"Suck It & See"

Suck It & See (1999) is a series of MTV style rock videos containing music from a CD of the same name, and made as a tribute to porn. There is absolutely no dialogue, and the editing, effects and lighting are typical of the rock video genre. The music is like nothing I have ever thought of as music, but two of the three who commented at Amazon.com claimed to love the music.

A woman (Roxy Hearts) arrives at an airport, and is meant by a guy in a limo driven by a woman (Belle). The two have sex in the back seat, then all three adjourn to a hotel room, where they all have sex, and make a video of it. The girls then do a girl/girl in a steam bath. Next stop, a B & D art show, then a theater, where they sell the tapes. Then, the weird guy who has been following them since the airport sees their film in an adult bookstore, and hires a hooker, Coco Cobra.

All three women show everything. There is almost know information on the net except Amazon. Even the official site for the producers doesn't list it. For those who are dying to have this gem, you better hurry. Amazon only has one left. For MTV fans, and those who like this music, the women are attractive, have camera presence, and some of the scenes are very erotic. The DVD has a slide show and some sort of interactive content that didn't work for me. I suppose it as good a Rock Video tribute to porn as I have ever seen. C.

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  • Belle (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
  • Belle and Hearts (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23)
  • Coco Cobra (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)
  • Roxy Hearts (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18)

  • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)

    Mercy (2000)

    Mercy was a murder mystery which ended up debuting on cable TV. I suppose they intended or hoped for a theatrical release at one time, because they filmed it in a 2.35:1 aspect ratio, which is not exactly ideal for a TV broadcast.

    The best reason to have given up on it is that it is just a terrible murder mystery, for some very major reasons:

    1) the murderer turns out to be a minor character with whom you have no identification. When they reveal her identity, you recognize her, but you don't really remember exactly who she is or why she is important.

    2) if you like to solve along with murder mysteries, you have no prayer on this one. Not only is the killer an undeveloped character, but you have no idea what her motivation is, not even after the film is over!

    3) the detectives, faced with the same problems that the audience faces, never solved the crime at all. They stumbled into the murderer by accident when they investigated their main suspect and the murderer happened to be there murdering him.

    That's about as bad as it gets in the murder mystery league. Plus, they threw in not one but two "red herring" suspects, and both of those characters were developed better than the real murderer. I suppose that the book must have been a good read, but they jammed too many characters and too little motivation into the movie.

    Bottom line: if the film had no nudity and lesbian sex, it would completely suck.

    But, brother, does it have nudity and lesbian sex. Peta Wilson, for example, exposes every inch of her body from every angle, including a really sexy nude camel-toe (see the bottom right image in collage one). In addition to her own nudity, Peta also kisses Ellen Barkin's crotch on camera (see Barkin collage). I personally regard Peta's performance in this film as one of the two best nudes scene of 2000, and it finished 7th overall (very stiff competition that year - Katie Holmes in The Gift, Gretchen Mol in Forever Mine, Connelly got naked twice, Amanda Peet did her great turn in The Whole Nine Yards, and Casta hauled out those amazing Jumbo Jacks in The Blue Bicycle).

    In addition to Barkin and Wilson, four other women did full frontal scenes, and there was miscellaneous nudity from three more women (two of them pictured below) and two men, including Blond Baldwin.

    When it comes to sheer sleazy entertainment, this puppy  is up there with Sirens, and the other classics of celebrity nudity.

    DVD notes: No meaningful features. The quality of the widescreen print is mediocre, but there is also a full screen version which is sharper, with much nicer contrast. (Peta's window scene, Karen Young's pubic hair scene, and Barkin's scene above are taken from the full screen version, which not only provides a brighter and larger image, but also shows areas beneath those visible in the widescreen print.)


    Other crap:

    Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.

    • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
    • If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
    • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Lawdog or Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or Mick Locke, or somebody else besides me)
    • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

    Graphic Response
    Big News: Graphic Response gives us our first look at the most ancient woman in movie nudity, Helen Mirren in "The Roman Spring of Mrs. Stone" (2002).
    • Helen Mirren, baring breasts and a hint of bush at age 57!

    Be sure to pay Graphic Response a visit at his website. www.graphic-barry.com.

    'Caps and comments by Hankster:

    A return to television land today with another visit to "Son of the Beach".

    I just love this program! Last week we had Kim Oja as a "Babe in Bondage", but this time it's just plenty of views of Kim's cleavage.

    Then we give you all three of the "Beach" girls in their undies...Leila Arcieri, Jaime Bergman and Kim.

    • Kim Oja cleavage. My favorite is #3. (1, 2, 3, 4)

    • Leila Arcieri, Jaime Bergman and Kim Oja all in undies. (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

    Josie Bissett
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

    Fantastic breast and bum views as the former "Melrose Place" star gets it on in a 3-way sex scene from "All-American Murder" (1992).

    Sarah Michelle Gellar
    (1, 2)

    Buffy showing some cleavage and swapping spit with Selma Blair in "Cruel Intentions".

    Keira Knightley
    (1, 2, 3)

    The young UK actress and co-star of the indie hit "Bend It Like Beckham", showing brief breast expsoure in scenes from a recent Euro-TV version of "Doctor Zhivago".

    Rosamund Pike
    (1, 2, 3)

    Another young, UK actress showing cleavage and partial breast views in the latest Bond flick, "Die Another Day" (2002).

    WOW! An incredible batch of scans by Hugo!

    Juliette Binoche
    (1, 2, 3)

    Breasts, bum and bush in link #3. Vidcaps featuring scenes from the 1988 Philip Kaufman movie, "The Unbearable Lightness of Being".

    Lena Olin
    (1, 2, 3)

    Also baring the 3 B's in scenes from "The Unbearable Lightness of Being".

    Kelly Preston
    (1, 2)

    Going back to the 1985 to visit a young and wonderfully topless Mrs. Travolta. Vidcaps from "Secret Admirer".

    Milla Jovovich
    (1, 2, 3, 4)

    The supermodel and actress topless in scenes from "Return to the Blue Lagoon" (1991).

    Olivia Hussey
    (1, 2)

    In keeping up with the theme of the day...another batch of 'caps from when she was young. Beautiful breast exposure from the 1968 version of "Romeo and Juliet".

    Pat Reeder www.comedy-wire.com
    Pat's comments in yellow...

    Polish Up The Oscar! - Matt Drudge reports that Mel Gibson dropped plans to finance Michael Moore's next documentary, "Fahrenheit 911," after discovering it was to be a hatchet job on President Bush that would try to tie his family to Osama bin Laden, accuse Bush of using the 9/11 attacks to advance his agenda, and ask why America is hated abroad. But Moore has found someone new to put up the millions: Miramax, a subsidiary of the Walt Disney Company.

  • But only if Moore adds musical numbers and gives Bush a cute cartoon chipmunk sidekick.
  • Disney must really want to get rid of that no-fly zone protection.
  • Funny, I thought the two reasons Americans were hated abroad were Disneyfication and the fact that we're fat, loudmouth know-it-all's like Michael Moore.
  • Moore's next documentary after this one will be called "Mel Gibson: Right-Wing Homo."
  • Sounds like Michael Moore is using the 9/11 attacks to advance his agenda.

    Their Second Language: Nerd - The office that treats county mental health patients in Multnomah County, Oregon, is looking for a Klingon interpreter. Officials included Klingon with 55 other languages they have to be able to translate after reading a local newspaper article about a man who sings karaoke in Klingon. They say they've never had any patients show up thinking they are space aliens who can only speak Klingon, but it doesn't seem so far-fetched when you consider that they do have people who think they're Napoleon.

  • But all their Napoleons speak only English.
  • The Napoleons are short, bossy and crazy, but they're still more likely to have girlfriends than the Klingon speakers.
  • The guy who sang karaoke in Klingon made the papers because he'd just been named the "World's Most Annoying Man."

    No, Not Lance Bass - Lawrence Bass, the man hired by Demi Moore to manage her Idaho ranch, is suing her for over $200,000 for alleged sexual harassment. He claims that Demi is just like her character in the Michael Douglas movie "Disclosure," and that she tried to seduce him and fired him when he turned her down. Moore's lawyer called it a "ridiculous lawsuit" by a "disgruntled ex-employee."

  • But he only said that because Demi's sleeping with him.
  • The "ridiculous" part: that he turned her down.
  • That's when Demi decided to get smaller breast implants: the big ones were frightening away her prey.