Tuesday

 

 

* Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe).

* White asterisk: expanded format.

* Blue asterisk: not mine.

No asterisk: it probably sucks.

OTHER CRAP:

Catch the deluxe version of Other Crap in real time, with all the bells and whistles, here.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Body Armor

Body Armor (1998), AKA The Protector or Conway is an action film starring stunt man Matt McColm. He plays a personal protection expert, supposedly the best there is. As the film opens, someone tries to attack the man he is protecting. He catches the intruder easily, but his boss kills him. McColm, it seems, has a conscience, and quits. During that scene, we see the only nudity in the film from Shauna O'Brien, who shows her breasts.

McColm's accountant (Clint Howard) advises him that he needs to take another job, as he needs the money. He agrees to help his old girlfriend find a missing scientist. This pits him against Ron Perlman, the owner of a hugely profitable pharmaceutical company, who always seems to be the first to market with vaccine for a new virus. Ron has a trick. He develops the virus and the vaccine together, releases the virus, then markets the vaccine when the demand is high enough. Taking down Perlman and his hundreds of guards wouldn't be enough of a challenge, so he gets infected with the latest virus, thus giving him 48 hours to live unless he gets the vaccine.

McColm should stick to stunt work, as his character was lame when not doing stunts. The supporting cast could act, but director/writer/producer Jack Gill didn't make the best use of them. The film was technically competent, but the story was somewhat lacking. I never believed for a second that they would kill McColm, so I never felt any real suspense, and a little suspense would have helped the film. Still, it is a passable actioner, and hence a low C-.

IMDb readers say 4.1 based on only 100 votes. The reason this has so few votes is likely because it went straight to video, then was soon discontinued. Amazon marketplace currently has two copies for around $50.00. Rare Licensed DVDs again to the rescue. They have a foreign version in English with optional Scandinavian subtitles for a very affordable price. Click on the image below for the full scoop.

Body Armor DVD aka The Protector Shauna O'Brien (1996)

 

Shauna O'Brien

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


Emanuelle in Bangkok

Today the Time Machine goes all the way back to 1976.

 

Tits from Debra Berger.

Ely Gallaeni topless.

Laura Gemser & Debra Berger with Debra showing off some full frontal.

Laura Gemser & Ely Gallaeni with Ely doing the fill frontal thing.

Lots of nudity with Laura Gemser and some unknowns.

And finally the sexy Laura Gemser baring all of her lovely charms.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Epic Movie

If you hate someone, tell them to watch this movie. They won't talk to you ever again.

I can't believe a piece of trash like this was made, I don't even think a 12 year old would like this. In fact, I don't even think a 12 year old could write something as bad as this.

Stay away at all costs.

 

 

Audra Lynn

 

Carmen Electra

 

Heather Storm

 

 

 

 

 

Notes and collages

"Hotline: Hannah's Surprise"

This is an incredibly sensual scene as a woman strips out of sexy lingerie for a bubble bath. The camera continuously pans up and down her body.

Aleksandra Kaniak

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Stick It

 

Evelyne Armela O'Bami
 

Ileana Lazariuc

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Deja Vu

First, I need to explain that I'm a sucker for time travel stories; I love 'em, so my review may well be colored by that fact. I thought 2006's Deja Vu was a really cool time-travel Sci-Fi thriller, while most professional reviewers thought it was just plain dumb. Either way, one thing most will agree is that it's full of action, and very exciting.

During Mardi Gras, a ferry carrying crewmen from the USS Nimitz and their families blows up, resulting in over 500 deaths. ATF agent Doug Carlin (Denzel Washington) is brought into the investigation, and as his expertise becomes apparent, he is enlisted to work with a special FBI surveillance unit that uses a spacefolding technology to look back 4.2 days into the past. Because of limitations to the technology, they can not vary the time differential; they only see the time stream exactly 4.2 days ago.

Using the technology and his knowledge, Carlin is able to figure out who the bomber is after only two days. This means they have more than two days before they reach the point where the actual bombing will be viewed by the spacefolding device. Then Carlin wonders: can the device allow him to travel back in time to prevent the tragedy?

The ending has some nice twists and the movie maintains excitement throughout. It's really not as far fetched as it sounds, and I don't think the average viewer of this kind of movie expects exact science; only a plausible storyline. In this movie, I think they get a lot more.

 

Paula Patton
 


 

From the oldie "The snows of Kilimanjaro," Ava Gardner

 


 

 

From the Jackie Chan film "Operation Condor," Carol Cheung , but it could be a body double

 


 

 

 

From the Resnais & Robbe-Grillet film "L ' Annee derniere a Marienbad," Delphine Seyrig

 


 

 

From the made-for-TV "Corruption Empire," Julia Roberts

 


 

 

From the Latin soap opera "Rebeldeway," Luisana Lopilato

 


 

 

From the period family-oriented adventure "The Prince and the Pauper," Raquel Welch

and Sybil Danning


 

 

From the Tarantino-style crime comedy "Very Mean Men," Lana Parilla

and Idalis De Leon

 


 

 

From the Michael Caine spy-actioner "Bullet to Beijing," various

 

 

Molly Ringwald in Malicious

Phoebe Cates in Paradise

Toni Collette in The Dead Girl (film clip)
Faith Thrue in part three of I Jomfruens tegn (film clip)

 

The Comedy Wire

Comments in yellow...

Rather than letting Paris Hilton out of her 45-day jail term due to overcrowding, "America's Toughest Sheriff," Joe Arpaio, has reportedly offered to let her serve the full time in his Arizona tent city jail with America's first female chain gang.  L.A. officials are said to be considering the offer.  

*  Paris would go for it. She thinks ankle chains are HOT. 


The Sun reports that the British intelligence service MI6 is seeking real-life Bond Girls.  But their website (www.sis.gov.uk) claims that real female spies are not like movie spies.  The agency touts the job as family friendly, saying that while women do have to go undercover, they are "absolutely not" expected to work as "honey traps" and seduce male targets.  In fact, they say, "With few exceptions, partners and children can accompany officers on postings." 

*  And for those rare occasions when you're parachuting into someone's secret volcano hideout, they have a day care center.

With the final "Harry Potter" novel just three months away, author J.K. Rowling pleaded Monday for anyone with inside info about the plot not to leak it.  She's already revealed that two major characters will die.  A spokeswoman for a top fansite, The-Leaky-Cauldron.org, warned that they have a staff of 200 who've waited 10 years to find out if Harry dies, and anyone who ruins the surprise will feel their wrath.  She said, "We own pitchforks, hot wax and feathers.  And we're not afraid to use them."


*  Feathers and hot wax?  Apparently, the big surprise is that Harry Potter is gay.