Sugar Cookies (1973)

Complete spoilers:

Get this for a tagline: "Meet the beautiful people who live ... and die ... in a freaky, try-anything world".

You just know it's going to be some highbrow entertainment.

Is it a new adaptation of Murder in the Cathedral? No, it's Troma's "Sugar Cookies."

The star is Lynn Lowry, who plays both "Alta" and "Julie". Alta is the "star" of a series of adult movies made by a producer who is so jaded that simply watching and screwing his actresses no longer gets his rocks off. He must completely dominate them. He has Alta play out a "scene" in which she loads a gun and plays with it for a while. He asks her for the gun, and she gives it to him. Mind you now, she just personally loaded it with real bullets. Then, they talk. He is dressed, she naked. An excellent conversation starter. He strokes her with the gun and inserts it in her vagina. An even better conversation starter, although this one has also been known to stop conversations. Sometimes permanently.

Unfortunately, the camera is on the wrong lips during this conversation. Then he tells her to taste herself on it. She says it tastes just like chicken. Only fishy. He sticks the gun the rest of the way into her mouth and, sentimental fool that he is, blows the back of her head off. This reminds me of the scene that was cut from Casablanca, in which Henreid finds out about Bogart and blows Ingrid Bergman to Kingdom Come, after which he proposes to scatter her cheatin' remains in all the gin joints in all the cities in all the world.

Lean and leggy exploitation legend, Mary Woronov ("Eating Raoul"), plays Camilla, our producer's assistant, and another of his favorite lays. It turns out that she and Alta were also lovers, and that she likes to wear a hat in the bathtub. She bathes a lot, although chances are she does not get her hair clean, because her hat stays on. Then she begins her stretching exercises. Then a little more stretching. At this point, she's pretty well stretched out when she is interrupted by a visit from the producer who has two things on his mind. First he wants an alibi for the previous night. Second, well, for rumpy-pumpy.

Camilla now starts planning her revenge on her heterosexual lover for killing her lesbian lover. She interviews a whole procession of aspiring actresses and finds a woman named Julie who looks just like Alta (not too surprisingly, since she is played by the same actress, Lynn Lowry). Camilla has to do a great deal of coaxing and coaching to get Julie out of her clothes, but finally manages. Then, as she removes the last of Julie's clothing. Camilla finally gets Julie onto the bed and starts to rehearse her for a "movie scene" which is really a re-enactment of Alta's murder. Julie rebels, so Camilla slaps her around, throws her back down on the bed, flings her clothes at her and tells her to get out. Julie apologizes for rebelling, so Camilla forgives her and decides to take a bath with her, and they make up. For Camilla, a bath is just not the same without a big white hat so, to compensate, she fantasizes about sex with Leon Redbone. OK, maybe not, maybe they just indulge in a little lesbian foreplay. This goes on and on. One assumes they indulge in more than that eventually, but one doesn't see it.

Camilla now has Julie completely under her domination, and tells the movie maker she has a surprise for him: a new girl to take Alta's place. To show how co-operative Julie is, Camilla cuts a slit in her skin and inserts a flower stem in it.

Now it's time for the re-enactment of Alta's murder. Camilla undresses Julie, but gives her all kinds of mixed signals to make her edgy and confused. Poor Julie just doesn't know where she stands any more, so of course, she shoots the movie maker, just what any seasoned actor would do in a scene with mixed signals. Unfortunately for us, she was not on the set of "Prince of Tides". She is then horrified by her own action, and begs Camilla to tell her what to do. Camilla basically shrugs and says: "Not my problem. I just used you to get back at that jerk - do whatever you want." Julie is left distraught.

The director showed some talent, to tell you the truth, but I'm not sure the concept of "Hitchcock + porn" is one which stands to join the Combo Hall of Fame with chocolate and peanut butter. The Hitchcock elements gave the porn an ugly, dark tone. The (soft) porn scenes sometimes slowed down the plot to a crawl. It's an idea that probably worked better on paper.

Tuna and others have done this film before, so I concentrated only on the scenes which really impressed me. The film did have kind of an art-porn look, ala Radley Metzger.

Lynn Lowry

Mary Wornnov

Lynn Lowry has her own website at, and you may find it interesting. One of her galleries features outtakes from her Playboy shoot.


Did you ever watch Sesame Street? Do you like to play "One of these things is not like the others"? Then enjoy that game with some credits which may or may not be from the career of the head Tromateer, Lloyd Kaufman:

1) The Toxic Avenger Part III: The Last Temptation of Toxie

2) Igor and the Lunatics

3) My Dinner with Andre

4) Class of Nuke 'Em High 3: The Good, the Bad and the Subhumanoid

It's a trick question. All four of those are in his filmography. I swear it.



Other Crap:

 It's time to play "real or spoof" -- Chris Rock to direct a remake of Eric Rohmer's Chloe in the Afternoon

'West Wing' Ends With a Graceful Transition

I am - Supermodel Bush of the Day

"NSA REPORTS INCREASED PHONE USAGE ON MOTHER'S DAY" ... Heightened Levels of Chatter Trouble Intelligence Officials

Uma Thurman Falls Out of Her Dress

  • She certainly has an impressive chest for such a thin woman

One killer phrase will fill your PC with spam

Keeley Hazell got topless for the June edition of FHM UK.

60 Minutes runs an interesting segment on Stephen Colbert

Bill Maher's last "new rules" of the season. - The Early Report for May 14

"Today's celeb pics feature some paparazzi photos of Lindsey and Tara out and about on a shopping trip. this is just a guess, but I think they're looking to buy some new bras."

MovieJuice review: Poseidon - Das Bad

President Al Gore speaks to the nation on SNL

"The 24-year-old son was arrested a short time later at a nearby doughnut shop"

  • Correct me if I'm wrong, but a doughnut shop doesn't seem like the ideal place to avoid the police.
  • The story is actually not humorous. The kid gave his mom a rather unwelcome Mother's Day present - death by stabbing.

Inside sources report that Karl Rove has been indicted on charges of perjury, and lying to investigators

  • It is still unknown whether Fitzgerald charged Rove with a more serious obstruction of justice charge.

A nine minute performance of the song many consider the greatest "cover" of all time: Joe Cocker - With a little help from my friends

Poseidon sinks, other new releases bomb, in disastrous weekend.

  • How bad was the weekend? (1) About tied for the worst of the year - a May weekend about equal to the first weekend in February. (2) Down 19% from last weekend, which was considered a disappointment. (3) Down 14% from last year, despite following seven consecutive weeks of double-digit increases!
  • The carry-over films were all up from analysts' estimates, but that's not good news. Quite to the contrary. It was because moviegoing audiences summarily rejected the new releases that the holdovers got a bit of a lift. A certain number of people are regulars at the multiplexes on weekends, and they seemed to show up with no good new choices.
  • Will Poseidon become the biggest loser in history? The budget was a reported $160 million, and the box office looks like it will probably max out in the forty range. Oliver Stone's Alexander had approximately the same numbers ($155m production costs, $40m promo/distro costs, $34m gross), but Alexander was a significant hit overseas ($133 million), and Poseidon may or may not be.
  • It will be difficult for the industry to get back ahead of last year quickly, despite the fact that The DaVinci Code and Over the Hedge will open next week, because those films are staring directly into the face of Revenge of the Sith, which opened above $100 million! It all depends on how magical will be the combination of a phenomenal best-seller and the redoubtable and eternally bankable Tom Hanks

"Why sex in cinema is dying"

"'Pulp Fiction' meets 'Lord of the Rings'. The trailer parody was a winner video at the Ring*Con 2005 Video Contest. "

Four featurettes on the making of 300

  • "Based on the epic graphic novel by Frank Miller, 300 is a ferocious retelling of the ancient Battle of Thermopylae in which King Leonidas (Gerard Butler) and 300 Spartans fought to the death against Xerxes and his massive Persian army. Facing insurmountable odds, their valor and sacrifice inspired all of Greece to unite against their Persian enemy, drawing a line in the sand for democracy. The film brings Miller's (Sin City) acclaimed graphic novel to life by combining live action with virtual backgrounds that capture his distinct vision of this ancient historic tale.


Movie Reviews:

Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe). White asterisk: expanded format. Blue asterisk: not mine. No asterisk: it probably sucks.


"Watchful Eye"

Watchful Eye (2002) is a direct to video erotic thriller. IMDb calls it Voyeur Beach, probably a working title. Comments and reviews at IMDb call it a soft core with way too much plot cutting short what are insufficient sex scenes. It is no wonder these folks have it at 2.6. It is actually an erotic thriller with about the right sex/nudity content. That said, the thriller plot was a little weak to start with, many key points are telegraphed well in advance, a red herring was very clumsy, and the ending felt like a cop out -- an attempt to explain all of the other scenes in the film.

The location is a plush Malibu beach home. We witness the murder of Juliet Cariaga. Some time later, Renee Rea moves in to take the vacant room. It seems the house is full of lovely women, and the male owner. We soon see why he is so particular about who he rents to. He has the entire house wired for video, and runs a live Internet broadcast of the women's daily lives, which, of course, includes showers, baths, girl/girl sex, girl/boy sex, dressing and undressing, nude swimming and hot tubbing, and so on.

The nudity is enough to recommend this one to fans of celebrity nudity, and any more plot information would be a spoiler, so I will leave it to you to discover. Here is the nudity:

Nissa Hall as a nude model photographed by Nikki Fairchild - Full Frontal and Rear Nikki Fairchild as a house resident and lover of the dead girl - Breasts and Buns Juliet Cariaga as the victim - breasts Renee Rea as the newest room mate - full frontal and rear Melissa Barmes as a room mate - full frontal and rear Julie Cialini as the resident party girl and sexpot - full frontal and rear

Renee Rea has, of course, done 13 of these films. NikkiFairchild has 30 hard and soft core credits. Julie Cialini is a former Playmate of the year (1995). Juliette Cariaga ws the Penthouse Pet of the millennium, and did stunt work in There's Something About Mary.

The IMDb score of 2.6 is unfair, comparing this film to soft core efforts. As an erotic thriller with a weak plot and questionable acting, but good imagery, lots of nudity, and interesting female cast, it is a C-. Those who like the genre may not mind it. A little more thought in developing the plot and a tighter ending would have helped a lot.

Julie Cialini

Juliet Cariaga

Melissa Barmes

Nikki Fairchild

Nissa Hall

Renee Rea


The Time Machine returns home for a peek at "House of the Dead 2: Dead Aim".

Paige Peterson shows off her robo's at a frat party. Then she winds up as a dead "Damsel in Distress" on a slab in the mad doctors lab. The good news is she winds up being stripped totally naked. The bad news, she comes back to life as a zombie.

There are also some bonus caps of an unknown, dead and topless zombie.

Paige Peterson

Unknown Dead Topless Zombie

'Caps and comments by Oz:

Blackball (2003) is a British film about indoor lawn bowls. No nudity but some nice caps of Alice Evans and pokies by a spectator.

Alice Evans Unknown

"Son of the Mask"
"Son of the Mask" (2005) is the very lame sequel to Jim Carrey's 1994 movie (in fact it's currently #16 in the IMDb's bottom 100!) but at least we have some lovely caps of Victoria Thaine and Traylor Howard.

Traylor Howard Victoria Thaine

"Miami Rhapsody"
Another movie without nudity is Miami Rhapsody (1995), although Naomi Campbell comes close. Pokies and cleavage by Sarah Jessica Parker and Carla Gugino.

Naomi Campbell

Sarah Jessica Parker

Carla Gugino

There are some topless sunbathers in Metro (1997) and plenty of cleavage by Carmen Ejogo.

Carmen Ejogo Unknown

"Bullet to Beijing"
There is an unnamed topless dancer in Bullet to Beijing (1995).


"Rude Awakening"
An unnamed topless woman is showering outdoors in Rude Awakening (1989).


"Fighting Tommy Riley"
A brief nipple flash by Christina Chambers in Fighting Tommy Riley (2005).

Christina Chambers

Here are both tons of Britney Spears weighing in on Letterman.

Here is former "Mad TV" star Debra Wilson flashing her big'uns.

Natasha Richardson looking fantastic in several topless scenes from the 1990 movie "The Comfort of Strangers", starring Christopher Walken and Rupert Everett. 'Caps by the Skin-man.