Herr Haut did a few caps from Saints and Sinners, and it
reminded me of something that I have meant to write about and
never did. We have joked about a lot of people whose presence in a
movie guarantees that it will be crap. I've pointed out that
Juergen Prochnow's picture on a DVD box has the same meaning as a
cow skull next to a water hole, and I've written often of the
curse of Bryan Brown.
But, excepting the performers of softcore, nobody compares to
Prochnow has been in 23 films or TV movies rated 5.0 or lower
at IMDB, including House of the Dead, 16th worst of all time. But
it took him 36 years in the business to accumulate so many credits
in bad movies, and he was also in some good ones like The English Patient and The Lost Honor
of Katharina Blum, and even starred in one brilliant one (Das
Boot). Even Bryan Brown was in one great movie,
Breaker Morant, which is often considered a masterpiece.
But Jennifer Rubin retired with a perfect record. She never had
a major role in a good movie. Although the former model is
certainly attractive, and some
of her performances are a-ight, her name or picture on the DVD box
really is an absolute guarantee that the movie will stink! She was
in 29 movies and an incredible total of 22 of them are rated 5.1
or lower, approximately matching in her short career an
achievement that took 64-year-old Juergen Prochnow an entire
lifetime of acting in bad movies and television shows. TEN
of her movies score in the threes at IMDb. That is a truly astounding
statistic, because Gerard Depardieu has 113 films with an IMDB
rating, and only TWO of them are in the threes. None of her
movies are above 7. She was in one movie rated above 6.5 - Oliver
Stone's The Doors, which could fairly be called a good movie - but
she had such a tiny role that I don't even remember if she had a
line, so you won't find her name or pic on the DVD box, thus
maintaining her record.
There isn't much chance she can break her streak, since she
pulled a Sandy Koufax and quit while she was ... er ... on
top. She retired from films in 2001 while still in her thirties,
and is now working as a hostess in a New York restaurant.
Here is the roll of shame:
- (6.69) - The
- (6.13) - Road
- (6.12) -
Permanent Record (1988)
- (5.95) -
- (5.89) - A
Nightmare On Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors (1987)
- (5.68) -
- (5.27) - The
Fear Inside (1992) (TV)
- (5.13) - Full
Eclipse (1993) (TV)
- (5.09) - The
- (4.89) - Drop
Dead Gorgeous (1991) (TV)
- (4.85) -
Twists of Terror (1996) (TV)
- (4.80) - A
Woman, Her Men, and Her Futon (1992)
- (4.66) -
- (4.50) - Loved
- (4.41) - Bad
- (4.36) -
Falcon Down (2000)
- (4.34) - Deal
of a Lifetime (1999)
- (4.25) -
Bitter Harvest (1993)
- (4.05) - The
Coriolis Effect (1994)
- (3.99) -
Amazons and Gladiators (2001)
- (3.82) -
Blueberry Hill (1988)
- (3.75) - Last
- (3.64) - Plump
- (3.59) - Red
Scorpion 2 (1994)
- (3.49) - Too
Much Sun (1991)
- (3.43) - The
Wasp Woman (1995) (TV)
- (3.43) -
Sanctimony (2000) (TV)
- (3.42) -
Little Witches (1996)
- (3.29) - Fatal
in Saints and Sinners
This week in Unnecessary Censorship
Scarlett Johansson Voted 'Best
Cleavage on the Planet' by People Magazine
The trailer for Wordplay,
the crossword puzzle movie.
Oops, she's gone and done it again:
Britney Spears pregnant for second time
This week's movies (1000 screens):
Goal! - 64% positive reviews
(Soccer movie set in the U.K.)
This week's movies (2600 screens):
Just My Luck - no reviews yet
(Lindsay Lohan movie)
This week's movies (3500 screens):
Poseidon - 42% positive reviews.
- I'll be surprised if this film
does as well as expected. This one looks to me like a
disaster picture - and I'm not thinking of the content.
The Weekend Warrior's predictions for
the box office this coming weekend
- He thinks M:I:3 will lose the
top spot to Poseidon.
Yahoo has nine clips from Poseidon
Rocky Balboa Blog: Check out an
exclusive clip from ROCKY BALBOA
The trailer for Lady in the Water,
Shyamalan's new movie.
Is Kevin Federline Planning On
Dumping Britney Spears?
GORE OFFERS HIMSELF AS ALTERNATIVE TO
EITHER HILLARY OR AMBIEN
Fametracker's Ten Least
Essential Summer Films, 2006
Free Game Downloads: VH1 Games has
all your favorites!
Mr. Belding performing Tom Jones at
"THROUGH THE LENS OF THE TEEN SEX
COMEDIES OF THE EARLY 1980S"
The 200 Most Influential New Yorkers,
as chosen by New York Magazine
Colbert discusses orgasms with Shere
Colbert Report: Porter Goss
- Stephen shows how to spread
innuendo with integrity.
Daily Show: Gorman's Poll Smoking:
- 28% of Americans have appeared
as headless fat people in TV stories about obesity.
The Daily Show:
"Porter Goss was described by Bush as
having 'led ably?' Ouch! That guy must have suuuuuuuucked!"
The Daily Show asks: "Is Goss'
departure bureaucratic shuffling, or did someone shoot
heroin into their penis?"
The Daily Show: "Weather people are
generally genial, until they start insulting each other's
New Yorker editor David Remnick talks
to Jon Stewart about his new book of collected pieces,
Update from Cheerleadeer Guy.
"Well, I did NOT watch David Blaine last night. I split my
time between Leave it to Beaver and the hockey game. While
watching the Hurricanes, I remembered something...during
that year they went to the Stanley Cup (2002) they had hot
Well, they got 'em again! They are
not officially cheerleaders, but a Spirit Squad.
I need to start a web site...cheerleaderguy.com or
Knight Rider to come to the big
NASA's new master plan to improve
rocketry? An open contest.
MLB Baseball Player and Team Rankings
- CBS SportsLine.com. Go,
Any Blade fans out there? Clips and
pics from the new TV show.
Spoof or real?
MPAA celebrates customs agents who
have developed DVD-sniffing dogs.
The Rainbow, a fiesta of nudity
from mainstreem actresses, is finally available on a DVD
with some features. Unfortunately, it is in Region 4.
are our thoughts on the movie. Click on the image below
for DVD info from the American importer.
Factotum - the film with the
Marisa Tomei topless scene - is now available on Region 2
DVD - this link leads to an American importer. It also
happens to be quite an entertaining movie.
Here are my thoughts on the film.
(Click on the image below for DVD info.)
"Teachers have gotten into trouble
over using 'The L.A. Math Test,' a piece of Internet
humor, in the classroom."
Top Ten Questions George W. Bush
Asked The New CIA Director
- "Can we speed this up? I wanna
- "Is Cialis right for you?"
- "Can you explain to me what the
hell is happening on 'Lost'?
- "Can you get me some
surveillance photos of Jessica Alba sunbathing?"
French version Of The Apprentice to
be called "You're crap, but you can stay."
Online Video: - Dick Cheney's
URL pretty much says it all:
Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe). White asterisk: expanded format.
Blue asterisk: not mine. No asterisk: it probably sucks.
Stephen Gyllenhaal's Waterland (1992) brings to life a very dark script by
Peter Prince based on a Graham Swift novel. It tells the story of an aging
High School History professor (Jeremy Irons) who is losing his grip on his
students and his sanity. To capture student interest and acceptance, he begins
to tell the rather lurid story of his youth in The Fens, the flat wet Northern
area of England. It is the story of Irons ancestors, and his own life with his
wife Mary. Meanwhile, in the present day, his wife has become overly
religious, and has kidnapped a baby, all as a result of what happened to them
as teenagers. It is, I suppose, a ripping yarn, including adolescent sex,
murder, abortion, a reprobate grandfather who was a brewer, and much more.
Most critics feel that Waterland had many good features, but didn't really
work. Public acceptance has been much better. Although it grossed just over
$1M in a US theatrical release, IMDb readers now say 6.6. I was not as
impressed as those readers, but it is not my sort of material. Irons was
brilliant, and Sinéad Cusack as the older Mary was top-notch, making me
believe that she had gone quietly batty living with her past secret, but the
story is unrelentingly dark, somber and depressing, start to finish, and I
didn't find the same visual appeal to the area that Gyllenhaal did, nor could
I see any reason why he moved Tom and Mary Crick to Pittsburgh, even though
the remembrances are all in England. Most important, the story simply led
nowhere. Throughout the telling, I hoped that Irons had some brilliant plan,
and would tie the stories to some life-changing history lesson for the
students, but it wasn't to be, and he even used his forced retirement assembly
to finish the story.
Pat's comments in yellow...
In a new sex survey of American students in grades 7 to 12, thirteen
thousand teens were surveyed twice, a year apart, and asked if they'd
had sex and if they'd signed a pledge to keep their virginity. In the second
survey, those who had sex for the first time in the year since were three times
more likely to change their stories and deny they'd signed a virginity pledge.
And those who'd previously admitted having sex and had signed a virginity pledge
since were four times more likely to deny they'd ever had sex. The study's
author, a Harvard doctoral student, said it shows teenagers might only recall
memories that are consistent with their current beliefs.
* Or it could mean teenagers lie about their sex lives...
but that's just crazy.
Home-schoolers no longer have to graduate alone and without hoopla. The Atlanta
Journal-Constitution reports that last week, 35 home-schooling parents rented
the convention center for a graduation ceremony with 800 guests. And more and
more parents are paying for class rings, announcements and even yearbooks for
* Very, very thin yearbooks...Actually, just a school
photo in a three-ring binder.