Emmanuelle, L'Antivierge (1975) Is the second of the authentic trilogy. This time, we change directors (the previous one was offered the job and declined), we go from Thailand to Hong Kong, and Emmanuelle's husband changes actors and jobs. This time he is an engineer. The short version of the plot this time is three words -- Emmanuelle has sex. There is no plot arc in this film, but rather a series of sexual exploits, beginning with another passenger in the shipboard dormitory that Emmanuelle arrives on, through a tattooed polo player, her husband, a sexual acupuncturist, a massage girl, three men at a brothel, and finally a three way with her husband and young friend Catherine Rivet.

The three of them visit the massage parlor together, and one of the massage girls is Laura Gemser. All three of these women show everything, and there is copious nudity from other massage girls, women in the shipboard dorm, and women in the brothel. KRistel contracted an eye infection during filming, hence sun glasses in many of her scenes. The producer had enough bookings before principle photography began that the film was assured of a profit when it started. The French board of censors properly said it was an 18 and above film, but a minister out to make a name for himself over-ruled them and gave it a porn rating. Rather than release it with that rating, they released it everywhere but France, and sued. They eventually won, but some Spanish theaters made a fortune from French people crossing the border to see it. Kristel recorded te theme song for this film. IMDB readers have this at 4.4 of 10. It delivers on nudity, has some nice scenics (especially in Bali), and is filmed in a beautiful Wide Screen, but there is no central conflict at all, and I found myself wanting plot. C-.

Avenging Angelo (2002):

Warning: mega-spoilers

Sylvester Stallone, Bruce Willis and Arnold Schwarzenegger, the three great action heroes of the past two decades, have all arrived or are coming to a career crossroad. The action path is coming to an end, and the shirtless days are all but over. Can they manage a transition into a new stage of their career, or not? Which path should they follow now?

Schwarzenegger hasn't had a solid box office smash since 1994 (True Lies), but he can postpone the decision for a while because he is busy making sequels to his old hits.

Willis has had no problem at all. He has a certain look and intelligence that allows him to play military types or ex-astronauts, and he can also range from tough to compassionate when he needs to. While Shakespeare isn't in the cards, and he can't do accents, he's nonetheless an underrated actor who can speak English articulately within his mainstream mid-American accent, so he can be plugged into almost any kind of role, and he continues to headline hit movies of various types.

Stallone, on the other hand, seems lost at the moment. His latest movie, Avenging Angelo is a straight-to-vid, and he hasn't had a theatrical success in a long time. I can't even remember the last time he was in a movie I liked. It's been a long time since Rocky II and The Lords of Flatbush and First Blood.

The Avenging Angelo role wasn't bad for him. He's on the right track. He plays the dedicated bodyguard of a kindly old mob boss (Zorba the Godfather, in his last movie). Zorba is assassinated on Rocky Balboa's watch, so the Rock knows that he now has to protect Zorba's daughter (Madeleine Stowe). Unfortunately, Zorba's daughter is a bored suburban trophy wife, doesn't know that she is the daughter of a mob boss, and doesn't take Rock's protection offer very seriously until she is the victim of an attempted assassination while shopping in a ritzy mall.

Did I mention that it's a romantic comedy? Well, a dramedy would be more accurate, I guess.

Yeah, I know. It sounds like it sucks as a comedy premise, and it does indeed inhale very deeply. I think that the premise was actually reasonable as a Stallone vehicle, but the script is weak.

Stowe looks absolutely magnificent. I have never seen a 45 year old woman look so good, but she has no chemistry with any of her male co-stars, and the comedy falls even flatter than the dramatic mob plot. The drama requires the audience to accept one of the most ludicrous coincidences in screen history. An author whose work she loves, a sexy Italian man whose books she has memorized, is actually the hit man of the rival mob family which is trying to kill her. Being the world's most beloved author is just his cover! Well, it is an effective cover. Would you expect J.D. Salinger to be a mafia hit man? Stowe feels completely comfortable in being alone with him since she's been reading his books and listening to his lectures for a decade.

An effective cover, but kind of unlikely, to say the least.

If you tell me that some obscure writer like Howard Hunt is really a spy or a mob boss, OK, that could be. But if you tell me that Thomas Pynchon or Umberto Eco or Tom Clancy is really a mob boss, I'd have to think you were only talking to me temporarily, until the white coat guys get you in the butterfly nets. The best part of it is that the author-slash-hitman didn't make any attempt to contact Stowe. It was she that initiated their relationship by inviting him to speak at her Ladies' Club.

Assume you are a hit man assigned to kill Woman X. Here is your plan. You find out what kind of books she likes. You spend two or three decades becoming the world's best writer of that kind of books, then you wait for her to contact you! When you get alone with her, you strike! Now THAT'S deep cover.

• Carin Moffat (1, 2)
• Madeleine Stowe (no nudity except a bare back, but some sexy lingerie)

Updates:

• new volumes: Christine Boisson, Irina Bjorklund, Bjork, Maria Bello, Fairuza Balk, Fabienne Babe, Cachou, Christy Canyon, Kate Capshaw, Sandra Carey, Stefania Casini, Carmen Chaplin, Claudia Christian, Jill Clayburgh
• updated volumes: Kim Cattrall

Other crap:

• sexy desktops and screensavers from FHM, including the new ones of Band Camp Chick
• Americans increasingly more irritated over Spam e-mail
• The Top 12 Gangster Films
• Remember Herb, the Burger King nerd? His story and other fast food fiascos.
• six female American pole vaulters have gotten into bikinis for a hot calendar designed to help fund their Olympic hopes
• the ten worst showbiz hairdos
• McDonald's loses a lawsuit because their food contains meat. Who would have dreamed?
• actor Mark Wahlberg admitted he is "over the moon" about becoming a father for the first time.
  • Here's Marky Mark's partner, Rhea Durham, in tiny bikinis
  • here's Rhea topless
• Wahlberg was also on Stern today. Howard heard that Mark banged Reese Witherspoon. Mark told Howard they had a relationship for a while. Howard said he thinks she's kind of cute. Howard also said Wahlberg will not be able to settle down.

Mailbox:

(Letter in white. Scoop's words in yellow.)

I'm a filmmaker, and I can clearly see where and how they slipped in a body double in the Goldie Hawn clip. The arms are matched perfectly-- they clearly suspected that would be the giveaway. However, they forgot to factor in one detail-- the double is at least an inch taller than Hawn. Watch her head as the camera pans-- she pops up an inch after an obscuring drape passes, then drops down again right after another obscuring drape blocks her completely. They also didn't match the motion right-- when Hawn becomes the model, it's perfect, but when the model becomes Hawn, there is a bit of redundant motion, which creates the impression Hawn paused or walked in place for a beat before emerging in the light and grabbing the robe. If you look in the spot where her motion suspends-- and this spot is
mostly drape, obscuring her almost totally-- you can see drapes dissolve quickly into each other. Verdict: they cut into the double and dissolved back into Hawn.

Scoop's note: I can definitely see his point. If you watch it frame-by-frame, there is a frame where Goldie is facing forward in approximately full profile. In the very next frame, her face is turned completely from the camera, and she appears to be an inch or two taller. I guess it could be an illusion, or a result of digital compression (which does not use every frame, in order to minimize file size.) The quirky transition and all the tricks with the drapes seem to be strong indications of a body double. I'll say this, though. If it is a body double, it is about the all-time slickest use of one!

I don't know for sure. I've never heard anyone suggest this was a body double until you guys started this discussion. Does anybody have any other evidence to present?
 

Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.

• The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
• If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
• A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Lawdog or Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or Mick Locke, or somebody else besides me)
• If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

• Patricia Arquette, brief breast exposure in a love scene from the 1993 movie "True Romance". Directed by Tony Scott, and written by Quentin Tarantino.

Be sure to pay Graphic Response a visit at his website. www.graphic-barry.com.

DAMN DIRTY APES ARE PEOPLE! PEEEEOPLE!!
They Even Ride Tricycles And Smoke Cigarettes! - Researchers at Wayne State University in Detroit did a molecular comparison of the DNA of a chimpanzee and a man, and they say they are so nearly indistinguishable, chimps should be reclassified to the same genus as humans.