The Last Shot (2004) is a comedy based on the true story of an FBI sting operation, where they pretended to be making a movie to incriminate some mob officials. An FBI agent (Alec Baldwin), brother to an FBI director, who has been relegated to field offices and assignments leading nowhere, concocts the scheme, and gets funding approval. Of course, he knows nothing about making a movie, so he travels to Hollywood, and discovers he needs a script. As luck would have it, he discovers the perfect sucker in Matthew Broderick, a ticket taker at Gruman's Chinese theater, who has written a script about a woman battling cancer and seeking holy Indian grounds of the Hopi called Arizona, that takes place in the grand canyon. Baldwin doesn't let the fact that he needs to shoot this in Rhode Island for the sting to work. I do not want to spoil any of the jokes by revealing more of the plot.

This is the funniest new film I have seen in a very long time. The only disappointment was that it was over so quickly. Toni Collette plays an actress who had a drug problem after her academy award nomination, was blackballed, and did a little porn, but is now clean and wants in the movie badly. Her performance is one of the many highlights of the film. We see her breasts when a mob figure watches her on a porno. IMDb readers have this at 5.5 of 10. It had a limited release last year, peaking at 40 screens. I have to believe it was simply not promoted properly, but it could be that it requires more knowledge of film making than the typical mall audience has to understand it. This is a very high C+. IT is the finest adult targeted comedy I have seen in a long time.

Julie Walking Home (2002):

• Miranda Otto, of Lord of the Rings, looking absolutely beautiful in this Agnieszka Holland film. The first .wmv is short and unimportant, but the second is sweet. (1, 2)

Out of the Blue (1991):

• The quality of this .wmv file is poor, and the image is small, but it is WELL worth it to see a seldom-capped scene from this obscure BBC film, and add it to your collection. "Why?", you may rightfully ask. I'll tell ya why. Catherine Zeta-Jones is topless and 21 years old. Good enough reason?

The Prophecy II (1998):

It's sequel time, and the Archangel Gabriel (Christopher Walken) continues to prosecute the second civil war in heaven while various good angels conspire to defeat him. Apparently the official angel lore states that the war in heaven will be ended by ended by one of the Nephilim who, according to this movie at least, are the earth-born offspring of angels and human women.

It all relates to this passage from Genesis 6 (Revised standard version)

When men began to multiply on the face of the ground, and daughters were born to them,  the sons of God saw that the daughters of men were fair; and they took to wife such of them as they chose. Then the LORD said, "My spirit shall not abide in man for ever, for he is flesh, but his days shall be a hundred and twenty years."  The Nephilim were on the earth in those days, and also afterward, when the sons of God came in to the daughters of men, and they bore children to them. These were the mighty men that were of old, the men of renown.

John Gray clarified the Hebrew myth in his book Near Eastern Mythology "The tradition in Genesis 6.4 may reflect the Canaanite myth of the birth of minor gods from the union of El and human women. The conception of the Rephaim as supermen may reflect the Canaanite tradition of defunct kings as rp'um, or Dispensers of fertility. Those giants...are termed n'philim (lit. 'those who have fallen' or 'perished'). A similar tradition mentions such a race of primordial giants in the Rephaim. The identity in tradition of 'the fallen ones' of Genesis 6:4 and the Rephaim is supported by the nature of the latter in Proverbs 2:18; Job 26:5 and Phoenician funerary inscriptions"

King Jimmy had a slightly different translation. Instead of  "The Nephilim were on the earth in those days", his version rendered the phrase in words more familiar to our ears "There were giants in the earth in those days." Either way, the movie is basically using that passage to prove that the Nephilim are the scion of angels, and have walked among us.

In order to create the Nephilim lad who is prophesied to defeat Gabriel, the good angels believe that one of their kind must take human form and have some rip-roarin' good sex with Jennifer Beals. Danyael thinks this sounds like a pretty sweet assignment, so he volunteers. Beals is fairly pleased with the procedure until Danyael is just about to do the deed, when he goes all angel on her, drops the whispers and pillow talk, and starts speaking like Richard Burton in a biblical movie, solemnly intoning stuff like "dost thou accept me?" And she's, like, all "what the fuck, homes" until she sees that he's not kidding, so she says "OK, OK, I accept you" just to get on with the fuckin' already. Unfortunately for her, angels aren't really too experienced in the sack. Ol' Danyael kinda dispenses with the small talk and the tenderness portion of the activity and commences to pound into her like a jackhammer. Needless to say, this one sex act places his angel seed in her lady egg.

Hoo, boy is Gabriel ticked off when he find out that The Chosen One has been conceived! He had been hanging around in hell, kinda doing a buddy thing with Lucifer when he had to return to earth to deal with the baby who could someday defeat him. Or maybe Lucifer just evicted his ass from hell for non-payment of rent. I'm not sure. Either way, since Gabe doesn't expect to be invited to the baby shower, he makes it his sole goal in life to hunt down Jennifer Beals and rip the baby from her womb. Oh, yeah, and while he's at it, he'll probably rip out her heart as well, just because heart-ripping seems to be his M.O., his hobby, and a source of real relaxation in his tension-filled life.

Will Big Gabe track her down, or will Danyael and his boss, the powerful but cryptic Michael the Archangel (the ever-holy Eric Roberts), be able to save her?

This is a straight to vid cheapie that needs a few lightbulbs, and lasts only 75 minutes between credits. It doesn't offer much entertainment except the predictably weird Christopher Walken and a few crazy examples of over-the-top imagination. For example, Michael and Gabriel must battle in the Garden of Eden. Unfortunately, humans have built an ugly factory on the site, and there is nothing left of the original paradise except one unhealthy, sparsely blossoming tree which bears a grand total of one apple. (Someone reaches for the apple and Walken admonishes, "Don't touch that. Trust me.")

• Jennifer Beals (1, 2, 3)

Other Crap:

• Worthwhile bookmark: Newspaperindex.com | Best online newspapers in all countries
• First Mexican Space Camera celebrates Cinco de Mayo with pictures of Sombrero Galaxy. OK, the headline is bogus, but the images are spectacular. To get the hi-res pictures, go to the light brown box in the middle of the page.
• On Stagnant Pond -- A CyberSalute to the Pink Plastic Flamingo
• Bratzapper - the high-tech electrical way to discipline children. Oh, I guess this new science is good and all, but back in my day parents used medieval torture devices, and it was plenty good enough!
• 'Mr. Floatie' - a man dressed up as a giant turd - crashed a Victoria all-candidates meeting to draw attention to the city's practice of dumping raw sewage in the ocean. The story is accompanied by pictures. Ya gotta see Mr Floatie - he's really cute! Probably the most impressive floating turd since Titanic.
• Pay one more visit to Stately Wayne Manor (Site dedicated to TV's Batman series. They accumulated some excellent stills. Check out the Rogues' Gallery in the media section.)
• REJECTED 'LOVE IS..' COMICS
• Miami developer aims for the sky with world's tallest apartment building.
  • " A developer reportedly wants to build the world's tallest residential high-rise, reaching 365 meters (1,200 feet) with 110 floors in downtown Miami."
• Borowitz: RUNAWAY BRIDE'S SPOKESMAN VANISHES ... Runaway Spokesman Sparks Nationwide Manhunt
• Kelsey Grammer is down - and it's bad!
  • Acting as Master of Ceremonies at Disney's 50th anniversary, Kelsey Grammer spectacularly fell off the stage. He got up, obviously shakem, but continued by saying, "I'll finish this, then take a look at what I've done to my body."
• Hollywood takes a beating at the Weekend Box Office May 6-8
  • Kingdom of Heaven took the #1 spot, but took in a mere twenty million. The production budget for that film was $130 million, and the ad/distribution costs have to be another $30 mill or so. It has several challenges. The market research is showing low interest from the critical 18-25 audience; the R-rating keeps out those under 17; and the 150 minute running time reduces the number of potential showings per screen.
  • The Paris Hilton classic, House of Wax, pulled in a limp $12 million for second place.
  • Crash showed the only signs of life, and actually started to pick up a bit as the weekend progressed. On Friday it had the same revenues per screen as House of Wax, but by Sunday it was 40% higher.
• Pat O'Brien is now calling ... Rosie O'Donnell
• Movie Juice! presents House of Wax - as reviewed by Paris Hilton
• The Food and Drug Administration is about to implement new rules recommending: any man who has engaged in homosexual sex in the previous five years will be barred from serving as an anonymous sperm donor
• Paula Abdul spoofs herself on SNL - but BYOB grabs the headlines.
• Crash, as reviewed by the guru of all movie gurus, The Filthy Critic
• What Happened to Mr. Pink?
• At last, an answer to the age-old question, "Can you fit a basketball up your ass?"
• MLB investigating Bonds; Giants 'freaking out'. (Not about steroids)
• HOWARD STERN IS MOVING TO INGLEWOOD???
• What the hell is the deal on Dave Chappelle?
  • "According to a conversation between the [someone playing a key role on the show] and [someone else affiliated with someone on the show], Dave Chappelle has completely gone off his rocker. He is basically AWOL and in need of some serious psychological help. I don’t mean this figuratively. Kiss the season goodbye, and most likely Chappelle will be sued for breach of contract. The guy is just acting nuts right now. "
• Labour MPs call on Blair to take a hike. Downing Street has said there is "no change" from Mr Blair's statement last year that he would serve a full third term.
• Geography Game Europe It's not as easy as it looks. I got caught on a few of those countries which used to be in Yugoslavia.
• The Red-headed League presents The Bat-man! in Robin's Big Date! This is a fan film, but with some very funny professional actors. Bat Man is played by the incomparable Sam Rockwell, and Robin is played by Justin Long - he's the kid who kept getting hit with things in Dodgeball, and he has a real knack for physical comedy. (As I recall, Long and Rockwell also worked together in the entertaining Galaxy Quest)
• That crazy Cardinal was right - the Antichrist will soon walk among us ...Jennifer Garner pregnant.
• The New Trailer for The Chronicles of Narnia. Disney would love this to be a hit, because it's an instant franchise - C.S. Lewis wrote, like thirteen thousand books in this series. (It's actually a septology)
• Teaser/Trailer for Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

Other Crap archives. May also include newer material than the links above, since it's sorta in real time.

Click here to submit a URL for Other Crap

MOVIE REVIEWS:

Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.

• The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
• If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
• A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
• If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

This week's poll....

Email Scoopy Jr. if you'd like to add nominees or offer suggestions for future polls.

Here are the results of our previous polls:
The Top 20 Nude Scenes of 2004
The Best Nude Film Debuts of the 80s
The Best Nude Film Debuts of the 90s
Which actress has been the most convincing playing a stripper.
Who has the best bum in Hollywood?
Best All Time Television Comedy
Best Nudity in an Oscar-winning performance
The Top 20 Best Straight Sex Scenes
Best Lesbian Love Scenes

"Dangerous Love" (1988)
Thriller starring Elliott Gould.

• Eloise Broady: hefmag hefmate topless.
• Brenda Bakke: pokies.
• Teri Austin: very nice bra and panties.
• Kimberley Kates: pokies in very early role as Kimberley Labelle.
• Alex Jai: boobs and buns as stripper.
• Wendy Warner: boobs and buns as stripper.

"Riding the Bullet"
Being a huge Stephen King fan, I was looking forward to this movie. As often happens, anticipation exceeded reality.

This 2004 horror/thriller follows a young college student as he thumbs his way home to see his dying mother. This young man is preoccupied with death, and during his travels, he keeps seeing things in his mind that MAY happen. Sometimes they do, sometimes they don't.

As time passes, the young man begins to believe that the stranger who is giving him a ride may actually be dead, and even worse, may control his mother's destiny.

A good story, and I'm willing to bet King's version was excellent, but the movie confuses the watcher by showing many events that turn out to be nothing but in the character's head. It's not always clear when these events are or are not the actual events of the movie. By the middle of the movie, your interest starts to stray, and the ending is low-key, tame and without much punch.

There have been many excellent screen adaptations of Stephen King's work, but this, unfortunately, is not one of them. I'm glad I watched it, but I expected much more.

Incidentially, I did this collage a little differently than usual.....actually, backwards. The scene really started with the closeup, and ended with the wide shots, but I decided it made a better collage the other way. Call me crazy.

• Catherine Devine

From the "Hannah's Surprise" episode of the late night series "Hot Line".

• Aleksandra Kaniak and Betsy Gardner, both topless and baring a bit of bum while having some lesbian fun.

• More of Aleksandra Kaniak nekkid.

• And here is Betsy Gardner going topless again, this time with a dude.

Next up scenes from the from the late night cable series "Thrills". Episode: "Club Plasma".

• Antionette Abbott...all 3 B's and plenty of pseudo-sex. (1, 2, 3)

• One of my favorite ladies of late night...Catalina Larranaga. Here she topless and showing some pubes while gettin' it on. (1, 2)

Here we have a few scenes from "Deviant Passions".

• Beverly Lynne, the former NFL cheerleader turned softcore actress. Here we she her topless and showing just a hint of bush in a couple of sex scenes. (1, 2)

• Porn babe Julie Meadows shows off pubes and robo-boobs in a couple of sex scenes. (1, 2, 3)

• Kelli Tyler, topless only in this first collage, however she does join forces with Felicia Fox for a 3-way scene and then with Wendy Divine for some sun bathing and lesbo-lovin.

• Wendy Divine naturally has her own sex scene with a dude.

Moving on, Scorpion takes a look at "Sexual Temptations" (2001)

• Chelsea Blue, the adult film star bares all. You may have seen her in such hard core classics as "A Face Full of Ass" and "Ass Lovers Special". (1, 2, 3, 4)

• Heere is adult and softcore babe Dru Berrymore baring all. Later she is joined by Susan Hale for a 3-way scene.

• Susan Hale again...this time doing a dude without Dru.

• Another adult film star, Nikita Cash, also bares all in a sex scene. Cash is one of those rare adult stars that shows tan lines.

Next up, 'caps from the soft core flick movie "Carnal Confessions" (2004)

• Here is pint-sized adult star Daisey Dukes (aka Melissa Milano) gettin' it on.

• Wendy Rice bares all in a couple of sex scenes. In #5, it looks like Scorpion may have caught them doing the deed for real. (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

• Porn babe Star E. Knight also has a little sexual fun. (1, 2)

• Exotic beauty Tess Broussard also gives a triple B performance. Unfortunately, her plastic surgeon was either blind or drunk when he did her installation.

Here we have a few scenes from "Blind Passion".

• Iliana Fischer shows off her robo-hooters and full frontal nudity while gettin' it on.

• Wendy Guess gives up all 3 B's in a couple of sex scenes. (1, 2, 3)

• Mia Zottoli aka Ava Lake shows off her big'uns, along with the other two B's as she gets into the shower.

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