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Stone Cold
Yo, Scooperman. The suga
from the latest Dead Women and a few left over
from Sleuth. Femme Fatales is now comin out two
or three times a day, I think. Every time I go to
the bookstore they have a new one, and I can't
ever get caught up. And I ain't brimmin with
excitement over the prospect of scannin more of
these obscure lowrent scifi babes and queen bees.
I know a few of the names, but not most, and I
think they all have the exact same body. This is
the result of silicone addiction, which harder
than smack.
I see you got yo boy
laborin in the porno mines now. Man, that some
sweet fatherin. So maybe he and Kristy Hefner and
Guccione, Jr can all get together at a second
generation porno convention some day. Be a sweet
thing.
Dawn Ashcraft. I think her grandpa, ol H.P.,
wrote some stories about Cthulhu. Catherine Brewton. I don't know what they talkin
about, but the article say she better known as
Misty Brew, hostess of Shock Theater. I guess
that mean she the grade-c Elvira somewhere, like
International Falls, Minnesota or someplace. Catherine Brewton. Heidi Christine. Her bio say she hopin to make
enough money as a model to buy a last name. Honey Lauren. Also entitled to a handicapped
sticker for the last-name impaired. Good to date
these two sugas because they get the best parking
places. Gaelle Comparat. Julia Hayes, who don't look much like her
grandpa, Gabby. Charlotte Lewis. Hey, I heard a her. Made a
movie with Eddie, right? Monique Parent. Monique Parent. Rachel Robbins. Gwen Somers. Kimberly St John. Her biography say she a
Baptist, and she took her stage name after a
famous biblical figure. I think they referrin to
Kimberly the Baptist.
"The
Wild Side", from Tuna
Tuna's commentary:
First, the highlight of this film is the
lesbian relationship between Anne Heche and Joan
Chen. They have a real chemistry together, and
the love scenes are hot. As an added plus,
neither was shy about nudity. Evidently, this
film was first released as a mangled TV version,
then re-released the way it should have been
shown on DVD. The plot revolves around Heche, who
is a bank executive by day and a $1,500 a night
call girl at night (she needs to pay her
mortgage) who gets involved with Christopher
Walken who is the worlds largest money launderer.
Walken involves Heche with his wife (Joan Chen)
in a huge laundering scam through Heche's bank.
Heche is blackmailed into helping the Feds catch
Walken, and falls instantly in love with Chen.
This film has energy, pace, competent acting,
lovely bodies, a complex plot and lots of shock
value. The photography is very well done as well.
It held my attention beginning to end.
thumbnails
Anne Heche (1,
2,
3,
4,
5,
6,
7,
8,
9)
Anne Heche and Joan Chen (1,
2,
3,
4,
5,
6,
7,
8)
"Vacation",
from Tuna
Can you believe it has
been 17 years since this one kicked off the
series? They just released another one a couple
of years ago. Well, the first one was pretty
funny, especially the parody of Disneyland called
Wally World. This one was written by John Hughes,
directed by Harold Ramis, featuring some of
Ramis' old SCTV cohorts as well as the usual
Chase-D'Angelo matchup.
In this version, Chase
takes his family on a cross-country auto trip,
where they get bilked by sleazy auto salesman and
later by repairmen, end up with a dead aunt on
the roof of the station wagon, get lost in
impenetrable high-crime neighborhoods and endless
deserts, see the world's biggest ball of twine,
and dream about seeing the House of Mud, in their
quest for "so much fucking fun we'll be
whistling Zippity Doo Dah out of our
assholes". Many of us can recognize the
trips we took with our own parents.
There were a lot of
funny moments in the first one. In the latest
ones, the only moments worth watching are the
ones with Randy Quaid as the pathetic loser
cousin who lives on a nuclear testing site, and
is happy to be there, free from his job in the
asbestos plant, free to dine as he pleases on
Hamburger Helper without the hamburger.
This movie features one
of the most famous filmed bloopers, in D'Angelo's
shower sequence, when the camera reveals her blue
panties.
thumbnails Beverly D'Angelo (1,
2,
3,
4,
5,
6,
7,
8)
"Cocktail",
from GR
The Bryan Brown curse
strikes again. Must be the worst movie Tom Cruise
ever made. The worst movie Elisabeth Shue ever
made. The worst movie Kelly Lynch and Gina
Gershon ever made. Well, you get the point. A
really bad movie, a complete waste of your time,
and a complete waste of the talented cast, except
for a dazzlingly choreographed team-bartender
sequence with Brown and Cruise imitating one of
those juggling acts that used to be on Ed
Sullivan every week. The first time I saw this
movie, I left the theater thinking "why did
they make this film?". I still don't know.
Elisabeth Shue
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