 |
|
 |
|
Hooded Angels, aka "Glory, Glory" (2000)
Hooded Angels is an attempt to create a mythical, operatic Western
in the manner of Sergio Leone, with the twist that the evil outlaws
are women, and that their behavior is justified, or at least
rationalized, by their lawless society's inability to protect them.
The film does have moments when it seems to reach Leone's level of
iconic grandeur. A Welsh composer named Mark Thomas contributed
original music which was evocative of the scores which Ennio Morricone
created for Leone. There are several scenes which are carefully and
effectively composed by the director and cinematographer to create the
stylized West of legend. As in Leone's films, the morality of the
characters is murky, and no major character is all good or bad.
Having spread around some kudos, I reckon I
should probably point out that the whole thing just doesn't work. The
background lacks authenticity. Two of the lead actresses attempt
outrageous faux-American accents, but pepper their speech with various
Dutch-sounding pronunciations. The action which is supposed to take
place in Texas involves people ridin' around in multiple layers of
heavy clothing. The small Texas towns have four-star entertainment in
the saloons and elegant modern spas. Apart from the lack of realism,
the main problems are that the characters are bland and generic, the
situations predictable, and the acting often sub-standard.
If your mouth is watering at the prospect of a
bunch of nudity and hot cowgirl-on-cowgirl action, you'll also be
disappointed in that regard. This is not an exploitation movie. The
director seemed to have some inclinations in that direction. After
all, he did add a completely gratuitous and totally unrealistic nude
spa scene. Unfortunately, he seemed to hold back from making that
scene exploitative, perhaps fearing that it would destroy the gritty
Leone vibe, so he offered us only teasing looks at the cowgirls'
flesh. Bottom line: it ain't an
exploitation film and it ain't The Good the Bad and the Ugly, but it
does have good, bad and ugly elements. If the DVD were solid, I might
consider recommending it for a quick look, but the transfer is quite
poor, there is no widescreen version, and there are no features
whatsoever. Stay away.
 |
 |
 |
| Ana Alexander |
Amanda Donohoe |
Julia Ventner |
 |
 |
| Chantelle Stander |
BONUS: Here's Chantelle's rear view in Styx, a Bryan Brown classic. |
Other Crap:
|
"The second round of DNA test results
in the Duke University rape investigation show 'no
conclusive match'' to any lacrosse players",
but a 100% match to ... (wait for it) ... the victim's
boyfriend.
"Pujols fastest in history to 19
homers"
- In 37 games, he has 19 homers
and 47 RBI, putting him on pace for 83 HR, 206 RBI
Kansas Sheriff Defends Shooting
Ostrich on the basis of
large and delicious drumsticks.
Rupert Murdoch will be holding a
fund-raiser for Hillary Clinton.
The wolf also shall dwell with the lamb, and the leopard
shall lie down with the kid.
The "pitch tape" for American
Pornstar, a proposed
reality show - sort of an American Idol for pay cable.
(Extremely unsafe for work. It is both explicit and
ungodly loud.)
Daily Box Office - Bloody Friday, May
12, 2006
- As I predicted last week,
Poseidon is a disaster picture in more ways than one. It
could not wrest the #1 spot from M:i:III on Friday,
despite the fact that the latter is not performing any
better than expected, and is itself a disappointment.
- It gets worse. The Lindsay
Lohan movie performed poorly as well. It barely took in
more per screen than American Haunting despite the fact
that the latter is in its second week, and was a bomb to
begin with!
- The week's third new release,
Goal, actually did less per screen than An American
Haunting, and was on fewer screens to boot.
- It appears that this will be
the second straight week in which the new releases have
consisted of two bombs and an underperforming
pseudo-blockbuster. The cumulative effect of all those
negatives is a Friday in which the top 12 were 14% below
Friday, May 13, 2005, despite the fact that that day was
also 14% below Friday, May 14, 2004!
- This wasn't the time for a bad
weekend. The weak lead-in to the summer places a
tremendous amount of pressure on The DaVinci Code. Tom
Hanks will almost single-handedly have to take on the
numbers established last year by the the final Star Wars
movie, which amassed more than $100 million on its
opening weekend. Barring some unforeseen circumstances,
look for some deficits relative to last year in the next
few weeks, possibly even until Superman Returns on June
30th.
Some of Mike Veeck's wackier baseball
promotions - funny ideas.
- Mike is the son of the equally
inventive baseball legend, Bill Veeck
"An easy-to-install, gas-powered
wheel turns any ordinary bicycle into a moped "
Mad scientists in the movies.
Major security glitch found in
Diebold voting system
- "Armed with a little basic
knowledge of Diebold voting systems and a standard
component available at any computer store, someone with
a minute or two of access to a Diebold touch screen
could load virtually any software into the machine and
disable it, redistribute votes or alter its performance
in myriad ways."
Backward-moving pulse of light
travels faster than light
- I knew that the speed of light
wasn't absolute because of the day when my dad
(Danny "Suits" Sparrow)
outran light. Of course he still lost the race because
he got such a big lead that he stopped at Denny's for
the Grand Slam breakfast. To his dying day he insisted
that he would have won if he had eaten the regular
breakfast instead.
"When subjects were required to
perform (math) calculations in their bathing suits, the
women suddenly fared worse than their male counterparts. "
Woman frightened by Kevin Costner's
penis
Muslims plan Da Vinci boycott because
it questions one of Islam's most important prophets: Jesus
Christ.
"Within the last week, Karl Rove told
President Bush that he will be indicted in the CIA leak
case and will immediately resign his White House job when
the special counsel publicly announces the charges against
him."
- My favorite part of the story?
A spokesman in the White House press office said they
would not comment on "wildly speculative rumors."
- Does that mean they will
comment on mildly speculative rumors?
- Can there be rumors which are
not speculative, or would those be "facts"? OED defines
a rumor as "General talk, report, or hearsay, not based
upon definite knowledge." They define speculative as,
"Based upon conjecture in contrast to practical or
positive knowledge." My conclusion is that all rumor is
speculative.
- As for "wildly" speculative
versus "mildly," I want to know who gets to determine
the six degrees of speculation? I recommend Kevin Bacon.
The Pepsi/Mentos experiment performed
inside a human being
A new trailer for Miami Vice
(which looks better than I expected)
Nicole Richie's Top Ten Signs You're
Visiting a Bad Porn Web Site
The artist TURCIOS and his weird
caricatures
If your name is Fuchs, a good
profession might be Specialty Lubricants
Images from Beerfest, the new comedy
from the Broken Lizards (Super Troopers)
|
|
|
Movie Reviews:
Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe). White asterisk: expanded format.
Blue asterisk: not mine. No asterisk: it probably sucks.
|
|
 |
| |
"These Girls"
These Girls (2005) is a Canadian coming of age comedy about three girlfriends. It is the summer after High School graduation. Caroline Dhavernas is working in a fast food trailer at the beach, and resisting her father's pressure to go to college. One of her best friends, Holly Lewis, is obsessed with softball, and Jesus. She will be attending a special 7th Day Adventist boarding school in the fall. As we will find out, she has one additional obsession. The two of them sneak into the back yard of a 32 year old married hunk to raid his pot garden, and peep through his bedroom window, where they see their other best friend, Amanda Walsh, in bed with the hunk. Now they understand her obsession with baby sitting while his wife works night shift at the hospital.
Then Caroline comes up with a great idea. She decides to seduce the hunk, and succeeds easily. Then Holly Lewis has the same idea. After all, she won't be baptized until the end of summer. This, of course, proves to be too much of a good thing to the hunk, and his plan to get out from under their clutches backfires. Pretty funny stuff, eh? Even the sex is played for laughs.
Caroline Dhavernas shows the side of one breast, and Holly Lewis shows breasts.
IMDb readers say 6.6. I found it adorable, even though the story was fairly transparent, and all three girls were worth spending a quick 90 minutes with. Granted, I am a sucker for teen comedies, but I enjoyed this one. C.
|
|
|
|
|
|
We wrap up "Emanuelle and the Last Cannibals". Full frontal nudity from everybody.
Laura Gemser naked but a little painted up.
Laura Gemser and Monica Zanchi naked while heading for the water.
Susan Scott is a "Babe in Bondage" and killed by the cannibals. The last couple of caps are pretty intense.
Monica Zanchi raped by several of the cannibals but she does escape as the movie ends.
|
|
|
|
|
Today from the Ghost...A few pics from the Sidaris classic "Enemy Gold".
|
|
|
 |
|
'Caps and comments by Dann:
"Grandma's Boy" (Unrated)
Amusing 2006 comedy imagines a 35 year old video game tester who is forced to live with his Grandmother and her two elderly roommates.
Alex is the world's oldest video game tester, and when he's not doing that, he's smoking dope and having a good time. Alex's roommate uses the rent money on hookers, and Alex is suddenly homeless. He has no choice but to move in with his Grandmother and her friends.
The movie is cute and amusing, although I had expected it to be funnier. It does have some great scenes, most notably a wild party at Grandma's.
|
 |
 |
| Linda Cardellini |
Heidi Hawking |
|
|
|
|
|
 |
|
