Scienceless Fiction is vile, just
vile, purely vile from start to finish, deliberate
in its insults to any and all who think of
themselves as decent folk with adult
sensibilities. It offends at every turn and
repels at every corner. And that is exactly
what Bill Zebub intended.
This thing – not fair to call it a movie – is some
two hours of vignettes held together just barely by
a story of aliens from an ancient, distant world led
by Adolf Hitler, alive and well. All the
aliens wear clown suits as uniforms and one paints
his face exactly as John Wayne Gacy did back when he
was alive and clowning around… before he brought out
the handcuffs. Each alien/clown winds up
paired with a babe who is always topless and
frequently nude, thus my own interest in this thing
and no doubt the interest of my fellow readers of
the Funhouse. I put up with the ugliness and
the stupidity and the death metal (but, dear reader,
I repeat myself) to see the babes, again just as
Bill intended.
Look, I cannot be sure why Bill makes these sorts of
movies, fills them with racist rants and attacks on
what most of us hold to be good and decent.
Perhaps he is a wretched piece of shit. The
characters he portrays and the words he writes for
them certainly give us every reason to conclude that
he is one god-awful motherfucker. But then,
you sit and fume about it all and it hits you that
maybe Bill is playing five-dimensional chess with a
movie camera. Perhaps he is making a point, a
real honest-to-goodness important point and he
chooses to do so in a way that gets your attention,
no matter what. Let me give you one example of
what I mean.
Take a look at
the
third clip in which Bill shares the screen with
Maeva Athena. As is the case for most of
her ten minutes on screen, Maeva makes a statement
and then just stands there, tits akimbo, as Bill’s
character rants and raves. In this one
rant-and-rave, he says the children murdered at
Sandy Hook Elementary school in 2011 deserved what
they got because they had bullied Adam Lanza, the
20-year-old man who shot them all. All twenty
of the children Lanza shot and killed were either 6
or 7 years old. And THEY were supposed to have
bullied HIM?! Children no more than four years
out of diapers bullied a 20-year-old man?
When? How? In what universe is it
possible?
This is the vilest of slanders on Bill’s part,
complete bullshit spoken with contempt not only of
the facts and of common sense but also of common
decency. It is also spoken with the kind of
confidence that comes only with ignorance. All
of us have seen it, the cock-sure statement of fact
that you know to be hopelessly wrong. Seems
fair to say that anyone who wrote this idiocy in a
script and anyone who spoke it in front of camera
and anyone who distributed the slanders on digital
media IS a wretched piece of shit. Bill Zebub
did all three, so case closed, right?
Turns out Bill’s character managed to conflate the
mass murder of young children at Sandy Hook in 2011
with the mass murder of teenagers at Columbine High
School (Colorado) in 1999. He fused the two
stories, a thousand miles and twelve years apart,
into a single tale, an ugly chimera. And he
spoke his slander with full confidence, while
wearing a clown suit. If all this was, indeed,
deliberate – the conflation of widely separate
events by a clown who sounds so very sure of himself
– then holy hell, he has made quite the point.
The folks at Fox News might take note, or at least
they should. Way to go, Bill. Brilliant
stuff.
So, what do we have here? Bill Zebub, stinking
turd in human form or Bill Zebub, fucking
genius? This is the third of his movies I have
sat through just to capture the nekkid babes and I
am inching toward a conclusion. Whataya say I
watch one more and let you know.
Now for some good news: Scienceless Fiction is
filled, from sea to shining sea, with women who wear
almost nothing. Several have no speaking parts
– they dance in front of a green screen back-filled
with cheap-ass visual effects.
Early on we have
Sheri
Medulla (without her sisters, Polly Pons and
Margaret Midbrain)
and
Clover
St. Claire, Stephanie Anders and Terra Incognita,
born in a land that no one knows.
Clover St Claire
Stephanie Anders
Terra Incognita
Later, and on several occasions,
Scarlett
Storm does the honors
and, at the end,
Lydia
Laell struts her stuff.
Andrea
Hall has the most screen time, which includes
a couple of sexual molestation scenes because if
racism and homophobia can’t reel in an audience or
at least a distributor, maybe rape will get it
done.
Maeva
Athena seems to be a favorite of Bill’s – he
likes them on the zaftig side – which means we get
to see him smooch with her at some point, but we are
otherwise treated to an historic triple B
performance.
And we get to see a topless
Genoveva
Rossi as she listens to a cockroach spew
racist horseshit and then suffer through an assault
by Bill in blackface. Delightful stuff, all of
it. Seems Ms. Rossi is a scream queen of some
renown but I’ll be damned if I have seen in anything
else.
The exposure star of the whole thing is
Nadine
Stevens. She is an attractive gal and
somehow Bill the movie maker convinced her to give
us ten minutes of on-screen full frontal and full
backal nudity while she executed high-legged karate
kicks in slow motion. Not a square inch of her
surface goes unseen. Shit, Bill, you are a
genius.
Ferris Beuller's Day Off
1986, 1080hd
Mia Sara was 18 when she
played Sloane Peterson, the high school
girlfriend to a 24-year-old Matthew Broderick in
Ferris Bueller’s Day Off. What a
babe. Everyone likes Mia in her wet
skivvies at the swimming pool. And with
the movie out on HD, I sent along
a
clip of Mia Sara in case anyone wants to
go through the scene frame by frame, because I
sure did.