School Scandals (1970) is a soft core from the UK with a minimalist plot. The headmaster of a girls school is into spanking nude coeds with a tennis racket, which he is busy doing as the film opens and our heroin (Barbara Mills) arrives. Within two minutes, she is naked, screwing a mustached male employee, and has the other two girls (seems to be a three girl school) doing a girl/girl. After a suitably long period of rather unrevealing girl/girl action and staring at the Mustache's fuzzy butt, Mills send one of the two girls (I was unable to identify her) in to Mr. Moustache, while she does a girl/girl with Cindy Hopkins. Finally, there is a 5 way orgy with all three girls, the headmaster, and Mr. Moustache.
All three women give a three B performance, but the simulated sex is rather unconvincing and tepid. This might be suitable for a stag party of 14 year olds, but I am guessing they would find it too tame. Lets give this a D-.
|Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)
Hey there Uncy Scoop!
The boys down here were pretty
impressed to see our Celebrity Arses page turn up in the
Fun House (Monday, May 9, 2005 edition). That was from
our March 14, 2004 issue.
Give us a plug next time why
do'ntcha? We are, after all, Australia's foremost nude-celeb
Love your work!
The Jacket (2005):
I'll have to catch you up on this film tomorrow (or read about it
if it is posted below in the movie links). In the meantime, here's
the important stuff:
- Keira Knightley collages
- Keira Knightley film clips (zipped .wmv) (1,
Eva Longoria #1 on Maxim's Hot 100. She soared from #91
last year. Longoria was pleased but modestly said that she would
have voted for Jolie (#7). Evangeline Lilly was #2, Alba #5. As
Brainscan once observed, we should be so lucky to live in a world
in which four women are hotter than Jessica Alba.
Renee Zellweger has been hitched to country star Kenny Chesney
Truck maker will sell giant pickup. "Navistar starts
marketing cement mixer-based truck that dwarfs the Hummer and the
Can we get a translation here? What does it say on Bai Ling's
crotch? I would have done it myself, but I don't know
how to run a crotch through translation software.
Check out the face of the make-up guy holding J-Lo's robe.
Oh, yeah, I know your eyes are doing the same thing.
Michael Dell sinks $100M into Red Hat . That's a
hundred million dollars of his own personal money, folks.
BBC -The assault on software giant Microsoft.
"Microsoft is in its most vulnerable moment in history, just like
IBM in the 1990s"
British Schools may move from Microsoft to Open Source
The Complete List of the 1,000 Top U.S. Public High Schools.
Ready for a shock? The best high school in the USA is in Alabama.
Two of the top ten are in Jacksonville. Nine of the top ten are
from the South, assuming the South includes Florida, which has
five of the nine. Florida dominates the leaderboard with eight of
the top twenty.
- Buzz Bissinger, the author of Friday Night Lights, and perhaps
the greatest sportswriter since the Golden Age, has written
a best selling new book about baseball, focusing on Tony LaRussa
and the Cardinals.
If you're planning a hodag hunt, ya gotta have one of these ...
. If you really want to catch a hodag, you may need to
- At first I thought this was a parody site like Landover
Baptist. I'm still not sure, but I think it is serious.
BushFish.org ... "If you are tired of secularists
telling you that The Lord has no place in our government and our
public institutions, then show them that you disagree."
Full frontal nudity from Mia Kirshner in "The L Word", May 8. 2005
- The Asian version of Abbott and Costello. Hu's on first and
Long Beach Police made department history when they arrested a
13-year-old boy last week for soliciting prostitution.
He must have a really good paper route.
- Trivia: what do the people on this list have in common?
Ron Jeremy, Mother Teresa, Ronald Reagan, Winston Churchill,
Malcolm X, Robert Kennedy and the Dali Lama. (All big
hitters, of course, especially the Lama. but what else?)
Hunt for extrasolar planets turns to Earth-size worlds
Gymnast's career destroyed by mammoth breasts.
Audacious thieves in Romania have constructed a complete automated
teller machine (ATM), minus the cash box, to steal the details of
Pope Benedict XVI's former car - a VW Golf - has sold for nearly a
quarter of a million dollars
The Museum of Food Anomalies
'Kingdom of Heaven' gets high marks from Laila Al-Qatami,
communications director for the American-Arab Anti-Defamation
Committee, for its depiction of Muslims and overall accuracy
Agent Smith takes over for Purefoy in the futuristic V For
Here's last night's fight from The Contender
Abdul pokes fun at sex scandal on SNL - here's the video
John Cusack weighs in on his friend Hunter Thompson
Fears of a Clown - Newsweek's look at Dave Chappelle
Ken's Virtual Drum Kit
The trailer and three clips from Andy Garcia's Modigliani biopic.
- "The story takes place in Paris in the years after the First
World War. Modigliani, a Jew, has fallen in love with Jeanne (Zylberstein),
a young and beautiful Catholic girl. The couple have an
illegitimate child, and Jeanne's bigoted parents send the baby
to a faraway convent to be raised by nuns. Modigliani is
distraught and needs money to rescue and raise his child. The
answer arrives in the shape of Paris' annual art competition.
Prize money and a guaranteed career await the winner. Neither
Modigliani, nor his dearest friend and rival Picasso (Djalili)
have ever entered the competition, believing that it is beneath
true artists like themselves. But push comes to shove with the
welfare of his child on the line, and Modigliani signs up for
the competition in a drunken and drug-induced tirade. Picasso
follows suit and all of Paris is aflutter with excitement at who
will win. With the balance of his relationship with Jeanne on
the line, Modigliani tackles this work with the hopes of
creating a masterpiece, and knows that all the artists of Paris
are doing the same. Emotionally-charged and bathed in absinthe
green, 'Modigliani' is the decadent portrayal of this tortured
genius, his debilitating addictions, and overwhelming passion.
The film delivers nothing short of a deeply heartfelt tribute to
"Don't think I'm sweet" says Katie Holmes
Stalin is making a comeback.
Film Jerk's Early Report for May 8, 2005
How Peter Max's Dream Left 36 Corvettes in the Dust in Brooklyn
Elisha Cuthbert will star in the Roland Joffe-directed Captivity
as a fashion model who, along with a chauffeur, gets kidnapped and
held in a small room by a serial killer. While the psycho
methodically terrorizes them, the victims draw strength from each
other and fall in love.
Eleven clips from Layer Cake.
- "Layer Cake," a riveting thriller set in the drug underworld
of the UK, marks the directorial debut of producer Mathew Vaughn
("Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels," "Snatch") and stars
Daniel Craig, Colm Meaney, Kenneth Cranham, George Harris, Jamie
Foreman, Sienna Miller and Michael Gambon. Sleek, well dressed
and polite, our unnamed hero (Daniel Craig) is a consummate
professional. Treating cocaine and ecstasy like any other
commodity, he has made a fortune for himself by keeping his
hands clean and staying under the radar. Having made the
decision to retire, his aim is to break free from the world of
crime, drugs and violence and live a simple, quiet life with the
money he has amassed. But before this can happen, crime boss
Jimmy Price (Kenneth Cranham) wants two last favors from him.
First, he must track down the missing, drug addict daughter of
powerful criminal Eddie Temple (Michael Gambon). Second, he must
negotiate the sale of a huge shipment of ecstacy with The Duke
(Jamie Foreman), a loose cannon petty crook playing well out of
his league. What should be routine transaction is anything but
and nothing goes according to plan. Instead, duplicity and
hidden alliances become the order of the day, in a struggle for
power that reaches from the crack dens of London to the highest
ranks of British society. Quickly he learns he is part of a
machine much greater than he imagined, and getting out won't be
quite as easy as getting in.
North Korean kindergarten children play a shooting game with a toy
gun aiming at a portrait of U.S. President George W. Bush
California to ban hunting over Internet.
- "A bill passed by the state Senate two weeks ago would
prohibit use of computer-assisted hunting sites."
- Whether you agree with the practice or virtual hunting or
not, you have to think about what California is doing. They are
making it illegal for Californians to do internet business with
a company which is offering a completely legal service in Texas.
Should it be legal in Texas? Maybe not. I, for one, don't like
it. But the point is that it is legal. How is Big Brother
California planning to prevent Californians from surfing to
those Texas-based sites and participating?
- I don't like the internet hunting idea, but I really don't
like the trend California is starting here, because it opens a
door that should stay closed. Let's say you live in a locality
which forbids nude strip clubs. Should they have the right to
forbid you from sitting in your home within that locality and
web surfing to internet nude strip shows which are perfectly
legal in other states? I vote no.
Who's On First? for a new generation.
Twenty-Five Years Under Ohio - the story of an
Elevator Safety Tips
Other Crap archives. May also include newer material than the
since it's sorta in real time.
to submit a URL for Other Crap
are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.
- The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the
review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
- If there is a white asterisk, it means that
there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined
there might be something else of interest.
- A blue asterisk indicates the review is written
by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
- If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too
ashamed to admit it.
Scoop came up with a good idea for our next poll that should stir up some conversation, if not some controversy.
This week's poll....
Email Scoopy Jr. if you'd like to add nominees or offer suggestions for future polls.
Here are the results of our previous polls:
The Top 20 Nude Scenes of 2004
The Best Nude Film Debuts of the 80s
The Best Nude Film Debuts of the 90s
Which actress has been the most convincing playing a stripper.
Who has the best bum in Hollywood?
Best All Time Television Comedy
Best Nudity in an Oscar-winning performance
The Top 20 Best Straight Sex Scenes
Best Lesbian Love Scenes
NOTE: We currently have to do all of our movie files in zip format. Instead of viewing them online, save the zip files to your hard drive in the directory of your choice, un-zip and play from there.
Today from the Ghost, a nice assortment of video clips. Zipped .wmvs as usual.
- Debra Lamb, the official fire breathing stipper of B-movies. Here she is topless and showing thong views in scenes from "Stripped to Kill" (1987).
- B-movie regular Griffin Drew topless and gettin' it on in a van (down by the river?). Clip from the movie "Recoil" (1997).
- Nutsa Kukhianidze, the Russian actress goes topless in a scene from the Nick Nolte movie "The Good Thief" (2002).
- Penelope Fortier, topless in scenes from "A Good Night to Die" (2003)
- Sally Kellerman, the original "Hot Lips" Houlihan showing off some excellent toplessness in scenes from "Serial" (1980).
Here are a few more ladies of late night...
Several scenes from two episodes of the cable series "Women Stories of Passion".
- Kimberly Rowe is topless and shows a little bit of bum in scenes from the episode "For the Sake of Science".
- Kira Reed, also topless in the "For the Sake of Science" episode.
- From the "Father and Son" episode, here is Leslie Harter, also topless.
|The French actress bares all 3 B's in scenes from 1983's "Pauline à la plage" aka "Pauline at the Beach".
|Gérard Depardieu's daughter bares all 3 B's in scenes from the French movie "Love me" (2000).
|C2000 'caps of Mia topless and full frontal on the latest episode of "The L Word".
|DeadLamb 'caps of the über cute Canadian babe looking super hot while wearing a variety of revealing outfits in scenes from the teen sex comedy "The Girl Next Door".
|ZonononZor edits of a few HQ paparazzi pics of "The Princess Diaries" star. We see plenty of cleavage, some see-thru views and partial side breast exposure.
|Señor Skin 'caps of the busty blonde babe showing off her big'uns in the shower. Scenees from the 1986 Rodney Dangerfield classic "Back to School".
|Pat Reeder www.comedy-wire.com
Pat's comments in yellow...
The Big 10 - Last week, San Francisco hosted the Sex Worker Film and Arts
Festival, which included a "Whore College": a day-long seminar in which
prostitutes heard lectures on such subjects as stress reduction, marketing their
services and condom-applying skills. At the end of the day, they received diplomas
declaring them "GSW"'s or "Graduates in Sex Work."
The commencement speaker was Paris Hilton.
These classes are part of every college's curriculum these days.
If you want to watch them matriculate, it'll cost ya $25.
PEOPLE NOT GOING TO MOVIES ANYMORE
Theaters May Soon Be Ancient History - The $150 million Crusades movie
"Kingdom of Heaven" made just $20 million over the weekend, becoming the third
ancient history epic after "Alexander" and "Troy" to flop. Some conservatives
slammed the film as anti-Christian and pro-Islamic, but it may just be part of a
general trend, since it marked the 11th straight week that box office was lower
than last year. In an Entertainment Weekly poll, 51 percent of Americans
said they prefer seeing movies at home. Reasons cited include the long pre-movie
ads, rude crowds, high ticket prices, the DVD will be out in two months, and
most movies suck anyway. 27 percent chose "All of the above."
Also, at home, you can touch yourself during the sex scenes,
and nobody calls the usher.
At home, you can eat a candy bar, a bowl of popcorn and a Coke without
needing a second mortgage to pay for it.
Hollywood doesn't get it: they thought Middle America was clamoring for a
long, self-important, pro-Islamic movie.
Hollywood is trying to give people what they want to see, like Paris
Hilton being drowned in hot wax.
|A quick site note
Hey gang, we invite you to check out our new affiliate program at Scoopycash.com.
If you have your own site or blog, sign up today and earn some extra cash in 2005 by promoting the Fun House!