Because I Said So

Diane Keaton is the mother of three adult girls, and she's worried that the youngest (Mandy Moore) will end up alone. Mom herself is relationship-challenged. So the question is, "Will mom and the youngest daughter find their true loves?"

Who gives a shit?

  • Chick-flick, of course. Men rate it 4.6, women rate it 6.2. IMDb top 100 voters rate it 4.3. Overall score is 5.0.

  • Metacritic: 26/100

  • British critics: 22/100

  • 5% positive reviews, per RT. Metromix called it "The worst date movie since Saw III."

  • Despite the harsh criticism, it was a near-miss at the box office. Grossed $42 million. Solid opening weekend of $13, especially good since it got dumped on Super Bowl weekend. Solid multiple of 3.2. It opened as the #2 movie, just missing number #1, and stayed in the top three in its second week. It dropped less than 30% in week two, and managed to pass the film which edged it out for #1 the previous week. All of which says that a lot of women liked it and told their friends about it.

Rated PG-13. The only nudity is some thong action, but I made a film clip since I think Piper Perabo is really cute. I love her animated facial expressions. Her butt is not so bad either.



* Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe).

* White asterisk: expanded format.

* Blue asterisk: not mine.

No asterisk: it probably sucks.


Catch the deluxe version of Other Crap in real time, with all the bells and whistles, here.







Night of the Comet

Night of the Comet (1984) is a post-apocalyptic bubble gum comedy.

All earth is anxiously awaiting the arrival of a comet which will pass close enough to Earth that people will be bathed in the comet's tail. Catherine Mary Stewart, movie usher, arcade game master, and overall hot chick, is having an affair with the projectionist, and the two stay in the projection room, which is iron-clad. Stewart's Valley Girl sister, Kelli Maroney, gets in a fight with her WSM (wicked stepmother), and spends the night in a metal shed.

Stewart wakes up in the morning, and finds that most people have dehydrated into a pile of orange dust. Most of the few who haven't are headed for the same fate, but for now at least, are fast moving zombies. She discovers her sister at home and alive, then they meet a young man who spent the night in a metal truck trailer and also seems uninfected. Meanwhile, a group of scientists including Mary Woronov is trying to capture survivors and make a serum of their blood.

A member requested that I cover this because he found it sexy to see Kelli Maroney playing a cheerleader with an automatic weapon. Maroney is seen in a bra and panties, and other sexy outfits, and it is not a bad film at all. Both sisters were likable characters, the film had one foot in comedy and one in horror, and there was a feel-good ending. Yes, it was mostly mindless and predictable, but sometimes that is not a bad thing in a film.

IMDb readers say 6.1, which is not bad at all for the genre, and I agree with that assessment.

Kelli Maroney



Catherine Mary Stewart









The Last Kiss Goodnight

"Babe in Bondage" alert. Today we have Geena Davis in some serious trouble, as she is all tied up in her underwear. Not to fear -  she wins out in the end.












Scientist Abbott Reeves (Roy Dotrice) is conducting time-travel experiments in the Mexican jungle. Reeves orders his assistant Dr Takada to decommission the half-human, half-cyborg Mandroid (Patrick Reynolds), when Mandroid starts having flashbacks to his life as a human. Instead Takada helps Mandroid escape and tells him to seek out robotics expert Nora Hunter (Denise Crosby). Nora is surprised to find that Reeves, thought killed, is alive and that he has stolen her robotic designs to build Mandroid. She immediately sets forth on an expedition into the Mexican jungle, joined by Mandroid, the wily boatman Harry Fontana and Takada's ninja son who has come to find his father. Fighting their way past Neanderthals brought back via Reeves's experiments and river pirates, they eventually discover Reeves's plan to go back in time and make himself the Emperor of Rome.

3.2 at IMDb, only 2.6 from the top thousand voters, 2.4 from voters aged 45 or older.


Denise Crosby







Notes and collages

One Stays. The Other Leaves.

Aissa Maiga








Stick It



Missy Peregrym



Venessa Lengies







These two film clips go with LC's latest batch of collages (Saturday edition)



Serena Scott-Thomas (and Claire Kramer) in The Thirst (film clip). Oddball 2006 vampire movie rated 4.5 at IMDb. The caps to the right are Kramer (top, no nudity), Scott-Thomas (center, topless), and Charlotte Ayanna (bottom, nudity done by a body double)

Here is Scott Weinberg's entertaining review:

"Jeremy Kasten's The Thirst borrows quite heavily from films like Near Dark and Requiem for a Dream, and by "borrows quite heavily" what I actually mean is "steals quite blatantly." But at least the CFQ Films production team is honest about it: On the front of the DVD case is a quote that reads "Requiem for a Dream meets Near Dark." The source of the quote is CFQ Magazine.

Only Requiem for a Dream is a stunningly sober film, while The Thirst is overwhelmingly campy. And Near Dark is smart and fairly subtle, whereas The Thirst is very broad and frequently kind of silly. Still, there's something to be said for a fast-paced vampire flick that delivers the goods at a quick clip -- even if those "goods" were actually created by someone else.

Plot: A young stripper has cancer, but is also a vampire, so she stages her own suicide, leaving behind a bereaved boyfriend who catches a glimpse of the allegedly dead hottie and then pursues her into an underworld populated by a resoundingly evil vampire family that kills tons of people as the undead stripper and her devoted boyfriend try to "kick" the plasma habit by devouring dead cats. (That last section is supposed to be the "Requiem" part.)

So it's about 75% Near Dark (even down to the colorful vampire clan; Adam Baldwin gets the Bill Paxton role while Jeremy Sisto (toting around a really goofy accent) gets to be the Lance Henriksen patriarch), 25% Requiem for a Dream (even down to one piece of musical score that's almost a copy of Clint Mansell's now-classic theme), and 100% goofy all over the place. Had director Jeremy Kasten intended The Thirst to be taken seriously, I doubt he'd have had two of the clan members portrayed as feral vampire nurse lesbian freaks who communicate only by howl and growl.

So what to make of the small handful of scenes that are clearly meant to be taken seriously? Well, you laugh at 'em, of course. (There's one extended "vampire detox" scene between the two leads that's both stone-faced serious and drop-dead hilarious at the same time.)"

Karen Black in the hippie-era Cisco Pike. (film clip)
Lisa Comshaw in Fatal Passion (film clip)
Marg Helgenberger in Conundrum (film clip)
Taxi's Marilu Henner in The Man Who Loved Women (film clip)
Meg Ryan's bath in In the Cut seen on HDTV (film clip)
Fiona Ryan in The Tudors (episode six)
Rebecca Friberg in the Tudors, This is the exact same pic as above, except labeled differently for you collectors.

Kate Winslet in Little Children

Kari Wuhrer shows her sweet tuchus in something called Do It For Uncle Manny.

Diane Kauffman in The Mailman
Danielle Petty in The Mailman
What would a week be without accidental public exposure from the Axis of Sluttiness (Spears, Hilton, Lohan). This time it's Lohan, whose nipple fell out of her bikini Saturday in the Bahamas.


The Comedy Wire

Comments in yellow...

After a speech in Jamestown, Virginia, President Bush snuck up behind the orchestra conductor, took over the baton and led them in playing "Stars and Stripes Forever."  Musicians said he did it with "a great deal of panache," and they were surprised at how well he led the orchestra.

*  Except he never listens to the brass, so he couldn't figure out how to end it.

The Oregon Senate voted to allow some women convicted of misdemeanor prostitution to obtain state teachers' licenses.  One sponsor argued for it by invoking redemption, forgiveness and the sin of being judgmental.

*  Also, the Sex Ed teachers will finally be qualified to teach the subject.

*  This way, when teachers have sex with students, it will be on a professional basis. 

Saturday, Mama's Place Bar & Grill in Elderon, Wisconsin, hosted the 9th annual Testicle Festival.  Over 300 people paid $5 each for the all-you-can-eat, deep-fried goat, lamb and bull testicles.  One diner said once you get over the mental image of what you're eating, it's just like any other food.  Another said they also serve regular meatballs for the squeamish, and "after a few beers, you can't really tell the difference" when they're in your mouth.     

*  Yep, that's why men buy women beer. 

Sheryl Crow announced that she's adopted a two-week-old baby boy.

* Let's see her clean one of those up with one square of toilet paper!