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"Blue Ridge Fall"

Blue Ridge Fall (1999) is a nifty little indie concerning a groups of kids from a North Carolina town. When one of their number, slightly retarded son of a wife beating, hard drinking, bible spouting father blows daddy away, they decide the father got what he deserved, and their friend shouldn't be put in jail or in a home, so they hide the body. Things go wrong pretty quickly from there, with the kids in conflict with the law, and everyone's life ruined or worse.

Britt Leary, as girlfriend of one of the boys shows a breast in a sex scene. The friends are a mixed bag. Peter Facinelli is the High School quarterback with good offers for college ball, and the most level headed of the bunch. His steady girl is sister of a deputy sheriff. Indeed, it is the sort of town where everybody knows everybody. Another in the group dropped out of High School and served 6 months in jail. Another is a member of the football team, and pretty much goes along with the group. The film is nicely photographed, has good pace, and interesting characters, but I am not sure I liked the bittersweet ending. Still, it is worth seeing as a non-comic coming of age buddy movie. C+.

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  • Britt Leary (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

    "The Patriot"

    The Patriot (1986)is one of the worst thriller's I have ever seen. Briefly, Annapolis grad turned Navy SEAL Lt. Ryder (Gregg Henry) refused a lawful order to wipe out a Vietnamese village of women and children, received a Dishonorable discharge, and became a drunk, and oil rig driver. Ex girlfriend Simone Griffeth, also a Navy Lieutenant/SEAL and daughter of an Admiral (Leslie Nielsen) dumped him. Suddenly, his country needs him again. Someone has stolen three nukes, and he has to find them. I say three nukes. It was two at the start of the film, but three by the time it ended. They made some noises about anti-war political motivations for the robbery, but also had one set to go off to add some suspense to the film. I could never figure out just how many bad guys there were, or how they related to each other, but them I didn't understand why the Navy would bring back a drunk, erase his dishonorable discharge, and reinstate his rank, or why an Admiral's daughter was still a Lieutenant after so many years in the Navy.

    Fight scenes were amateurish at best, without even the illusion of punches connecting. The DVD transfer was terrible. It was dark, grainy and undersaturated. Griffeth, who gave up acting after this role, showed a breast during the one sex scene with Henry. Look for Michael J. Pollard in a minor role. This film has a terrible plot, bad acting, and is ineptly made and transferred. D-.

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  • Simone Griffeth (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

    "Let's Make Love"

    Let's Make Love (1960) stars Yves Montand as Jean-Marc Clement, billionaire playboy. He hears that an off-Broadway production is going to make fun of him, and visits rehearsal hoping to make them go easy on him. He immediately falls for the female lead, Marilyn Monroe, and tries out for the part playing himself just to be near her. He finds that, for the first time ever, a woman is relating to him, rather than his money and power. Unfortunately, she is much more taken with co-star Frankie Vaughan. Tony Randall plays the part of publicity agent to Montand. In order to win Marilyn, Montand decides he will have to impress her as a performer, so he hires a series of tutors. First, Milton Berle to learn comedy, second, Bing Crosby as a vocal coach, and finally Gene Kelly for a little dance instruction.

    This would be a third rate Musical Comedy with no memorable songs were it not for Monroe. One thing that struck me while watching is just how much our sense of beauty has changed in 42 years. She was the pinnacle of sexiness then, but would be considered way over-weight now. We see her buns through a transparent costume, cleavage, and pokies. IMDB readers have this at 5.9 of 10. This is part of the Marilyn Monroe Diamond Collection 2, to be released next week. It is a very nice transfer, especially considering the age. This is a must see for Marilyn fans, but has little to offer others. C+.

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  • Marilyn Monroe (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)

  • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)


    Friends and Lovers can be described as follows:

    Imagine you tuned in to watch your regular weekly episode of "Friends",  except it has been replaced by another show which seems similar, except there are six characters you don't recognize. The new show still has a pretty decent 30 minutes worth of sitcom style laughs, but now conveniently packaged in a 90 minute package, which means it has an incorrect balance between the humor and the plot exposition. Since sitcom plot exposition is approximately equal to that of soap operas, the new ratio is not a good formula.

    • Alison Eastwood. I think Alison is beautiful, but I hate the tats. (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
    • Suzanne Cryer


    I haven't seen A Different Story, but it must be one lollapalooza of a movie. It's about a gay guy and a lesbian who share an apartment to save money - and end up falling in love. Hey, it could happen. Anyway, it is yet another look at the spooky but sexy Meg Foster for you Meg fans


    Other crap:

    Perhaps you've been reading how the secrets to the 9-11 bombing are all hidden in the twenty dollar bill. If you want to see what they are talking about, here are all three "mysteries".

    Spiderman pulled in another $46 million over the weekend. This is the all-time record for a third weekend, and happened despite the fact that the new Star Wars movie opened with an $86 million weekend - the third best of all time behind Spidey ($114m) and Harry Potter ($90m)



    Here are the latest movie reviews available at

    • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
    • If there is a white asterisk, it means that I inexplicably determined there might be something of interest.
    • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Lawdog or Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or somebody else besides me)
    • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

    Scorpion's Skinemax
    If you're looking for some of the hottest ladies of late night to:
    1.Show breasts, bum and bush (with gyno-cam views!)
    2.Have plenty of pseudo sex
    3.Do a little lesbo lovin'
    4.Do/show all of the above in abundance

    Then look no further than "Web of Seduction"!

    Janet Julian A non-skinemax moment....Brief breast exposure in "King of New York". You may remember her from late 70's/early 80's TV roles like the replacement Nancy Drew in "The Hardy Boys/Nancy Drew Mysteries". Lieutenant Brie on "Battlestar Galactica", or as Tommy in "B.J. and the Bear".

    Felicity Huffman A great rare find...Topless exposure from a very little known TV series called "Bedtime". For those who may not recognize her name, Felicity is also known as Mrs. William H. Macy, and co-starred on the critically acclaimed, but short lived series "Sports Night" (which you can still catch on Comedy Central at 2:30am).

    Kathleen Turner
    (1, 2)

    Turner's breasts and bum in "Body Heat", the movie that launched a 1000 other "erotic thrillers".

    Rosanna Arquette
    (1, 2)

    Rosanna showing the goods is the only reason to watch the 1993 Van Damme flick "Nowhere to Run". -By the, Arquette made a completely unrelated movie about a year later called "Nowhere to Hide".

    Breasts and bum are in clear view, plus there is some frontal exposure, but the lighting is just dark enough to obscure any pubic visibility.

    Other trivia...the late Richard Marquand (director of "Return of the Jedi") was given a story writing credit for this movie. I find this interesting on two levels. 1.These two are drastically different types of films. 2.He died 6 years before "Nowhere to Run" came out.

    Susan Sarandon Excellent toplessness from her film and nudity debut in 1970's "Joe".


    When last we left "Crazy Love", Daneen Boone, the professor and their tour guide Deena Cassiano were captured by a native tribe. Today they force Deena and the professor to have sex while they watch.

    • Deena Cassiano...toplessness, pubes and plenty of pseudo sex. (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)

    Diane Lane
    (1, 2)

    More bootleg images of Diane Lane topless in "Unfaithful", the new theatrical release from Adrian Lyne, the director of "Lolita", "Indecent Proposal", "Jacob's Ladder", "Fatal Attraction", "Nine 1/2 Weeks" and "Flashdance".

    Winona Ryder Showing some cleavage and looking pretty good on SNL. What happened to SNL? Seriously, do any of the actors even bother to show up before Saturday? Hey guys are actors, you are paid to perform. Could you at least try to memorize a line or two? Of at the very least, move the cue cards so that they are in your line of sight and not next to the camera.

    My personal favorite is when you have two cast members (or a cast member and the guest host) talking to each other during the monologue and you can tell that they are actually reading the name of who they are speaking to from the cue card. Something else I've noticed....the guest musicians make the best actors on SNL! Why? Well call me nutty, but you can tell that they are just happy to be acting, so they learn their lines and actually try to play the characters. And another it possible for Jimmy Fallon to rip off any more Mike Myers and/or Adam Sandler bits?

    Natalie Portman Posing in Clones gear for the UK Star Wars magazine. Thanks to nmd.

    Andrea Langi
    Bridgette Brooks

    Two topless ladies in scenes from "Killer Instinct" (2000), by Dann. I haven't seen this one yet, but I'm pretty sure I can guess the quality simply by reading the following words that appear on the cover..."Corbin Bernsen".

    Thanks to everyone who helped ID the stripper in "Liberty Heights" as Kiersten Warren. She was also in "Independence Day" (Vivica A. Fox's stripper friend) and in "Bicentennial Man".

    Britney Gossip
    From the weekly UK newspaper, Sunday People

    BRITNEY SPEARS is furious after film showing her topless went missing from a studio.

    She flashed her boobs on camera as a joke during the shooting of Crossroads, her big-screen debut.

    The scene was cut by producer SHONDA RIMES - but then it vanished. Now frantic execs at Paramount's studios in Hollywood want the missing reel back and have ordered an urgent investigation.

    And the superstar beauty fears her thrupenny Brits will go on show on the Internet or even in a glamour mag.

    Britney, 20, peeled off with her co-stars TARYN MANNING and ZOE SALDANA after filming a karaoke scene in the teen road movie. An insider revealed: "It was just a joke moment for Britney and the other girls. It was never meant to be shown publicly. Little did they know the film would go missing.

    "There are a few red faces round the studio and no one knows where the reel has gone. A few discreet inquiries were made at first but now it's become quite an investigation."

    Momentum Pictures - responsible for the movie in the UK - admitted: "We have asked where the missing reel is but it's been hard getting an answer from America. No one has come back to us. If anyone knows anything, nothing has been said. We may never get an answer."

    The shots would be the most sought-after in showbiz, particularly as Britney vowed last month that she would never do a glamour shoot. Even though she is famed for her raunchy outfits, Britney said: "I wouldn't do a movie love scene if I had to show anything.

    "I wouldn't do anything where I had to strip off - I'd get a body double.

    "The body is a beautiful thing but I wouldn't be able to exploit myself on camera that much - I'd feel awkward."

    The star, famed for her skimpy outfits, was already planning to tone down her raunchy music videos - sad news for her legions of male fans. Britney said: "After seeing Slave For You I thought, 'That's the sexiest video I'll ever do'. I wouldn't go there again. I watched it and I was like 'Oh My God' - it was hot."

    Jr's Note:
    I hate to shatter any Britney fan's dreams, but....

    The article goes on to state that "Crossroads" is such a huge hit that it "has made 10 times it's 4 million budget in its first few weeks in cinemas". Ok...first of all, the budget according to the IMDb was $12 million (about 8.2 million Pounds). Doing the math, that would be 120 million US or 82 million GBP. In a few weeks? That would put the Briney movie in the "Scorpion King"/"Spiper-Man"/ "Attack of the Clones" level of box office performance. I think not. By the way, IMDb reports US box office totals were about $37 million and UK totals are about 5 million. So if they couldn't get those easy to verify facts right, chances are this is just another silly rumour from the British tabloids.