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"The World is not Enough",
from Johnny Web
There is never any need
to review a Bond film. Bond films are like
McDonald's. If people say "where did you
eat?", and you answer
"McDonald's", they never follow up with
"how was it?". They already know. Same
thing when you watch a Bond film. Great action
sequences and high-tech gadgetry, titillating
double-entendres, one good girl and one evil
girl, amusing banter at headquarters, and a
Doctor Evil Du Jour. A formula almost as precise
as a Big Mac. Sophie Marceau (1,
2,
3)
Denise Richards (no nudity)
"Cradle
Will Rock", from Johnny Web
Tim Robbins is a fairly
complex writer/filmmaker. Unfortunately, he
follows a simplistic brand of politics, and he
sometimes makes his movies political statements.
As a result, his characters are must be purely
demonic or pure of heart, depending on which side
of his politics they land. Another thing that
causes him problems is an indecision about
whether to be serious or comic. Because of these
two characteristics, this movie is filled with
characters who are cartoons - hilarious fascists
on the three stooges level of humor (Paul
Giamatti as an Italian buffoon), corrupt and
shallow plutocrats (John Cusack as Nelson
Rockefeller), or the saintly and principled
working class (John Turturro, Emily Watson)
Bah, humbug, Robbins.
God damn, you're 40-something, son. By your age
most guys have realized that the world is not
black and white, but an infinite grey scale.
This is a true story and
a great subject for a movie: Orson Welles and
John Houseman's legendary attempt to stage a
left-leaning pro-union musical on the payroll of
the U.S. Government, as part of the National
Theatre Project during the depression. When the
theater was closed and their props seized and
impounded, they marched the entire opening night
audience 20 blocks up the street to another
theater. Since the actor's union forbade the
actors to go on stage, the playwright was to
perform the entire play by himself with a piano,
but the actors (unsolicited) performed their
lines from the audience. That was quite a
stirring scene when they began, except that the
play (a real play - this is mostly a true story)
was a real stinker. Robbins' sympathy with the
play's ideology has blinded him to the fact that
it really, really sucked, and all the scenes of
the play and its rehearsals seem interminable.
Plus Emily Watson is one of the worst singers
ever. She sounds like that Mrs Miller lady that
used to be in the audience of all the talk shows
years ago, and her diction and phrasing are so
poor that I couldn't understand one single word
she sang (although she was terrific, as usual,
when not singing!) Like Ragtime, the story
interweaves real characters with fictional
add-ons, and the historical portraits are truly
odd. It's one thing to take liberties with people
long gone, but the personalities of Welles,
Nelson Rockefeller, Diego Rivera, and others are
well known to many of us, and this was way off
the mark. Angus McFayden's portrayal of Welles is
bad beyond belief. How could they even have left
it in? It must be the worst single piece of
acting I've ever seen in a major film. The young
Welles was a tall, flamboyant man, with a
distinctive basso voice, and an IQ of about a
thousand and a massive ego to match it, who could
and did pontificate on every subject under the
sun. Plus he was about 21 or 22 when this
incident happened. Angus McFayden played him as a
perfect replica of Dudley Moore in Arthur.
Robbins also decided to publicly "out"
John Houseman. I never knew Houseman was gay.
Frankly, I never gave it any thought. Outing him
didn't seem to serve any purpose other than
meanness.
I've only concentrated
on the negatives, but I have to say that this
basic story is so stirring that it's hard to
screw it up, and the movie has a lot of strong
moments. Turturro got a great role, for example,
and he ran with it. There are some good laughs,
and the winding together of about four storylines
is quite complex and clever. This could have been
a masterpiece, but it isn't, it's just an OK
movie, and there's nobody to blame but Robbins,
who wrote and directed.
The best review I saw
was written by Salon magazine, which completely
shares Robbins' ideologies, but thought the movie
bit the big one. Click here for the review. Very nice scene with Josie
Whittlesey, Sandra Lindquist, Tamika Lamison An anonymous couple screwing in
the balcony
"Free
Enterprise", from Johnny Web
Talky 90's angst
comedies aren't my cup of tea, but this one
delivers quite a few laughs, and I really liked
it. A couple of SF geeks grow up, and try to
become adults, but not very well-rounded ones.
Their story is advanced by their new friendship
with Bill Shatner, played by ... well, by Bill
Shatner of course.
Never let it be said
that Shatner has no sense of humor. He portrays
himself exactly as his enemies see him. He raps,
he reads porn, he sings, and he can't get laid
despite trying non-stop. His only current showbiz
project is a musical version of Julius Caesar in
which he plays all the male parts, and he's
trying to get Sharon Stone for Calpurnia. At one
point one of the young guys tells Shatner that a
girl he fancies "couldn't possibly like you
less than your co-stars did". If there is a
Shatner negative, this film treads right on it.
Shatner takes all the punches, and emerges a lot
more likeable than you would imagine. And while
he can't sing, he does a pretty good job of
rapping! (Well, I'm no expert on the subject, but
I think it was OK)
If you like the original
Star Trek, this is a must see, because the
references are fast and furious, and most went
way over my head. But even if you don't like Star
Trek, I think you'll get a kick out of it,
especially Shatner's goofy self-parody. Lori
Lively (1,
2,
3)
Audie England (1,
2)
Kiera D'Andra Stacey Rossman
"The
Beach Girls", from Tuna
Tuna's commentary:
1982 exploitation
classic stars Debra Blee as a college bound shy
girl spending the summer at her uncle's beach
house. She invites her less inhibited friends
Ginger and Ducky (Val Kline and Jeana Tomasina)
to stay with her. Ginger and Ducky think they can
lead men around by their bare tits, and they are
right. When a nosey neighbor complains, the uncle
returns, but is easily bedded by Ginger and
Ducky. The dramatic tension is provided by
wondering if Sarah (Blee) will loosen up and get
laid with the handsome hitchhiker her friends
brought with them. Of course she will -- this is
an exploitation film, but it takes to the end of
the film to thaw her out.
Meanwhile, there are a
lot of truly funny moments, such as the mud fight
between the Hispanic gardener and a Martial Arts
Chauffeur, a gay Coast Guard crew (headed by
captain Bligh, who is always fiddling with his
balls), and 8 hefty bags full of pot thrown
overboard by the evil drug smugglers to avoid
arrest. This film has some lovely young bodies,
and some truly funny moments. When your local
video store is out of The Seven Samurai, consider
this as a substitute.
thumbnails Debra Blee (1,
2,
3)
Jeana Tomasina (1,
2,
3,
4,
5,
6,
7,
8)
Jeanette Linne (1,
2)
Val Kline (1,
2,
3,
4,
5,
6,
7,
8)
"Goodbye
Columbus", from GR
I haven't seen this
movie since it first came out, which was, I
think, as part of a double bill with Battleship
Potemkin, and we had to avoid the dinosaur turds
when walking to the theater. It was the movie
which established Ali MacGraw as a star, if
"star" is the correct word to use in
her case. Actually, although she eventually
passed into oblivion, she was pretty big news
from 1969-72, with this movie, Love Story, The
Getaway, and her romance with Steve McQueen. Her
skinny dip in this film was really hot stuff back
in 1969.
Did you know she made a
movie called "Glam" in 1997 with Tony
Danza, Valerie Kaprisky and Natasha Gregson
Wagner? With that cast I'll take a wild guess
that it wasn't a modern dress version of Hamlet. Ali McGraw
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