Hooded Angels, aka "Glory, Glory" (2000)

Hooded Angels is an attempt to create a mythical, operatic Western in the manner of Sergio Leone, with the twist that the evil outlaws are women, and that their behavior is justified, or at least rationalized, by their lawless society's inability to protect them. The film does have moments when it seems to reach Leone's level of iconic grandeur. A Welsh composer named Mark Thomas contributed original music which was evocative of the scores which Ennio Morricone created for Leone. There are several scenes which are carefully and effectively composed by the director and cinematographer to create the stylized West of legend. As in Leone's films, the morality of the characters is murky, and no major character is all good or bad.

Having spread around some kudos, I reckon I should probably point out that the whole thing just doesn't work. The background lacks authenticity. Two of the lead actresses attempt outrageous faux-American accents, but pepper their speech with various Dutch-sounding pronunciations. The action which is supposed to take place in Texas involves people ridin' around in multiple layers of heavy clothing. The small Texas towns have four-star entertainment in the saloons and elegant modern spas. Apart from the lack of realism, the main problems are that the characters are bland and generic, the situations predictable, and the acting often sub-standard.

If your mouth is watering at the prospect of a bunch of nudity and hot cowgirl-on-cowgirl action, you'll also be disappointed in that regard. This is not an exploitation movie. The director seemed to have some inclinations in that direction. After all, he did add a completely gratuitous and totally unrealistic nude spa scene. Unfortunately, he seemed to hold back from making that scene exploitative, perhaps fearing that it would destroy the gritty Leone vibe, so he offered us only teasing looks at the cowgirls' flesh.

Bottom line: it ain't an exploitation film and it ain't The Good the Bad and the Ugly, but it does have good, bad and ugly elements. If the DVD were solid, I might consider recommending it for a quick look, but the transfer is quite poor, there is no widescreen version, and there are no features whatsoever. Stay away.

Ana Alexander Amanda Donohoe Julia Ventner

Chantelle Stander BONUS: Here's Chantelle's rear view in Styx, a Bryan Brown classic.


Other Crap:

"The second round of DNA test results in the Duke University rape investigation show 'no conclusive match'' to any lacrosse players", but a 100% match to ... (wait for it) ... the victim's boyfriend.

"Pujols fastest in history to 19 homers"

  • In 37 games, he has 19 homers and 47 RBI, putting him on pace for 83 HR, 206 RBI

Kansas Sheriff Defends Shooting Ostrich on the basis of large and delicious drumsticks.

Rupert Murdoch will be holding a fund-raiser for Hillary Clinton. The wolf also shall dwell with the lamb, and the leopard shall lie down with the kid.

The "pitch tape" for American Pornstar, a proposed reality show - sort of an American Idol for pay cable. (Extremely unsafe for work. It is both explicit and ungodly loud.)

Daily Box Office - Bloody Friday, May 12, 2006

  • As I predicted last week, Poseidon is a disaster picture in more ways than one. It could not wrest the #1 spot from M:i:III on Friday, despite the fact that the latter is not performing any better than expected, and is itself a disappointment.
  • It gets worse. The Lindsay Lohan movie performed poorly as well. It barely took in more per screen than American Haunting despite the fact that the latter is in its second week, and was a bomb to begin with!
  • The week's third new release, Goal, actually did less per screen than An American Haunting, and was on fewer screens to boot.
  • It appears that this will be the second straight week in which the new releases have consisted of two bombs and an underperforming pseudo-blockbuster. The cumulative effect of all those negatives is a Friday in which the top 12 were 14% below Friday, May 13, 2005, despite the fact that that day was also 14% below Friday, May 14, 2004!
  • This wasn't the time for a bad weekend. The weak lead-in to the summer places a tremendous amount of pressure on The DaVinci Code. Tom Hanks will almost single-handedly have to take on the numbers established last year by the the final Star Wars movie, which amassed more than $100 million on its opening weekend. Barring some unforeseen circumstances, look for some deficits relative to last year in the next few weeks, possibly even until Superman Returns on June 30th.

Some of Mike Veeck's wackier baseball promotions - funny ideas.

  • Mike is the son of the equally inventive baseball legend, Bill Veeck

"An easy-to-install, gas-powered wheel turns any ordinary bicycle into a moped "

Mad scientists in the movies.

Major security glitch found in Diebold voting system

  • "Armed with a little basic knowledge of Diebold voting systems and a standard component available at any computer store, someone with a minute or two of access to a Diebold touch screen could load virtually any software into the machine and disable it, redistribute votes or alter its performance in myriad ways."

Backward-moving pulse of light travels faster than light

  • I knew that the speed of light wasn't absolute because of the day when my dad (Danny "Suits" Sparrow) outran light. Of course he still lost the race because he got such a big lead that he stopped at Denny's for the Grand Slam breakfast. To his dying day he insisted that he would have won if he had eaten the regular breakfast instead.

"When subjects were required to perform (math) calculations in their bathing suits, the women suddenly fared worse than their male counterparts. "

Woman frightened by Kevin Costner's penis

Muslims plan Da Vinci boycott because it questions one of Islam's most important prophets: Jesus Christ.

"Within the last week, Karl Rove told President Bush that he will be indicted in the CIA leak case and will immediately resign his White House job when the special counsel publicly announces the charges against him."

  • My favorite part of the story? A spokesman in the White House press office said they would not comment on "wildly speculative rumors."
  • Does that mean they will comment on mildly speculative rumors?
  • Can there be rumors which are not speculative, or would those be "facts"? OED defines a rumor as "General talk, report, or hearsay, not based upon definite knowledge." They define speculative as, "Based upon conjecture in contrast to practical or positive knowledge." My conclusion is that all rumor is speculative.
  • As for "wildly" speculative versus "mildly," I want to know who gets to determine the six degrees of speculation? I recommend Kevin Bacon.

The Pepsi/Mentos experiment performed inside a human being

A new trailer for Miami Vice (which looks better than I expected)

Nicole Richie's Top Ten Signs You're Visiting a Bad Porn Web Site

The artist TURCIOS and his weird caricatures

If your name is Fuchs, a good profession might be Specialty Lubricants

Images from Beerfest, the new comedy from the Broken Lizards (Super Troopers)


Movie Reviews:

Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe). White asterisk: expanded format. Blue asterisk: not mine. No asterisk: it probably sucks.


"These Girls"

These Girls (2005) is a Canadian coming of age comedy about three girlfriends. It is the summer after High School graduation. Caroline Dhavernas is working in a fast food trailer at the beach, and resisting her father's pressure to go to college. One of her best friends, Holly Lewis, is obsessed with softball, and Jesus. She will be attending a special 7th Day Adventist boarding school in the fall. As we will find out, she has one additional obsession. The two of them sneak into the back yard of a 32 year old married hunk to raid his pot garden, and peep through his bedroom window, where they see their other best friend, Amanda Walsh, in bed with the hunk. Now they understand her obsession with baby sitting while his wife works night shift at the hospital.

Then Caroline comes up with a great idea. She decides to seduce the hunk, and succeeds easily. Then Holly Lewis has the same idea. After all, she won't be baptized until the end of summer. This, of course, proves to be too much of a good thing to the hunk, and his plan to get out from under their clutches backfires. Pretty funny stuff, eh? Even the sex is played for laughs.

Caroline Dhavernas shows the side of one breast, and Holly Lewis shows breasts.

IMDb readers say 6.6. I found it adorable, even though the story was fairly transparent, and all three girls were worth spending a quick 90 minutes with. Granted, I am a sucker for teen comedies, but I enjoyed this one. C.

Caroline Dhavernas

Holly Lewis


We wrap up "Emanuelle and the Last Cannibals". Full frontal nudity from everybody.

Laura Gemser naked but a little painted up.

Laura Gemser and Monica Zanchi naked while heading for the water.

Susan Scott is a "Babe in Bondage" and killed by the cannibals. The last couple of caps are pretty intense.

Susan Scott

Monica Zanchi raped by several of the cannibals but she does escape as the movie ends.

Monica Zanchi

Today from the Ghost...A few pics from the Sidaris classic "Enemy Gold".

Julie Strain

Former Heffer Suzi Simpson

Former Miss Virginia, Tai Collins

'Caps and comments by Dann:

"Grandma's Boy" (Unrated)
Amusing 2006 comedy imagines a 35 year old video game tester who is forced to live with his Grandmother and her two elderly roommates.

Alex is the world's oldest video game tester, and when he's not doing that, he's smoking dope and having a good time. Alex's roommate uses the rent money on hookers, and Alex is suddenly homeless. He has no choice but to move in with his Grandmother and her friends.

The movie is cute and amusing, although I had expected it to be funnier. It does have some great scenes, most notably a wild party at Grandma's.

Linda Cardellini Heidi Hawking

'Caps and comments by Oz:

"Soul Plane"
Soul Plane (2004) is an "urban" comedy, mainly set on a plane flight. No nudity but lots of very nice women showing cleavage and pokies, and a terrific upskirt by Sofia Vergara. The other women are Angell Conwell, Lanisha Cole and Missi Pyle.

Sofia Vergara Angell Conwell

Lanisha Cole Missi Pyle

Another urban film is "Friday" (1995). Again, no nudity but cleavage and pokies by Regina King, Paula Jai Parker and Kathleen Bradley.

Regina King Paula Jai Parker Kathleen Bradley

"Friday Night Lights"
Brief topless nudity by Amber Heard in Friday Night Lights (2004), and Ryanne Duzich is shown getting dressed.

Amber Heard Ryanne Duzich

"Tough Luck"
Some brief nipple and bum exposure by Dagmara Dominczyk in Tough Luck (2003).

Dagmara Dominczyk