Side Effects (2005)

This is a film about the marketing process involving pharmaceutical reps and doctors. It was written and directed by a woman who was a pharmaceutical rep for ten years.

"So," you are thinking, "is that a good idea?"

Well, let me ask you a question. Do you think Raging Bull would have been a better movie if it had been written and directed by Jake LaMotta?

Apply that same answer here, driven by the same logic.

It might have been a good movie if the auteur had told her story to a professional writer, who then could have crafted it into something worthwhile, and they had then taken the project to a professional director, who might have been able to present both the drama and the humor without stepping all over it. Unfortunately, while the actual writer/director may have a vast amount of knowledge about the subject of pharmaceutical reps, she doesn't have any knowledge about writing and directing. To say this film is amateurish is to offend capable amateurs everywhere. To say this is sophomoric is to insult every sophomore of normal intelligence. Everything about it is ham-fisted. Watching it feels like those embarrassing moments when unfunny, unsubtle people take the stage at a comedy club on open mike night. The auteur has no sense of storytelling, nor what to do with a camera, nor how to design or light a set. Worst of all, she uses silly sitcom background music.

And that only scratches the surface of the film's problems.

I don't know where they dug up the actors, but at least half of them have absolutely no sense of what to do when a camera is pointed in their direction. As the Chicago Tribune wrote, "Several scenes are so excruciatingly awful that one is forced to wonder if there are so few reasonably talented working actors these days that director Kathleen Slattery-Moschkau had to resort to recruiting random people off the streets?"

Cable Access TV has better performances.

Not to mention better production values.

The budget was $190,000 - and the film brags about that fact. I would have guessed much less. All I can say is that none of that money is on screen. The Our Gang kids used to put on more professional-looking shows in their clubhouse. The budget must have used about $188,000 to pay Katherine Heigl (of Grey's Anatomy), and spent the rest leasing a digital camera from Rent-a-Center. One must admit that Heigl was a very good sport about the whole endeavor. She not only supplied the only credible line readings in the film, but even removed her shirt and bra for the team, thus assuring that at least a few people would watch.

Me, for example.

It's a shame that this film turned out to be so bad, because the script has good intentions and probably has some good, if unsurprising, insights - or I least I am assuming that, based upon the author's industry credentials -  but it simply has no idea how to present its points.

Based on this description, this film is an H. It's the worst comedy since Adam Sandler's Going Overboard (which may be the worst ever), and the worst romantic comedy I've ever seen, period. And it looks and sounds like a Cable Access show. Normally our ratings can't go below G (which is essentially an F with Jeff Fahey), but in this case the film defied the laws of the universe in that it actually would have been better with Jeff Fahey in it. Adding Jeff would make it a G, so it has to be below G now.


Katherine Heigl

 1900 (1976)

1900 is an ambitious five hour film from one of Italy's greatest directors, Bernardo Bertolucci, and it was supposed to be his masterwork, his overview of Italy's modern history. He hired the best actors in the world. His cinematographer was Vittorio Storaro, who had already done two great Bertolucci films and would eventually go on to win three Oscars and be nominated for another. The music was composed by Ennio Morricone, who was eventually nominated for five Oscars - and those weren't even close to being his best scores! He could easily have been nominated for ten Oscars or more. Morricone was inexplicably not nominated for The Good the Bad and the Ugly, Cinema Paradiso, or Once Upon a Time in America, three of the best original scores written since WW2.

Lots of talent.

The film is also epic in scope. It tells the stories of two boys born on the same estate on the same day in 1900. One is the son of a wealthy landowner (played by Robert DeNiro), the other (Gerard Depardieu) is the bastard son of one of the peasants who works that land. They play together as boys, and remain friends throughout their lives, despite two world wars and great political differences. Their stories are used to tell Italy's story in the 20th century: the class struggles, the gap between rich and poor, how the rich gradually turned toward fascism to establish order, while the poor embraced socialism.

I suppose I've made my point. Five hour film, the best talent in the world, virtually unlimited money and artistic freedom for one of the world's great directors. It also included daring, arguably pornographic scenes featuring big stars in explicit sex acts. As you might guess, 1900 was the hottest ticket at Cannes ...

... until people saw it, whereupon the guys in the business side of the industry started to think it might be marketed as a cure for insomnia. The first half of the movie stays almost entirely in multi-generation family saga territory, while the second half is political, practically a love-poem to socialism, and is greatly oversimplified by cartoon characters. Donald Sutherland, as the local Fascist, turns in a Snidely Whiplash performance of moustache-twirling evil in which he sodomizes children and tortures family pets. I'm not kidding. His performance is so lacking in nuance that he makes Burt Lancaster (also in the movie) seem to be a master of subtlety in comparison.

If you are a mainstream film fan, this is not for you unless you're really into Italian politics. It's long and boring and one-sided. If you are a major film buff, however, 1900 is required viewing just because it is what it is, because so many great talents collaborated on such an ambitious project. You will probably find it deeply flawed, but you may like it, and you may even love it. Although it received some harsh reviews at the time (Ebert and Canby both panned it, and I didn't care much for it either, although I love many of Bertolucci's films), many people praise its genius, and about 70% of IMDb voters score it 8.0 or higher.


Dominique Sanda


Stefania Casini


The film is now available for the first time on DVD. It is a Region 2 PAL disk from Finland. (With English sound, and many different languages available in sub-titles). It can be purchased from an American importer. (Click on the image below for details.)

1900 DVD 5 HR Version Widescreen Bernardo Bertolucci (1976)  


Other Crap:

Letterman: Top Ten Surprises in George W. Bush's Immigration Speech

"70,000 Beer Cans Found in Ogden Townhouse"

Mischa Barton's 'O.C.' Character Killed

  • "Fox's 'The O.C.' closed its third season Thursday with a deadly twist. Marissa Cooper, played by Mischa Barton, was killed in a car crash."

Based on a new development in the case, US investigators are searching a farm for Jimmy Hoffa's body

Wednesday's episodes of Lost and Alias are now available online

Colbert chastens the Republicans for acting like something evil - Democrats

Colbert makes his case for the Reagan Dime

The Colbert Report: Better Know a President: Theodore Roosevelt

  • In the first installment of this 43-part series, Stephen sits down with the 26th U.S. president, Teddy Roosevelt

The Daily Show discusses The DaVinci Code

The Daily Show's Lewis Black whines and snivels about his usual aches and pains and the kids on his lawn.

Daily Show: "Bush's tax cuts will create jobs for the likes of diamond-tip cane polishers and monocle-smiths."

"Not saying Lindsay Lohan does drugs  ... but damn that girl is working the drugged out look."

If this is May, it must be time for the annual Mustache Championships

From 'X-Men' to X-rated women? Brett Ratner would like to shoot Linday Lohan naked.

  • Get in line, Brett. Of course, unlike most of us, he wants to do it with a camera.

Melissa Theuraiu - Topless On The Beach (French News Anchor)

  • A funny sidebar. The site has a link which says, "Visit for more photos of Melissa and over 60K more celeb photos." Woo-o-o-o-o! 60 whole K! I wonder how much they have to pay for their storage space.

Letterman: Top Ten Signs The Government Is Spying On You

The World Carrot Museum

Public Supports Bush's Plan to Implant Monitors in People's Heads

A campaign to spay Britney Spears has been launched

  • Couldn't they just neuter Federline instead?

Donald Trump Stars In New Star Trek Series

The trailer from FAST FOOD NATION - Richard Linklater's fictional interpretation of a non-fiction book

The trailer from the King, a new drama starring Gael Garcia Bernal

The legendary Mimi Rogers nudefest, Full Body Massage, is now available on an all-region DVD, PAL format. If you play DVDs on a computer, it will play anywhere. If you use a stand-alone DVD player and a TV, the DVD will play, but the picture will not render correctly unless your system can play PAL discs.


Full Body Massage DVD Mimi Rogers (1995)



Movie Reviews:

Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe). White asterisk: expanded format. Blue asterisk: not mine. No asterisk: it probably sucks.


Naked Killer (1992)

Naked Killer is a stylish Hong Kong thriller starring Chingmy Yau. The version I located is a Region 2 DVD from Holland.

When her father is killed by her stepmother's lover, Chingmy takes revenge on the killer, and is helped to escape by a mysterious woman who ends up being the leader of a gang of female assassins. Chingmy herself progresses very fast in the gang, becoming an accomplished assassin in her own right, but is caught between her teacher and the young cop who loves her.

Meanwhile, the assassins are split into factions. Chingmy and her teacher only kill scum that more or less have it coming, whereas the teacher's former star pupil, Carrie Ng, kills anyone for a buck and, if they are female, rapes them first. Her assistant, Madoka Sugawara, is also her sex toy. When Chingmy and her teacher take out a Japanese crook, his gang hires Ng to kill them in turn, setting up a battle to the death, where all weapons are fair game, including knives, guns, poison, body parts, sex and more. The film has a typical tragic ending.

This is very slick with high production values, and has a more capable cast than the more typical Hong Kong category three offerings, and so holds its own compared to thrillers from other countries. It features some full speed female martial arts action that would probably look fast in slow motion.

This is a solid C. IMDb readers say 6.0.

Nadoka Sugawara shows breasts in two sex scenes with Carrie Ng.

Chingmy Yau is naked, but manages to keep her nipples covered through a sex scene, but just barely is some cases. She is beautiful enough that I included images of her.









First up today a Hankster "Babe in Bondage" - Erna Schurer topless and chained up in "Blood Castle".

Moving on to "Intoxicating," Laurie Baranyay shows some T&A.

Camilla Overbye Roos with breasts.

"Life without Dick" is a festival of cleavage.

Heidi Mark looks great as a sexy school crossing guard.

Sarah Jessica Parker always looks sexy.



Feed (2005)

Rose Ashton.

Hysteria (1998)

Emmanuelle Vaugier
Lynn Snelling







LC has made one more trip to the future. Here's Kristanna Loken in BloodRayne
LC - the other chicks of BloodRayne
LC - Emily Galvin in Long Distance
LC - Kate Beckinsale in Underworld Evolution
LC - Kaja Gjesdal and Christine Danielle in Underworld Evolution
LC - Sophie Monk in Date Movie