| a |
"Mystery, Alaska", from
Johnny Web
C'mon, what do you need
to know? It's a friggin Disney film about a bunch
of Alaska locals who get to play the New York
Rangers. As you can imagine, the manufactured
emotions will milk you dry before the flick is
over. Family dogs will die, beloved members of
the town will die so the game can be played in
their honor, the game will be inspirational and a
lesson to us all. The Disney folks know how to do
this stuff. It's slicker than owl shit before
breakfast, and will entertain you, even against
your better judgment. You will NOT see very much
flesh, however, except these very slim pickin's
of Lolita Davidovich. Released to DVD and video
today (1,
2)
"American
Beauty", from The Realist
A terrific movie.
Touching in some scenes, and hilarious in others.
I don't know if it was the best of the year, but
it was mighty good, and the cast was terrific. I
didn't really agree with Annette Bening's
nomination for he one-dimensional portrayal of
the wife, but Spacey, Bentley, Birch, and Suvari
did a great job. Newly released on video today,
but NOT available on DVD. Lucky for me The
Realist chose to make this his first set of caps
in the year 2000, because I hate working with
videos, and he did a nice job. Thora Birch (1,
2)
Mena Suvari (1,
2)
"Hush",
from Tuna
Berardinelli nominates
this as one of the worst movies he's ever seen.
To qoute him, the movie has only three small
flaws: "it's incredibly dumb, it's
incredibly boring, and it's incredibly
predictable". Actually, I agree with him up
until the ending, which is not only
unpredictable, but I think impossible as well.
Well, that's one way for a thriller to keep us
from guessing the ending.
Here is my rough draft
of a thriller. Everyone thinks John Warren, a
slick Los Angeles exec, has murdered his wife,
Mary. But he claims he did not. As the movie
progresses, we suspect first one character, then
another. So whodunit? Turns out it was Lee Harvey
Oswald, who shot her with a Mannlicher-Carcano
rifle from the Book Depository in Dallas, 2000
miles away, with the famous magic bullet which
bounced off Kennedy in 1963, caught a space-time
portal into the dimension Zog, and re-emerged in
Mary's head in the year 2000. Tough luck for John
Warren, though. Nobody believes the real
explanation, and he is convicted for the
commission of this crime. The Warren commission,
so to speak. I think these are a body double. If
anyone knows for sure, please advise.
thumbnails Gwyneth Paltrow (1,
2,
3,
4,
5,
6,
7,
8)
"Lawn
Dogs", from Tuna
A strange effort at a
North American version of the South American
school of magical realism. I really liked this
movie, but I have to say it could go either way
for you. It is a fairy tale disguised as a
satire, and it wanders freely from reality to
broad caricature. The changes in tone may drive
you crazy, but if you just think of it as
Princess Bride, except in modern day clothing,
it's pretty cool. Story of a friendship between a
grown man and a young girl, and the
misinterpretations thereof. Possibly the
strangest, most out-of-left-field ending of any
movie I can think of. Whether you like the movie
or not, you have to enjoy a rare look at Angie
Harmon's chest thumbnails Angie Harmon (1,
2,
3,
4)
"Miracle
Beach", from GR
Gabrielle York
|
a |
