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"Wild Things" (1998)

I suppose director John McNaughton did warn me early in the film that this was going to be garbage. A sailing teacher and his best student drag a boat onto the dock with all sheets still flying (funny how there is wind on the water but not on the dock) and the teacher tells the student to lower the mainsail. The student immediately lowers the jib. I didn't take the hint, and watched it anyway. Guidance counselor Matt Dillon is accused by two students, Denise Richards and Neve Campbell, of rape.

Before the accusation, we see Richards try to seduce Dillon at his home after washing his car. We see her leave quickly, obviously a scorned woman. She is playing strictly for the audience here, as nobody remotely involved in the subsequent investigation is anywhere around. He turns out to be innocent -- no, wait a minute, he has been doing her, but they are in cahoots, no, wait a minute, there is a double-cross, then another, then another ad nauseam. The director proved early on that we could not trust a single thing he showed us. As a matter of fact, there were so many plot holes that they had to fill them in during the closing credits with additional footage.

Give me a break. We see him push a drunken Campbell down into a decaying boat, then bludgeon something in the boat that screams just like Campbell with a champaign bottle. After several blows, a red liquid spurts out of the boat. We then see Richards and Dillon wrap a bloody, bruised Campbell, skin fishbelly white, in a plastic tarp, and carry her off to the swamp to be buried. So he killed her, right? Of course not. She has never been better.

There were some plusses. The locations and art direction were lush, and the cinematography was excellent. Richards, and Theresa Russell as her mother, both showed breasts, but Campbell, who was supposed to be sort of bi-Goth-trailer-trash wore more clothes than Mother Superior at Sunday Mass.

Maltin gives three stars, which makes me wonder if there is an alternate version. Berardinelli wasn't fooled for a second, and says 1 1/2. Ebert, who flogged Erin Brockovich because Julia Roberts showed cleavage, calls this in very bad taste and then awards three stars. I suppose major critics need to maintain good relationships with studios to keep getting invited to preview showings, etc, and sometimes politically have to find a way to like a film. IMDB readers say 6.2/10. The back of the DVD compared this film to Basic Instinct like that was a good thing. If you recall, I also hated that film because of the way the director manipulated the audience. This one didn't even show any female crotches. C-, mostly on the strength of the art direction, and the DP work.

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  • Denise Richards (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
  • Theresa Russell (1, 2, 3)

    "Tuff Turf" (1985)

    Tuff Turf (1985) stars James Spader as that rarest of High School rebels, a true individual. His family has just moved from a rich life-style in Connecticut because his father lost his business. He lives in the shadow of his perfect older brother. His transcript is consistent -- great grades, and always in trouble. He almost immediately falls for Kim Richards, and doesn't let the fact that she is "owned" by the toughest hood in the school, Paul Mones, bother him. He manages to make a friend of Robert Downey Jr. You might be able to predict an inevitable showdown between Mones and Spader, with Spader beating the bad guys and winning the girl, but why jump to the end when there is so much fun betting there?

    Richards has some pokies, and a body double (Fiona Morris) who briefly shows her nipples during a sex scene with Spader. Maltin says 1 1/2 Stars, and IMDB readers say 5.0/10. This film is good escapist teensploitation fare (except for the dearth of nudity) directed by Fritz Kiersch. Richards dances (well) and Spader sings. I give it C+.

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  • Kim Richards (1, 2, 3, 4)
  • Fiona Morris

    "Blair Witch 2: Book of Shadows" (2000)

    Blair Witch 2: Book of Shadows (2000) is the official sequel to Blair Witch. If you liked Blair Witch, you will hate it. If you're like me and think that that Blair Witch was at least as big a hoax as Milli Vanilli or the recent Dubba mandate from the voters, then BW2 is a more interesting film. The studios selected documentary director Joe Berlinger, then forced changes to his concept. In a rather bitter commentary, he explains what he wanted to make. The idea was to show a pseudo-documentary at the begining showing the aftermath of Blair Witch, then lead into a tour of the main Blair Witch locations by a couple of grad students, a Wiccan, a psychic Goth person, and a tour guide.

    While in the woods, they meet up with another tour group, all fall asleep, and wake up to find all of their papers and equipment trashed, but some tapes remaining. Up to this point, the director had planed on a light-hearted romp in the woods. The second half of the film was to be an increasingly sinister investigation into what happened the night before, which, it turns out, included the murder of the other tour group. Berlinger was hoping for a very ambiguous ending, where you weren't sure if the damage was done by some sort of mass hysteria, or by an evil presence.

    The studio insisted, at the last minute, to insert gore scenes randomly throughout the film. They were shot in one afternoon behind Berlinger's house. The studio also insisted that police interrogation, which was supposed to be at the end of the film, be intercut. I suspect the film Berlinger wanted to release would have been even better. Everyone agrees that this film is crap, but I place it way above the original. Berlinger did use a lot of steady cam to give a documentary feel, but did not use what he calls the "shakeycam" technique of Blair Witch. Erica Leerhsen's breasts are seen on one of the tapes, and in some hallucinations, although they are mostly hidden by hair. The Blair Witch Project, to me, was an F. I will give this sequel a C-.

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  • Erica Leerhson (1, 2, 3)
  • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)

    Professional Surfer Megan Abubo. (1, 2)

    No nudity in Fatal Conflict, but Kari Wuhrer spends the entire film in a t-shirt and it gets wet now and then 

    • Wuhrer (1, 2)

    I didn't write anything about Tank Girl yet, but here's some pics

    Encyclopedia, volume G, part 2 is updated (women starting with Ge). Sorry to say no nude Buffy, and we're sad to report that the news from Cannes is bad. There is no nudity in Harvard Man, contrary to previous rumors.


    Graphic Response
  • Jessica Lange, a very hot sex scene from "The Postman Always Rings Twice" (1981)

    Be sure to pay Graphic Response a visit at his website.

  • Scorpion's Skinemax
    A weekly recap of all of the bimbos we know and love, doing what they do best...taking their clothes off for the camera.

    Today we're going to break it down by movie as well as by nudity.

    "Lawful Entry" (2000)

    An all-star, dream team casting effort that reminds me of the glory days of the Sidaris movies. While Andy and son went for the Bunny-types, this softcore masterpiece features some of the best in the late night cable biz. Ladies who have made careers out of phony sex and bad acting. Ain't America great!

    On the dudes side, this one also stars my late night hero. I refer to him as "Official Skinemax Old Guy", but his real name is Robert Donavan. I'm not sure how old he really is (best guess...mid to late 40's?), but he always sticks out like a sore thumb when put up against the usual 20 somethings (male and female). Perhaps it's the 70's, disco moustache! This guy is not in very good shape, has more fur than my dog, usually wears a lot of gaudy gold jewelry, and reminds me of a car salesman. Yet in his short 4 year career, he's made 20+ movies, and has done sex scenes with just about every chick on late night cable! Lucky bastard!

  • Gabriella Hall, lots of breast exposure.
  • Kim Dawson, undies, breasts, and a nice variety of sexual positions.
  • Michelle Hall, a trifecta...all three B's! Boobs, Bum, and Bush!
  • Regina Russell, lot's of flesh in these sport humping scenes.

    "Masseuse 3" (1998)

    This one could easily pass as "The Softcore Stock Footage Film Festival". Of this movie's 90 minutes, I think there is only about 25 minutes that were actually filmed for this movie. The other hour is a series of sex scenes that the lead characters watch on video. Those of course all look like leftovers from other movies, and they have nothing to do with the "plot". They're just excuses to show T&A. I have no problem with that as a general rule, but the people having sex were in no way related to the movie. They were not other characters involved in love triangles or sex scandals, they were simply strangers having sex on film. Pretty lame.

  • Julie Strain. Big Julie showing her breasts and some bush in one of the pointless sex scenes.
  • Landon Hall, the only original flesh in the movie.
  • Tammy Parks in two stock footage sex scenes. Mostly breasts here, but #2 also adds a bit of bush. (1, 2)

    "Beverly Hills Bordello" (1996)

    The softcore series that came up with new and exciting ways to show us the glamorous world of upscale prostitution. Gabriella Hall appeared as the house Madame, and as one one of the working girls.

  • Gabriella Hall, full frontal nudity.

    "Sorceress II: The Temptress" (1996)

    B movies had the two Coreys, and softcore has the two Julies. According to the IMDb, they have made a total of 6 movies together. (I'm not counting a Pethouse Video). "Sorceress II" was the second film they teamed up on, and to quote Jon Lovitz's cartoon critic Jay Sherman..."It Stinks!". I've seen a lot of T&A movies in my time, and this one either deserves to be forgotten, or chopped up into stock footage for the next "Masseuse" movie.

  • Julie K. Smith, one pair of robo-hooters....
  • Julie Strain, and another pair of robo-hooters.

    "Sexual Intrigue" (2000)

    A Skinemax feature I have not seen yet. Kim Dawson and Kira Reed usually do some pretty hot sex scenes, so I'll have to stay up and watch this one sometime.

  • Kim Dawson, breasts and bush in well lit sex scenes.
  • Kira Reed, also showing boobs, and bush. (1, 2)
  • Zette, this actress in new to me. Here we see all three B's plus a few tattoos.

  • Spaz
    Comments by Spaz:

    Leslie Hope Showing all 3 B's once again in "Rowing Through" (1996).

    Linda Lee Tracey Linda Lee Tracey (now known as Lindalee Tracey) shakes her booty as a stripper in the documentary "Not a Love Story: A Film About Pornography" (1981), made by The National Film Board of Canada.

    Near the end Lindalee does a photoshoot for Suze Randall (photographer for many girlie magazines such as Hustler and Penthouse) who makes her spread her legs for the camera. Lindalee was very humiliated by doing this spread shot but it's the climax of the documentary. Unfortunately, this shot (last frame) seems to be blurred-out in the crotch area so you really can't make out her snapper. Lindalee has since then has become a journalist and filmmaker and has made many award winning documentaries. You go girl!

    NOTE: These are some of the tamer pictures in the documentary. The other stuff is so explicit it will make Tinto Brass blush.

    Pascale Montpetit
    (1, 2)

    The French-Canadian actress shows all of her goodies and then some scenes from "Eclipse" (1993) (link #1) and "H" (1991) (link #2). Severe nipple pokies here in the eye-poking league of Farrah Fawcett and Claudia Udy.

    Roberta Weiss
    (1, 2, 3)

    Roberta is best known for one of the better topless scenes in The Hitchhiker tv series. She was also topless in David Cronenberg's "The Dead Zone" and got spanked in Dorothy Stratten's "Autumn Born". She goes topless in these three movies:
  • "Comment faire l'amour avec un nègre sans se fatiguer" (1989): Bum and breasts in a love scene. Link #1
  • "Cross Country" (1983):topless in bed, then with "Motel Hell"'s Nina Axelrod while both boyfriends watch. Link #2
  • Tangerine Taxi (1988): very brief topless exposure. Link #3

  • Susan Hamann Dances topless but with pasties in her first movie "A Whisper to a Scream" (1989).

    Bridget Fonda Brief breast exposure in scenes from "The Break Up" (1998).

    Charlize Theron Topless, and some nice pokies from "The Yards" (2000).

    Kate Hudson Topless of course in scenes from "Almost Famous".

    Mena Suvari Mena in her black undies in scenes from "Loser" (2000).

    Vivica A. Fox Briefly topless, but it looks like there is tape or something covering her nipple. Scenes from "Booty Call".

    Tina Bordihn See-thru breast sightings from "Comedian Harmonists".

    Holly Marie Combs Pokies on "Charmed".

    Jenny Jürgens Wet t-shirt pokies from "Rosamunde Pilcher - Die Rose von Kerrymore" (2000).

    and ...
    Kim Dawson
    (1, 2, 3)

    The late night star very topless in scenes from "Lap Dancing" (links #2 and #3). In link # Kim is clothed, but she is giving cucumber a BJ.

    Kate Winslet
    (1, 2

    Very nice collages of Kate giving up the goods. #1 features full frontal nudity form "Holy Smoke", and #2 has Kate topless in scenes from some movie about a boat that sank.

    Natasha Henstridge Natasha showing off her wonderful breasts in "Species 2".

    Veronica Ferres The German actress looking pretty good topless. I'm not sure of the movie. Vidcaps by Jedilein.

    The Funnies by Number 6
  • The Mailman

    It was George's last day on the job as a mailman after 35 years of delivering the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood.

    When he arrived at the first house on his route George was greeted by the whole family there. They roundly and soundly congratulated him and sent him on his way with a tidy gift envelope containing a hundred dollar bill.

    The owners at the second house presented him with a box of fine Cuban cigars.

    The folks at the third house knowing he was an avid fisherman, handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.

    At the fourth house George was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful blonde woman in a revealing negligee. She took him by the hand, beckoned him in, closed the door behind them and lead him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced.

    When he had enough they went downstairs where she then fixed him a giant breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles and fresh-squeezed orange juice. When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee.

    As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge. "All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, "but what's the dollar for?"

    "Well," she said, "last night I told my husband that today would be your last day and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you. He said, 'Screw him. Give him a dollar.' The breakfast was my idea."

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