.
I suppose a lot of you already realize that you need to avoid
this film, unless you're really into that whole humorless and
pessimistic Hobbesian aesthetic. Whatever that means.
If you're curious, I'll describe the film in detail
to give you its full, rich, Hobbesian flavor.
A couple drives a red Hummer through
the desert. He's an American photographer who seems to be scouting a
shooting location in the desert. He's a new kind of photographer in
that he doesn't seem to own any photographic equipment. She's his
Russian girlfriend. He doesn't speak Russian and she doesn't speak
English, so they communicate in halting French.
They drive. He talks on a cell phone
while she sleeps. His conversation is tedious. "Yeah, I'm going to
Twentynine Palms. I'll see you when I get back." They stop to get
gas. They fill the tank in real time. They stop and watch a train go
by. The camera is placed in a stationary location while each train
car passes in real time. The cars all seem identical. When the train
passes, they cross the tracks and wander among a farm of windmills.
They drive some more, speaking little. They go to a motel and mess
around in the swimming pool. They debate about where to eat. They
pause a long time between questions and answers. They go to a
Chinese restaurant and order their food in real time. They sleep.
The next day, they stop and wander
through the desert naked, again in real time. They attempt sex with
minimal success. They climb some rocks. The lie down in the sun.
They walk back.
We are now 40 minutes into the film, and that is all
that has happened.
In the next 50 minutes or so, they
have some great conversations. I think I may have misled you
earlier. I should have said that they fail to communicate in
French. They buy an ice cream. She says it is good. She says it is
not good. She says she loves short hair, Marine style. She says
she'll hate him if he wears his hair short. She is clearly not in
her right mind, but the film doesn't really explore that in any way.
It just is so. She
catches him masturbating over a Jerry Springer show in which a man
admits raping his daughter. She asks him if he would rape their
daughter. He looks at her with disgust.
They walk to a supermarket and back
in real time. They have VERY loud sex in real time. When he
climaxes, he screams like Johnny Weissmuller in the Tarzan movies. They drive through the desert some
more. They sit around a hotel room some more. She wanders around
outside at night. He goes out to find her. They sit separately for a
while, then they have a wrestling match in the middle of the street.
The next day, they drive through a
very rough stretch of desert. Nothing happens. Suddenly they are
rear-ended. A pick-up trick drives them off the road. The random
strangers from the truck pull them out of their Hummer, strip the
woman, beat the man with a baseball bat, then sodomize the man. They
do not rape the woman, but they force her to watch the man getting
raped. The evildoers drive off.
The couple struggle back to their hotel
room. He lies down. She goes for a pizza. Apparently she gets the
wrong toppings, because when she returns, he stabs her to death ...
That isn't quite the ending. If
you're really hooked, you can rest assured that there is even more
rich ore from the same vein of existential angst.
You can tell Dumont is a foreigner,
can't you? Talk about clueless.
Those pick-up truck dudes have to be
the world's luckiest guys, eh? They decide to pull over a random
Hummer in the desert, and
(1) The people in the Hummer never
see them coming, even though the two vehicles are literally the only
things moving in the open desert for miles.
(2) The people in the Hummer do not
own a gun.
Who in the American desert, armed
with nothing more than a baseball bat, would take a chance on
pulling over a Hummer? That is suicidal. You have to assume that no sensible people would
take a Hummer deep into the unpaved parts of the desert without guns
and flare pistols and knives and cell phones and other forms of
protection. Yes, the photographer and his girlfriend were not
sensible people, and could
have been in the desert unprotected, but the crazy rednecks could not know that in advance. They had no
idea who was in the vehicle!!
Obviously, Mr Dumont went to the Lars van Trier
school of screenwriting, which says, "before making a movie about
Americans, don't bother to find out how they actually behave"
I'll shut up. I guess you probably have figured out
by now whether this is your kind of movie.
My own verdict: utter crap. Dumont is clueless. and
didn't even bother to think up events which might have some
possibility of occurring. The film is tedious and disjointed for all
but the last 20 minutes. In that final segment, it is filled with
behavior which is unmotivated and illogical. It makes such legendary pointless films as Zabriskie
Point (which this film resembles) seem to be as incisive and eloquent as
On the other hand, many, many critics
disagreed. Some felt that it showed the tedium of life and the
randomness of violence and other such high-falutin' concepts. I
guess that must be true, in the sense that this film is random and
tedious, thus proving the existence of those concepts, and some
people liked it, this showing that certain humans are drawn to
tedium and improbable events.
Yekaterina Golubeva (1,
Massive oil reserves found inside Dick Cheney
Angel fights to the bleak, bitter end.
Frasier Finale tops Nielsen week
Illuminating the Renaissance - (Getty Exhibitions)
Procter & Gamble to introduce fun facts, Trivial Pursuit questions
printed on each Pringle. Hey, here's a Fucking Fun Fact
that interests me. What do they put in those Pringles instead of
President Bush Drops Election Year Hint to "Negroes" That He Has
Fully Converted to Radical 1950's Racial Liberalism (whitehouse.org)
Fox picks up Kelsey Grammer sketch comedy
- Here's another one that sounds like I made it up.
Ice T to produce new rap album starring "Hassle the Hoff"
Ice remarked, "The Hoff will surprise people with his rap skills
and humour". Well, I have to admit I would be surprised.
A KINKY customer got his kicks from paying a prostitute to pelt
him with cream cakes, a court heard yesterday. I'm not
sure, but I think
this may be the man they are looking for
Reality TV reaches new low - six bachelors compete for a date -
find out it's with a trannie. That's the GOOD news. The
BAD news is that it's a pre-op trannie.
Friends star Jennifer Aniston is set to star opposite Kevin
Costner in a new film based on The Graduate. Aniston
will play Benjamin, and Costner will play Mr Robinson.
Harnessing the Power of Poop
The National Hockey League entered a broadcast agreement with NBC
where the struggling league won't receive any money.
NBC's bid just edged out Cable Access, which was asking the NHL to
pay for air time.
16 year old named CHL MVP. Gretzky says this is the kid
who will break his records.
PAYCHECK helmer John Woo is in talks to direct Universal's SPY
HUNTER movie, featuring The Rock.
Dr. Toast's Amazing World of Toast
Foil sleeve 'protects motorists' left arms from sun'
Brits choose best "rear of the year"
Researchers hail dyslexia breakthrough. They haven't
cured it, but they have found a way for kids to enjoy it. Just
kidding. They are close to a miracle.
Moises Alou is pissed off, in more ways than one.
- I know it sounds like I made this up, but I did not.
Madonna's new act features gory images of people slaughtered in
Iraq along with a wild lesbian orgy. Now THAT's
entertainment. "You got sex-crazed lesbians in my slaughtered
Iraqis." "No, you got slaughtered Iraqis in my sex-crazed
Strip Bar Patron spends $16,000 on Champagne, $7,000 on lap
Paris Hilton, Ron Jeremy, and Bijou Phillips go into a ladies room
and get naked together.
Thor and Loki, college roommates.
House Speaker says John McCain doesn't understand the meaning of
sacrifice for his country. I ain't all that political,
but McCain - well, I think that boy paid his dues, and I reckon he
gets a lifetime membership to the fookin' sacrifice club. As for
J. Dennis Hastert - well, his idea of sacrifice comes on days when
the hard word of government interferes with his fifth meal.
Cary Grant: Elegant Charmer with a Dark Childhood
Six clips from Saved! (The latest from Mandy Moore)
Interview of First Lady Laura Bush on the Tonight Show with Jay
Cameroon authorities arrest Nigerian woman carrying 266 dead
- Just her luck. The Cameroon limit is 250 dead parrots. There
are some days when you just shouldn't leave Nigeria.
- Lovely bird, the Nigerian Blue. Beautiful plumage.
Trademark application for "Apprentice" Villain apparel - Omarosa™.
Cuz sometimes ya just gotta wear a clothing logo that says, "I'm a
delusional serial liar".
Air Force in secret garage door jamming trials.
Jasmine out. The next 'Idol': Fantasia or Diana.
Rumors of Andy's death have not been greatly exaggerated.
You mean he didn't really rise from the dead? I'm shocked.
Ambassador From Mars Receives 181,634 Spam Emails - Says
Earthlings Are Not Ready and Takes First Available Saucer Back
Robert Rodriguez has closed his cast on 'Sin City' by adding
Benicio Del Toro and Clive Owen
Jefferson - The 51st State
Reese Witherspoon's new romantic comedy: "a girl who can talk to
animals falling in love with a guy who can talk to dead people"
Michael Winterbottom - Why I made that sexually explicit film
Classic typos which have appeared in the Bible through the years.
New Pics: The Chronicles of Riddick
Playmate Gallery - Dalene Kurtis, June 2001 - Courtesy of
Four free short movies from Playboy Plus!
Beach weather in the UK - topless chicks emerge - The Sun is
there, as usual.
Garnett seems to be everywhere. T-Wolves win another playoff
archives. May also include newer material than the ones above,
since it's sorta in real time.
to submit a URL for Other Crap
are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.
- The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the
review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
- If there is a white asterisk, it means that
there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined
there might be something else of interest.
- A blue asterisk indicates the review is written
by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
- If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too
ashamed to admit it.
Words from Scoop.
.avi's from Shiloh.
.wmv files made by Scoop from Shiloh's .avi's.
Here's one for us old guys. Natalie Wood in Splendor
in the Grass, looking eerily like her daughter Natasha Gregson
Wagner (.wmv, .avi)
Rarely seen clip of Lara Flynn Boyle in Past Tense.
I've never been a big fan, but she's hot here! As far as I know,
this film is not on DVD. If you know otherwise, please let me and
Tuna know. (.wmv, .avi)
Vaitaire Bandera in Stargate. She looks fookin'
incredible. (.wmv, .avi)
Perhaps these tips will help if you have trouble
with the codecs for these movies:
FYI when I hypercam vids to make the file size smaller I use
DivX MPEG-4 Fast-Motion for the video compressor, then I use
virtualdub to compress the audio. The properties for the
vids says the video codec: DivX Decoder Filter & audio
codec: Morgan Stream Switcher which I'm not familiar with.
When I compress the audio with virtualdub I use MPEG
Layer-3. A friend of mine told me about compressing the
audio about (6) mos. ago. Like I said previously, only been
capping for a year & a half & I'm no expert. Hopefully this
info will help members with the proper codecs for my vids.
When I cap big brother's I use hypercam mostly & sdp &
asfrecorder if the set up allows me. I stopped using
camtasia cause the file sizes were always too big, could
never figure out the process, over my head lol, plus it cost
too much to buy in my opinion.
A reader says:
You mentioned that some users were
having trouble with the videos on your site. There is a tool
designed to determine what codec is needed for a video.
http://www.headbands.com/gspot/ Hope this is useful to you
or your users.
I made the .wmv versions of each video. The codecs for these: Windows Video V8, Windows Audio 9.
The upside of these is that you know the codecs, and they'll play in
the Windows Media Player. The downside is that they are slightly
larger, and slightly lower quality.
'Caps and comments by Dann:
"The Girl of Your Dreams"
This fascinating 1998 Spanish comedy/drama covers a period that many prefer to forget, and from a perspective that many are unfamiliar with. Spain's Franco was aligned with Germany's Hitler, even as civil war brewed in his own country. During this time, a group of Spanish filmmakers travel to Berlin to film their version of a hit Andalusian musical.
Confronted with the realities of Nazi Germany, and treated as inferior by their German hosts regardless of being allies, the film company tries to cope while the leading lady falls in love with a German prisoner who is assigned to work as a movie extra.
With an interesting historical background, this effort includes good acting and a very well-written and sometimes amusing story. It is in Spanish, but the sub-titles don't detract from a very good movie. Oh, yeah, and Penelope Cruz gets naked, which helps even more.
|Flautista 'caps of the Spanish actress topless and showing a brief rear view (link #2) in scenes from "Carreteras secundarias" (1997).
|From "Freddy Vs. Jason" (2003), the "final" chapter of the two 80's horror movie series.
Munroe shows off her her robo-boobs and bum, and Morris is topless.
As Spaz pointed out a few days ago:
Katharine Isabelle's uncredited shower double is Canadian stripper Tammy Morris. Tammi-with-a-'y' isn't your average stripper, she's the lapdancer who allegedly performed a sex act on Ben Afflect which caused a 10.5 earthquake in Hollywood resulting in the breakup of Bennifer and J-Lo.
|Andrea Del Rosario
|Señor Skin 'caps of the Filipina actress topless and full frontal (link #9) in scenes from "Lupe" (2002).
|Pat Reeder www.comedy-wire.com
Pat's comments in yellow...
U.S. OLYMPIANS TOLD NOT TO WAVE AMERICAN FLAG
Suck My Jingo! - A paid consultant to the Olympics is telling American
athletes not to wave the U.S. flag if they win because it might upset or
provoke other countries that don't like us. Other athletes can wave their
flags if they win, but USOC acting president Bill Martin said American
athletes have to be sensitive to charges of jingoism, so they're being
"educated" as "to the appropriate behavior."
The "appropriate behavior" for an American athlete at the
Olympics is to KICK THE OTHER COUNTRIES' ASSES!
I can think of an appropriate use for a flag POLE right about now.
Better yet, our athletes should deliberately lose...That will make the
other nations love us AND feel better about themselves.
WORLD'S FIRST DICTIONARY OF PHOBIAS
AKA Ted Baxter's Disease - Jornal da Globo reports that Igor Rafailov of
Pernambuco, Brazil, has written what he says is the world's first
dictionary of phobias. It covers everything from puppetphobia (the fear of
dolls) to felinephobia (the fear of cats). Ironically, the longest entry,
hipomonsteresquipedalophobia, is the fear of reading or saying long words.
Victims of that die of fear when the doctor tells them what they have.
That's especially common among radio announcers.
There's a picture of George W. Bush next to that entry.
Someone else would've already done this book, but everybody was afraid
"AMERICAN IDOL" NEWS
Result To Be Determined By A Bookie Named Spicolo - Last night, Hawaii's
favorite Jasmine Trias was voted off "American Idol," leaving it as a duel
between Fantasia Barrino and Diana Degarmo.
It was a shocking result: the two best singers actually got to stay!
Thumb Screwed - Paula Abdul plans to sue a nail salon that allegedly gave
her a bad manicure and punctured her thumbnail. She said she got a painful
infection that forced her to have her nail surgically removed and nearly
cost her her thumb. A manager at the salon told "Celebrity Justice" that
they think the injury may have happened elsewhere.
So they're pointing the finger elsewhere?
Simon Cowell insists that he's never nailed Paula Abdul.
They think she may have pulled her own thumbnail off to take her mind
off the terrible singing she has to listen to.
BRITNEY CLAIMS SHE'S BI
We Don't Bi It - Britney Spears is saying "me, too" to Janet Jackson's
confession that she was once in love with another woman. Spears told
German FHM magazine, "I may not brag about it as much, but as far as sex
goes, I've done similar things to what Janet Jackson has done."
What, lip-synched on "Saturday Night Live"?
Granted, Justin Timberlake isn't very masculine, but getting groped by
him doesn't count as lesbian sex.
Britney has an aching, yearning, uncontrollable need...for publicity.
If Britney wants to copy Janet, let's see her have a wardrobe
MADONNA'S BIZARRE NEW TOUR
Jesus! - The Sun reports that Madonna wants her "Re-Invention" tour to be
her most controversial yet. Some of the numbers will include a line of
scantily-clad pregnant women during "Papa Don't Preach," simulated lesbian
sex as she tangos with a female dancer, bomb sounds and huge video images
of Iraqis being slaughtered during "American Life," a cover of "Imagine"
during which she will break down crying in front of photos of starving
children, and even her own "electrocution" on stage as she twitches in an
electric chair. Then she'll rise from the dead during a song inspired by
Kabbalah. The best seats will cost $300.
I'd pay $500 if it just ended with the electric chair.
But it's worth it, because think how much you'll learn about religion
and foreign policy.
She needs the money to pay copyright royalties to Alice Cooper.
She's already rehearsing crying over the starving children... She just
imagines they're her career.