Bel Ami

2012 (will be in a very limited number of theaters in early June)

Bel Ami is an adaptation of a Guy de Maupassant novel about a penniless soldier who worms his way to the top of society in 19th century Paris with no skills other than his looks and his ability in the art of seduction. He manages to outmaneuver smart and powerful men by manipulating their wives and mistresses. It's kind of a Dangerous Liaisons clone, except set a century later.

I'm not inspired to write much about this film because I don't know this de Maupassant work, and because the film is neither good enough to trumpet nor bad enough to ridicule. It's a sumptuously appointed corset drama, but seems to give short shrift to all the sub-plots, thus leaving some character motivations confusing.

And, well, speaking frankly, it's boring.

The film's weakest point is that despite numerous opportunities in situations that called for nudity, Uma Thurman didn't get naked. Think of it as gratuitous non-nudity. I could say the exact same thing about Kristen Scott-Thomas, except that I really don't want to see her naked. I saw her naked plenty of times when she was young and, well, she's no longer young. She looks OK for 51, but she is 51.

Bel Ami's strongest point is that Christina Ricci did get naked, or at least topless, and while it was brief, it was in very nice light, and 720p resolution.

TV Round-Up

I keep complaining that Magic City wastes all that great nudity on scenes that need a few more light bulbs. This week they came up with one scene that was lit perfectly by sunlight, with clear frontal and rear nudity. Unfortunately, the naked body belonged to Danny Huston. Oh, I can die happy now. My prayers have been answered.

There was some dark frontal/rear female nudity from (surprise) former tepid pop star Willa Ford, who is now a tepid actress.

And Olga Kurylenko showed some flesh in good light. It was just her butt, but it's a pretty nice butt.

  • * Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe).

  • * White asterisk: expanded format.

  • * Blue asterisk: not mine.

  • No asterisk: it probably sucks.


Catch the deluxe version of Other Crap in real time, with all the bells and whistles, here.

"Miss Fisher's Murder Mysteries"


Kate Jenkinson (not nude, but a good illusion)


Allison Kyler in Chrome Skull: Laid to Rest 2 (2011) in 720p

Alexandra Maria Lara and various others in Rubbeldiekatz (2011) (see below for details)

Alexandra Maria Lara non-nude

Lara-Maria Kullak-Ublick topless

Viktoria Rust topless

Jennie Moore: non-nude, but only about a millimeter away from areola


Anne Hathaway on Miami Beach

Rosemary Dexter in The Marquis de Sade's Justine

Claudia Gravy in The Marquis de Sade's Justine

Sylva Koscina in The Marquis de Sade's Justine

Rosalba Neri in The Marquis de Sade's Justine

Romina Power in The Marquis de Sade's Justine

Maria Rohm in The Marquis de Sade's Justine