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"New Rose Hotel"

New Rose Hotel (1998) is based on a William Gibson short story, and takes place in the very near future. It describes itself as a cyber-punk thriller. Christopher Walken and Willem Dafoe are trying to get a famous geneticist to defect from his current employer and leave his wife and family, and go to work for their client, for which they will be paid $10m. The decide to use a young Italian hooker from Tokyo, Asia Argento, to lure him away. They are successful, the scientist is set up in a lab, then he is joined by most of the other scientists from the company. A virus runs amok, killing everyone except Argento, who, it is rumored, has escaped. Walken and Dafoe check their bank account, which is now gone. Walken fears that the corporations will be out to kill them, but figures out a way to defeat their plans -- he jumps off a balcony and kills himself.

That is pretty much the plot. Unfortunately, the film has not nearly run out of running time at this point. Argento looks great, and shows her breasts in several sex scenes and a swimming pool scene. Walken and Dafoe play themselves.

New Rose Hotel is ... how do I put this delicately? It is a total piece of crap with the appeal of a double-dip cone of yak excrement. There are only two good points to this film, one on each of Asia Argento's breasts. You might wonder how someone could turn a short story into a feature length film, and the simple answer is that they couldn't. They padded a lot with grainy images that were supposed to be computer and surveillance displays, which got them to about the 48 minute mark where they ran out of plot. The solution? Repeat the entire film as flashback. I found it interesting that every major review I found had at least one important plot point wrong. It is like even the reviewers watched it with their fingers on the fast forward button of their remote.

IMDB readers say 4.5 of 10, which is very generous. You would do well to pass completely on this one. D+.

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  • Asia Argento (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17)

    "Headless Body in Topless Bar"

    Headless Body in Topless Bar (1995) is a story inspired by an actual headline -- Headless Body in Topless Bar, and was made on a shoestring budget. A man holds up a small topless bar. The bartender pulls a shotgun, and the robber kills him. He then holds everyone in the place captive while he figures out what to do. Captives include stripper Jennifer MacDonald, who is topless and in a thong through most of the film, a corporate attorney who is there to have kinky sex with MacDonald before he catches the last commute train home, two rowdy friends on their way back from a hockey game, and a guy in a wheelchair with MS. Most of the film is a sort of truth or dare game which the robber forces everyone to play. He has some ability at it because he has been in therapy and counseling in prison most of his life.

    The film has pluses. MacDonald has lovely, all-natural breasts, which she proudly displays early and often. Her previous job was as an international spy, and she is fluent in 6 languages. She hung out in a strip club to prepare for the role, and even worked one night there. The characters are well developed, and the personalities are interesting. On the other hand, 99% of the film takes place in the club, and it is very talky. IMDB readers say 6.0 of 10. I would say that it is a very good example of what it is -- an odd indy made on no budget with relatively obscure talent. I'm sure by now you have decided if it is your kind of film or not. C.

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  • Jennifer MacDonald (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24)

  • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)


    Sweet Hearts Dance is one of those 'tweener pictures. It isn't such a bad film, but it simply has no natural target market. It's kind of a romantic comedy about a married couple going through a thirtysomething crisis, in which the guy finds that he has no trouble maintaining the joy in his boyhood friendship, which has become a fun adult relationship, but has lost the ability to maintain the joy in his boyhood romance, which has become a sour marriage. We guys all go through this at about this age, but we don't necessarily want to be reminded of it. Younger people don't care about this, or can't relate to it. It's not really a romantic comedy, and it's not really a comedy. It can be both touching and painfully honest (I recognized a lot of moments and feelings from my own life at that stage, and nodded in painful recognition), but it's not really a serious picture either. It's just a story looking for an audience.

    • Susan Sarandon (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)


    Honte's site is updated:

    Other crap:

    This is one of the funnier websites I have every seen. The Rock, Paper, Scissors strategy guide. Incredible detail: favorite tournament strategies, the preferred moves of historical figures (Stalin was a "rock" man), famous celebrity competitions (Yeltsin threw a badly telegraphed Paper, allowing Clinton to win with Scissors). It is rare to see a monographical web site with such depth and detail and cultural literacy in its presentation. Brilliant!

    Here are the latest movie reviews available at

    • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
    • If there is a white asterisk, it means that I inexplicably determined there might be something of interest.
    • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Lawdog or Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or somebody else besides me)
    • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

    Graphic Response
    • Karen Allen, bares her breasts in the tub and in a sex scene from "Until September" (1984).

    • Kelly Preston topless, 'nuf said. Vidcaps of the young and gorgeous Preston from "Secret Admirer" (1985).

    • Priscilla Barnes topless (and not looking too shabby at age 40) in scenes from "The Crossing Guard" (1995).

    Be sure to pay Graphic Response a visit at his website.


    Back to "Barbarian Queen" for another "Babe in Peril", Susana Traverso is attacked and about to be raped by the bad guys when she is rescued by Lana Clarkson.

    • Susana Traverso, tied up and topless (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

    Corinne Clery
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

    Six new collages of one of TomKru's favorite actresses going topless, and baring her bum in "Kleinhoff Hotel" (1977).

    Connie Nielsen The "Gladiator" star goes topless and shows a brief bit of rear nudity in scenes from "The Innocents" aka "Dark Summer". 'Caps by Dann.

    Dominique Swain Another bootleg view of her topless scene in "New Best Friend". This one is a little better than yesterday's for two reasons...
    1. You see her breast and face in the same shot.
    2.She's in bed with Mia Kirshner.

    Jo Guest
    (1, 2, 3)

    The UK babe takes her clothes off on TV. Breasts and thong views, plus in links 2 and 3, she gets a little freaky. Vidcaps by Watty and Wolfey.

    Nicole Ari Parker
    (1, 2)

    Star of the Showtime series "Soul Food" nude in scenes from the movie "Mute Love" (1998). Full frontal in #1, topless in the tub in link #2.

    Gillian Anderson Sexy Scully making out with David Letterman! 'Caps by Deadlamb.

    Barbi Benton
    (1, 2, 3, 4)

    Former Hefmate and one of Hef's mates topless in the classic 80's sword and sorcery flick, "Deathstalker" (1984).

    Celeb News
    Subject: Monica Bellucci's nudity in "Irréversible"

    You mention Gaspard Ne's 'Irreversible' yesterday and I've been disappointed by the first reviews of the movie. I was hopping for explicit sex scenes by Monica Bellucci and hubby Vincent Cassel; but they refused to do them (and say they won't ever). All you can expect is extensive full nudity by both of them. A very shocking scene is said to be an extremely violent rape scene involving Monica. But I think it's the story itself which is the most disturbing.


    Mail Bag
    Hey Scoop,

    Has anybody ever captured Bess Armstrong from the movie "Four Seasons" (on cable now)? I didn't catch the entire scene, but there is at least a bare bottom in a nude swimming scene.

    Jr's reply...This is the best I could do on short notice. The Honte did these a while back. If anyone else has 'caps, let us know.